2025 REEL Strengths Fair "Neurodivergent and Strong: Developing Our Superpowers"

Neurodivergent and strong—we're going to be talking about how we can overcome, as you just heard, the deficit-based system and lead into our strengths. So, as a global culture, we're very much obsessed with—I would say the box offices suggest so—superheroes. Growing up, my favorite was Wolverine. Any superhero fans here by the way? Yes? A few? Okay, okay. I always loved Wolverine. He's kind of edgy and not as clean-cut as Clark Kent and some of the others. But no matter who your hero of choice was, all these heroes have three things in common, right?

Number one, they obviously have superpowers, which is why we like them, right? Let’s come right on and say that. Number two, they are average people who have become above-average somehow. Whether it's a spider that bit them, they're from another planet, or they had a freak accident with weather—like Storm—they develop these powers. And number three—it seems like an interesting one—they actually have a flaw, right? Seems kind of grim, but that makes them relatable. How attractive would a Superman without a Kryptonite allergy be? Right? He comes in, saves the day again—there's no friction in that story. But the key here is that it's part of their story, and it's not their whole one.

The sad truth, however, is that in our lives, the whole narrative ends up being about the cracks and the flaws. Right? How many of us here—myself included—could have 99 things right and one thing wrong, and we train—and society trains, schools train—attention on that one thing? Right? And it's tragic, right? Because for heroes, it's only a part of their narrative.

So, my goal for you today is to make this transformation: We can recognize our strength, recognize our struggles, and choose to develop our superpowers while dealing with our Kryptonite allergies and things on the side. Okay? So, we're going to jump right in here. I want to offer you a better path, and that path is this: We're going to do three things.

Number one, we are going to explore neurodiversity. We’ll talk about our superpowers—you're all here, so we'll be quick because this is a neurodivergent-affirming and understanding group. Number two, we're going to talk about the obstacle that stands in our way. And number three, we'll talk about a solution. And I'll give you a little thing at the end which I think will help you—hopefully—do what we're talking about.

So, number one, let us first talk about understanding neurodiversity. I use the word "neurodivergent," "neurodiversity." I think that many of us are familiar with this idea that our brains exist on a continuum, right? There are many different definitions, but historically, we think of this idea that our brains have different functions, and our brains diverge out.

Historically, we tend to think that our brain would be on one side or the other of the standard deviation—just like biodiversity. Neurodiversity often brings to mind thoughts that some kind of are towards the center and some sort of go out to the side. And we're going to actually talk about a little definition today that challenges that a bit.

Raise your hand if you're already familiar with "twice exceptional" this term.

Okay, so then that's good. I assume that would be the case here, but always have to check. As a big believer, I always believe that we must start with definitions. So here's a great one—there are no perfect ones, but this one is from my mentor, Dr. Susan Bal. Has anybody heard of Sue before? Sue? Okay. Sue is fantastic—if you haven't, you should check her out.

Dr. Bal said: "Twice-exceptional individuals evidence exceptional ability and disability, which include—excuse me—which results in a unique set of circumstances. They're exceptional—oh, my little does my laser work? Not on here. Their exceptional ability may dominate, hiding their disability or difference. Their difference or disability may dominate, hiding their ability. And they both might—and this is the most difficult of all—they both might reverberate around the same frequency and be hard to detect." Right? And this is what makes twice-exceptionality fundamentally so complex.

You have someone who might appear at times gifted, at times learning different, and at times neither. You also have individuals who only appear learning different, who only appear gifted, or who only appear neither. Right? It's complex. So, we're going to be talking about this a lot. To give some faces, we have, of course, you know—Simone Biles, Alan Turing, Greta Thunberg, Richard Branson—right? These folks who have these exceptional strengths—high highs—and exceptional struggles—low lows—right? Autism, dyslexia, dysgraphia—while at the same time being a world-class gymnast, mathematician, advocate, etc.

I think of it like this—for my visual people—we've got a foot firmly planted on both sides of the bell curve. Right? And Dr. Bal, in her famous book—this is before there was a term "twice exceptional"—in a book—how to be—no, was it called "Being Gifted and Learning Disabled"? Is that right? Yeah, "To Be Gifted and Learning Disabled"—created this visual, which I think is incredibly helpful. On the one hand, we have these yellow strengths. On the other, we have these blue struggles. And in the middle, we have our green cells. And the key is—if you remember nothing else from this part—the key is that we are always green. Twice-exceptional individuals are always green. Right?

What changes? What changes if the person always has—yeah—yellow, green? Well, you're always both, actually. You're always green. You always have yellow, and you always have blue. You're actually always green. I—I think—is that why the YSA logo is blue and then the yellow and then inside the square is—yes? Thank you. Thanks for ruining my next slide, Emmy. Just kidding. I'm gonna have you explain that. But why? What—what is this? Why always green?

Oh, I think your hand was up first. Yeah. Um, I think that what changes is the shade of—so sometimes you can have more yellow and have more blue. What causes that? Do you think it depends on like where you're struggling and your environment? Like—environment is the word I was looking for—the environment, right? The environment changes. The person often does not. You'll see the different shades in certain environments, but the person is more or less the same. Now, obviously, we're humans—we're complex, we have emotions and so forth. But Emmy, you just talked about this—um, want—what's the—what's this?

Well, it's like the round hole with the square peg thing, and then it's got the blue and the yellow, but inside—like the biggest color I see is the green. So, it's kind of showing that like there can be also the blue and also the yellow and still, you know, have the green as like—there can be, you know, different parts of it.

Thank you very much. You read my mind. So essentially, the idea here is that our kids are often depicted as square pegs and round holes, right? And that it is our yellow—it is our distinguishing strengths that stick out. And I think fundamentally, I'm going to ask you to not worry about rounding out today but to actually sharpen our edges. That's what we're going to be talking about.

So if we talk about environment being such a big deal—and we know that maybe "gifted" then might have to have a different definition—right? Perhaps we have to ask ourselves: What does it mean to be gifted? Because if we have these kids who can be both, that poses a big question. And historically, we've always thought being gifted was a sort of narrow range of skills that were demonstrated in the classroom—right? Kind of like this: I talk, you sit and get, and then you pitch it back to me. And if you do a good job, you're schoolhouse gifted—right? You do well in academia perhaps. And of course, it's far more complex than that.

And historically, you know, we've measured giftedness by intelligence quotient—by IQ—which is complex and has a sort of dark history we're not going to talk about today. But—um—it is complex. All of these things are. I'm going to ask you to use Howard Gardner's multiple intelligences as we go forward. Has anybody familiar with this? Maybe you are now. Most people are familiar with the baseline level, but there's actually a lot more.

Gardner said that there are eight or nine intelligences—right? He's kind of pushing away from this singular cognitive intelligence—right? That it's just thinking in school. There might be visual-spatial, musical, interpersonal, naturalistic, logical, and so forth. But what a lot of people miss—and this is interesting—there it's also overused. Come up front—don't be shy. Thank you. There—this is overused, I think, and misused at times. But I think it serves as a great springboard because intelligence is much more broad than perhaps we once thought.

And one other thing that is interesting—and this is my big takeaway for you—is that Gardner argued that intelligence is not fixed. That it actually can be cultivated over a lifetime. And how can we do that—right? That's kind of why we're here. So I want to ask you: Of these intelligences, how many do you think are used in a typical academic environment? Would you say—you can just yell a number—hold up fingers—how many? Four? We have visual-spatial, musical, bodily-kinesthetic—what do we think? Two? Three? Eight? Someone's saying all eight. Two? Three? Five? Five? Okay—usually we get around four or so—right?

Um—you could make a case I think for a strong three, but the answer is less relevant than the fact that I would argue that it's not all of them. But you could make a case that there are now. The big takeaway is that it's not fixed, and environment is everything—right? And if it is not fixed and environment is everything, then how can we give our kids these environments? Because guess what—when you're talking about twice-exceptional kids and adults, this means that they are disproportionately, dually vulnerable to their environment—right?

The ceiling and the floor—right? The top and the bottom—the strengths and the struggles. They're dually susceptible. And that could be bright lights—that could be sounds—that could be reading emotions on me that affect the empaths in the room—right? It could be a great many things—maybe a sound that I can't even hear. So there are so much—and that means that we have to pay very careful attention to our environments—right?

We're talking about superheroes, and they have to have just the right elements. So when you think about a Simone Biles—I don't know her, I wish I did, that'd be cool—but I imagine someone with this incredible kinesthetic intelligence probably struggled maybe to pay attention in math class—right? She has ADHD—I don't know—but it was probably hard for her to sit still. Obviously, in the gym, the gold speaks for itself. What changes? The environment—right?

So I think it's just really important that we think about that—that Superman in a room full of Kryptonite—not so hot. But Superman meeting someone's needs who is desperately facing adversity—the thing is this: A lot of the time, our students are being trained to be well-rounded—right? And we talked about this before. And I want you to think today about your child, your student, or you. It's a big aha here—but apples and trees—right? Many parents here have quirky, clever kiddos—another conversation—but um—that there's a—there's something to be said for—you know—what's the environment that we thrive in? What's the environment that our kids thrive in? And so forth.

Okay—so this is going to bring us into the conversation about where are they not thriving perhaps. And I'm going to lead with this and say—sorry, my laptop's acting up—that the—sorry—the environment that we typically think of for talent development and for learning is school. And I'm going to go into a critique of education, but I want to say something very clearly—which is that there are a lot of fantastic educators out there. It's really easy to—you know—point the finger at education. And I'm systemically critiquing education but not talking about individuals.

Come on in—hello—come on in. Thank you—thank you. Okay—so our education system goes back to the turn of the century—a system that was really getting ready in the industrial revolution into the progressive era called Taylorism. Not this kind of Taylor—although I will say I have become a Swifty—my wife went to the Eras tour and then I saw the movie and I am an undercover Swifty—you all know that now—we're in a circle of trust.

This kind of Taylorism—okay—Taylorism was the scientific management system—the idea that we would help kids get ready for what came next—which was the factories—right? Think about it—bell schedules, rotating lunch pail, dunce cap if you're in trouble—right? And what was the goal? Obedience—right? Being an obedient worker who would punch the clock and go do the thing. And that worked incredibly well—it was science.

So that's progressivism. Ultimately, there's positives and negatives. In society today, I would make the case that we are not in an industrial era in this country as much anymore—we're in more of an intellectual one. And actually, when I was practicing this last night, my wife Katie was like: "Actually, we're in a quandary era." And I was like: "What?" And she said—come on in—she—well, think about it—we have AI—right? So we're actually—it's not really about what you know—it's about how you can interface with and ask the correct questions.

Oh—interesting. I have to change my—my slides. So the point is this—this environment punishes getting things wrong. And we should not—right? When we talk about talent development and being super people and creating superpowers, one of the most important things that we can do is help our kids fail early and often.

I don't know about you—I'll speak personally—one of the best ways to get better at things and learn things is to make mistakes—right? And unfortunately, a lot of times grades punish that. A—conformity, speed—right? I feel like now more than ever there's pressure on—you know—your kids are in pre-K and you're like: "Uh—is—is this pre-K going to get us into an Ivy League school?"

Um—there's a lot of pressure—Eric, I know you know—there's a lot of pressure. And having our kids in these failure-friendly environments is so very important. So I think about historical examples—right? There's a big lack of alignment here. We celebrate—as you know, as Americans—we love talking about like these—you know—founding figures and these entrepreneurs that would risk it all.

And I think about people like the—you know—the Wright brothers—right? They would like crash their plane five times before dinner—right? It was like they had a quote like: "Oh, we can scratch off the T mark—we can go have dinner." And what did they do? Well, they—they—they mastered the skies—right? But education is kind of punishing—it's kind of more—um—more convergent. And I think it's the same stick-to-itiveness we want to cultivate in our kids.

So I have a question for you—speaking of fear of risk-taking: What do we think is the most dangerous phrase in the English language? What do you think, Emmy? That someone fails? Okay—saying something about someone failing? Can't—I can't—that's a good one. Yes? Perfect—perfect. Oh—okay—don't worry—don't worry? Yes. Oh—okay—that's a physical danger—that's a very serious danger. Yeah—also "it's not that bad"—when something is "that bad," it's not that bad that we do anything. Okay—yeah—that can kind of belittle our feelings.

The one that I chose—and these are great, many ones—is that: "This is the way things have always been done"—right? And the—some of these are arguably better than mine—but I think "this is the way that things have always been done" kind of crushes any kind of divergent thinking and problem-solving and so forth. And our kids again benefit from freedom, openness—right? And—and again, as a society, this is another contradiction where we love people who like—what was the famous—we're in Silicon Valley right now—I was thinking Steve Jobs—what was the famous Apple saying? Remember—"Think Different"—right? But what do we want in school? Same—right? If you think different, it's wrong.

So I think that's really interesting. I love this quote by the late Nelson Mandela: "I never lose—I win or learn." And I think this should be one of our goals when we talk about developing superpowers. If—if you read comics, you know it's a rocky road—right? We need to have space to fail, to mess up, and to not have there be consequences. We want to encourage mistakes early and often so that our kids can reflect and learn rather than stay inside the shell—right?

I'm going to share a quick video from a mom at our program who talks about the importance of not saying no to her child. Um—I don't know if it's going to work—they do something that you do in an improv game—they do "yes, and." So anytime Luka has something to contribute, he's always hearing back "yes, and." And that is such a big thing because he's never hearing no or "that's not right"—he's never getting negative feedback. Even if it isn't exactly the right track, as long as he's hearing "yes, and," he's willing to open to hear what they have to say.

So the last part's really important because she says—your friends—she—she says: "As long as he doesn't hear no, he's willing to hear what they have to say"—right? Again—no—a lot of the times crushes our desire. And I want you to think about it—if you have a kiddo—if you're a parent—or if you're a kid and you've asked for something before—like you want to get a toy or something—if we say no, that just cuts off the thinking—right?

Imagine if I came to you and I was like: "I want to get this new Transformers toy." And you're like: "How are you going to get it?" Right? Wow—my cognition is on—right? I have to think—I have to problem-solve: How am I going to get enough money to buy this toy that I really want? Right? This is like authentic problem-solving. So again, when we talk about—you know—developing powers, it might look different. And it might be different from what you expect your kid to be doing or think what they should be doing. And the point is to allow space for that to happen.

Now—this work is deeply personal for me—as it is for anybody in this field. Um—I at a young age was diagnosed with ADHD and—and—Gil's going to be talking more about SLD later on—but like many people, much of my life—much of my attention and the attention from the system was sort of trained on my deficits. And it's unfortunate because when this happens to you at an early age, you don't grow as much as you could or should—right? When you have 99 things right and one thing wrong, it becomes incredibly difficult to develop your superpowers because you're trying to fix yourself a lot of the times—right?

And I don't say this to say like—go feel bad for me—because I have hundreds of people in our program just like me—unfortunately. But the goal is that if we can get in and find the things that are right with people, that is where talent development and strength-based living and strength-based learning really lie.

So I like to think—well—okay—if you know—I can stand here and make a critique about the system—but can't we just make it work? Can we just engineer the system so that all these people—we like to think of as—you know—exceptions to the rule—can't we just make the rule work in favor of these bright, differently-wired folks? And I think—yeah.

So this is the third part here—where I'm going to give you some frameworks through which you can operate. And I hope these are helpful for you. For my Type A people who want to take notes—this is a good time. And I just want to say like—we're going to start resetting our goal. I see you note-takers in the front—I saw that moment between you—you're like: "Take the—" The goal here is more than getting out of the maze—get right—and the goal is actually more than just developing powers for the sake of developing powers—right?

We're going to talk about—I think—a new goal—which is a term called "eudaimonia." Any philosophy folks here? Okay—you know this—you talked about that word in debate on Monday because I was doing this talk and I was thinking about it. So eudaimonia is a—a Greek—uh—term from—from Aristotle originally in Nicomachean Ethics—which was published in 350 BCE. And the idea is essentially happiness or reason for being that comes through hard work—which nobody wants someone to say when you're talking about happiness—right?

We think a lot of the times—as a Western society—we think of like joy as happiness—right? Like—no work today—right? That's joy. But Aristotle said that our flourishing—our highest good—our highest value or ethic is this happiness through working hard. It's busting your rear end to get ready for something. It's that feeling of staying up late and getting up early because you're doing something that is aligned with your beliefs, your values, and your interests.

Yes, Emmy? Is that what you feel? That—why I say that is what I feel—and I think that's what you feel too—because Emmy's in debate class. So if you haven't figured it out already, Emmy goes to Young Scholars Academy. Um—Emmy, do you want to say hi to everybody? You want to stand? Emmy's debate class—uh—this past week—and on Monday—if you're interested in coming—they're going to do a demo—just had a—a debate.

And I was explaining eudaimonia to the students—saying that that feeling of being stressed, being anxious, staying up late researching, trying to anticipate every argument that your opponent might make—that is happiness in a eudaimonistic perspective. And you can never see it in the moment—because you feel really stressed and all the things—but it's actually—does anybody ever felt like a low after a big project? Like there's a part of you and you're like: "Why do I crave like going back to that? That was really tough"—right? But it's that reason for being that you get—that purpose—that deep fulfillment.

This is the—the—uh—Aristotle's idea of happiness. And I think that we all want to find opportunities for our kids—not just to learn the right information and be able to spit it out on a test—but to be able to have opportunities to go deep, to go long, to—to ask big questions, and to think differently. In other words, I think that we want to slow the journey down—because that's where a lot of happiness lies. And then we want to help our kids with their powers to go out and serve the world and actually do something authentic.

We're going to talk about that. I like to think this is a great goal—a mosaic—right? Why? Because it's collectively beautiful but it maintains its individuality. This isn't like mixing paints—right? Everything stays unique. At the same time, it comes together. And I think—in the context of our talk—an even better one is this—right? X-Men—right? A bunch of people who come together and have unique powers and team up—and—and they—they have values to bind them. They have a force—a movement to be a part of—right? And they're going out doing super stuff and supporting each other all along the way.

So—put even better than my great examples—uh—Dr. Joseph Renzulli—one of my favorite educational psychologists—I quoted Susan Bal before—she mentored him—so he's like my—I don't know—mentor once removed—my grand mentor—um—he said: "Gifted behaviors occur at certain times, in certain people, and under certain circumstances." Let me repeat that: "Gifted behaviors"—he's not saying giftedness—"occur at certain times, in certain people, and under certain circumstances."

This is a big deal for a number of reasons. Just like—excuse me—just like Gardner was redefining intelligence for us, Renzulli's redefining giftedness for us—because he's not saying it's an "it"—it's behaviors—right? You are not just gifted—you exhibit gifted behaviors. And where do you do these? Right here—now.

Historically, we think of giftedness as this above-average ability—you think of someone who's gifted—maybe they're really good at school or something like that. This is above-average ability. But Renzulli takes it further—he says giftedness is actually a three-ring model—and that gifted behaviors occur at certain times, in certain people, under certain circumstances. And we have to bring these things together. This is what I'm obsessed with.

Okay—oh—did I do that? If I—um—he says that task management—excuse me—task commitment is one of the things that we must find—right? Create spaces for our kids to go deep—to bury their heads—to get to lose track of time. And we must create opportunities for creativity. And if you've seen the famous—uh—the late Ken Robinson's TED Talk or read his book, you know the critique is that schools are killing creativity.

We need to create more opportunities for creativity—because ultimately, this is what we as a society really value—right? So I think it's—it's a value of—it's a—it's a—it's a really question of perspective—right? Where can we find more of what our kids are doing? And how can we help them go deeper?

I think you might think: "Okay, this is really cool—I like that these two are especially interested in creativity and task commitment—but how can I find space for my—my child to go there? Or how can I go there as an adult?" Well, I think those things plus—let me go back again so you can see them all—above-average ability, creativity, task commitment—plus these two—which I call the X and the Y axis—are supremely important. And I think you'll agree with me.

Number one—the X-axis: Our kids. The research is so clear—if you want to have a bright kiddo who goes and develops their talents and strengths, they have to find their people. Easier said than done—right? Where do bright, quirky kids hang out? It's complex.

Okay—we have a girl at Young Scholars Academy who was 179 IQ. That's when you go: "Wow—let's—" Again—we have a girl at Young Scholars Academy who has a 179 IQ. I know—right? Does anybody know Einstein's—what is it? With the confidence—be wrong—be wrong. Emmy knows—Emmy just said it—some other people—160-something. So I—there was never an IQ test—Em, you said it right—it was believed to be 165 to 180 or so. Well done.

Okay—so this girl—this 12-year-old body at Young Scholars Academy—has this Einsteinian brain. That's complex. She's not going to hang out with graduate-level students because that's inappropriate. She's not going to also hang out with other 12-year-olds because they're on different planets—okay? What do you do? And guess what—a lot of our kids don't. And they struggle—they're isolated—they have interests that are far beyond their—

This girl stays up late because she's like obsessed with—with—um—with climate change. She's so worried about it—right? And other kids are like: "I don't know—finger painting—I don't know what they do." But—but it's not important—it's not important—right?—to her. And it's complex. Our kids need each other—okay?

So what—the other thing they need is adults like them they can look up to. They need to be able to look at someone—and parents, I'm sorry—it's not you. I know I wish it was—but you know—you can say it till you're blue in the face—it's got to be someone else. But someone who they respect—right? They want to be a YouTuber or a poet or a graphic designer—someone who is a grown-up version of them in a field where they're interested.

You can say it a million times—and they say it once—and your kid comes home—they're like: "Mom—Amy said something today that blew my mind." And you're like: "I've said that forever—I have gray—I have gray hair because of you." Um—but it's these things—right? It's these three circles plus these two parts—community, mentors—right? And with these combined, I think we can have our hero kind of set out on the journey.

Are you all familiar with Joseph Campbell's "Hero With a Thousand Faces"? The idea is—fill in the blank—Luke Skywalker, Harry Potter, etc.—goes out on an adventure. They meet a mentor—the mentor—you know—Gandalf, Yoda, Obi-Wan—helps them cross the threshold. Ever—they go out—they grow—and then they become a different person. Then they go back—right? It's every story—Lord of the Rings—fill in the blank—the Bible—you name it.

The idea is that we are—you are here—you are here—adults—sorry—that's not you—you have a side quest—you're here—right? And it's our job—thank you for laughing at that—I appreciate you. It's—it's our job—remember who you are—to help your hero cross the threshold—right? And to find those people—and to have—for creativity—and to explore their talents and interests—and to think differently—and to not be told no all the time—because that kills creativity.

Okay—I know this sounds like a big deal. You're like: "God—this is a lot—the Sisyphean feat—right?—pushing this boulder up only to have it roll down again." But I promise you—I'm going to give you some concrete ways to do this. I promise you that there are some very special ways that we can do this—right?

One of them is this—this is a framework that I'd like to give you. So again—I promise—my Type A peeps—this is a great read. Um—it's a book by an author—Gay Hendricks—it's called "The Big Leap." And in the book, Hendricks lays out this framework. Essentially, the big takeaway is that if you are struggling—or if your child is struggling—it's an alignment issue. It's not a "them" issue.

And we talked about this before—exceptional talents, wrong environment—it doesn't work—right? So I'm going to walk you through each of these steps. The third one can be a doozy. The first one is the zone of competence. For me, it's spreadsheets—it's just things you don't belong doing—right? There's no point—uh—you're not good at them.

Yes—there's value in developing certain proficiencies—but ultimately, you're bad at the stuff—and that's okay—right? Most of our lives—I'm gonna speak seriously for a moment—most of our lives is spent trying to fix this thing. And it's a huge waste of time, talent, and treasure—if I can be candid with you.

I spent much of my life trying to fix my ADHD and just focus better. That doesn't work very well. Instead, I just get really interested in stuff—and I do better. So our job is to get out of here—and for our kids especially—because remember—they're incredibly sensitive to the environment—it's to ensure that they're not living in this space for extended periods of time.

Now—again—I'm not saying that there isn't value in like—you know—adversity and overcoming difficulty and working on things just because we don't like—you know—vegetables—that's a whole other conversation. But then we have the other one—zone of confidence. This is where you're so-so—you're mediocre at best—right? You're good—you can get by—but it's not filling up your cup or anyone else's.

We need to also get out of this space—right? That you're not thriving here. Our goal is to go to the top half of the matrix—okay? Then we have our zone of excellence. This is where—I said the third one's a doozy—last time I did this talk, I had someone cry—and I was like: "Wow—this is really resonating with some folks."

Um—and—and the reason is this—this is where you stay because you're good—and you fill up other people's cups—but it doesn't fill yours up. You get what I'm saying? The parents—this one usually hits home for you. Maybe this is your profession—right? See—I'm with you—I'm here for you too if you need to cry—right?

So this is like: "I am really good at this thing—and other people—corporations, communities, small businesses—get value from that. But I am dying—right?" And a lot of people get stuck here. And Gay Hendricks—in the book—argues that we must get out of this space and find our zone of genius.

This is where that term—you've probably heard the term before even if you haven't read the book—right? The idea is—this is your flow state. And here's the thing—you all have kids who lose track of time—right? And we see that as a—that's an issue. But actually, when we talk about like athletes—that's what we look for—that—right? They—"I'm in the flow"—or like a director—right?

I always say like—I can tell a good movie because I just get lost in it—right? I'm like in the zone—I'm in someone else's flow—right? Well—this is a good thing. If you have a kid who's losing track of time because they're so obsessed with something—how can we get more of that—right?

I know that might not be what you agree with—but that's where I'm trying to get you to go. So the—the idea behind the zone of genius is that we're—we're becoming detectives as parents, as professionals—we're finding out where our kids are strong—and giving them more of it—even if we don't think it's a great place.

And this is judgment-free. Your kids online a lot? Maybe they're really important there. Maybe they've created like a server—they're gaming a lot—maybe they're a leader or blogging—I don't know. So instead of like judging—I want you to be a detective and be curious.

Again—here's your framework. The idea is to make our big leap. Going back to Joseph Renzulli—how am I doing on time? Okay—going back to Joseph Renzulli—he famously said this—and this quote made me quit my job: "No one cares about Picasso's ability to do complex math or Einstein's ability to paint." It's so freaking obvious—right? Nobody cares about Einstein's ability to paint or Picasso's ability to do math.

And he went on to say: "So why are we obsessed with kids being good at everything?" Right? Wow—it just made so much sense to me. Like I just had this thought when I read this—I was like: "Why don't we just put kids who are like five in college? Why don't we just have them like get really good at something and develop their talents and interests?"

I think that's so very important—because when you're really good at something, no one cares what you're bad at—right? It's okay that I don't know how to do plumbing—someone else does that—and they're really good at it—right? And that's okay—right? It makes so much sense in the adult world—why do we do that to our kids? I don't know.

So you're thinking: "Cool—but how do we develop this stuff and live in this space?" I've got an answer for you now. Malcolm Gladwell—years ago—put out this book. And before I lose you—I know this is controversial—and some of it's been debunked—but he called it a rule—and I want to call it like a headspace.

And Malcolm Gladwell wrote this book called "Outliers"—and the idea was—um—you know—you get your 10,000 hours—right? This is talent development 101—you have to get your reps in. And in the book, he talked about The Beatles and Bill Gates and others. And I want—I'm going to do the Bill Gates example.

So Bill Gates was born in the 1950s—and he went to this school called Lakeside—not far from here. And I picked the Bill Gates example because I was talking here—I live in Los Angeles—I was like: "This is pretty cool." So Bill Gates—I was thinking about him when I was like driving here—I was like: "Is that Lakeside over there—you know—is that where it all started?"

But Bill Gates goes to the school—they're like the third school in the country to have a computer lab. But some parent donates $3,000—and they're in elementary school. So Bill Gates goes in and starts programming and learns—he's got a mentor there who's a volunteer parent—and he's coding—and he loves it.

And then he leaves elementary school and goes on to middle school. He finds a university that has a computer lab that's open from 2 a.m. to 6 a.m.—graveyard shift—nobody wants to go. And he starts going—his mom lets him take the bus—and he goes and programs all throughout the night and starts skipping school.

Guess what—when computers hit the scene—he's got his reps in—right? He is ready. My uncle John—I have this like prophetic uncle who always figures it out—I'm like: "John—how did you—" He studied computers in the '60s too—I'm like: "How did you know?" And he's like: "I was born in 1947, Sam." And then he walked away—and I was like: "Well—tell me more." And he's like: "You see—I'm the first wave of the baby boomers—so if I had an idea, I knew 64 million people behind me would too." And I was like: "My God, man—you know?"

But it's the same kind of thinking. Your kids are switched on to things that you may not understand—what people in 20 years will be doing—and your kid was early. So how can you help them get their reps in? How can you help them get their 10,000 hours—right?

And a lot of the times, people say: "But my kid doesn't know what they want to do." And to that I say: "Are you doing what you thought you were going to do?" Probably not—right? Even Bill Gates didn't totally know what he was doing. But the point is that we just figure it out—we just do something until we find—like who here—raise your hand if you were doing exactly what you thought you were going to do when you were very young—right?

You're probably doing the intersection of all the things—right? And there's a framework for that I'm going to share with you. So the point is this—you may not—like—your kid might be wanting to like—I don't know—live stream Minecraft—and you're like: "No—you need to—I don't know—write an essay." It's like—maybe—but maybe not—I don't know.

I know kids who like dropped out and are making way more money than me in crypto—um—like I shouldn't have told him not to do it—you know—I should have listened. Actually, one of my students—my first year—was like: "Mr. Sam—I'm actually going to move to Arizona and make a crypto farm. I think there's something to this—I'll do it renewable—people are going to care about that." And I was like: "Okay"—and now he's like totally crushing it.

Get your reps in—um—okay. Again—we may not know what we want to do—that's okay—right? We just do it—we let go of the judgment. Here's the framework that I mentioned—has anybody ever heard of this before? I might mispronounce it—"Ikigai"—or "Ikigai"? I'm not sure.

"Ikigai"—thank you very much. This is a Japanese four-way diagram—and the concept is essentially the pathway to reason for being—kind of revisiting that eudaimonia idea. And it's this—you find the intersection of what you're good at, what you love, what you can be paid for—because we do have to make a living—and what the world needs

.

And again—these things change over time. When I was young, I wanted to be a teacher because it was all I knew—and then eventually I found out there were other options I could do with those same skills. One of my neighbors—have you heard of the VCA—the Animal Hospital? Yeah—yes—thank you—he's the founder of the VCA—which is a big deal.

I went to lunch with him one day—and I said: "How did you go from being a teacher in New York in like the 1970s?" And he's like: "Sam—everything is teaching." Oh—he's like: "I lead the board—I lead the business like I did a classroom—adults are kids." I was like: "Oh—interesting—okay." Art—um—don't quote me by the way—I don't know if I have permission to say that—but Art Anton—I'm like: "Don't quote me."

And then I give you his last name—um—Art said that—and it really blew my mind. Again—not doing what he thought he was going to do—but using the same skills that he developed—getting his reps in—right? That is our kids—that is the pathway.

So this is the idea—it's this intersection. We have places that we can't judge these yet—we don't know what's going to be—we just encourage our kids to develop. Okay—and here's the big point—it is exponential. Parents—I opened telling you a little bit about my struggles and my journey—I know you have bright kids—you're here because you care.

Time matters—it is important that you get your kids in these spaces now. Again—the Bill Gates example—right? Fill in the blank—get the reps in. Encourage your kid to do what they love. Do not judge—be curious—be curious—ask questions—find opportunities for them.

You have kids who are bright—and you're like: "Oh—but they're not pursuing it." They may not have the executive function abilities to do so—okay? They might want it—and you have to be their prefrontal lobe. Come back for my talk at 3:00 if you don't know what I'm talking about.

The point is this—it's exponential—it's not linear. Intervene now—help your kid have one hour a day at minimum doing what they love—and they will grow into the superheroes that you know them to be—right? They will go from this to that—right? Being with their people—feeling super—and being their authentic selves.

So we're coming to the end here. I want to go back to where I began. If any of my X-Men fans will know what this is—Professor Xavier—appreciate you nerds. Professor Xavier in the X-Men series has a school—by the way, it's called Xavier School for Gifted Youngsters—which is a great name—right? It's not like I took this like giant leap when I had this thought—okay? Stan Lee kind of gave it to me here—thanks, Stanley.

The idea is this—the school existed for two reasons. Professor Xavier wanted:

1. To protect the mutants from judgment and the outside world—fill in the blank—these are like our twice-exceptional kids.

2. He wanted to give them mentors who are grown-up versions of them so they could develop talents.

3. 
   

People are like: "What inspired you to start Young Scholars Academy?" And I'm like: "X-Men—really—this is a great idea—yeah—I read in a comic." But in all truth—that's it. It makes so much sense—right? Protection and role-modeling and talent development.

So if you remember nothing else—I want to encourage you again: Encourage your kiddos to sharpen their edges—don't round them out. The things that stick out—that make them so unique—are the things that are going to serve them well and are going to have that beautiful mosaic effect and serve our collective society ever so well.

Okay—so I know this is a lot—and I went quickly. This is usually like a 75-minute presentation—so we're on a sprint right now. I'm going to bring it to a close—and I'm going to give you the thing I said—and I'll stop. We did a lot:

1. We explored neurodiversity—right? We talked about twice-exceptionality specifically.

2. We talked about this obstacle—which again—it's easy to blame the system—but there are a lot of great-intended people inside that system. And I think it's important to just say our goal is to find the solution—which is talent development opportunities for our kids to go deep, to find their people, to lean unapologetically into the things they're curious about without judgment.

   
   

Because what they're thinking of for the future might be closer to the actual future than what you all are thinking—no offense. We're not riding our banana-seat bikes anymore to the cul-de-sac to go play baseball—right? It's a different world out there. And what your kids are doing—in wherever they are—the crypto space or wherever—is probably closer to the future than your understanding of the future—right?

I read sci-fi—I know. I'm going to end on this quote—um—in 2014, Jim Carrey—like him, love him or don't—I love him—went to this university and gave a commencement speech—Maharishi University of Management or something like that in Iowa.

Jim Carrey tells his story about his father—and in the story, he says: "My father wanted to be a comedian—it was his dying wish to be a comedian. But he chose a safe route as a banker—only to be let go of his job six years later. And when he had nothing, I realized that even the thing that's safe is not—so we might as well take a risk on the thing that isn't."

And I think that's such a beautiful moment—right? Encourage your kid to jump off the cliff—to take flight—to develop their powers. They're going to figure it out—they're going to find their people. And the more opportunities we can create for them—the earlier, the better.

Thank you. I have a little resource—I made a resource—um—when I read "The Big Leap," I was so touched by it—I made a resource. Um—if you're interested, you can scan that and get it—full disclosure—it adds you to our email list. I always want to be transparent about that—um—but it will email you.

There's like one for middle school and one for high school and college-age kids—and it's just a bunch of questions to kind of find that—what your zone is.