Shu-Hsien Ho and Royd Hatta presented their dudes at the REEL K-12 Strengths Fair Beyond the Box Learning’s Shu Hsien and Royd spoke about Mochi Dude, Body Dude & Hot Cocoa Dude, silly characters they use to bring a fun structure to essay writing. Transcript Moderator: Thank you. Welcome. Welcome to the 2026 Real Strengths Fair. REEL is a nonprofit committed to ensuring Silicon Valley's twice exceptional students thrive in school by raising awareness among parents, educators about practical research-based strategies to meet their needs. You can join our online speaker events, support groups, and get our resources at real2e.org. We are thrilled to host our second fair focused on empowering neurodivergent children through a strength-based approach and even more thrilled to welcome our speakers Shu-Hsien Ho and Roy Hatta for their talk "Mochi Dude, Body Dude, and Hot Cocoa Dude: How Silly Characters Can Reframe Essay Writing." Writing coaches Shu-Hsien and Royd of Beyond the Box Learning are passionate about teaching youth and teens ages 7 through 21 how to organize their thoughts and write with power, clarity, and ease. Since 1996, they have collaborated with students to develop highly interactive, playful, and visual strategies for writing essays, research papers, poems, short stories, and even their first novels. Miss Ho and Mr. Hatta teach English curriculum courses for homeschooling groups, host story workshops, and run two thriving young writers clubs in the Bay Area. On a personal note, I've been a huge fan of Royd and Shu-Hsien ever since my now 13-year-old son, Adam, right here, attended one of their summer camps three years ago. He's participated in several of their classes and camps since then. And now Adam's little sister Gabriel, who's sitting next to him, is excited to finally be able to participate for her for the first time in one of their camps this summer. And with that, please help me welcome Royd and Shu-Hsien. Thank you so much. Royd: Thank you so much, Susan. Super honored to be here. Um it's interesting. We we never advertise. Though we do have like these linden tree free story workshops every month. So if you're interested, you can go to our booth and you can sign up. We'll have a QR code at the end. My name again is Royd. We're Beyond the Box. This is Shu-Hsien Ho. Um and we're going to be teaching you an essay structure that is very simple. Now who is doing a little bit of essays right now for their kids and where they're in the middle? Yeah. Okay. Great. Middle schoolers. Great. High school students. Elementary school students. Yep. Okay. Great. Excellent. Well, you know, typically what we'll do is like we'll start our kids off with story and because like story is so powerful as a way to kind of get our pens moving, right? But eventually they'll get to this essay and we want to keep it as fun and interesting and entertaining as possible. And actually the story behind this is that we didn't really come up with this idea. This actually came from our students because we were kind of like figuring out how to do this essay. We knew the structure but going just by pure text is is kind of tough and you know there's a sequence and it can get kind of complicated. So we started drawing and we always allow our kids to draw at first in order to kind of get their pens going. But eventually we started to see like "Oh, does this work for another student? Does this work for you?" Pretty soon this became like a kind of a core idea behind our teaching around essays. So thanks to our students. Yes, we take very little credit for this actually. In front of you you have a pen or a pencil and a paper. We're going to do a little bit of workshopping here today. All right. I'm going to invite you to stand with us. And this is like the Linden Tree here. The children's bookstore. Now it's a full-blown bookstore with adult books as well. And we do these again monthly workshops. Next up—and this is us being silly earlier. We try to not take things so seriously. It's kind of like a core thing idea. And then we always say, you know, if you lose the ability to laugh, you lose the ability to think. Who's ever heard of that particular kind of phrase before? It's from Clarence Darrow, who is like a civil rights and labor attorney, right? Here are some characters that our students actually invented. So, a core idea about story is like characters, right? So it's like no wonder this thing kind of works because we think about characters and this is like from other methods that we work with—"BAD TOAD"—which is like Backstory, Action, Description, Thoughts, Observations, Dialogue, and Emotions. And then we have like a whole series really like six different characters. Trickster—a lot of our kids love these kinds of characters. They make these images and we make stickers for them. You can probably find some of these characters on our table, right? More characters—and we'll probably see variations of our own handwritten version, but some kids love Procreate and they've made their own kind of versions here. Okay, we're gonna go straight into it. So, this is Mochi Dude. And if everybody can get their pencils and their papers, we're going to do a very quick sketch. We're going to do some drawing here. All right. If you don't have like a hardboard, you could probably use the seat or something like that. So Mochi Dude looks like this. It looks like a mound here. And we have a little bit of a hookie kind of thing, a curly-cue thing. We have these eyes, and these eyes are kind of looking at different directions here, right? We have a nose here that's very pointy. We have a mouth here and we have three fangs. Can you imagine like some kid drawing this on their own? Not from us, right? Essentially what we have here is, at the beginning of an essay, we have an opening hook. Something that'll grab our attention to kind of pull us in. So you can just call this a hook or you can call this an opening hook. Don't worry about all the details about it. We're just kind of basically labeling things right now. And then next we have these kind of two eyes looking kind of weirdly derpedly like at opposite directions. This is called the "Some people think, but really." So when you think about it, it goes like "Some people think A, but really B." Does that make sense? Who's ever heard something like that? It's kind of like "Some people believe X, but really scientists have found or discovered that this is true," right? It's like a setup and it gets us steered towards the thesis, which is the main point. And it's pointy because it's like the main point, right? So this is the thesis. Some kids don't remember "thesis" eventually they'll remember, but sometimes they go "main point" or "the big point." And then we have these three points. We call them the three reasons—one, two, three. Next up, this is called Body Dude. Body Dude looks like this: it's a top hat, we have a face, happy face, then we have our arms and our hands. The hands have like a little mini thing here—little paper—and then we have boots. At the top, this top hat is going to be our topic sentence. Don't worry about how to do a topic sentence right now. Essentially, it's like your thesis plus one of your reasons. Next is the "DFNs"—Data, Facts, or Numbers. Some people call this the evidence. But when we say evidence, a lot of kids' minds go blank. But if I say data, facts, numbers—especially numbers—they go, "Oh, yeah." Like "there were 99 billion cells in this one lizard." Then they go, "Oh, yeah, that's a fact." And by the way, we do these silly fake essays first for several sessions so they get the structure right without stressing out on whether the facts are true. Next up is the story example. This is where we really start to harp on things because STEM kids love data and facts, but readers aren't really going to remember those facts. The story is super important because it humanizes the data. So for now we'll just say "story and example." The last part is boots, and it's the "benefit." By doing all this stuff, what do we get? What are we supposed to know? It's meant to encapsulate all the information in that paragraph. Next is Hot Cocoa Dude, our conclusion. Usually they'll have three different body paragraphs and then a conclusion. Hot cocoa dude looks like this: three steamy things, happy eyes, a cup handle, and little mini boots on top of the world. Or "Stinky Underwear Dude" if some kid wants to be silly. At the top, the steam tells us to "restate your main point or your thesis plus your three reasons." The eyes are an "even though." As in, "even though X, there's Y." For older students, we'll say "Of course A, but B instead." It's basically the rebuttal part. And then we have the "world benefit." It has the same formula, but it's basically for the world. Royd: All right, let's do an actual version. Someone give me a random silly topic. Audience Member: Zombies cannot be turned back into humans. Royd: Okay, zombies. Why is that true? Give me three reasons. Audience Member: Because they're already dead. They don't eat very healthy. And their neurons are gone. Royd: Great. So we have our thesis and three reasons. For our Mochi Dude opening, "Some people think that zombies can come back to life, but really they cannot." Now for a Body Dude paragraph. Let's practice on "they don't eat healthy." Topic sentence: "Zombies cannot be turned back into humans because they do not eat healthy food." Now, some silly facts or numbers. "According to the recent Research Institute of Zombies, brains have no carbohydrates; they're pure protein." When we turn from silly essays to serious ones, students already know they need an "according to expert X" or certain statistics. Now for the story example. Let's name a zombie—Bob B. Bro. Once in the year 7632, Bob B. Bro ate too many hot and sour curly French fries and got "zombie sickness." He barfed for two hours straight, his temperature was 200 degrees, and his toes fell off. But he was still alive. In fact, he lived more than 10,000 years. Kids are going to remember the story of Bob B. Bro barfing much more than the data facts and numbers. The benefit: "By eating unhealthy food, zombies are able to withstand extreme things and survive for 10,000 years." When students are comfortable with this, we start having them do persuasive essays and literary analysis. Now for the conclusion. We restate the thesis: "Zombies cannot be turned back into humans because of reasons one, two, and three." For the rebuttal: "Even though they eat fast food, there are enough electrolytes to keep them as zombies." Finally, the world benefit: "By surviving every kind of disaster, zombies can outlive any living thing and teach whoever is left how to restore the planet as it should be." It's a crazy way to do it, but crazy and fun is the way to go. Royd: My name again is Roy, and we're Beyond the Box. You can email me for the template and PDF. We have story workshops at Linden Tree Books for ages 7 to 11 and teens. Shu-Hsien: We have a film analysis course in person in Palo Alto for teens ages 12 and up. We also have an online zoom course on comparative literature. For the summer, we're looking for families to host one-week teen workshops. Royd: Any other questions? One of our students just switched to public high school and said this essay structure is really helping him in his high school courses. We've been here for over 20 years. Thank you so much for joining us. Moderator: Thank you. There's a couple more minutes until the fair closes. Feel free to come up and ask Roy questions or head out to the exhibit hall. Thank you everyone for coming.

Small Tools Make a Big Difference If organizing has ever felt harder than it “should”… If your new planner only worked for three days… If the labeled bins looked beautiful but didn’t change anything… You’re not doing it wrong. Most organizing systems aren’t built for neurodivergent brains. They assume that structure automatically leads to follow-through. If you just buy the right container, print the right checklist, or commit harder, everything will click into place. But for families navigating ADHD, autism, executive function challenges, sensory processing differences, and all the overlapping ways neurodivergence can show up, it doesn’t work that way. Neurodivergent brains often process dopamine differently. They experience sensory input more intensely, and task initiation can feel heavier than task completion. Decision-making can deplete energy quickly. What looks like avoidance can actually be overwhelm. So when traditional systems fail, it’s easy to internalize that as personal failure. It isn’t. The system just wasn’t designed for your brain. When families ask me where to start with organizing, they often expect a big answer, a full system overhaul, a color-coded master plan, or a perfectly labeled shelf. The truth is, meaningful change in neurodivergent households usually begins with small, strategic tools. Not dramatic transformations. Not perfection. Just targeted supports that reduce friction, lower cognitive load, create opportunities for executive function development, and take into account what the various neurodivergent brains in the family actually need. This is a collaborative process. Find moments for buy-in and give your kids and teens responsibility and influence over processes, solutions, and decor. This is not about clearing away frustration and creating a stress-free environment for your family. This is about engaging in a process of self-discovery, awareness, and problem-solving. Below are the tools I return to again and again, in my own neurodivergent household and in the families I support. Each one is simple. Each one is practical. And each one aligns with what we know about executive function, dopamine regulation, and nervous system capacity. Let’s talk about what actually helps. Body Doubling Body doubling is becoming a popular tool to support neurodivergent folks. Sometimes starting the task is harder than doing the task. A regulated person in the room, even if they are working on an unrelated task, can help keep a teen on task and reduce friction barriers that make starting a hard task seem impossible. Body doubling reduces isolation and provides accountability without demand. How to Body Double ● Sitting at the table and working on your laptop while your child works next to you. ● Allow for virtual co-working session with their friends. ● Fold laundry or read on the couch in the same room It is not about hovering or direct accountability. It is about co-regulation. Procrastination Depending on the flavor of neurodivergence, procrastination can be about demand avoidance, transition friction, or dopamine depletion. It might look like: ● “Bed rotting” ● Cleaning the desk before studying ● “Doom scrolling” ● Picking a fight right before starting something hard Neurodivergent kids are corrected far more often than their neurotypical peers. Over time, that can erode trust in their own process. If we follow the breadcrumbs, we often find strategies hiding inside what looks like avoidance. What if we reframed these as entry tasks? What if these are ways that our brain gathers resources? “Bed rotting” can be a reset. Cleaning a desk or room can be a preparation, a clearing of physical space, and a way to boost dopamine. Engaging in conflict can also increase dopamine. I am not suggesting we stay in those behaviors, but they may be clues to how our brain and body are working up the resources needed to begin. For many, social media is a way to regulate emotionally. It can move us from feeling overwhelmed to laughing at cute puppies or babies. It can also overwhelm us with doom and stress, but we can choose to swipe that away. At the same time, almost no one is going to stop scrolling willingly and immediately study for a hard math test. Think of something inviting and interesting to tempt your brain away from social media. Then notice where you go next. Is it a quick straightening of the desk space? Watch if that veers into a major room overhaul that may be more about avoidance. Keep the end goal in mind without short-circuiting your ability to follow the breadcrumbs. Trust your brain and body to head in a direction. It may meander, but with some awareness and problem-solving, what looked like procrastination and avoidance is often your body and brain building the capacity to do the hard things. Maybe the goal isn’t to jump from Instagram to homework. Maybe it’s to scroll, laugh at a dog video, stand up, straighten one corner of the desk, and see what happens next. Timers Many individuals with ADHD struggle with time blindness. Time can feel endless, or invisible. A timer makes time concrete. Short, structured intervals often work well: ● 15-minute reset. ● 5-minute tidy. When a task feels overwhelming, a timer can shrink it into something manageable. It turns “clean your room” into “reset for 7 minutes.” Timers can reduce emotional resistance because the task has a clear boundary. Sometimes, timers feel limiting and like a demand. It can stifle our ability to get into hyperfocus and interrupt that focus once it is in place. Being lost in something that inspires or requires hyperfocus can be a beautiful and powerful part of being neurodivergent. Leveraging this and applying it at the right moments are important parts of building strength-based strategies. Music Music can be a dopamine bridge. It can create an invitation into an environment or a task that feels hard. Start with fun music, then adjust the volume or type as focus demands increase. Notice, or help your teen notice, when the music becomes a distraction rather than a support, and make adjustments until the music feels supportive again or needs to be turned off. Music can: ● Increase motivation. ● Improve mood. ● Reduce perceived effort. ● Help with transitions. Over time, the brain can begin to associate certain playlists or types of music with certain tasks. This also means that certain music can become associated with stressful or negative experiences, so it is important to be aware of this and respond accordingly. Erasable Clipboard External visual cues can support executive function. Because it is erasable, it reduces perfectionism and feels like less of a demand. Mistakes disappear easily. Plans can shift. An erasable clipboard provides a portable, low-pressure planning tool. This tool works especially well for: ● Daily task breakdowns. ● Visual schedules. ● Chunking multi-step assignments. It keeps priorities visible and reduces overwhelm. Clipboards can be especially useful during morning routines to reduce the number of trips back inside for forgotten items. Put the items on the clipboard as you remember them, then take the clipboard around the house to collect them. Small Journal Some individuals think best through writing. When thoughts stay internal, they compete for attention. Writing them down can reduce cognitive load. This is not an all-or-nothing, need to use it every day or every time I plan a task type of strategy or traditional journaling. Make space for intermittent use. A small journal can serve as: ● A brain dump space. ● A transition tool. ● A place to externalize or process worries. ● A micro-planning notebook. Notebooks with minimal structure can reduce resistance by reducing demand or the feeling of being dictated to by the notebook's structure. This is a great place for teens to feel a sense of ownership and experiment with color, size, feel, and layout. More Trash Cans Does anyone else have a trash can with a lid that no one wants to lift? This sounds simple. It is powerful. If trash consistently ends up on desks, counters, or floors, the issue is often friction, not defiance or a lack of concern for hygiene or cleanliness. Adding more trash cans (and removing lids if needed) reduces the number of steps required to complete the task. This applies to laundry baskets, too. Executive function improves when tasks are simplified. Frequently, the solution is not better discipline; it is better access. Storage vs Items to be Stored There has to be more storage than there are items to store. If there are too many steps required to put something away, that task will be avoided. If there are too many decisions to make before something is put away, that task will be avoided. If going to Costco means the whole pantry needs to be reorganized, those items might end up in the garage for a long time. This is not an all-or-nothing task. This is a combination of getting rid of items and then storing the items you keep in a space-efficient, functional way. Going through an entire closet, room, or garage requires a lot of physical effort, but it also requires a thousand decisions. This is enough to make anyone avoid that task. Start small - a corner or one shelf. Keep going. Toothbrushing Personal care tasks are often avoided due to sensory or transition-related barriers. For many neurodivergent individuals, oral hygiene challenges are not about a lack of care; they are about texture, taste, transition, and boredom. Not wanting to stop reading or scrolling and get out of bed, forgetting or avoiding it as part of the bedtime or morning routine because it is boring or feels/tastes bad, can all be reasons teens (and let’s be honest, adults) don't brush their teeth. Offer: ● Different/Rotating toothpaste flavors. ● Alternative toothbrush textures. ● Floss picks instead of string floss. ● “Wisps” type disposable toothbrushes. These options can reduce the sensory friction that often accompanies the task and can create novelty that keeps ADHD brains engaged. Disposable toothbrushes can reduce the transition friction. They don’t require a sink. They can be used in the car or even in bed. If the goal is to increase the total number of times teeth are brushed in a week, removing the barrier of location can be an effective way to achieve it. Morning and Evening Routine Bins Transitions are often high-friction moments. They require prioritizing multiple tasks and locations, and may be accompanied by anxiety about time and any anticipated stressors in the day ahead. Collaborate with your teen or think through your own routines to create bins that consolidate the items you need. For some teens, having a “To-Do” bin and a “Done” bin helps keep them on track and frees up the brain space needed to remember which task comes next and which they have completed. This morning’s “Done” bin becomes tomorrow’s “To-Do” bin. Routine bins simplify transitions by: ● Consolidating needed items. ● Reducing decision-making. ● Making steps visible and predictable. A morning bin might include: ● Hairbrush. ● Deodorant. ● Toothbrush/Toothpaste ● Make-Up ● Medication An evening bin might include: ● Face Lotion ● Acne Cream ● Toothbrush/Toothpaste ● Medication When items live together, transitions require fewer mental steps. Why These Small Tools Work Each of these strategies supports one or more of the following: ● Reducing friction. ● Externalizing executive function. ● Supporting dopamine regulation. ● Conserving cognitive energy. ● Increasing autonomy. They are small by design. Large overhauls overwhelm the nervous system. Small, targeted adjustments create sustainable change. A space that looks good and is easy to manage motivates us to keep it clean and functional, but when organizing for neurodivergent families, the goal is not visual perfection; it is functional ease. It is asking: “What would make this easier?” “What step can we remove?” “What support can we externalize?” And sometimes, the answer really is as simple as another trash can. Long-term Goals The long-term goal isn’t a permanently tidy house. Or expecting to clear your child’s world of challenges. It’s self-awareness and then self-advocacy. When a child learns: ● “I have tools to manage hygiene tasks.” ● “I can create a space that helps me focus.” ● “I know how to transition from social media to productivity.” Those encompass strategies and language they can use later in school meetings, in college, at work, and in relationships. We’re not just organizing space. We’re organizing insight. About the Author Leisa McNeese is the founder of Calm in Chaos Co., where she helps neurodivergent families create home systems that reduce overwhelm and build real-life executive functioning skills. A mom in a fully ADHD household, Leisa blends lived experience with research-informed strategies to support families navigating attention, sensory, and regulation challenges. She is currently pursuing a PsyD in Clinical Psychology, deepening her work at the intersection of behavior change, family systems, and neurodivergence. With a background in community building, leadership, and operational strategy, she focuses on practical, strengths-based tools that turn daily friction into clarity — without shame and without perfection. Feel free to reach out at leisa@calminchaos.co

REEL is excited to announce the publication of of A Parent's Guide to IEPs for Twice-Exceptional Students: California - Bay Area Edition The guide was written by Amber Willburn and provides invaluable insights into navigating the IEP process with your 2e student. Click here to get your copy! Disponible en Español: Guía para padres sobre los IEP de Alumnos Doblemente Excepcionales California - Edición del Área de la Bahía Haga clic aquí para obtener su copia!

As parents, we’re full of knowledge, know-how, wisdom, and solutions, and when our kids are   infants and toddlers, we respond in a compassionately curious way, trying to understand what   they need or how to help them. As our kids get older, our expectations increase in line with   their age but even more so with their verbal abilities: the higher their verbal abilities, the   higher our expectations.   When they aren’t meeting those expectations, we don’t naturally respond the way we did when   they were toddlers. Instead we immediately move into our full of   knowledge-wisdom-solutions-director mode:   ● You need to stop …..   ● You should be …..   ● Why aren’t you …..   ● If you don’t …..   ● You know you aren’t supposed to …..   Here’s the thing: behavior is communication no matter our age , and when our kids are not   doing something they “should” know how to do, they are telling us something. To help, we need   to stop directing them and get back to our compassionate curiosity infant and toddler parenting   ways, even when our kids are older. It is critical for our relationship with our kids, for their   sense of self, and for the skills they need to develop.   The reality is, that our kids most likely already know these things, too, which is why they can’t   stand it when we remind them of the “whats” and tell us to stop nagging them ! Our kids have   the knowledge and many times they even have the motivation (the internal desire to get it   done). What they have a harder time with is taking action , especially on the things that aren’t   as interesting, clear, novel, or easy for them. The bottom line is that our kids don’t have a   KNOWLEDGE OR MOTIVATION GAP ; they have an ACTIVATION GAP, and if we want to   help, we have to stop directing and start getting curious!   Historically parents and society have perceived inaction as a lack of motivation, laziness, or   disrespect, but we now know, thanks to our increased knowledge of the brain and neuroscience,   that there are multiple invisible neurophysiological reasons that people don’t take action:   ● Neurotransmitter and transmission differences   ● Asynchronous brain development   ● Interest-based versus importance-based nervous systems   ● Trauma   ● Lagging executive function skills   ● And more   Taking action, or what I refer to as ACTIVATING , is especially challenging for our 2E kids (and   adults, too!), and it is ESSENTIAL to understand our kids’ actions (or inaction) through this neurophysiological lens of activation, especially when it seems like they “should” be able to   do it.   Why?   Because if we continue to use a traditional, directive approach like the one described above,   or other behavioral approaches such as behavior charts, rewards, or consequences, the only   outcomes we can be certain of are these unwanted ones:   ● our relationship will become strained,   ● our kids will   ○ perceive us as nags,   ○ tune us out,   ○ become more disengaged,   ○ argumentative,   ○ defensive,   ○ ashamed,   ○ guilt-ridden,   ○ or shut down, and   ● The action will still not have been taken!   In directing our kids or using a behavioral   approach, we aren’t activating them to do   things; rather, we are activating their   fight-flight-freeze response and their i nternal   belief that something is wrong with them ; that   they have a character flaw because they can’t   do what they “should” be able to do.   Our good intentions for helping our kids will only backfire when we stay in the role of   director—telling, reminding, correcting, managing — and we also take away an opportunity   to learn what they are thinking and experiencing while also building their awareness,   problem-solving, and ultimately their responsibility, agency, confidence and activation!   The solution lies in shifting to what we did naturally when our kids were little. Instead of   being directive and telling our kids what to do (and when, where, why, and how), we   respond as compassionately curious   detectives, or as I also like to say, partners in   problem-solving with our kids. Our kids have more knowledge and we need to help them   uncover ways to use it in goal-directed ways.   What our kids need most when they aren’t doing what needs to be done or they aren’t meeting   expectations, is for someone to show up with them as a partner in problem-solving : ● to understand and validate their experience by   listening without reacting;   ● to reflect and discover with them   ○ what is making it hard;   ○ what obstacles are keeping them from taking   action;   ○ what factors may be at play   ● to clarify values, boundaries, and expectations in a   calm, matter-of-fact manner   ● to brainstorm and co-create creative solutions and   strategies that work with their brain and meet the   need   ● to iterate on the process until a win-win solution   and strategy is found that works for everyone   In being compassionately curious partners in problem solving, we let go of fear, control,   frustration, and our own perspectives and ways of doing things, and we lean in to learning with   our child and about our child, just like we did when they were toddlers . In the process, we   help our kids learn important skills that they will be able use throughout their lives:   ● self-reflection   ● self-awareness   ● self-acceptance   ● self-agency   ● self-determination   ● self-advocacy and how to use help, and   ● problem-solving   Additionally, we strengthen our relationship by modeling and communicating in open, honest   trusting, transparent, and authentic ways ; laying the foundation for a trusted relationship that   our kids can depend on and turn to when faced with inevitable challenges throughout life.   The compassionately curious approach involves several steps:   Step 1: Regulate our own emotions. To be compassionately curious, the first thing we   have to do is get and be calm. (After we have finished problem solving with our child, we   can then release our authentic emotions to a friend, a partner, or just on our own; we just   don’t want our emotions to be targeted at our child or when we are trying to understand   and problem-solve with our child).   Step 2: Connect with our child . We approach our child and in a calm, curious tone,   connect with them. We either make an observation or ask a question. Several   communication techniques can be used for this approach: The goal in this step is to connect in a way that minimizes our child’s emotional   reactivity and provides an opportunity for our child to share with us what they are   thinking about or doing in the moment. We want to start to understand their   perspective before we start to talk about what they aren’t yet doing or our concerns.   ● Hey, what are you doing ?   ● What game are you playing?   ● What’s on your mind?   Step 3: Validate and Explore. Once they have shared what is on their mind or what   they are doing, we respond in a way that validates their experience and lets them know   we have heard what they have said and maybe talks for a few sentences or two about   what it is they are doing or thinking about, and then move into asking or noticing things   about what they are not yet doing.   Oh, that seems like a fun game. Are you the character in white? (and continue for   a bit until it makes sense to switch to something such as…..)   I notice you haven’t started cleaning your room.   When were you planning to start cleaning your room?   I’ve noticed you haven’t been able to get started on your homework at   night, what’s up?   When would be a good time to talk about your goals for this school year?   ○ I’ve noticed you’ve forgotten your water bottle for the past few days, what   ideas do you have to help you remember it? Are you open to hearing my   ideas?   What is on your “to-do” list today? When do you plan to do each of those   things?   Would you be willing to show me what you are doing to keep track of your   assignments, meetings, and other activities you have this year?   How much longer until that game ends so you can get started with your   homework?   What might help you remember to brush your teeth at night?   I   see it is 7:45. I wonder what we do at 7:45 every morning.   I   see your clothes didn’t make it into the hamper. What might help you   remember to put them there?   I   know you are planning to go to the movies tonight. What time will you   start your homework so you can finish it before you go?   I   see you have your soccer cleats on. I wonder if there is anything else   you will need for practice tonight.   It seems like it has been hard for you to remember to brush your teeth at   night. Would you be open to my ideas to help or do you have ideas that   would help you remember? Step 4 : Iterate on the process to develop a win-win .   So you think putting your toothpaste on your bedside table will help you   remember to brush your teeth at night? Ok. When will you put it there?   So you will finish this game in 10 minutes. What time is it now? How will I know   you have started homework at 6:30? What can I do if I notice that you haven’t   gotten started and are still gaming?   What might make it easier for you to get started with cleaning your room? Sounds like you would like to get started on homework at 7. Unfortunately, we   have to go pick up John from drama rehearsal at 7:15 so you will only have 15   minutes to do your homework. Right now it is 5:30. If we have to leave at 7:15,   what time will you get started to ensure you have enough time to finish before we   leave?   Dr. Ross Greene’s Collaborative Proactive Solutions   and the process of motivational   interviewing known as OARS   provide great language and processes for being compassionately   curious. Also, Linda Murphy’s declarative language   provides an alternative way of   communicating with our kids that names and observes things rather than asking which can be   another helpful tool in being a compassionately curious partner in problem solving.   By approaching our kids with compassion and curiosity , we communicate to our kids that we   value their voice, their experience, and we want to understand and learn together. We also can   affirm their frustrations that sometimes things in life are frustrating, overwhelming, hard, tedious,   boring, AND we can find ways to do them or ask about alternative options.   So, the next time you notice that your child is gaming and not doing their homework (yet again)   or you walk into their room and clothes and trash are everywhere, instead of starting to tell your   child the importance of their homework or that they need to clean up their room, pause for a   moment, put your detective hat on , and with a calm, compassionate and curious voice   that you used when they were little, say, “Hey! Whatcha doin?” and see where it might lead. About the author: Courtney Edman is the founder of 2tametheshamE, Inc., where she provides coaching, education, and advocacy for neurodivergent children, young adults, and their families. She helps parents and caregivers develop strategies, skills, and confidence to support twice-exceptional learners, and produces the See Me Podcast. Courtney also delivers trainings, webinars, and guest lectures on giftedness, twice-exceptionality, and neurodiversity-informed approaches to learning.

REEL recently hosted a learning differences simulation at a local independent school. After experiencing firsthand the struggles of students with learning differences and disabilities during REEL’s simulation , the staff engaged in an engrossing Q&A with a panel of the school’s students. Here are some of the insights their neurodivergent and disabled students shared about how schools can best support them. Part 1 explores challenges and Part 2 explores helpful supports. Describe a teacher(s) who really understood you and helped you learn the best. What were some of the ways the teacher supported you? One of the most helpful teacher supports, mentioned by several students, is working proactively with the student to find solutions. One student discussed her most helpful teacher, “Junior year I got accommodations. A teacher reached out to discuss the information with me so the teacher could better understand what I needed. Then anytime the teacher noticed I might need extra help, the teacher would reach out and suggest it. Like, ‘Do you want to go to a quiet room, or put on headphones in this moment?’ She was with me 105% and she saw what I needed.”  Another student shared a similar story, “In 6th grade, math was taking me hours. One day I went up to my teacher for help, and he helped me identify which were the critical problems to do, and which ones I could skip. In this way, I could take the same amount of time as my peers and still get the core concepts. Also the teacher was willing to put in the extra time to wait for me after school to finish tests. He worked with me, instead of us working against each other to get accommodations. It was really powerful.” Students find it helpful when teachers anticipate stressful situations and preempt the stress, or notice it happening live and actively support. One student shared, “Tests are really stressful so prior to a test, teachers helped me out. Teachers would help me during tests when they saw me crying at my desk. Teachers would take me outside quietly. One teacher agreed to let me take tests afterwards in the library.” Students also really appreciate it when they aren’t singled out for their accommodations. A student shared one example, “My English teacher supported me well. She asked everyone to indicate on a sticky note whether certain types of music would be okay to play. She made it about everyone rather than one person, in a safe way.” What are some other ways teachers can support students who are neurodivergent or disabled? Neurodivergent students, like anyone else, don’t want to be judged for their differences. They want to be seen as a whole person with strengths and receive positive reinforcement. One student shared, “When I got my neuropsych report, they told me that when I’m good at something I’m really good at it! And when I’m weak, I’m really weak. So I use my strengths to cover my weaknesses, and sometimes my weaknesses cover my strengths. I think it is important to see the whole person, and not those pieces that are covering each other. Also - I am hard on myself. I know what I did wrong, I know how I should have done it, and it wasn’t on purpose. Positive reinforcement is way more effective than negative. I already know how to beat myself up about stuff - you don’t have to do that. Don’t point out my accommodation needs. Talk privately to me after class, email me privately, don't single me out.” Students also discussed the importance of being given time limits on homework, consistent deadlines, and letting requirements go in order to focus on the big picture. One student suggested, “Homework that is creative and open-ended, I can hyperfocus on that, and I can’t stop. If I have those creative assignments I’ll just keep on going and going. On the other hand worksheets, with clear starting and ending points, those are less overwhelming. So if we have creative open-ended assignments, give a timing budget. Make it clear I should only spend a certain amount of time. That would help me know how much time I have and when I have to stop.” Another shared, “It’s always a struggle, teachers want to give extensions. But if you say, ‘Whenever you can’, for me that means it’s never going to happen.  A big part of school for students is learning how to manage themselves and figure out how to do things, but when a student is still learning this, provide us scaffolding.” Some students need extensions, for others it creates stress as work piles up, it’s best to check with each student to see what works best for them. Because every neurodivergent student has different needs, the students emphasized the importance of working with each student and the importance of flexibility. At the end of the session, one student summed it up, “How can you support neurodivergent students? It’s so different for each student, and even different at different times, different minutes even. Sometimes I can do something today that I couldn’t do yesterday. It’s going to change all the time.” Ultimately, it is important that teachers, “understand that it’s not one size fits all. Neurodivergent students have different needs,” and “The best thing you can do for students is to be flexible.” See to Part 1 for Student Challenges

Stacy Greeter, MD is board-certified in both child/adolescent and adult psychiatry. Read the transcript here 1. About REAL & Introduction to 2E Yael Valek   [0:35] Okay, welcome everybody to After the Diagnosis, Guiding Children Toward a Positive Neurodivergent Identity. In case you're not familiar with REAL, we are a nonprofit located in Silicon Valley that ensures twice-exceptional students thrive in school by raising parent and educator awareness and understanding of practical, research-based strategies to address their needs successfully. And just in case you're not familiar with 2E, or twice exceptionality, we use the Bridges definition, and that is a green child that is made up of the yellow distinguishing strengths, high abilities or potential in one or more areas, combined with blue complex challenges such as dyslexia, ADHD, anxiety, autism, and they combine together to make A complex child, that requires both the yellow and the blue to be addressed simultaneously in order to meet their needs, especially academically, and that So it is the challenge of meeting the green child. So, to support parents, we have an expert speaker series, like the one you're attending today, and you can sign up to attend future sessions or watch recordings of past ones. We also have a bi-monthly Zoom parent support group where we break out by age and interest areas. We also have a private Google group, which just reached 1,000 local parents, where you can ask questions and get answers, from anything from what school do you recommend for my child, to… we have a thread now about autistic burnout going on. We also offer parent toolkits that you can download on a variety of subjects, such as, we just received a diagnosis, or how to talk to our schools, or how to highlight my kids' strengths. We have a lot of online resources, such as an IEP guide, a guide to assessments, and things like that. And then we have a schools list that we maintain. This is a local schools list, and all kinds of articles about how to pick schools for your children. Those are all free. The only things we charge fees for are small facilitated learning groups. There is one coming up in April about executive function. It was limited to 8 participants, and then we do one-on-one consultations, on any topic that you'd like. And then this is Abby's putting in the chat our link to our parent toolkits, just so you can get an idea of what kind of things you'll get if you download these. So here's now what? I just got a diagnosis. What does 2E mean? How do I navigate the school system? For educators, we offer custom professional development. You can bring REEL to your school. We often do an Introduction to 2E workshop that has learning different simulations and interactive case studies. We also have a lot of online resources, recorded talks, and a bi-monthly educator newsletter. REEL has developed this educator model called the Dear Real Model that talks about how developing connection, embracing flexibility, attending to strengths, and reframing behaviors all support not only two e-learners, but all learners in the classroom, and you can download this on our site. So, we are in the middle of our winter-spring events. We are kicking off Neurodiversity Celebration Week today with Dr. Greeter. We also have, as I mentioned, the Executive Functioning Facilitated Group coming in April, and the third of our writing series this year, When Writing Feels Hard, Science-Based Strategies for Managing Emotions in two e-writers. And on May 4th, Star Wars Day, we will have Curiosity, Connection, and Confidence, A New Path to Motivation for 2E kids, and you can sign up for those on our website. And our last support group of this school year is on May 7th. All of those are available on our website. And we want to thank everyone who donated, before coming here. Real is a non-profit, and these events are all put on by your generous donations, so please consider donating if you enjoy our events. And for the first time ever, we are hosting a Real Comedy Night on May 1st. It is in person, up here in San Carlos, California, and we are going to have the Bay Area's only dyslexic, stuttering comedian, Nina G, so we really hope you can join us for that. Abby's putting links in the chat. And I think we already shared these. You can follow us, on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and see our past recordings on YouTube, and join our Google group. And now, I would like to introduce Dr. Greeter. Introduction of Dr. Greeter Stacey Greeter, MD, is a double board certified in both child and adolescent and adult psychiatry, and owns a group psychiatric practice in Sarasota, Florida. She speaks from both her lived experience as an autistic, ADHD, and OCD individual, and as a clinician. Dr. Greeter graduated summa cum laude from Duke University and went on to the University of North Carolina School of Medicine on a full scholarship. Dr. Greta completed her residency at Northwestern Memorial Hospital and continued there to complete her subspecialty fellowship in child and adolescent psychiatry. She believes in cross-pollination of knowledge between disciplines, creating safe space for safe, candid conversations on controversial mental health issues, and runs a multidisciplinary mental health professionals book club, and co-hosts the podcast Chronically real and clinically relevant. Dr. Reeder teaches at Lake Erie College of Medicine and Florida State University, is on the board of directors for Autism Career Pathways at NAMI Sarasota Manatee County, and on the leadership team of Autistic Doctors International. Dr. Greeter uses metaphors from fantasy universes such as Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, and The Little Mermaid to make psychiatric concepts accessible and engaging through her Educational Psychiatry Boot Camp series. We're so excited to have you, Dr. Greeter. 3. Dr. Greeter's Presentation Stacy Greeter, MD   [6:26] Thank you so much, Yale, I really appreciate it. Everybody can hear me okay? See my slides okay? Good? Yeah? So, I was just thinking, like, it's really a gift every time I get to do a presentation, because it's like there's, A young child in me that was not heard, that gets to have a voice in adulthood to speak for other kids. So thank you for that. And as you mentioned, I was a very early diagnosed ADHD and late. Diagnosed, autistic individual. I think… I'm hoping, we can do more. I think… I think that there's a lot… when I was in training, certainly in my residency and my fellowship training, the emphasis was about Obtaining a diagnosis, and very little guidance on how to help people develop a healthy identity after the diagnosis. So we're going over that today. Come look through my Audi HD lenses. That's me. I think that's Disney World. Yep, the ears probably gave it away. So… I… and that… that picture on the little… on the left, that's, like, age 4 or 5, I'm in a ballet recital in this picture, dressed as a cat. The photo was taken… Shortly before I was kicked out of ballet. For, being too hyperactive and not following directions well enough. and this was not a loss to the ballet world, because I also had apraxia and was quite clumsy. And then it was… it was around age 5 or 6 that I was… I was given my diagnosis. I remember my mom took Mucide and said I had a, chemical… there was, like, chemicals missing from my brain. And so I needed to take a medicine that would help replace some of the chemicals missing from my brain. It wouldn't fully fix it. And it was probably related to me being premature, was what she thought. I was a 28-week gestation baby, actually, so quite premature. So my… childhood concept of myself. And again, lots of grace and compassion, for my caregivers, because this is… I was born in 1983. So, this is, like, this would be, like, 1989-ish, okay, that I'm getting my diagnosis for the first time. I thought about scrambled eggs. Okay, and I imagined my brain was, like, under the undercooked eggs. They did not cook long enough. I was not in the womb long enough. And other kids had these perfectly light, fluffy, organized brains. And there's nothing I can do about it. I just have to do the best I can with my undercooked brains. To try to… Match other kids' perfectly cooked brains as best I can. So… The harms of a deficit-based model, some people… are referring to the deficit-based model as the medical model. I'm trying to get away from that because I think it sort of sets people up To misunderstand and think that neurodiversity-affirming care is anti-medicine, which of course it isn't, and call it more of the, like. Maybe try to make everybody normal model, or the model that focuses on deficits and doesn't talk about strengths and acknowledge the benefit of neurodiversity for a society. So the deficit, the harms are being left feeling broken. Misunderstood, and hopeless about one's future. That your body and brain are just not right. And you're in… we'll contrast this, With neurodiversity, a farming model. Neurodiversity affirming being that we acknowledge both the strengths and the vulnerabilities of having a neurotype that is different from the most common neurotype. we are able to have a balanced perspective. The goal of treatment is not to make the individual look as neurotypical as possible. But for the individual to be living their most authentic, fulfilled, functional, in relationship with others' life. I… I'll be honest, it was an extremely humbling… Experience for me as a child psychiatrist, having my autism diagnosis at age 40. I thought… that I was a, quote, expert. in autism, I did research, fMRI studies, on autism, when I was in medical school. And focused, focused on the autistic population a lot during my learning. And… yet… Had no idea that I, myself, was autistic. And in… Facing this diagnosis in myself, I think… I think the hardest part… for me was actually having to acknowledge the autism diagnoses that I missed in my patients. Which was missed opportunities for them. So, I share that because… I… medicine is forever changing. Psychiatry is forever changing. And the things that we know, or think we know, about autism, ADHD, dyslexia today. Get ready for them to be different 10 years from now. So I just try to really be ready to be wrong. And really open to… to being… being wrong. You know… I'll also share before going on to the next slide. you know, I was taught… In my medical school and residency and fellowship training, in psychiatry, that autistic people lack theory of mind. And so, thus, you know, will struggle with empathy. So, of course, I thought, yeah, you know. I can't be autistic, I'm a psychiatrist. I mean, I live and breathe empathy and theory of mind. I constantly put people in the minds… put myself in the minds of others. Now, you've probably heard of the double empathy problem, that I will summarize, which just basically means that… It's not that autistic people lack theory of mind, but that understanding the perspective of a neurotype that's different from your own is very tricky. And I think autistic empathy is a complex topic. Which I can't cover completely in this presentation. But that has been a really key, I think, change in our understanding of autism. And enabled me to really change my understanding of myself. When I… I… I… how did I… you know, it's fascinating how I realized I was autistic. in adulthood, I had just done a presentation, on eating disorders. And… because I wanted to learn more about eating disorders. And, I have a hobby of taking a deep dive into a different psychiatry topic, turning it into a fantasy-themed story-based presentation. And then picking a new psychiatry topic to do a deep dive in. And yet I still didn't know I was autistic. But the person who did my psychological assessment did point out to me that spending weekends making a Little Mermaid-themed autism presentation is not generally a neurotypical pastime. So, I was actually making a Harry Potter themed autism presentation at the time. And so I'm like, I'm gonna consume all the information I can find about autism and tell a story about Hermione Granger discovering she's autistic in adulthood. And… I discovered that I was basically reading about myself. And… I… as a child. Learned to focus a lot on other people's minds, and kind of like a little people detective of, like, what's going on in the minds of others. What do people need? What do people feel? What do other people think? Which, of course, became a whole career in… Psychiatry, as an adult. Fun fact… A lot. Of psychiatrists are autistic. They may not know it, though. So… I had turned, my strategy for surviving my childhood, being a very intense people detective to figure out what the neurotypicals expected of me. Into a career in psychiatry. In the organization I'm part of, Autistic Doctors International, dis… Second most common specialty is psychiatry. Family medicine, I think, is first, simply because there are just so many more family medicine physicians. Then psychiatric physicians kind of in existence in the group. And… I would say receiving this diagnosis in adulthood, It felt like… Finally, finding a neurological home. Like… things that I always thought were weird, idiosyncratic, confusing. All came together in a cohesive… narrative. That made sense. Based on my different brain. It was extremely freeing. and… I… M… really driven, I think, to advocate for helping families. Share this information with their child and talk about it in affirming ways that help them build that identity. Because this information, I would say, is one of the single most, like, life-changing things that has happened to me, my diagnosis in adulthood. So… just the understanding that my brain is not broken. I'm not… selfish, or rude, or etc. It's… It's different. It's both a blessing and a curse. And… Most impactful was… Finding community. being able to talk to others who are autistic and ADHD, And see my experiences mirrored. In their experiences. That there are people for whom my experience of the world made complete sense to them. And was not… alien. Community is so key, and it can be really hard to find. I remember when I was a… you know, I was a little kid. And there was a lot of talk when I was a little kid about making friends. And I needed to, you know, are you able to make friends? So I remember, my teacher would be like, I, I, I… she'd be like, Stacy. You gotta go make friends. And I'd be like, alright, yes ma'am. Teacher said, make friends, so I scanned the playground. who looks the most lonely on this playground, right? They're my target person, because the person who's the most, you know, outcast and lonely is going to be the person least likely to reject me, and I would just, you know. Trod up to said person. Hello, I am Stacy. Would you like to be a friend? And they said yes, and I said, excellent, I am done. See, teacher, made friend. Alright, can I go back to talking about science now? And more interesting things? And, I, ironically. There was… there is a teacher, I will never forget this teacher, of course. You never forget the teachers who have this… Special impact on you. And her name was Mrs. Corden. And… She let me just sit there at recess and ask her questions about science. And just tell her stuff. about science. Info dumping to my little heart's content. And everybody, thought this behavior was really weird. And, ironically, Those were the times when I felt the most connected and the least alone. when I wasn't doing this… this so-called making friend task. So understanding, I think, that I connect differently. No less… And certainly just as deep. Sometimes it maybe feels even deeper at times when you find those people, those neuro-spicy people you just zing with. And helping… So if I could, if I could, like, reach back into the past, and be like, it's okay, childhood, Stacy! There will be a day… Someday, where you find a place to belong. That it's okay that that day is not today. It will happen. Someday. You can find people to belong with. And diagnosis aids that. Oops. Okay, so explaining a diagnosis. That's a picture of me with my rocking horse. Named Anna. I would spend many hours on this rocking horse, rocking back and forth, in my imagination. like, 4 or 5 hours at a time. Rocking, rocking, rocking, rocking. And nobody knew I was autistic, right? You're like, obviously that kid is stimming, non-stop. I think that… There's a whole other presentation that could be, like, how little autistic, intelligent autistic little girls get missed, especially when they're ADHD. But I… I think that it was a combination of, A, we didn't understand much at all about, intelligent autistic girlies back then, and also, People will find many, many other things As an excuse for differences. I actually… I grew up in a neighborhood that was, predominantly a non-white neighborhood. And so people were like, well, she's just a weird white kid. And that must be what, you know, weird, smart white kids are like. Ethnic minorities, are much… have a much higher risk of being misdiagnosed and missed, during their childhood years. I like to use weird metaphors in explaining diagnoses, helping people try to understand, like, how is a diagnosis of dyslexia, autism, ADHD, different? Then a diagnosis of depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder. So… Sometimes using the metaphor of a computer, right? A computer may get some faulty software on it. That can be deleted. So, you can get depression, You can fully treat. depression. Recover from the depression, taper off your medicine for depression, go about your way. But autism versus neurotypical, or ADHD versus neurotypical, or dyslexia versus neurotypical is having a completely different operating system, like an Apple computer versus a PC computer. Now, medication. So… Earlier in this presentation, I described to you how medication was explained to me. We… your chemicals are messed up. We've got to fix those chemicals by giving you some chemicals to take, okay? And… Honestly, the chemical imbalance explanation for why people need to take a certain medicine is really common, and really messed up. Because where is the person's agency there? autonomy. So, as a kiddo, I used to cheek my medicine, my ADHD medicine, and spit it out. I wanted to show that I could do it on my own, without medicine. I wanted to… Really be the real unmedicated me, the true me. This is not uncommon at all. I was also, I had no say in whether or not to take the medicine, what dosage of medicine, no one got any feedback from me about how I felt about being on the medicine, and I was significantly over-medicated. How do we know if a kid, is over-medicated? Overly inhibited. Like, losing their light, or losing their creative spark. Adhd meds in particular, this is just one example of many psychiatric meds, but we'll talk about stimulants to make it simple, okay? They're like a Goldilocks medicine, alright? Too little medicine… You're all over the place. your attention jumps around, and you're disinhibited. Too much medicine and your attention is too stuck, and you're overly inhibited, such that emotions are flat. People call it a so-called zombie effect. So, A, let me just note that that is not something that you should have to tolerate. Oh, sorry, I just got scared, like… there is a, like, really loud lightning that just hit outside. Anyways, So, if you're not getting… if you feel like your child is losing a significant part of their personality from a medicine, the medicine needs to be changed. And… when I explain medicine to kids, kids are really concerned about competency. autonomy. authenticity and agency. Also, adults are very concerned about this, too. Okay. So I'll use a metaphor of a colorblind painter. Okay, so he's colorblind. But he's still a pretty good painter. He gets the glasses that help him see color. Oh, suddenly the painting becomes much more complex. and detailed. Who gets credit? for the painting. It's so important. to give kids Credit. Because… Like, when we're talking about the medicine, it can be so easy to be like, oh, these grades are awesome, your medicine is working so well. Well, what about… no, I'm working! I'm working really hard. So I always distinguish, like, the medicine makes it It's possible for you to choose what you focus on and what you tune out. Does the medicine do the work for you? Does the medicine choose what you focus on? No. It just gives you… Option. So, so we're centering, agency, self-agency there. And getting feedback. Should kids make the decision of whether or not they take medicine? No. kids should not make the decision of whether or not they take medicine any more than kids get to completely make the decision of whether they brush their teeth, or whether they get a vaccination, etc, okay? So, but, as much as possible. We want kids to have as much choice as possible. So, giving options about, you know. Time of day, different types of medicine, liquid, chewable, getting feedback about how they feel on the medicine. So the more credit you give to the child for the improvements. The less likely they are to want to quit their medicine. There's a lot of fear about medicating children. and… I have disclosed to some of the families who I am treating. that I was an over-medicated child. And… That's changed my relationship to medicine. For the rest of my life, understandably. And in sharing that, seems to be the most impact… I mean, I could share this or that data about the benefits of medication for depression, anxiety, and ADHD till I'm blue in the face. And… but what makes the big difference to people and families, I think, is just knowing that I'm a child who's been there, and so I don't want to do that to any other child. Parents are often, that's me around age 9, Parents are often very worried about a label. I get that. And it's… It's okay. to grieve? Like, this isn't what we signed up for. That is 100%… Healthy. Recognizing, though, that Kids, we know we're different. And without the label of a diagnosis, We get labels like… Rude. weird. My nickname in elementary school was Spacey Stacy. Misfit. Too intense, selfish, oppositional, difficult. When we are giving a diagnosis, we are controlling what people… how people see that label. Perceptive, analytical, brave, independent, honest, and expert in certain areas. Persistent, logical, creative. Helping peop… helping our kids have a balanced understanding of both their strengths. and vulnerabilities. Apparently, so another fun story, apparently, I, really… when I was talking to Santa Claus, my grandmother was nearby. She was doing that thing that adults do where they listen in, like, you ask Santa Claus for something, and then she's gonna, like. She's gonna listen in, and she's gonna make it happen, and then the magic happens, right? So… so she's listening. What is Stacy gonna ask Santa Claus for? And, My poor grandma, I asked Santa Claus for the ability to never grow old and die. And then, my grandma's like, what about a doll? And… and I really doubled down, too. I'm like, no, I need… I want the ability to never have to grow old and die. Like, this guy is magic. Why would I waste a magic man on a wish for a doll? So, yeah. And yet, nobody understood that I was neurodivergent back then. After the diagnosis, I have… I go through some, reflection questions with people. This can apply to any diagnosis. Autism just happens to be kind of like a placeholder here. I'm going to share kind of some of my answers, and I welcome, if people feel like putting in the chat. some of what they think, their answers would be. There may be a lot of neurodivergent parents in this group, I imagine. Making neurodivergent kids. So, in the past, I thought… that I was… Really bad at traveling. And… I used to get really cranky. with my husband, at the airport, and I said, I'm just, like, a shitty traveler. Then… With my autism diagnosis. I was like, huh, do I have sensory issues? I don't have any sensory differences. But then I thought about it, and I realized, if I'm at the airport. And I wear sunglasses and noise-canceling headphones. I am no longer snapping at my husband. I, in the past, I thought I was just a bad traveler. And now I know that I have sensory differences, and if I accommodate those sensory differences. I am nicer to my husband at the airport. Now that I know that I'm autistic, I can give myself grace. when I'm at… A social event, like, you know, Sarasota County Medical Society meeting, And… people ask me what's going on, and I start info-dumping about some psychiatry stuff, and I see their eyes glaze over a little bit. Because I relate differently. And… They relate by doing the small talk thing. And… it's okay. It's okay if I accidentally info dump sometimes. I can… Like, now, knowing this diagnosis. Really intentionally spend a lot of time connecting with people who also like to info dump. And maybe info dump about the same areas, too. I… when the… in the past, when people thought, that… I was being, rude or selfish. In reality, I realize… that… There's… a huge amount of misunderstandings that happen, when you don't share a neurotype. There's a huge amount of complex context. Dependent. Communication. That gets missed. For me, Best parts? Of being autistic. and ADHD and OCD. Just FYI, not my only diagnosis, but the best parts? Of being autistic. I think are, like, the intense… joy when I'm deep into my special interest of psychiatry. And learning about it, and teaching about it. to others. The hardest parts? Of being autistic, for me. Is the chronic illness and physical issues, the autoimmune disorders, the fibromyalgia, the chronic rashes. And hives, and, the, like… energy drain. From stuff that isn't draining for other people. And… you know, knowing that I'm autistic, and I exist in a different body… different… sensory needs… Different physical needs, including, like, rest. I can hopefully… Be kinder to myself, and more compassionate. about how I'm parenting, My son, and how my husband can Be up at night. in… not have an energy drain, and I… Have much more needs for rest. And solitude at times. So… These are things… that I'm hoping, we can help our children process through over time. Of course, questions would maybe need to be altered depending on different developmental stages. But… Receiving the diagnosis. is just… the beginning. So… Is there anyone like me out there? So Hans Christian Andersen, who wrote The Little Mermaid, The Ugly Duckling, You know, we can never diagnose people posthumously, but… It is hypothesized that the dude was definitely neurodivergent, okay? So you remember the, the ugly duckling? It's like, I discovered I wasn't really an ugly duckling. I was a swan instead, when I found other swans. So, the importance of connecting people to neurodivergent role models who are thriving, So, so important. I love to refer people to the Divergent Conversations podcast, the How To ADHD YouTube channel. Like, find videos of neurodivergent people who have your child's diagnosis. Who can… who can mirror their experience? Kind of like a unicorn and a herd of horses. You f- you finally get… a sense. Of a place to belong. And a people to belong with. It's funny, right before I came on, Yale was mentioning that the last time she saw me, I was dressed up as the Little Mermaid. So there I am, dressed up as the Little Mermaid. And, you know, on my YouTube channel, I do have a Little Mermaid video about Ariel discovering her autism diagnosis in adulthood. And so that's me. All the people in that photo are autistic. I think… If there's… if there's any message that I can convey tonight, just that there is hope. that there are times I've been… I've been in that place where I feel completely outcast, incomprehensible, alien, and I have found people whom I feel connected, seen, and understood by. So… To really hone in on what does neurodiversity affirming, mean, and how this changes our approach. DSM-5, Criteria lists highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus. And a deficit-based model of care. an approach would say, well, we need to behaviorally suppress talking about special interests or stimming to appear more neurotypical. In an affirming model. we encourage connection through special interests. Like, my second grade teacher was connecting with me about science. And awareness that Acting neurotypical and masking is a tool. Masking is not the correct way to be. But it is important to understand how to do in order to survive in this world. And… To give ourselves grace. that it's hard to do. Like, it's hard for me, at times, to do those Sarasota County Medical Society networking thingies, And… I'm gonna need, like, recovery time afterwards. And… but it's important. so… I want to spend a lot of time… maybe running a little… I wanted to spend a lot of time with questions. So, I think… I think I kinda covered everything. This is a little… this is a picture how, you know, sharing about our special interests, collecting information about it, is like… I feel like it's, like, I have a plant photosynthesizing. And then having to… Suppress that innate way of being. Feels like being completely uprooted. Like, in an environment that I cannot survive. In that if we only have a neurotypical perspective on a neurodivergent life. It can be, like, a bird trying to save a fish. from drowning. It's so important to have A huge range of perspectives. So that we're not inadvertently Treating or suppressing, something that is actually needed to be healthy and fulfilling and authentic. So we need to really carefully assess A child's internal experience, and the purpose and meaning of a particular behavior or symptom before we treat it. That's what we mean by neurodiversity affirming care. Alright, some cool books. I just… I just finished reading The Dyslexic Advantage, and it's so good. Your Brain's Not Broken is a great one on ADHD for younger kiddos. Wonderfully Wired Brains is a great introduction to the world of neurodiversity. And then… and some brains. Tiffany Hammond, has this book, about, autistics who don't use mouth words to communicate. So… I'm going to stop and then just take some questions, check out the chat. I'll stop sharing so I can actually see people's faces, too, if people want to go off video for me. I really appreciate you letting me take the time to speak with you. Yael Valek   [48:30] Thank you, Stacy. I just love your slides. They're so, Stacy Greeter, MD   [48:33] Thanks, Yale. Yael Valek   [48:34] creative and so inspiring, and so wonderful to hear from your voice. I have two ADHD children, and it's wonderful to have role models like you. Thanks. the… Big question that came out is, I… so I have a 6.5-year-old, 2E, ADHD, RSD anxiety. She just wants to belong. How do you recommend telling her about the diagnosis when she doesn't want to be different? Someone else said, same with me. world. Stacy Greeter, MD   [49:07] Cool. Well, I think that… So, I think… First of all, allowing people… it's very, very healthy to not want to be different, right? Like, it is harder to be different. And especially in, I think, in childhood even more so than in adulthood, comparing ourselves to others. It's extremely common to see if we're good enough compared to our peers. And any signs that we don't belong with our peers are especially painful. So, leaning in to that pain, allowing her to share that pain, and maybe grief, too, that she's different. And giving her time, time to process. I think… sometimes it's confusing. People think that being neurodiversity affirming means we only talk about the good parts of being neurodivergent, and it's really important to give children space to talk about the painful parts. Of being neurodivergent. So just clearly this is a kid who recognizes that she's different, and is struggling with that. And so allowing her to give voice to that. And then really trying to see if there could be some cool, healthy role models of, ADHD people enjoying being ADHD, for her to connect with. People really connect with personal stories a lot more easily than facts. So… Finding some other stories for her to connect to, I think is really helpful. 4. Q&A — Language & Age-Appropriate Communication Yael Valek   [51:09] I'm curious, too, you mentioned, the different operating systems. What language would you recommend using? Let's say it sounds like there's somebody here with a 6-year-old and somebody here with an 11-year-old. Stacy Greeter, MD   [51:21] rates. Yael Valek   [51:22] sounded out as a teenager. What actual words, do you use to talk about this with the child? Stacy Greeter, MD   [51:30] I wonder which ones, whatever, maybe something that fits their special interest, you know? Like, I don't know, someone said they had a special interest in, like… Yeah, I would have to… I would have to kind of, like, make it kind of a case-by-case basis. You know, a lot of 6-year-olds… They might like… Mmm… I don't know if I have really the best metaphors, but I think Just beginning to open a conversation about their brain being different than a lot of brains. And helping them talk about different characters and different stories. I use CommonSenseMedia.org to maybe find, like, I look up, you know, which are the best books for 6-year-olds that have a dyslexic character in them. And then you could talk about that character. You know, which are the best books? for 11-year-olds that have ADHD characters in them, and you guys could read that together and talk about the ADHD character. Who did my testing? I hope I can remember the name of the person who did my testing. I'm trying to remember their name. I'm sorry, I'm blanking on the name of the person who did my testing. It's hard to get really good testing, and so you really want to get, like… I got a referral from a good therapist friend of mine who is also autistic. It was Amy something. I know her first name was Amy. I'll see if I can find it. I'll see if I can Google her. Sorry, go ahead, y'all, with the questions. Yael Valek   [53:26] Well, I wanted to share when you put up the exercise, some people replied. Stacy Greeter, MD   [53:32] Oh, please, thank you. Yael Valek   [53:34] The hardest part of being ADHD for me is remembering details from a conversation. I'm so busy trying to figure out what someone is saying, I can only take away a one-sentence summary, and I have no idea about the rest of what the person said. Stacy Greeter, MD   [53:48] And then you miss things. A lot of things. Yael Valek   [53:55] I know there was another one. I'm scrolling through looking for it. Do you see it, Abby? Abby Kirigin   [54:02] Sure, you want another one? Yeah. There's also another question, which I put in our doc, but the other comment I saw was somebody… this one has a number of additional comments, so we can discuss them, but the hardest part for my daughter is feeling out of control with her emotional regulation, and that comes with a lot of shame and feeling useless. Yeah. Another person chimed in that they agree emotional dysregulation leads to meltdowns, shame, and embarrassment. So, yeah. 5. Q&A — Emotional Regulation & Shame Stacy Greeter, MD   [54:30] I mean, I do kind of have a metaphor for that. like I say, you're not weak, you're just carrying heavier, like, weights. Like, let's say you go to the gym, and you're looking around. And people are weightlifting, and you think that you're weaker than the other people, and it turns out, even though your… the weights you're lifting look exactly the same, you suddenly realize that yours are twice as heavy. As a metaphor for meltdowns, right? Like, it might look on the surface. That you're emotionally more sensitive. But… The emotional impact, physical impact. is much more intense for you than that other person, so helping people to understand that. Like, you're not weak. It's just in this way, you're carrying a much heavier weight. Looks like the same weight, but nope, it's a lot heavier. Yeah. 6. Q&A — When & How to Share a Diagnosis Yael Valek   [55:35] So, when is the right time to talk about a diagnosis? Meaning, is it casual, like at dinner? How do you approach it? How do you start it? Stacy Greeter, MD   [55:44] Yeah. I think being as casual as possible in how you talk about it is great, and it's like… it's an invitation to talk, okay? Kind of like… You hold the door open, but you don't pull them through it, right? I think talking about examples of other people, it's really great. And then, you know, asking them, like, did you ever think you might be different in certain ways? How do you think you're different? How do you think you're the same? You know, well, we found out this from the doctor, that your brain is really awesome at X, Y, and Z, and Your brain has a lot harder time than other brains with A, B, and C. What does that mean? How is that for you? It can take… time, and a lot of repetition. I feel like Earlier, it's discussed. The better, because we definitely don't want to… As much as possible, give the impression that it's a taboo or shameful, hidden, topic. I also, ironically. this happens in my office all the time. The parents are like, oh my gosh, how do I tell my kid? What is their reaction gonna be like? I'm like, we can do it together at the next appointment, it's all good. You know? And the parents are like, oh my gosh, my mind is blown, my kid is dyslexic, ADHD, autistic, da-da-da. And then, next appointment, kid comes in. And they're like, oh, yeah, that makes sense. Cool. Alright. Whatever. You know, not always, of course, but, like, most of the time. The taboo and the narrative that we have about neurodivergence as adults. Carry all of this, like, lifetime of stigma, and the kids don't have that lifetime of stigma yet. So, adults have, like, a harder time processing this than the kids do, often. And it's okay if they're just kind of like, oh, okay, whatevs, alright. Cool. Whatever you say. That's what that's called. Yeah. 7. Q&A — Adult Diagnosis & Self-Discovery Yael Valek   [58:20] So true. Someone said, what prompted you to get tested as an adult? Stacy Greeter, MD   [58:27] Yeah. Well, you know, I was making that presentation and doing my research on autism, and it kept sounding like me. And then… I… I… I mean, you know, and I respect self-diagnosis, but for me. I really wanted an outside perspective that wasn't my own. As confirmation, and I think I felt, like, especially… What's the word? Like… Mmm… I wanted to be especially conscientious about it. I didn't want to take… the label of autism lightly. And I wanted to really more accurately understand the lens through which I view other people. As a neurodivergent lens, and… and then also as a very… publicly, publicly out as autistic person, I didn't want to misrepresent myself. So for me, formal diagnosis was important, and I also found… formal diagnosis validating, and yet, still, there's, like, I don't know. times when I'm like, am I really autistic? Am I… should I get a second formal evaluation? No. And then I'm like, okay, Stacy, that's kind of ridiculous. You could… I can get, like, I don't know, 5 formal evaluations, and still there's gonna be, like, a tiny part of me that's like, well… am I really? So that's also okay. It's okay to have, like, A part that's still… unsure. Diagnosis is not clear-cut. Like, we make it seem like, oh. we have ruled in, or ruled out, this diagnosis, and that's kind of bonkers and BS, because people are messy and complex and not clear-cut, so diagnosis is always just our best educated guess of what label to put on a person. So that kind of digressed. Sorry. But yeah, I think we're in here. Yael Valek   [1:00:44] I have heard my child, who has memorized things in his special areas. Stacy Greeter, MD   [1:00:49] Yeah. Yael Valek   [1:00:50] say things like, oh, that was my autistic brain, like, that helped me memorize and know so much about this. So, of course, we have the painful parts as well, but it's great to hear. Any thoughts on how to help a late-diagnosed teen find community or role models? 8. Q&A — Community, Comparison & Identity Stacy Greeter, MD   [1:01:08] So, I know that, AANE, has some groups. and, like, if you Google, there's, like, a lot of online, groups. I wonder also if they have an interest, like, I don't know if they have an interest in… someone mentioned sharks. Like, can they get together? Is there a place where you find other people who are really into sharks? Because we generally connect through our special interests. I think it can also just take time, and encouraging people, like, friendships? It's kind of like you're dating, but for friends, as opposed to, like, dating for a romantic partner, and it's… it's like… Most of the people you meet. they're not gonna be the right fit for you as a friend. So, I mean, kind of normalizing that, like, this is gonna take longer. it's going to be harder to find your people. Your people are out there. There's a lot of online communities, which, of course, we have to be careful about, because there's unsafe stuff and predators online, but I think a lot of… Autistic people are connecting online, because you have access to so many more diversity of people. on the internet. So you can go to, I don't know, Shark website for Shark Talk to find the shark people. Maybe on the internet, when you can't really, like. find the shark people in Sarasota, Florida. I feel… I feel really blessed, To have connected to a bunch of autistic mental health professionals. and ADHD mental health professionals, and I actually… I mean, sometimes you have to form your own group. I made a group For neurodivergent psychiatrists to hang out. Online and talk about psychiatry. And… Friendships take a lot more intention. and direct communication, too. So… I have… like… my friend, Sharnell, who's the one who first told me, I was probably autistic. Actually, what happened was, I asked her Do you think I might be autistic? And her response was, why do you think you're not autistic? So anyway, so we became good friends, and both being autistic, I say, when is our next friendship meeting going to be? And we decide when the friendship meeting is, and it's on the calendar, it's very specific and structured. And, so, I think helping… Whereas, like, neurotypical relationships, it's so confusing. It's like, we should get together sometime. Does that really mean we're gonna get together? When are we getting together? What are we gonna do when we get together? Yeah. Yael Valek   [1:04:30] I think those are all really… we just had somebody post in our Google group that their 6-year-old is looking for friends that are into trains. I got a lot of replies, so you're definitely welcome to post them. Stacy Greeter, MD   [1:04:40] Awesome. Yael Valek   [1:04:41] I think you're right, we have a lot of, my co-founder's daughter was really into, very, unique characters. I think they were anime characters, and so you can't find someone around you that likes that character, but why you can. Yeah. My child has known he is on the spectrum from a fairly young age. Now that he is going into middle school, he uses his diagnosis as a deflection to avoid perspective-taking. I think this could escalate quite quickly into physically dangerous territory during middle school conflicts. Any insight on how to approach and coach before these worries pan out? Stacy Greeter, MD   [1:05:21] It's a good, it's a good. So… People can use diagnoses as a defense. Against having to work or having to grow. And so that is something that we want to really watch out for. And this can be any diagnosis, honestly, that people can use it. And this is a concern parents bring up, too. They're like, what if my child, quote, uses it as an excuse? So, I think… early on, helping people understand, like, if we're going back to, like, the weights metaphor and carrying heavier weights around, unfortunately, if you're carrying heavier weights around, you need to work out more, not less. And so, the diagnosis… Helps us both With accommodating ourselves, and understanding the areas that we have to work. harder at. than other people. So there's… and honestly, guys. The balancing between, like, supportively accommodating a kid's needs and enabling a kid to function less It's a super complex balancing act. Okay? That's hard. That's like, please have a really awesome, like, therapist helping you with that. Okay? Because, where does supportive accommodation begin and end in, like, enabling dysfunction? Begin and end. I think that, having a talk that, yes, your brain is different, and We need to give you grace, and because of this, difference… It actually is going to mean working harder. And in any relationship. We do not accommodate only one person's needs. A relationship means there's co-accommodation of the needs of the neurodivergent person and the needs of the, neurotypical person. And that's what it is to be in relationship with others. So… It's hard. It is. Yes. I think that… I'll be very, like, curious. About what's going on, socially for this kiddo, I imagine that when you've struggled and been unsuccessful and gotten lots of repeated negative feedback. That working and trying and putting yourself out there is… is really hard. And… And you'd rather just be like, nope. No thank you. I'm gonna opt out of that experience again and again, and again. So… There's a lot of trauma from… Social conflicts. And also, middle school is the worst. Middle school is THE worst, and kids are very mean. And yet… You know, We're here. There's, there's this saying, prepare the child for the road, not the road for the child, if you've heard it. And I think that is simplistic and great for neurotypical kids. With neurodivergent kids, we need to do both. We need to both Prepare the road for the child. And work to prepare the child for the road that doesn't fit them. So, both supportive accommodation And challenging the child that they are going to have to work harder than others, unfortunately, in this world. I hope that made sense. Yael Valek   [1:10:03] It did, and I really appreciate it. weightlifting metaphor, that's good for me to hear, where it's also, it's always a balance, how much to accommodate and how much to push. Stacy Greeter, MD   [1:10:13] Yeah. It's hard. It's really complex. Yael Valek   [1:10:16] Really hard. This question, a bunch of people have posted this in various variations about kids being so hard on themselves. Mine are too. What are some ways to help children, mine are almost 8 and 13 and a half, be kind to themselves when they're struggling? For example, trying to complete their assignment, forgetting the question she was waiting to ask. Both know their diagnoses, and someone else said, yes, mine is also so hard on herself. Stacy Greeter, MD   [1:10:44] Yeah. It's rough. I think there's also, like, understanding the… there's some RSD there, rejection sensitivity, dysphoria, which basically means… it's common with ADHD and autism, this… we feel that experience of letting people down, or the criticism and rejection, like, so much more strongly. And it kind of snowballs. It's like, these experiences… in the past, that are kind of small-t traumas build on themselves, right? Oh, I said the wrong thing. Again, right? Ugh, you know, I let this person down. Again. And… I think it can be really helpful to role model things that we want our kids to do, so Like, as much as possible to share with kids when you make a mistake. To share with kids things that you might feel embarrassed about, or ashamed about. So they can see a model for how to work through a mistake. There's a book… is it What to Do When Miss… The Girl Who Never Made Any Mistakes, I think is the name of the book. There's a bunch of cool kids' books on self-compassion. And… What to Do When Mistakes Make You Quake in the What to Do book series. Okay, I'll find it and throw it in the chat, some of these resources here. Honestly, just, like… Oh, it's hard, but just being… Someone who bears witness to your child's pain and is able to sit with it. When they're disappointed in themselves, like, wow, that's rough. Is huge. It's really huge. And it's hard because Our whole educational system is set up for social comparison. You're just constantly compared to your peers. Given numbers that compare you to your peers, given, you know, color charts that compare you to your peers. So… The more you can share about different struggles and mistakes that you've made, As a parent. And how, honestly, It turned out okay. I always try to, like, talk about how, I was… I was not a great fit for medical school, okay? Terrible, actually. Terrible fit, not a great place. And yet, Great at psychiatry. So, simply… Not being a great fit for the extremely narrow skill set of our formal educational system. does not mean… and, like, people do this, people always, like, extrapolate, like, oh, you didn't sit down in class, you know, how are you going to… actually, when I remember, like, my fifth grade teacher said, They all knew I wanted to be a doctor, specifically a psychiatrist. I guess I decided at age 7, by the way. And she said, oh, how are you going to be a doctor? You're so slow. Your patients will die on the operating table. No, these are the things that teachers… that they'll tell kids, right? I was slow. I was slow at getting my tests done. It was really hard for me. I have an auditory processing disorder, and it takes me longer. And so helping kids to understand that, like. Just because you have this specific extreme struggle. You know, does not translate to, you know, you are a bad individual or cannot do the things that you want to do in life. Yael Valek   [1:15:17] That is such an important message for all the kids that are struggling in school. By the way, there are kids that do so well in school and then can't figure things out because they haven't found their passion, so… Such an important method. My daughter is 10, and found out about her diagnosis in a slightly traumatizing way. We were meeting with a new therapist who was very unfriendly and unsympathetic, and she let it slip out that my daughter had autism before I had shared it with her myself. She's on the mild end and extremely bright, so she isn't comfortable with the diagnosis and doesn't want any support. She also doesn't like discussing it. Do you have any suggestions on how to best support her? Stacy Greeter, MD   [1:15:58] I think I would first, kind of, maybe. Think about what your own feelings are about the diagnosis, and do… Kind of just… A lot of self-reflection. Kids pick up on a lot of what's going on inside us inadvertently. And… it's okay. It's okay to have a lot of, It's okay to have a lot of negative feelings about a diagnosis. And, you know, like I say, life is not a choose-your-own-diagnosis adventure, unfortunately. There's some that I would forego. If I could. so, I… I would st… like, the holding the door open analogy, be like, hey, you know, whenever you wanna… if you ever wanna learn more about this, let me know about your diagnosis. If you ever want this, let me know. Right? So it's an open invitation, so you continuously kind of invite. But you can't pull… you can't pull them through the door. You can be like, look at this cool stuff on the other side of this door, and how it could be awesome. because of X, Y, and Z. It's there, let me know, right? And… and give it… time. Time and some positive role modeling. and… you know, I think… I do think one of the… How, you know, the single most impactful thing that parents can do to help their children is to be in therapy themselves, and continuously reflecting on themselves. Yeah. so impactful. Our ability to think about our own thinking, think about our own feelings, process our grief. Process our fears for our children. Has… that has a huge impact on how we can show up for them. Yael Valek   [1:18:23] That makes a lot of sense. Thank you. How would you… what would you recommend sharing with a kid that has a borderline diagnosis? Some traits, not all. How to share without creating more confusion. Stacy Greeter, MD   [1:18:40] I think that's a really important diagnosis to share with them. There's a website, borderlinepersonalitydisorder.org . That has a lot of great resources. Yael Valek   [1:18:53] Oh, I'm sorry, I think she means a borderline diagnosis… Stacy Greeter, MD   [1:18:58] Oh, sorry. Yael Valek   [1:18:59] Yeah. You're right, that's a very important thing to share. Some traits, not all, so they're not… Stacy Greeter, MD   [1:19:06] Okay, okay. I did misinterpret that. I was thinking about before, like, personality disorder, that's funny. Okay. So, yes. I mean, yeah, kind of like you said it, that works, right? You know, you have some of these traits, but not all of them. It's a little… right? It's not clear-cut. Here's the things you got. Here's the things you don't got. You know? Yeah. I say don't overthink it, just share the info you got. Yael Valek   [1:19:51] Someone says, I cannot figure out a way to tell a child that comparison robs us of joy. How do you make sense of this to someone who's 6 or 7 or 8? Stacy Greeter, MD   [1:20:01] I know, it's really tough. There's a saying, I didn't make this saying up, I take no credit, compare and despair. And it's true. Yeah. So, it's really hard. I think it's gonna take time. I think developmentally, It's what kiddos do. So, it's kind of like, you gotta fasten your seatbelt and be like, here I am, right? Like… this. It's a tiny brain that doesn't have a lot of capacity for… Self-compassion at this time, and desperately wants to, belong. And give development time. You know, work with maybe a good family therapist. To help your child start to develop Their ability to reflect on themselves and their own thoughts and their mind, so they can kind of You know, think about their thinking, and what's healthy and what's not. Or use the metaphor of, like, changing the channel on the TV, like, okay, well, if your… if your brain TV is focused on, you know, all these things that I'm not as good as this person, right? That's gonna make you feel sick. You know, what if you change the channel to something else? You know, what are you gonna… what… what do you want your brain TV to be focused on? Yeah. Yael Valek   [1:21:43] I love that. We had a therapist when my child was little talk to us about penguins, and they are birds that. Stacy Greeter, MD   [1:21:48] Okay. Yael Valek   [1:21:49] Why? And if the penguin spends all his time looking at the birds that can fly and lamenting. Stacy Greeter, MD   [1:21:54] Yeah. Yael Valek   [1:21:54] can't fly, he doesn't realize he's much better at swimming. So that was a conversation. Stacy Greeter, MD   [1:22:00] There's, like, a… have you seen the autism penguin story? Yael Valek   [1:22:04] Don't think so. Stacy Greeter, MD   [1:22:04] I'll put it in the chat, okay? Because I bet she took it from that autism penguin story. Okay? Where, like, it's like… Alright, oh. I'll find it. I'll find it. Yael Valek   [1:22:20] Maybe Abby In the background. Stacy Greeter, MD   [1:22:24] Alright. Alright, oh my gosh, it's long. Yael Valek   [1:22:28] Oh, okay. Stacy Greeter, MD   [1:22:29] I'm gonna try to put it in the chat, okay? It's about… it's about… A penguin who suddenly discovers… that they are actually… no. They thought they were a sparrow, and they were in a family of sparrows, and then they realized they were a penguin. Let's see if I can put it in there. Do-do-do. Yael Valek   [1:22:57] Abby says there's a lot of stuff online about autism and penguins. Stacy Greeter, MD   [1:23:02] It is. Okay. Yael Valek   [1:23:07] I will say, where we live, I feel like comparison is… I don't know, like… everyone here is so driven, so successful, so… they're in 700 after-school classes and research programs, and sports, and honors, and APs, and it's really hard not to compare here, I feel like. Stacy Greeter, MD   [1:23:25] It is… they're set up. Okay, I found it on Reddit, but I bet there's a better source. It's called, Holy Shit, You're a Penguin. It's really good. And, you know, I actually… I have a copy of it I'm gonna… okay, I bet I can find it on my computer, a better copy of it, because sometimes I'll give this to parents. To help them understand the importance of a diagnosis. I'm gonna find it. I'm gonna do it. Penguin… Alright, here we go. I'm putting it as a Word document in the chat now, so people can download it. 9. Q&A — Disclosure, Parental Support & Closing Yael Valek   [1:24:09] Thank you. I didn't even know you could do that! That's all. So maybe a couple more questions, and then we're gonna have to wrap up. How much information should you initially share about a diagnosis with schools or new providers who don't know your child yet? Does it lead to too many assumptions about who your child is? Stacy Greeter, MD   [1:24:32] It's a good question. I mean, and then the answer, of course, is it depends! Because, okay, like. even as an adult, which doctors do I share that I'm autistic with, right? I could share it with a doctor, and they're like, whoa, that's super helpful to understand your body is neurodivergent, and then I could share it with another doctor, and they're like, that doesn't make any sense. Maybe I'm gonna, like, infantilize you now, because you said that, and talk down to you for the rest of the appointment. So, you kind of don't know if a disclosure was a good idea until it's already made, often, because you don't know how people are going to respond, if they're going to respond in a healthy way or an unhealthy way. So, in an ideal world, hopefully, sharing a diagnosis with the school gets you awesome accommodations, and instead of teachers labeling your kid as they are really difficult and rude. they can be like, huh, I really need to give this kid extra support. They are not difficult and rude. They are ADHD, they are dyslexic, they are autistic, etc. We don't… live in a completely ideal world, so we don't know, right? You kind of have to make your best educated guess. Of how that person is going to treat your child after receiving that diagnosis, and you kind of have to do it as an adult. Disclosing your diagnosis. Yeah. Yael Valek   [1:26:19] Yeah. Thank you. Abby's saying it's better to find out earlier than later. If your school or doctor or friend feels this way. Stacy Greeter, MD   [1:26:30] Yeah. But then sometimes, you know. Like, sometimes you have to mask and hide in order to just get basic medical… treatment as an autistic adult, right? Like, navigating the healthcare system. Anyways, could talk about that forever. So, like, I'm always like, yes, this is how the world should treat autistic, dyslexic, ADHD people, and then also keep in mind, like, We need to be prepared. to, You know, to get basic healthcare needs met, or other needs met, to sometimes have to, like, mask, or possibly not disclose. Yael Valek   [1:27:17] Okay. When you mentioned parental therapy, would each parent do their own individual therapy, and would it be important that the therapist understand neurodivergence? Stacy Greeter, MD   [1:27:28] I think it would be really super helpful if the therapist understood neurodivergence, because I do think… It can be harmful if a therapist is trying to, like, coach you as a parent, and they don't understand a neurodivergent kid, you know, like, trying to… Put a square peg into a round hole. So that would be super helpful. I think it's awesome if parents can get their own individual therapy first of all, I feel like human beings, period. It's awesome if they can get their own individual therapy and, like, parenting. such a crazy intense challenge. Then add on to that parenting a neurodivergent kid, then add on to that parents probably neurodivergent themselves. parenting, a neurodivergent kid. So, yes, you know, you put so much… like, I see these parents, and I'm like, you put so much energy Into, like, psychologically supporting the kid. And, like, where is the energy you're putting into psychologically supporting yourself. Yeah, but thanks for having me. I put my contact info, I put my website, in here. Yael Valek   [1:28:50] We'll post it up one more time. Stacy Greeter, MD   [1:28:51] Oh, cool, there's my stuff. Somebody posted my website already in there, thanks. Yep. I'm actually… I forgot to mention, I'm licensed to see patients in Florida. Colorado and Washington State, if people are in those states, FYI. Yael Valek   [1:29:12] You need to work on California next. Stacy Greeter, MD   [1:29:15] I wanted to… actually, I did, Yale, but then they have these laws where I can't really prescribe the stimulants and the controlled substances. without a physical in-person office address, and then the pharmacies weren't gonna fill my scripts, and so then I didn't… that's why I didn't proceed. It was really annoying, yeah. Yael Valek   [1:29:36] I know we're supposed to wrap up, but if it's okay to sneak one final question in. Stacy Greeter, MD   [1:29:40] Oh, okay. Yael Valek   [1:29:41] Because I just love this one, and I promise… Stacy Greeter, MD   [1:29:43] ADHD time, not regular time, so it's like… It's the 805. Yael Valek   [1:29:47] I'm just really curious, someone said, can ADHD and general anxiety be managed without medication, and what indications tells us that, no, we can't? I know this is a… could be a whole presentation in and of itself, but how do we know when it's time to try? Stacy Greeter, MD   [1:30:05] Right. Okay, so, I mean, the answer is, like, Anything can be managed Like, you can… can you manage without medication, and at what cost, and what are you losing? So… tricky thing about ADHD is the core symptoms of attention having difficulty regulating your attention and your, Self-control, like, you can't really… Train that into your brain so much without the medication, whereas you can get a full treatment of anxiety. without medication, with therapy alone, right? You can't therapitize the ADHD so much. You can… you can learn ways to compensate in therapy. Now, that being said, here I am, psychiatrist, ADHD. I am not taking ADHD medication currently, right? Because in my adulthood, I absolutely love psychiatry, and I'm super hyper-focused when I do psychiatry, so I don't really need an ADHD medicine while I'm doing psychiatry. And I have a front desk that has all these accommodations for me because I'm in charge of my own practice, and I tell them what I need them to do to accommodate me. So, therefore, you know, I am not needing medication. Hence. So I hope that answers… so basically, I think that it's time to do medicine if medicine is going to enhance your quality of life. And then there are times, especially in adulthood, you have… you can have so much more autonomy Versus what you have in school? And because of that incredibly enhanced autonomy. To do what you want to do? For some people, of course. then you may not need the ADHD medication. And it's funny because I also emphasize this because people are always like, you know in school when you're growing up, they're like. They would tell me, they would tell me, in the real world, Stacy, you're not going to get extra time on your tests. Right? And I wish I could go back in time and be like, teachers, do you know how much more I can accommodate myself in my career right now than I ever could in school? It is… anyways, so yeah, it's kind of ironic. Yael Valek   [1:32:47] super important point that we try to get across and use the tools. Thank you so much, Stacy, and thank you for everyone who attended, today. Please fill out our feedback form, in the chat. I can't thank you enough. This was so, eye-opening, and compassionate, and, just… I took a whole page of notes. Stacy Greeter, MD   [1:33:08] Thank you so much for having me. Yael Valek   [1:33:11] Sharing your experiences with our community. Stacy Greeter, MD   [1:33:14] It's good seeing you again. Yael Valek   [1:33:15] It'd be so good to see you. I'll see you again in September, I hope. Stacy Greeter, MD   [1:33:19] Yeah. I don't know if I'll be able to make it this year, but we'll see, yeah? Okay, bye everyone. Yael Valek   [1:33:27] Bye, thank you!

NOTE: This is the transcript of a spoken word performance the author gave in partnership with The Moth and KnowledgeWorks on January 31, 2023. You can watch the recording here. It’s just after 3:30 on a Tuesday afternoon. I’m standing by the window in my kitchen, looking out for my son Finn. I’m nervous because he’s late walking home from school. The walk is just a half mile through our tree-filled neighborhood, but he’s only 8 years old and I always worry. Something you should know about Finn - he is twice-exceptional. He’s gifted, with an extremely high verbal comprehension, while at the same time his dyslexia and ADHD mean he struggles with reading, writing, and acting like everyone else. He’s always been fiercely independent - he regularly wears mismatching socks, prefers to wear many of his clothes inside-out, and isn’t shy about asking adults questions until he fully understands something. He loves to explore the world and let his mind wander, and with all his extra energy, lots of exercise is critical for him - so the freedom and independence he gets from walking home on his own is very important to him. So I breathe a sigh of relief as I see Finn’s floppy mop of brown hair and backpack bouncing along up the street. As soon as he walks in the kitchen door, I pounce on him with questions - Why was he late? Did something happen? He tells me that something funny did happen on the walk home - someone pulled over and asked him if he was lost and needed a ride. Now, I’m trying to stay calm, but anxious worst-case scenarios are definitely running through my head. I take a breath and ask him if he has any idea why that would have happened. He thinks for a moment, and then says, “well, it might be because I was standing and staring at a tree for a very long time. I was watching a line of ants climb along up through the bark, and then as I looked up I noticed some birds high up in the branches, and I thought about where they had been and where they were going, and then I noticed how wide the branches were, and then I looked down and wondered about the roots and how far under my feet they went… I guess that maybe was why.” Then he ran, carefree as ever, up to his room to grab his headphones and listen to his current favorite fantasy audiobook, leaving me in the kitchen trying to sort all this out. On the one hand I felt relieved; my worst fears were unfounded. But a new worry had sprung up in its place. Now I was concerned about what others think of my son, and how they treat him, especially when I am not there to protect him. When I was a kid, I didn’t fit in with other kids my age. In elementary school I was sent to a gifted program, which was housed at a different local elementary school in our district. The kids at that school were not kind to us gifted kids, and the playground was especially rough. One day I found an old twisted metal structure in the far corner of the field, up against the forest. I collected pieces of wood and tree branches, and I built us a fort. From that day on, our group would eat lunch in that fort, telling stories, laughing and talking, feeling safe and separate from the rest of the school. Fast forward to high school, and I’m a bit of a rebel. Bleached hair, nose ring - I take pride in not fitting in. My Long Island high school had this bagel place across the street, and every day after school, most of the students went over there to hang out. One day I was walking out of the shop, hitting the back of my Snapple, and I saw my sister - who is one year younger than I am - talking with a group of girls. The girls were laughing and smiling, but as I got closer, I could hear what they were saying, and as soon as they saw me, they scattered. They had been pretending to be friends with her, and trying to convince her to eat broken glass - saying, “it’s what all of us friends do!” You might be wondering, ‘who would eat glass just because some people tell them to?’ Well, my sister has Williams Syndrome. It’s something similar to autism, but with a twist - people with Williams don’t know how to guard their emotions. They are enthusiastically kind and loving to everyone, but they can’t tell when people are being unkind in return. I still remember riding the bus in elementary school with my sister and having to sit and listen while the other kids ruthlessly teased her. She had no idea people were being cruel, she thought they were her friends. But I sat there in silence and absorbed the hate instead. Over the years, I felt the brunt of much of my sister’s bullying, and my own inability to fit in. I had learned to adopt a shell to protect myself. So, back in that moment, as an adult, in the kitchen with my son, I knew that above all else I wanted to figure out how to protect my own child from these sorts of experiences as well. The next day, I dialed into my online support group for parents of twice-exceptional kids. I explain what happened on Finn’s walk home and ask for advice. Someone suggests that he carry a camera, so that when others see him standing still, they think he is merely waiting for a great photographic shot. That seems like a really clever idea to me. But when I suggest it to my son, he is less than enthusiastic. He says, "ok mom, I’ll try it if you want, but I don’t really see what the big deal is." He asks me - "So what if someone doesn’t understand me or what I’m doing? Why does that matter?" I look at my adorable son, with his bright eyes and that floppy hair, in love with the world. And I realize he is right - why does it matter? It should be ok to let others misunderstand your kindness, your thoughtfulness, your intelligence, your quirkiness. So Finn goes back to walking every day, bringing home dead birds at the ends of sticks, pockets full of discarded nuts and bolts, smooth rocks, interesting leaves. He once brought home a hubcap he found lying in a gutter, because it would be the perfect thing to turn into a shield to go along with the rocket launcher he’d made out of an old, discarded vacuum. In fact, I suspect at this point everyone in our neighborhood knows that if they leave some piece of broken furniture outside for free - A deflated exercise ball! A rollable Tupperware box that’s only slightly broken! - my son will be by to come take it off their hands. I’m still learning how to let things go, and I make mistakes. At a restaurant one night, I tell Finn to stop bouncing in the booth and banging his head against the seat-back cushion because, “that’s not what ‘normal’ people do”; later that evening, I apologize. Finn is nearly 13 now, but of course I still worry - I’m a mother, and the world can be an unkind place. But I’m doing my best to take my cues from him, so that my children and I will be proud of who we are, and we won’t try to fix it.

Video game design and development is a popular interest for 2e students. REEL community member Helen Amick complied this great list of summer game design programs for pre-college students. University-sponsored “Pre-college” Programs COSMOS - California State Summer School for Mathematics and Science Intensive 4-qweek summer residential program Statewide, COSMOS offers a variety of academic clusters at four University of California campuses. Each cluster consists of two science and/or math courses and a science communication course. Courses are taught by active UC faculty and researchers. Students participate in hands-on labs, field activities, lectures, and discussions. There are two “Game” clusters: UCSD Video Game Programming and Game AI Game UCSC Video Game Design from Concept to Code Carnegie Mellon University National High School Game Academy Rigorous 6-week – residential or commuter program Champlain College Summer Game Academy 2-week residential program. Two levels offered – Introductory and Advanced Clark University/Becker School of Design & Technology Summer Game Design Studio 2-week residential program Colombia College Chicago - Game Development 4-week residential or commuter program for college credit DePaul University Summer Game, Cinema, & Animation Studio 1-week commuter option Digipen Institue of Technology Pre-College Summer Academy 4-week intensive (virtual) program in Game Design, Art & Animation, Game Programming, and Music & Sound Design. DigiPen Institute of Technology is a private, for-profit university in Redmond, Washington. Indiana University PreCollege Game Development 1-week introductory program. Virtual offering in 2022; 2023details still to be released. Marist College Summer Pre-College: Game Design 3-week program 2023 details to be announced (game design was virtual in 2022). Quinnipiac University Game Design and eSports 2-week residential and commuter program Ringling College of Art & Design Pre-College Program Intensive 4-week summer program focused on the fundamentals of art and design. In addition to core classes students can select an “immersive” specialty including Game Art. University of Utah - Youth Game Development Camps Wide variety of programs offered, various ages WPI Pre-College Summer Programs 2-week residential program. Explore a STEM major with a humanities and arts minor. 2023 course listings tbd. For-Profit Programs ID Tech Various computer/tech related programs – residential, commuter, and online. Various locations, broad range of ages. Summer Springboard - Game Development Two-week program. Residential or commuter option (Duke and UC Berkeley). Other programs available. National Student Leadership Conference - Game Design 9-day residential program, various locations. Other programs also available

Amanda Morin presented this discussion at the 2026 REEL K-12 Strengths Fair See the Transcript here Introduction and Opening Remarks Surbhi:  Good afternoon, everyone. We are going to start the talk, and there will be more people who come in and join in the middle. Let me formally welcome everybody to the 2026 REEL Strengths Fair. I'm Surbhi, a board member with REEL, a nonprofit committed to ensuring Silicon Valley's twice-exceptional students thrive in school. REEL works by raising awareness among parents and educators about practical, research-based strategies to meet student needs. You can join our online speaker events and support groups or get resources at our website. Today, we are thrilled to host our second fair focused on empowering neurodivergent children through a strengths-based approach. We are even more thrilled to welcome our wonderful keynote speaker, Amanda Morin. Her talk is titled "Speaking Their Language: How Strengths-Based Communication Builds Trust, Confidence, and Connection." Amanda is a neurodivergent activist, award-winning author of six books, and a nationally known speaker committed to fostering inclusive environments. Personal Identity and Authenticity Amanda:  Thank you all for joining me. If you were here as we were starting, I gave you bubbles for a few reasons. First, they’re just fun, and second, they are great for when you need to regulate and take a breath. Some people also dislike the sound of clapping, so you can wiggle your hands or blow bubbles instead. I never quite know what to do when I hear my own introduction because it’s not how I see myself. I’ll be honest; I look at my professional headshot and realize we can't always show up like that. I’ve written books and advocated on Capitol Hill, but I’m really just a goofy person who loves comfortable clothes. I am mom to three neurodivergent young adults, one of whom is actually here in the room today. They are also proudly neurodivergent, and we embrace our unique traits together. For example, I asked to have the lights down in here today because I simply couldn’t concentrate otherwise. This is what it looks like when twice-exceptionality shows up in real life. The "Have a Day" Story I want to start by telling you a story about how I used to send my kids to school. Like many parents, I would say "Have a good day" to my son, Jacob. However, Jacob was not having good days at the time. He hadn't yet been diagnosed as autistic, and school was a very tough road for him. As the calls from school increased, I would try harder by saying "Have a GREAT day" or "Have a BETTER day." I watched my son shrink into himself every time I used these phrases. His eyes would well up, and he would get very quiet. I didn't realize that "Have a good day" felt like emotional pressure and a standard he couldn't meet. One day, we watched a movie where a mother turned to her child and simply said, "Have a day." My kiddo just lit up in a way I hadn't seen in a long time. He told me that this made sense to him because "Have a day" carried no pressure or judgment. It meant that some days are good, some are hard, and some are just days. Inherited Language and Communication Barriers Language doesn't happen in a vacuum; we inherit it from our families and the systems around us. Until we know better, we often just imitate the phrases we grew up hearing. For me, hearing "Life’s not fair" was something that made me feel incapable as a child. Others here have heard "Try harder," "Do better," or "Just get over it." In our house, we realized that communication breakdowns often came from a lack of shared meaning. Because of how my brain is wired, I need precision of language and very clear instructions. My husband, who has a language-based learning disability, is much more comfortable with ambiguity. He might use words like "soon" or "ready" in ways that I find unclear. We spent years having the same arguments because we were trying to fix each other's language instead of collaborating. We finally realized we had to make our communication explicit and intentional. We had to define exactly what a phrase like "going out the door" meant. It meant shoes are on, teeth are brushed, and backpacks are ready. The Double Empathy Problem This communication shift relates to what researchers call the "Double Empathy Problem." Damian Milton coined this term to describe how communication between neurodivergent and neuro-normative people often crosses paths. Traditionally, society puts the responsibility for fixing these gaps solely on the neurodivergent individual. I love using the beaver and squirrel analogy to explain this concept. Squirrels and beavers communicate perfectly well with their own kind, but they struggle when they try to talk to each other. Society often tells the "squirrel" that they have a disordered style and must learn to act like a "beaver." This places the entire burden of adaptation on just one group. If belonging is mutual, we need tools that help everyone navigate when to adapt and when to advocate. We need to move away from the idea that one population is solely responsible for miscommunication. To help with this, I want to share a specific framework with you today. This is what we call the TRUE framework for authentic communication. The TRUE Framework The T  in TRUE stands for Trust Your Feelings . We must teach kids to trust their instincts about what feels safe and authentic to communicate. Often, neurodivergent children are told their instincts are wrong or that they are being too sensitive. If they can trust their feelings, they feel much safer being heard. R  stands for Reflect on Camouflaging , which is similar to masking. This is when an individual imitates the behaviors of those around them just to blend in. While it can be a survival tool, it always comes at a high emotional cost. We should help students notice when they are "pretending" and when they feel like their true selves. U  represents Understand Your Needs . We need to ask how camouflaging affects a child's personal well-being. Masking can lead to anxiety, depression, and identity confusion over time. Effective communication isn't just about academic success; it is a form of mental health prevention. Finally, E  is for Experiment with Expression . This is about giving kids the power to try out different levels of self-expression in safe spaces. This applies to how they look, how they dress, and the specific words they choose to use. When we let them experiment, we are giving them the power to show us who they truly are. Reframing Behavior as Communication We can change the variable of an environment by changing how we speak. For example, instead of saying "You always..." we can say "I noticed that..." Instead of asking "What’s wrong with you?" we can ask "What’s happening with you?" These simple reframes move us away from judgment and toward a collaborative solution. Oftentimes, when a child "acts out," they are actually just communicative. If a kid says a lesson is "dumb," they might be trying to say they don't understand it. If we label their curiosity as disrespect, we are squashing their desire to learn. We should stop labeling these moments as "behavior" and start examining them as communication. There is a powerful phrase: "Connection before correction." When we move from deficit-based language to strength-based language, we see possibilities instead of problems. This doesn't mean being toxically positive or letting everything slide. It means leading with what a child does well and using those strengths as entry points. Systemic Change and Conclusion Effective communication is prevention because it helps students take risks and build resilience. This is how systems change—one small, intentional shift at a time. It isn't always about big interventions; it's about thousands of tiny changes in how we speak. Moving from compliance to curiosity reduces the exhausting cost of masking for our children. Our family moved to California from Maine recently, so "seismic shifts" have been on my mind. I am aware that these small language changes are actually seismic shifts for a child's narrative. Every time we clarify instead of assuming, we are building deep trust. We are transforming lives so that people don't have to change who they are to belong. You don't need to have perfect language or change everything overnight. You just need to have intentionality in how you speak to your children and students. By choosing curiosity over compliance and connection over control, we transform the world for neurodivergent minds. Thank you for being here, and I wish you all a day.

Dr. Jessica Snowden Patel, who wrote an amazing guide for assessments for REEL , speaks about neuropsychological assessments/evaluations, including: when to get an assessment, why 2e learners don't often get assessed by school, what are different types of evaluations, why it can be important to get an assessment, what will be tested, and what questions to ask. Transcript 0:00 For coming tonight. Oh, there we go. Um, thank thank you all for coming tonight. Um, you know, Real asked me to write a guy, well, they asked me to write a blog about um, neurosychological evaluations or evaluations and questions parents may have, and I am very long- winded and it turned into a complete guide. And so, I know tonight I have um, about 15 minutes and I could talk probably for hours on this topic. So, I'm going to try to streamline it the best that I can. And um you can also if you know I'm going to try to kind of highlight some things. Again, you can check out the full guide and then I definitely want to leave time for questions too. I'm sure a lot of you have had your kids have evaluations. Some of you may not have had that too. 0:48 Um, and just for my perspective, you know, going over some of the big things are like one of the big questions parents have are when do when should I consider an evaluation? This could also be a re-evaluation as well. You know, one of them is I always say, you know, you are the parent and you do know your kids well. So, really trust your gut. If you're asking the question about should I get an evaluation, oftentimes the answer is yes because there's some reason why you're questioning it. Um, oftentimes I will hear parents say too that they were kind of invalidated when they're asked maybe their pediatrician or a teacher or friends about getting an evaluation. I think this happens a lot, especially for our two ears. I also have two myself and um, you know, things look very different. They may compensate really well. They may mask really well in different environments. But if you are seeing something with them, especially at home or at school, and you feel like it would be benefit from clarification, like that can be the right time to have an evaluation. Any evaluator you talk to should talk through that with you though, too. There are people who contact me and I'm like, "Hey, you know, you're describing a lot of maybe sensory concerns. You can always start with OT and circle back around. Of course, I'm happy to, you know, work with your family or do a full evaluation, but they should be willing to talk through that process with you as well. 2:07 Um, you know, it's really hard to do a comprehensive evaluation when someone is in an acute crisis because if we're thinking about evaluations, we're often trying to look at like IQ and academics and things like that. And if there's like a big crisis or a lot of trauma or things like that going on in the moment, it can be sometimes hard to get a good lay on some of or good kind of pulse on some of the other things going on just because just like us as adults, you know, if we're really stressed out, there's a lot going on, maybe something traumatic happened, we're not going to necessarily be at our kind of best level of functioning. And so there are times where maybe there is a acute crisis where you decide to wait or you decide to have a more targeted evaluation to kind of answer some questions. And so that is always a consideration as well. 2:56 Um transition points are often a really big time too to consider an evaluation and this might be a re-evaluation as well. So thinking about like going into middle school, you know, a lot has may have changed for your child since they were very young. And that I will say that with two years, that's a lot of times when I see kids for the first time is at a big transition. Like things seem to go well, kids could really compensate. They hit middle school, wheels fall off the bus, they need support and parents like how can we support them? um or even college, people going off to college and then kind of the other supports go away and then realizing like, hey, I think I'm autistic or, you know, an auditor or I'm dyslexic. And sometimes the answer is yes and they've just been compensating really, really well. Other things to consider are sometimes if evaluations are older to get accommodations for ACT, SAT, college, there are specific timelines that they require updated evaluations to happen. So those are also some of the points um at what you may consider it. But again, anyone you ever reach out to about an evaluation should be willing to talk through that with you of like, hey, does this make sense now? And what will you or won't you get out of the evaluation at that point in time? There's no magic age. I see very very young kids um as well. Like I might see two or three year olds for specific developmental concerns and I see, you know, many older people as well. It just really depends on what's going on at that point in time. 4:26 Um, another question that I often get is a lot of confusion about what type of evaluation, you know, is this a neurosych, is this a psychoeducational, should I see a DBP? Like all of these acronyms are being thrown out. And the thing is is it's not so important what it's called because I find people use terms wrongly and also interchangeably, but it's really like what is the person going to be looking at? And so most of the time when someone's talking about like a neurosychological evaluation, they're looking for a comprehensive evaluation that's looking at all areas of functioning. But one thing that a lot of people don't know is in the world of psychology and even with, you know, DBPS or other people, if you don't have specific training and specific diagnoses, for example, autism, they may not be looking at that question. And so you always want to ask an evaluator like, what are specific questions your evaluation can answer? and is there anything that you do not feel comfortable answering? So, for example, when parents come in to me, I'm like, everything's on the table. You know, we're looking at all areas of development, but that is not always the case. And what is always heartbreaking to me is when I see parents who have invested a lot of time and money in an evaluation and then end up coming in for a second opinion because they didn't realize one area that they really were hoping would be covered would be covered. they just kind of assumed it understandably and didn't know the questions to ask and the evaluator maybe didn't know that that was on their radar either. And so just making sure to have that communication. Um you can ask like what areas do you routinely include? What do you not assess? What do you not feel comfortable with? 6:01 Um if you have a 2e learner, I think it's really really really important to ask, for example, I'm going to use ADHD as an example, how they make a diagnosis of ADHD. This is something as a psychologist for 20 years and as a parent of four kids, my oldest, I could tell you, he had ADHD in kindergarten. And every year as a psychologist, the teacher's like, "He's fine. He's fine. He's fine." It's because he's gifted. So, it looks totally different. And I'll never forget the last day of third grade, teacher said he's fine. Running around, can't find his book bag. You know, all his papers are strewn about. He f he lost his yearbook that was given to him that day. All of these things are like, "Oh, you know, that's typical for him." and they're laughing. I'm like, "This is ADHD." And it took me like actually outlining from the DSM examples for him to get a diagnosis. And I'm someone who this is what I do for a living. And I know all of these things. And it was still that hard because he's 2e and he could do well in school. He could forget to turn over the paper and still get a decent grade on some of these things. And so you definitely want to make sure that for example for ADHD someone isn't just going off of a checklist and many people do that where if school isn't rating significant concerns even if you see it even if they see in the office you might not get a diagnosis. So, you want to make sure like, hey, if school is not reporting concerns and I'm worried that my child, you know, I think they may be autistic or, you know, have ADHD or whatever, will you still potentially give the diagnosis? And there are people where that's a hard no. When I was looking for someone for my own child, I asked that question and there are many people who said without school rating it, we would not consider ADHD. And that still happens like significantly. just talked to a friend this happened to last week. Um, her couldn't evaluate her child, clearly has ADHD. School isn't rating it, so they didn't make the diagnosis. 8:02 You feel free to ask those questions. If you have a really hesitant child or you have a child who, you know, maybe very strong willed or maybe resistant, you're worried they might be resistant to testing, ask those questions. How are you going to make my child feel comfortable? You know, what else do you do during the course of the evaluation? and like are you going to play games or take breaks or those kind of things like that's important you know we want it to be an enjoyable experience for the child as well and just make sure they're not just kind of like hey I have two and a half hours we need to kind of crank through these tests and make sure they have you know if you're questioning like PDA for example make sure they have experience in that and you can ask like hey what are what are some of the strategies you're going to use to help my child feel comfortable engaged and engaged I think cost always an important question like I have um clear pricing on my website most people don't some do but you want to know what is the cost you know most places don't take insurance as you know and you know what are some questions I should ask my insurance company about reimbursement and what's included in the cost as a parent getting an evaluation at the end you get results you are going to have questions you might have questions two days later it might be two months later and you want to know Hey, is that included in the cost? Is it an hourly fee? Like, how are all those kind of things handled? And another thing that some people don't do, but I think is important if it's important to you is like, is there a child-friendly feedback? How should I share this information with my child? Do you help with that process? I think it's huge for kids to learn or adults or whoever to learn how their brain works in a very affirming way and to understand, you know, labels and diagnosis because guess what? We are not kind to ourselves if there's something going on. and even small children will recognize differences so we can actually be really empowering and kind of control their narrative and make it a very positive experience so they understand what's going on with their brain. But that's tricky. And so as a parent you're going to want some support with that too. 10:04 Um, you know, the other thing that, and again, I know we're talking about diagnosis, so I'm probably preaching to the choir on this one, is there are also a lot of people who are worried about a label, but as I said, people are already probably labeling your child. Your child might be labeling themselves. And actually knowing what that is and what it truly means and not what they're like googling can be really, really, really empowering. Also, you know, don't feel discouraged. So, I'm sure as parents of two ears, again, a lot of times you'll hear like, "Oh, they seem to be doing fine or I don't think they need an evaluation." Again, you know your child the best. So, whether it's getting an evaluation, whether it's following up with recommendations from an evaluation, which you want to make sure actionable, you want to make sure that you feel um, you know, you really trust yourself to be a good advocate. Find a provider you think is going to jive well for your child. just because someone else, you know, recommends a provider may maybe it's not the best fit for you. You should feel really comfortable asking them questions and feel like they're going to work well with your child. You know, afterwards, you want to make sure if they're recommending specific therapies that you answer, get all your questions asked about that and that you feel kind of supported in that process, too. And that also, you know, that what is and isn't realistic for your child. So that way, you can kind of streamline some of those decisions. Um, I know I talk a lot. I talk fast in terms of, you know, 2E. I'm sure I also have ADHD as well. Um, but I want to see I do want to pause because I feel like there's so many questions that people could potentially have. There's other things I can talk about, but I definitely want to see if there's any questions that I can read them pull them out for you because there's been a lot of other stuff because people are um introducing themselves. 11:53 Um, some we did an evaluation last year with psychologists who admitted they don't usually see such uneven profiles like our child, two ends of a spectrum. Should we just wait for a couple years to do re-evaluation? Now, eight, ADHD, very gifted in one domain, which explains the exceptional ability and engineering and robotics kind of pursuits. Interesting. So, here's a I always, you know, in terms of like doing an a re-evaluation, I think it depends. And so if you feel like there's unanswered questions, like I just don't feel like they like fully saw the picture or that I don't really understand that something is actionable. You can always get a re-evaluation at any point in time. Some parents though feel like, okay, this is good enough kind of information to get started with and then wait until like a new question comes up and then yes, like closer to middle school entrance or something like that, have a re-evaluation. There are also some middle options. I don't know if other people provide this and I'm not just trying to like talk about my services or anything, but like one thing I do is I have like an evaluation navigator service is what I call it where I literally like review other reports and then talk you through it. And so I think there are probably other providers who do that. So it's kind of like a second opinion to see like, hey, do you have any other thoughts? Does this make sense? You know, are there any other recommendations you would have right now? Does a reevaluation make sense or should I wait? and can always look kind of more in depth at the profile with a different set of eyes. Um, but yeah, some people I will see kind of get a reevaluation kind of quickly because they're like, "Hey, I feel like a piece is missing." And other people wait like, "Okay, it's good enough to get started and then when they feel like they need more information, we'll seek that out." We ended up redoing it at the time where I needed it, you know, for the next phase of life. Like you need it for your SAT, need it for Yeah. college or um someone is also asking about insurance coverage. 13:54 Oh, great question. So, yes. So, insurance, in terms of insurance, if you're like talking about medical or actually most insuranceances, there's basically you need to go to like one of the major hospitals. It's like UCSF, you know, Stanford or PAM. So, one of the things to consider is often times they can serve a good purpose for diagnosing. Sometimes they are more streamlined evaluation, so it may not be a comprehensive evaluation, but you may be able to get your question answered. Um, they do have longer weights. I am not aware of other people outside of with very few exception of other people outside of the major medical facilities that take any insurance. Um so that makes it really hard. I do like on my website I have a guide and it doesn't really work as well for medical of like questions you can call your insurance and ask like one thing you can do and I don't know if this would work for medical but there's something called a network deficiency request and this is where I love AI for this kind of thing and so basically the reason why you're supposed to be in network with your insurance is because they're supposed to provide you with providers in network if you have like United Insurance you're not going to find in network providers who are not from one of the major facilities. What you can do is try to get them to cover an outof network evaluator at an in network rate. And this is called like a network deficiency. And basically making an argument with insurance, which is always fun as most of you know. Um but saying like you have a deficient network. I can't stand network. I want you to cover Jessica at an in network rate for an out of network exemption. And the nice thing is I do I've know specifically with Etna several times it's been granted and what they do is they don't it doesn't change like the fee that I receive like the parent pays me but then when they get reimbured via super bill from their insurance they get reimbured like that person is in network. So it's always worth trying for some of these kind of things. There are some things where it's not diagnostic because schools don't diagnose, but you can if you feel like your school did an evaluation that isn't really meeting the child's needs, you can try to get an IE or an independent educational evaluation, which can be tricky, but that is something where then you can go to a private provider and the school pays for it. But there has to be like an educational need not being met. Um, but there are some things like that that you can definitely try with insurance. 16:20 And one other question, someone saying um they have a seventh grade girl, ADHD, doesn't want to ask questions, doesn't want help, is super smart, passing math, not passing math and science because doesn't want to try and work hard. And the her question is, I'm not sure what to have an evaluator test for. Yeah, good question. And so I think so like if you're looking at that and sometimes they will have questions and even people coming in with some diagnosis but I think like the question is or kind of the feeling you're getting at is like she's struggling and there's something getting in the way of her doing well like and I very much believe as humans like we do well when we can and so whenever I see someone not doing well then it's like well what is getting in the way and so sometimes times it can be the ADHD because with ADHD boring tasks are like can be very very painful very very very painful and so it could be related to that it could be the executive functioning you know kind of required to carry out the task it could be anxiety because they feel that they're going to be overwhelmed and don't know how to plan it out there could be some learning challenges even though maybe they have a very high IQ or maybe they're processing more slowly there's all of these different things that can come in that is why like for example that I do compre comprehensive evaluations and kind of put everything on the table because usually there there is some sort of explanation as to what is going on. And you know that can be very frustrating for the child too because it's probably feeling like okay either one I don't want to try right now because it just feels so overwhelming and nothing I'm doing is working. Um or like people don't think I'm trying so why am I going to bother? It can be all of these things and then that can help to really identify services. So for example, if it's really truly like executive function, there are some great executive function coaches who can help like okay you feel very overwhelmed by science. How do you break this down? What can you do to get support in your own way? If it's more subject matter, someone else could help with that. If it's more like ADHD, then there's other kind of treatment options, too. So I do feel like that can be helpful. 18:35 Great. You're caught up with questions. I see a question about the ACT. That's a really good question. And I actually, and I can put a link to this one specifically, and it's something to think about. It's not just for ACT or SAT. It's also for things like IB or AP. Um, I did write up something about where you can go and this is my website, but it talks about I wrote up about like SAT, ACT, AB, and IB accommodations and college because they do have very like the college board or anything for AP or IB classes have very strict deadlines like of when the valuation had to have happened, how many years ago, when you have to submit it by and I will get parents who unfortunately didn't know understandably that they could get these accommodations or it's kind of like last minute or maybe the kid doesn't do as well on the AP test and like oh my gosh they could have had accommodations. So it is really important to kind of pay attention um to those deadlines and just be aware of those too. 19:46 Yeah, great question. How accurate assessments are as kids since they learn to mask or go out of some habits? Yes, but might have been noted in radio school when the kid was younger. Yes, absolutely. Good question. This is why developmental history is so important. And so this could even be like I will my my specialty is kids. I have worked with adults before and I will sometimes test parents or you know an autism diagnosis is given and as they're learning about they're like huh this explains my life and are looking for a diagnosis and most of the times they have learned very effective masking skills. But there are also not just the rating scales but like interview questions about like they get at like masking and kind of what they may be doing even unconsciously. And it also looks at like developmental history from their perspective and also can always talk to like if there's parents still around that people feel comfortable or spouses or whoever was important in their life to really kind of get at those things because I will see people who I would probably not even notice a lot of the characteristics with what they're describing from their childhood now heavily masking and like the diagnosis maybe of autism or ADHD or something that like really explains um a lot for them. 21:04 Assess for self- advocacy. So the question is, is there a way to assess for self- advocacy? How can you support her solution? Yeah, for a child who doesn't self- advocate, there's not really like a measure for self- advocacy. There are things that get at like, you know, is it related to anxiety? Is it related to like language where they don't feel confident? Is it related to like self-esteem? And sometimes, honestly, it can be personality. You know, as a mom of four who is raising kids, I have 75% who are really, really good advocates for themselves. 100% are good advocates in the home and one will never advocate for themselves outside of the home. Even though we practice, we do all of the things. Um, and so it can be really tricky, but I do think if you know your kid and kind of can get at like why they don't feel comfortable with it, then sometimes, you know, therapeutic support can be helpful even just to role play, practice a self- advocacy. Sometimes it's freezing and not knowing what to say. And so the more you can like roleplay and practice it, they may or may not do it, but at least kind of they're building up the skills and the language to be able to do it, too. 22:14 And I have a question. How do you know if you are dealing with a neurodiversity affirming clinician? How do you know if it's the right fit for you? That's a really good question. I would ask that question specifically. Some of it can be from reviews, too. So, you can ask like how do you take a like how do you incorporate someone's strengths into like the testing and in terms of the recommendations? because we were kind of chatting about this earlier, but I've I've read reports and I even had a report for one of my own kids where I was like, "Wow, even a lot of this is accurate, but it sounds very negative, very, very, very negative and just not very affirming at all." And that's not good. That's not what we would want for ourselves. That's not what we want down on paper about our kids. Your kids may read it. They will definitely read it if they're older. And you can ask like their perspective on like neurodiversity affirming evaluations. How do they make sure their evaluations are affirming? Do they have experience with 2E kids? I just got an email today about how do I feel, you know, do I have do I have a what's my comfort level in working with disabled parents? What's my comfort what's my comfort level with like gender diversity or non-binary? Like ask the questions directly. Anyone who would be working with your child, you can ask all of the questions. Like it's very important. If they don't want to answer them, that also tells you something. Um, and I also think from talking to them and kind of getting the an getting those questions answered, you can tell. Um, you might not be able to, but you can ask them specifically with that. And then also recommendations can really really help with that, too. 23:48 Is it typical for a clin clinician to do interviews if the rating spells does not indicate a strong correlation to autism? So, I would say yes. It should. And so like for example, when I'm working with a family and I do an intake, I am asking questions about everything. And so you may not reporting, I'm going to say autism, for example. You may not be reporting any characteristics of autism in your referral question, but I'm still going to ask about sensory. I'm going to ask about transitions. I'm going to ask about deep dives. I'm going to ask about, you know, routines they have to follow. I'm going ask about friendships and, you know, b social boundaries and conversation. And so I want to know all of those things that might kind of hang with autism even if that's not what you're reporting. And most clinicians should be at least at the intake like you would have a conversation and you know kind of go through all the things asking through like I go through criteria for ADHD because again a lot of parents may not see it in their child but then you start talking about like making these simple mistakes or forgetting things or can't track their belongings or whatever else they're like oh yeah that really does sound like my kid. And so I do think it's important to ask those specific questions. I think with a comprehensive evaluation, you're usually going to get that. Um, if they have experience with autism, which is always kind of a question there, too. I do think for more narrow evaluations, if you're going to someone you're like, I only want the question answered of ADHD, they're not going to be asking the other questions. That's why I personally don't do those types of AVLs. I only do comprehensive AVLs. But I do think those eval serve a purpose. like my second kiddo straight up classic ADHD Vanderbilt from school, Vanderbilt from home, diagnosis, good enough. Um, and it had already we already knew he was gifted. Like that's what we could um so that that like really helped and there. So like he didn't need a comprehensive evaluation. Not everyone does, but I do think that asking the questions can be helpful. 25:45 A lot of traits. Yes. How do you make sure you're not biased towards overdiagnosing autism or ADHD? So everything everything exists with all people and that is a question that you get and I love the book if you haven't readly read it uniquely human which specifically talks about autism and you know kind of use the argument of like people say like this does or does not equate autism and they talk about hand flapping and they're like no hand flapping occurs like look at people when they win the lottery or people win you know whatever they win a prize like oftentimes you will still see people like jumping and flapping their hands may not be autistic And so all of these traits exist in everyone to some extent, but it's looking that's kind of where the art comes in about looking as a whole and putting everything together for that person. Um, and you know, there can be people like I actually am now seeing more underdiagnosis of autism. Um, maybe overdiagnosis of ADHD, but still under diagnosis depending on if they're 2 or not. And so I do think but I also think it's important like for example when someone's going over like impressions or diagnoses with you to make sure you're getting your questions um answered and if it doesn't jive with how you're thinking about things as a parent like be very direct like ask those questions like hey that hasn't been my experience or like you know this has been my experience how does that relate to autism or ADHD or how does it not if they're not getting the diagnosis too. 27:16 Um, yes, criteria for the evaluation or questions for the evaluation. Yes, the parents guide that they just put on has a lot of questions and I think it's good to go through there and kind of feel like what is the most relevant for your child. I agree like I also will forget to ask things. Um, and so that can be helpful. Again, feel free to ask all the questions. I do have parents often, and I will just say this, ask me for a list of tests I'm going to give. I don't think that that is the most maybe useful thing because unless you're a psychologist, like I actually one of my kids is being tested right now and I didn't even ask a psychologist what test giving. I just made sure things were covered. But you do want to ask like about domains that are being covered. Like there's specific things like that. And again, the questions that are going to be answered. The one thing that is also included in the evaluation guide is even just about giftedness. Like once you hit the age of six for the whisk, we have extended norms. I often have to recalculate people's IQs who come in to see me if they were done elsewhere or done, you know, where they're not using extended norms and the IQ's significantly higher, which can make a difference for things like if we're looking for the Davidson program or something like that that have a pretty high IQ cutoff. So, there are questions like that included in the guide that you can definitely feel free to ask anyone who would be working with your child. 28:38 Thank you so much, Jessica. Um, I know we I'm sure people have more questions. I'm going to stop the recording.

We work with hundreds of K-12 faculty from schools all around Silicon Valley each month. If I had to boil down the most common theme that’s come up lately, it’s all about anxiety. In fact, an educator from one of our school partners recently shared that “Anxiety overall has really popped up as a bigger issue.” Grappling with student anxiety is core to the work of school counselors and school psychologists who are part of our Neurodiversity/2e Collaborative. We meet monthly to talk through problems of practice that our members face. In January, a middle school counselor brought a pressing problem for our group to consider: How could her team support students as they process their anxiety when the news feels heavy and the “macro-system” feels unsafe?  Our discussion focused on three main topics: First, how and why are these anxieties experienced differently by neurodivergent and twice-exceptional (2e) students?  Second, what are some actionable strategies that could be used to approach this topic in a way that considers variation in learner needs? Finally, how can we help our students understand different approaches to advocacy and action? Pulling it all together, the answers, ideas, and actionable strategies we brainstormed became an Educator Quick Tip Sheet (link at the bottom of this article) that may be helpful for any school counselor, school psychologist, or other educator considering ways to address today’s climate and the anxiety it can induce across school communities (students, parents, and educators).  We hope this resource serves as a starting point to think about your situation and how you can serve as a guide through turbulent times for your community.  1. Why the Political Climate Hits Neurodivergent 2e Learners Differently The world can feel like a volatile place. For twice-exceptional (2e) and neurodivergent students, the current political climate, specifically concerns around immigration enforcement, can create a unique “perfect storm” of anxiety. These students aren't just “worried about the news” – they are often processing it through a specific neurodivergent lens, and possibly their own community or family’s experiences.  Many are particularly sensitive to social justice issues. They may possess an intense moral compass. Injustice isn’t just a concept; it’s a visceral experience that can lead to significant emotional dysregulation. For neurodivergent and 2e students with a high sense of justice, being “milquetoast” about the realities of change can actually feel like a form of dishonesty. And, the confluence of upheaval creates “systemic anxiety”. Macro-level stresses that span changes in governmental norms, the impacts of artificial intelligence, and other post-pandemic challenges filter down through the community and school, increasing anxiety for the adults in the child’s world, that land squarely on the child. Plus, students are often thinking and talking about issues (like immigration enforcement practices) even when adults don't hear them talking about them. This creates a “hidden” layer of stress that can manifest as unexpected behaviors or withdrawal. Add to this that neurodivergent and 2e children are already more prone to general, situational, or social anxiety , and these students may both be more tuned into what is happening and primed for action, while feeling more stressed than others may expect because of what is happening across our broader society.  2. Actionable Strategies for School Counselors, School Psychologists, and Educators to Benefit All Students The Neurodiversity/2e Collaborative brainstormed specific, practical steps for schools to create safe spaces to talk about these unsettled times. By normalizing that it is okay to feel “off” when the world feels loud, and by providing frameworks to handle disagreement productively, we help all learners, in particular those who are neurodivergent and twice-exceptional, navigate the world with both their sensitivity and their passion intact. Help Students Build a "Fact-Base" for Critical Thinking One of the best ways to combat anxiety is to provide a sense of intellectual control. And while stressful, the issues raised in our current political climate generate authentic situations to learn critical thinking skills. Social-emotional and other lessons can be integrated to help students understand how to gather information, look at it critically, and develop a fact base to ground their emotional experience and social justice instincts.  Use tools like Ground.news  or provide articles with varying perspectives (left-leaning, right-leaning, and neutral). This allows students to use their cognitive strengths to analyze how  information is presented rather than just reacting to headlines. To support teachers who feel vulnerable or unequipped, look for grade-appropriate videos (such as from PBS ) followed by standardized FAQs for educators to use with students. This ensures all students receive consistent, factual information regardless of the classroom they are in. Create “Opt-In” and Private Spaces While it’s important to integrate discussion of how all students are grappling with current events, not every sensitive student wants to engage in-depth in class, in a debate, or in other public spaces, as it can increase their distress. But others will want to dive deeply. Plus, it can be difficult to tell how students feel and what their needs are. Two ways to address this are through:  Lunch Bunches: Host optional lunchtime groups to discuss current events. This gives “high-justice” students a place to dive deep without forcing more sensitive or “internalizing” students to participate. Keep in mind that some students may have intense responses and it’s important to respond appropriately, with supportive statements such as “I see that your sense of justice is really activated right now. Let’s look at how people in history have channeled that feeling into change.” Anonymous Inquiry: Use “Question of the Day” boards or anonymous drop-boxes where students can share what is surprising or scaring them. This allows counselors to take the “pulse” of the student body without putting individuals on the spot. Provide Art as an Emotional Outlet Some students (and even faculty) may feel too overwhelmed for verbal conversation. Some may find that artistic projects provide the outlet they need to process. Provide opportunities for everyone in the community to create art projects to capture their evolving experiences. These projects may allow students to share the heavy emotions they feel around safety, justice, and change, without needing to find the perfect words. Bring in Real-Life Experiences Inviting immigrants, survivors of systemic change, and professionals working in social justice spaces to speak can help students move from abstract fear to a grounded understanding of human resilience, as well as provide concrete ideas about ways to move forward. In addition, it can help give them a sense for how adults cope with big challenges and potential jobs that align with their interests to make a difference.  Manage the “Push-Down” Anxiety Anxiety isn’t limited to students – teachers, staff, parents, and other adults in their lives are feeling it as well, and their anxiety can sometimes filter down to students. Be sure to check the pulse of the adults on campus; if they’re highly anxious about the political climate, the students will absorb it, too. Be sure students know which specific staff members are “safe harbors” for high-intensity political, social justice processing, or calm and quiet spaces. 3. Civic Empowerment: Understanding Ardent Advocacy While educators can use today’s context to teach the importance of peaceful protest, it may be equally vital to acknowledge that history is often moved by those who stand up with a more ardent, uncompromising spirit. (Check out edWeb’s recent session: We Can Teach Hard Things, Like Civil Rights .) To help students understand the various intensities of advocacy, we can look at the different philosophies within the Civil Rights Movement. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. utilized non-violent civil disobedience as a strategic, highly disciplined tool to reveal the “moral tension” of the status quo. On the other hand, Malcolm X offered a more ardent critique, emphasizing self-defense, racial pride, and the idea that freedom should be attained “by any means necessary.” With middle schoolers specifically, we wouldn’t expect a 12-year-old to organize a high-stakes demonstration, but they can grapple with the concept that “peaceful” does not mean “passive.” The activists of the past were incredibly brave and often faced great danger.  By presenting both, we aren't telling students which path to take; we are showing them that advocacy is a spectrum. Some movements focus on building bridges, while others focus on demanding the right to exist. This gives students information to find their voice in a democracy. Learning the mechanics of peaceful protest or how to write a letter to a representative can transform “powerless anxiety” into “purposeful action.” And then consider applying these lessons to the lives of 12-year old, noting that “ardent action” might look like refusing to stay silent when a peer is being targeted, researching the “uncomfortable” parts of history that aren't in the standard textbook, and using their art or writing to speak a truth that others are ignoring. Keep in mind that students come from different family backgrounds with a range of responses to today’s political climate. Regardless, we can help all learners navigate the increased anxiety in our environment, support those neurodivergent and 2e students who feel anxiety more intensely, provide opportunities to learn advocacy strategies, and channel intense emotions into age-appropriate actions. Our goal isn't to keep students in a bubble, but to give them the tools (critical thinking, creative expression, and civic agency) to feel safe outside of it.  Download this Educator Quick Tip Sheet to share a summary of these strategies with your broader educator team: Pulling it all together: Educator Tip Sheet for Supporting Neurodivergent and 2e Students in High-Stakes Times 1. Identify the “Justice Flare-Up” Recognize that for 2e students, a "behavior" is often a "reaction" to perceived injustice. The Look:  Intense focus on news, "checking" behavior, or sudden withdrawal. The Internal State:  High sensitivity to systemic unfairness (e.g., immigration enforcement) can feel like a personal threat or a moral emergency. The Action:  Don't just address the behavior; acknowledge the underlying concern for fairness. 2. Implementation: The “Fact-Base” Framework Curate, Don't Censor:  Provide learners with diverse news sources (e.g., Ground.news ) to analyze media bias. The “Neutral” Starting Point:  Use standardized video snippets (e.g., PBS ) to ground the class in facts before opening up to discussion. This protects teachers from feeling “on the spot.” 3. Create “Pressure Valve” Spaces Opt-In Circles:  High-justice students need to talk; high-anxiety students need a break. Use “Lunch Bunches” or optional SEL breakouts so students can choose their level of engagement. Non-Verbal Channels:  Offer Art stations or anonymous “Question Boxes” for students who find the verbal weight of these topics too heavy to express. 4. Level Up the Advocacy Discussion  The Spectrum of Change:  Discuss the different “volumes” of advocacy. Use the contrast between Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. (non-violent civil disobedience) and Malcolm X (ardent self-defense and systemic critique) to show that change often requires a range of intensities. The "Middle School Pivot":  Frame “Ardent Action” in an age-appropriate way: Upstanding:  Speaking up for a peer in the moment. Researching:  Digging into the “untold” history of marginalized groups. Creative Truth-Telling:  Using projects to highlight issues the world is ignoring.

Parents of twice exceptional (2e) learners often notice early on that their children understand things deeply, even when everyday tasks don’t come easily. Conversations can move quickly into big ideas or detailed interests, yet school participation may be inconsistent from one day to the next. Many families spend time trying to make sense of how both can be true at once. After decades of working closely with highly gifted and 2e families, I have watched this same pattern emerge again and again. The same child who resists one kind of work may stay absorbed in another when the level, pace, or topic fits how they think. What first looks like inconsistency starts to come into focus. When learning meets the learner’s strengths, interests, and preferred ways of thinking, engagement follows. When Ability and Learning Environment Don’t Match Supporting 2e learners often requires looking beyond the academic level itself. Parents frequently notice that a child’s engagement changes depending on their environment. How safe a child feels, whether they experience real connection with others, how manageable the sensory surroundings are, and whether their interests are taken seriously all shape their willingness to participate. When these elements come together, learning naturally occurs. When they do not, it is usually a sign that the environment still needs adjustment so the learner’s strengths can take the lead. When Strengths Are Given Room to Grow I think often of Evan*, whose parents first described him as extraordinarily sensitive and easily overwhelmed in his elementary school classroom. From a very young age, Evan’s intellectual curiosity was unmistakable. At three years old, he asked his parents to explain negative numbers. He had a natural sense of rhythm, an intuitive grasp of mathematical ideas, and an early fascination with how physical systems worked. None of these strengths was visible in his school setting. What teachers noticed instead was a child who became upset easily, struggled with emotional regulation, and shut down under pressure. By second grade, the disconnect had become painful. Evan’s teacher told his parents that he might someday be strong in math if  he could just memorize his math facts for the timed tests. His mother, also an educator, eventually recognized that Evan’s strengths could not shine in that environment because the constant noise, distractions, and pacing of the classroom were overwhelming his nervous system. His parents eventually made the difficult decision to withdraw Evan from school and begin homeschooling, where the learning environment could better fit his sensory needs. Once his learning setting changed, Evan’s strengths emerged quickly and clearly. With learning offered at his own pace and depth through private instruction and small-group classes, Evan soared in mathematics. He soon discovered a deep passion for physics and began taking college-level coursework by the age of ten. Today, Evan is in graduate school studying physics.  I also think of Veera*, a child whose creativity was evident early, even when it was misunderstood. In kindergarten, Veera was frequently corrected for coloring people in rainbow colors. One moment stayed with her for decades. A teacher, frustrated by her choices, asked her in front of the class whether everyone could agree that her mother did not have blue hair. Years later, when Veera recalled this moment, she quietly added that blue was her favorite color and that it made her happy to use it when she was drawing pictures of people who felt joyful to her. Veera was never identified as gifted in school. She struggled academically in ways that were later understood as stealth dyslexia, not discovered until college. Her grades were unremarkable. She never participated in gifted programming. And yet, when she was given space to create, her strengths were unmistakable. Veera’s parents enrolled her in local art classes, where she found social belonging amongst other “creative” friends.  Summer art camps continued to expose Veera to new art forms, where she discovered an interest in abstract painting. One of her instructors, impressed by the depth of her work, encouraged her to enter her first showing at a local library. These affirmations boosted Veera’s self-efficacy. Her parents followed Veera’s lead, supporting her as she sought other art showings and contests. Though she did not win every contest, her motivation and resilience grew with these experiences. Today, one of her most affirming childhood memories remains seeing her abstract painting displayed at the state fair, ribbon attached. Those moments mattered. They communicated that the way Veera saw the world had value, even when other parts of school felt inaccessible. Veera went on to study art and design in college, finally with supports in place that made learning workable. Today, she works as a designer for a Hollywood studio. Looking back, it is clear that Veera’s strengths just needed recognition and encouragement during the years when identity and confidence were forming. Then there is Jonah*, who insists even now that he had no motivation whatsoever as a student. As he describes it, school felt uniformly dull. Learning meant worksheets, tests, and assignments that bore little relationship to anything he cared about. His parents, thoughtful and loving, offered opportunity after opportunity, yet Jonah felt largely indifferent. What Jonah did care deeply about was gaming. Throughout high school, he spent most of his free time immersed in narrative-driven history games set in medieval Europe. He analyzed political systems, debated historical accuracy, and compared game mechanics to real historical events, often spending hours talking online with other players about how faithfully the games represented history. At the time, none of this was recognized as learning. After high school, Jonah described himself as having no particular ambition. When his parents encouraged him to try a single online college course, he chose world history simply because it aligned with his gaming interests. What surprised everyone, including Jonah, was how quickly he excelled. Years of immersive gameplay had given him a deep contextual foundation. He earned top scores, engaged actively with the material, and found himself lingering in virtual office hours to talk with the professor. That professor encouraged him to major in history. Jonah went on to complete his associate degree and then a history major at a highly respected university, graduating with close to a 4.0 GPA. Today, he is a second-year law student. In hindsight, Jonah’s engagement grew once learning aligned more closely with his interests. What Evan, Veera, and Jonah share is not a single profile or outcome, but an experience familiar to many 2e learners. In each anecdote, their strengths fell beyond what traditional schooling was prepared to recognize or nurture, but their families recognized these strengths and found opportunities where they could be celebrated . This is often referred to as “positive niche construction,” constructing an environment that best matches our unique learners, rather than expecting these learners to fit into mismatched learning environments.  Building Opportunities for Strengths to Shine   For many 2e learners, strengths become apparent when we pay close attention. You may already see it in your child: the way they stay absorbed in an idea, the intensity of their questions, or the depth they bring to something that truly interests them. Paying attention to those patterns often tells us far more about how they learn than any test or checklist ever could. In some families, this understanding unfolds gradually through observation and conversation over time. In others, it helps to pause and gather those patterns more intentionally. When families want that added clarity, Sequoia Gifted partners with them to develop affirming, strength-based learning profiles using the Suite of Tools,™  — a research-informed framework designed to illuminate the strengths and learning patterns of 2e learners. Through positive conversations with the parents, teachers or other caregivers, and the child themself, we look at how a learner thinks, what genuinely engages them, the conditions in which they do their best work, and how they approach complexity and challenge. When those insights are brought together into a clear learning portrait, families are better equipped to shape school, homeschool, and after-school environments that intentionally nurture their child’s strengths while supporting growth across academic, social, emotional, physical, and creative domains. Helping families shift from asking how their child can better fit school to asking how learning environments can be shaped to better fit the child often changes what becomes possible. When strengths are recognized and nurtured, confidence has space to build and engagement becomes more sustainable. Over time, children see themselves as capable and curious rather than perpetually misaligned. And when strengths are given room to shine, a love for learning is able to grow. *Names and identifying details have been changed to protect privacy. Lisa A. Jobe, JD, is a leading national educational specialist working with profoundly gifted (PG) and 2e learners and their families; She is also completing her doctorate in education with a focus in PG and 2e learners. Lisa is the founder of Sequoia Gifted and Creative , an educational consulting and school advocacy practice supporting gifted and 2e families. She is also the co-founder of Sequoia Gifted Academy, the first homeschool umbrella created specifically to provide educational support for PG and PG-2e homeschoolers. Lisa is an international speaker and author whose work centers on strength-based, individualized learning pathways. She looks forward to meeting families at the Reel2E Strengths Fair on March 8. You are also welcome to reach out at sequoiagifted@gmail.com .