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Do you have a question you’d like the column to answer? You can email asklucy@reel2e.org. My autistic 2e teenager is highly resistant to changing his ways of doing things. I've encouraged him to write down important events in his calendar, but he won't because he "doesn't need to" (even though he inevitably forgets). His inbox has nearly 4,000 messages because he refuses to delete or archive emails. Whenever I try to talk to him about this stuff, we end up in a tug-of-war. Is there a way to start these conversations without him shutting down? Oh, I know this pattern well. I've observed it in my students as well as in myself. I call it the "no reflex." This term was originally coined by the autistic blogger Cynthia Kim to describe the instinctive "no" that arises in reaction to something new. I love this coinage because it captures a critical feature of this rigidity: it's reflexive. We're not talking about a thoughtful, reasoned, based-on-a-balanced-examination-of-the-facts "no." It's an immediate, unequivocal, uttered-before-the-question-is-done-being-asked "no." Start a conversation about the no reflex. Make it casual and non-judgmental “I read an interesting blog post about how some neurodivergent/autistic people have this ‘no reflex,’ where it’s really tough to switch gears and try something new. Do you relate to that at all?” Of course, someone with an active “no reflex” will likely answer no to a question about said reflex. If that’s the response, don’t push back, but do consider sharing more information or circling back. Validate This advice might sound counterintuitive at first glance. Why validate something you're trying to change? Here's the thing, though: validation isn't about agreeing with a thought. It's about recognizing and acknowledging the emotional experience behind it. You can do this by: “This seems like one of those no reflex moments. I know it’s hard to switch gears when you’re used to doing things a certain way.” (said with a smile) “You look pretty exasperated, which is totally fair, since we’ve been over this before.” “I’m guessing it’s annoying to have this conversation again. I totally get that. I do think it might be worth talking about this, though…Is it okay if I share a couple of ideas, and then we can be done? It’s worth mentioning that when a kid (or teen) resists a task, something about it usually feels aversive or threatening. If we push back against this resistance, we risk strengthening it and solidifying the pattern of avoidance. If, however, we acknowledge and validate their feelings, we can lessen their perceived need to defend themselves and open the door for further conversation. Model flexible thinking There's nothing as ironic as a rigid attempt to promote flexibility. If you want your kid to acknowledge their mistakes, you should do so, too. (And if, like me, you're writing blog posts about it, you definitely need to.) Notice when you're wrong. Point it out. Laugh at yourself if you can. Use yourself as an example: "Remember how I was sure that [...], and then I learned that...?" This type of comment helps communicate that changing your mind is a virtue, not a sign of defeat, and that you're not singling your child out. Everyone benefits from greater flexibility. Start with, “I wonder…” I like this formulation because it’s casual and non-threatening. It allows you to plant seeds and encourages the other person to explore a new approach independently. It also makes room for the possibility that you’re wrong–see above about modeling flexibility. “I wonder how other neurodivergent high schoolers manage their schedules/stay on top of email.” “I wonder if using folders in your inbox could make it easier to check email.” “I wonder if we could try using a shared family calendar for important dates.” Plan for a marathon, not a sprint Rigidity rarely vanishes overnight. You’re looking for a gradual loosening of thought patterns, not an immediate transformation. Going too quickly will typically exacerbate the no reflex, but if you focus on planting seeds and creating curiosity, you can lay the foundation for a more reflective, less reflexive way of being. I’m a junior in high school, and I’ve been having a really hard time with writing assignments. I can’t make myself get started, and as I procrastinate, the task looms bigger and bigger and fills me with dread. Is this an ADHD thing? And what should I do about it? I want to start by commending you for your self-awareness and insight. You’ve made a valuable observation—and that’s the first step to solving the problem. That self-awareness will serve you as you test out strategies and work toward a solution. In response to the first part of your question, I can tell you that anecdotally, this is certainly common in ADHD, though it’s not exclusively an ADHD phenomenon. You’re describing a struggle with task initiation, which falls under the umbrella of executive functioning issues that characterize ADHD. It’s also common for these challenges to arise as academic workloads increase. What to do, then? There are a few different angles to approach this problem from… Angle #1: Addressing expectations Our beliefs and expectations about a task play a significant role in our decision to get started (or not). Educational psychologists describe this using a framework called expectancy value theory. According to this theory, our motivation to do something depends on two questions: What outcome do I expect? Am I capable of doing this? (That’s the expectancy part.) Is this task worth doing? (That’s the value part.) It sounds like you’re highly motivated to do these tasks, so you do see value in them. It’s the first part, the In my experience, writing-induced dread is often fueled by our expectations and beliefs, which commonly include: This is going to be really hard. I can’t do this. This will be unpleasant and maybe even intolerable. These thoughts aren’t entirely off-base. Of course, writing can be hard and stressful–otherwise, you wouldn’t avoid it. Nonetheless, overly negative thinking isn’t fully reflective of reality, and by correcting cognitive distortions, we can shift to a more productive mindset: I’ll feel so much better when I get this done. I can do hard things. If I keep practicing, writing will get easier. I’ll take it one step at a time. It can also be helpful to write down how difficult you expect a task to be before you do it, then record the actual difficulty after. (I use a scale of 0 to 5 for this.) You might discover a discrepancy between expectations and reality, and this insight can help you adjust your beliefs. Angle 2: Tackling open-endedness. Another common cause of procrastination is not knowing where to start. Writing assignments can be overwhelmingly open-ended, leading to decision paralysis and panic. If you’re not sure what to do first, here are some ideas: Set a timer—a psychological trick; something about this makes it easier. Gather all the materials you need in one place. Sometimes, just looking at your notes and readings can spark ideas. Use this handy ultimate writing assignment checklist I made to map out the process. Try expressing your thoughts in a different medium: record yourself talking and feed it to transcription software, draw ideas on a whiteboard or post-it notes, make a mind map, or talk it through with a teacher/friend/tutor/parent. Angle 3: Skill learning. Getting started is a skill; if you practice it effectively, you’ll improve. The key is to practice consistently, not just when you need the skill. Think about it this way: if you were learning to surf, you wouldn’t jump on your board, paddle into the ocean, and wait for a giant wave. You’d start small and work your way up instead. Similarly, regularly practicing initiating mildly unpleasant tasks can prepare you for big challenges. Any advice for teenagers/young adults who struggle with staying on top of email? Email is a huge executive functioning challenge! It’s an ongoing commitment rather than a discrete task, and it engages every EF skill, from organizing to prioritization to flexibility. Here are some of my favorite tips and strategies. Make it a habit. Set aside a regular time to do email, and budget more time than you think you’ll need. A place for everything and everything in its place. This maxim of home organizing is also relevant to email. Having a specific place for each type of message can reduce decision fatigue and simplify email management. Break it down. Checklists can help turn the vague, unstructured notion of “checking email” into a series of actionable steps: Scan inbox and delete spam Star messages that require responses Snooze messages that won’t be relevant until later Use labels to categorize messages Update the checklist as you go. This way, you reduce working memory load and minimize the risk of forgetting something important. Keep a running document with email rules and templates. I sent about a million versions of the same “May I come to office hours?” email in college. It never occurred to me to write down one script and refer back to it, but I would have saved a lot of time and effort that way. Autistic teenagers and young adults might find it especially helpful to note social rules related to email. Experiment with AI. Lately, I’ve been asking Grammarly to generate a few versions of an email I’m struggling to write. I almost never use one of those versions in its entirety, but I think through the phrasing of each option and ask myself what sounds natural. Do you have a question you’d like the column to answer? You can email asklucy@reel2e.org. About Lucy: I graduated from Stanford in 2024 with a degree in psychology and Slavic Studies. I currently live in Boston and work as a writing tutor with a focus on supporting 2e/neurodivergent students. I've been involved in the neurodiversity world since I was diagnosed with autism at age 18. I hope to pursue a PhD in psychology and develop evidence-based interventions to help neurodivergent students write. For tutoring inquiries, please check out my website!

As the school year winds down and summer begins, it’s natural to reflect on the past year—its challenges, milestones, and surprises. For families raising neurodivergent children, that reflection can often feel weighted toward what was hard. But here’s a powerful shift: What if we used this transition to focus on strengths instead? At REEL2e and Young Scholars Academy, we believe a strength-based, talent-focused approach isn’t just feel-good language—it’s a foundation for helping our kids thrive. Why It Matters Strength-based conversations build confidence and self-worth. They highlight what your child can  do—not just what’s hard. They spark curiosity, motivation, and joyful learning. They shift your family from surviving to thriving. Start the Conversation Try these 5 reflection questions to help your child celebrate growth (from Sam Young’s article Questions to help your 2e child identify their unique strengths ): What are you most proud of from this year? What’s something new you learned or did that surprised you? What activity made you feel strong, smart, or excited? When did you help someone—or when did someone help you? What’s one thing you want to get even better at next year? These questions help your child see how far they’ve come—and where their strengths shine through. “Where the Mind Goes, Energy Flows” What we focus on grows. Neurodivergent kids often dwell on struggles because that’s where the feedback lands. But when we guide their focus toward strengths, they feel empowered and energized. Summer Strength-Building Activities Summer is the perfect time to lean into what lights your child up—while building real skills in fun, low-pressure ways. From “I forget everything” to “I think in pictures” Activity:  Create a visual calendar or checklist for summer routines, camps, or trips using drawings, colors, or photos.  Reframe with:   “How could we draw or design our summer plans so they’re easier to remember?” From “I can’t write essays” to “I tell great stories” Activity:  Turn storytelling into a summer project—record a podcast, draw a comic book, or create a narrated slideshow.  Reframe with:   “What story do you love to tell that we could turn into something fun this summer?” These activities reframe challenges while building planning, communication, and creative thinking. Everyday Reframes & Strength-Based Prompts Try these simple prompts to shift your child’s focus from struggle to strength: “What part of this feels fun, even just a little?” “What do you already know that could help here?” “When did you feel ‘in the zone’ this week?” “If you were the teacher, how would you teach this in a fun way?” Want More Strength-Based Support? Young Scholars Academy  is a virtual, strength-based village where 2e, gifted, and neurodivergent kids thrive. Explore classes:   youngscholarsacademy.org  Use code YSAREEL10  for 10% off all classes. REEL2e  is proud to support families in discovering strengths , building skills, and growing a connected community.

One evening, I was sitting at home, in a rare moment of quiet before bed, and realized I'd been spending almost all my time, energy, and resources supporting my children, and I was spent. W e parents often spend more energy, time and resources supporting our twice-exceptional (2e) children than we do on managing other aspects of our lives. We do so with deep love and an unquestionable commitment, but I imagine we all agree that it can be exhausting and sometimes depleting.  Over the past three and a half years, I’ve connected with many parents of 2e children, and I’ve learned that we parents are also on our own individual journeys, learning how best to support the rest of the family and ourselves. Each of our experiences is unique–even within a parent partnership–and, while community is incredibly helpful, at times it can still feel isolating.  While I don’t have a playbook to provide, I hope sharing my own journey in supporting my amazing and complex 2e tween will be a gentle reminder that we’re all in this together–on this ride of both challenges and joy. Even during each of our unique journeys, we’ll likely find ourselves going through a handful of similar experiences: identifying the right supports for our kids; dealing with parental guilt; processing this life chapter; and embracing progress. Identifying the right supports for each child For many, our journeys in parenting 2e children begin with getting a 2e diagnosis in the first place. Even before my son’s clinical diagnosis, my husband and I recognized he needed more support than we were able to provide. With his self-esteem rapidly decreasing, and his growing negative attitude towards school, we sought a therapist for him. After interviewing over a half dozen, we found one. Naively, we smiled and whispered to each other, “Yay, us!” After a few months of sessions, his therapist recommended we have him evaluated.   He was nine years old then. His evaluation confirmed what his therapist and his third grade teacher suspected: He’s gifted. This is when we also learned about his unspecified high anxiety disorder. Additionally, like many other kiddos with his profile, his evaluation identified several other strengths and challenges. This began a new chapter in our journey with him and in my own journey as a parent and an adult, meaning I had (and still have) my own “stuff” to manage along the way.  Dealing with parental guilt  Most of us parents are already plenty familiar with parental guilt…am I right? Parenting a 2e child amplifies it, with 20/20 hindsight as the common lever of choice. Looking back over the years, I ruminated, how did I miss so many signs, and what type of damage will those misses create? There was that evening when my son expressed with remarkable clarity and insistence that he no longer wanted to receive the Principal’s Award at school, which is given out to different students each month, because the event created tremendous dread in him as he walked to the stage and stood in front of the school to receive it. Then there was that time he wrung his hands so hard as he apologized to a car owner for accidently scratching the car with his bike that I was worried about him hurting himself. What kind of mother was I to miss all these signs and so many more? I judged myself with verdicts such as: I’m his mother, I should have known better. I should have done something sooner. I should have avoided certain situations.  The “should-haves” layered on even more guilt. I’m grateful to my circle of close friends and therapy sessions to help me work through many of these periods. A few times, I apologized to my son for something I had missed that led to discomfort for him. I held back on offering the rest of my hundreds of apologies to him because I realized they were more for me than him. Instead, they stayed swirling inside me, chasing after the guilt, followed by disappointment, frustration and grief. Usually, after a good cry or solid run, I could recognize that I can’t change the past, but I have the resources to help him now.  In other words, we’re all doing the best we can. Processing this life chapter   I was overwhelmed by trying to understand all the results of my son’s evaluation, which included many other strengths and challenges. As much as my husband and I yearned to address them all at once, we came to the painful realization that juggling them just wasn’t practical. Luckily, I reconnected with a friend from graduate school, who has a son with a similar profile and shared a wealth of wisdom. And when I learned about REEL almost six months later, I felt less alone within its incredibly supportive community.  Thanks to additional resources like Tilt Parenting , Mona Delahooke’s Brain-Body Parenting  and The Highly Sensitive Child  by Elaine Aron, my husband and I began to deepen our understanding of the diagnoses and clearly map out a plan (or, as we quickly learned, a version of many, on which we continue to iterate to this day!) for how to support him effectively. Even with the plan, I’ll admit that I continue to experience a mix of discouragement, overwhelm, underwhelm, inspiration, dead ends and a-ha’s. After learning how anxiety can hinder learning and executive functioning, I decided to prioritize anxiety, but of course it wasn’t that straightforward. What about his increasingly negative attitude towards school–towards learning? He’s an incredibly curious child, who absolutely loves learning, so we needed to help him enjoy school again. I decided that supporting his giftedness was a very close second priority. Juggling two big areas, while daunting, seemed sort of doable. As a result of all my research, I identified the most impactful areas to address first: sleep, catastrophizing and transitions. I also met with his teachers and the leadership at his school to try to better support his needs on campus. Like many decisions my husband and I have made for our children, intuition and science danced (and even argued) with each other. At times, the clinical data was disturbingly sparse, with emotionally convincing stories giving us hope. Other times, the data was super clear (thank goodness!). Nevertheless, sometimes with concrete evidence staring at me, I knew the recommended approach would not be a fit for him.   Over time, I’ve become increasingly confident in my ability to get  my son and provide what we think works best for him. I beat myself up when the chosen path doesn’t work as expected. I beg for patience and flexibility (with my son, husband and even myself), when the variables need to be tweaked a few times before we try another tool. (Can we try a heavier weighted blanket? Can we try a different meditation app? What about journaling?) When the outcome is positive, I quickly move on to the next area that needs attention.    Recognizing and embracing progress I know I need to take care of myself and at the very least pause for a little pat on the back. I do try to do this, but I admit to very quickly veering towards my son’s and my family’s needs. I’d love to end this story by declaring that my son now has control over his anxiety. I’d love to be able to stand tall and say, “We figured out everything my son needs, and we delivered!” Indeed, we’ve helped him. He’s even starting to help himself, by identifying resources and developing a solid toolkit. Let’s face it: His disorder means he’ll most likely always have to manage his anxiety, so he can live the life he wants. He’s come a long way. He sleeps much better, in terms of both quantity and quality. He’s learned to use tactics like looking at a person’s forehead, instead of their eyes, when he speaks with them. With these small and not-so-small victories, his confidence in experiencing the world has grown.  And as he changes and matures, and we learn more about him, we continue to uncover other aspects of his anxiety that we need to support. I always have an eye towards what’s next. I will say that part of my own journey has been to make a point of identifying the wins and progress, even if I do so while brushing my teeth before bed or as I observe my son diligently swimming laps outside in rain and cold–something he does with great interest, willingness and commitment, in any weather, which has been surprising and really heartening to watch. As he finds the things he enjoys and wants to pursue, I’m trying to remind myself to take time to celebrate those things, as I work to support them. I think the key for all of us parents trying to raise joyful, kind, healthy 2e kids is to really celebrate incremental progress. Write it down; take a picture; record it. Your child did that; you helped them; and you utilized the great resources available to help make progress. If we do a better job of intentionally celebrating our progress, we’ll have more energy when we go back to the drawing board and move on to the next challenge.  Just last week, because of road work, I had to drop my son off pretty far from the usual entrance to his swim practice, along a relatively busy road. In the past, such a last minute change would have created major angst and hesitation in him.  Internally, I kind of freaked out but as calmly as I could, I told him about the change and asked if he was ok finding his way from the temporary drop-off point to the pool. He said yes, very calmly. After practice, I saw him emerge from the detour with confidence and focus to find me. He had a great practice, too! Not a big win—but progress. Susan Tahir serves as Treasurer on the REEL Board of Directors. She has two children at home, including her 2e tween. She has over 15 years of experience building product and managing strategic alliances at startups and Fortune 500 companies. She previously served on the Board of Holt International Children’s Services. Susan earned her BA in International Studies from The American University and her MBA from the University of Michigan Business School. ​​She’s an endurance athlete, squeezing in marathons for now.  Some of the resources I’ve found helpful: For Parents: Brain-Body Parenting  by Mona Delahooke Breaking Free of Child Anxiety and OCD: A Scientifically Proven Program for Parents  by Eli Lebowitz The Highly Sensitive Child: Helping Our Children Thrive When The World Overwhelms Them  by Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D.  Living with Intensity: Understanding the Sensitivity, Excitability, and Emotional Development of Gifted Children, Adolescents, and Adults , edited by Susan Daniels & Michael M. Piechowski  The Neurodiversity Podcast  (Emily Kircher-Morris) Scaffold Parenting  by Harold Koplewicz Tilt Parenting  podcast (Debbie Reber) For Children: Find Your Calm: A Mindful Approach To Relieve Anxiety And Grow Your Bravery (Growing Heart & Minds)   by Gabi Garcia & Marta Pineda   Lila Greer, Teacher of the Year  by Andrea Beaty Under Pressure: The Science of Stress   by Tanya Lloyd Kyi & Marie-Ève Tremblay

As one year ends and another begins, it’s natural to reflect on the challenges and victories of the past twelve months. Raising a neurodivergent child can often feel like navigating a labyrinth of ups and downs, leaving many parents focusing on struggles instead of strengths. But here’s the good news: You can shift that mindset. One of the most powerful things we can do for ourselves and our kids is to adopt a strength-based, talent-focused approach to the new year. This means intentionally focusing on what we (and our children) excel at, what lights us up, and what makes us unique. It’s about celebrating growth, curiosity, and accomplishment instead of dwelling on where we fall short. Why Strength-Based Thinking Matters Our brains are wired to notice what’s wrong—it’s a survival mechanism. But in a world that often emphasizes “fixing” instead of flourishing, it’s easy to get stuck in a deficit-based mindset. For children, this shift toward strengths is even more critical. Early intervention and an intentional focus on their talents can exponentially alter their developmental trajectory, helping them spend less time struggling in areas where they don’t shine and more time thriving in spaces where they do. By highlighting their unique abilities and fostering a sense of success early on, we set the stage for stronger self-esteem, a love of learning, and the ability to navigate life’s challenges with confidence. Here’s the truth: When we focus on our strengths, it changes the way we feel, think, and even learn. Positive reinforcement releases those all-important neurotransmitters—dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin—that make us feel good, connected, and motivated. For children, who are forming their sense of self, this focus on strengths can mean the difference between a life defined by struggles and one filled with purpose and success. On the flip side, constant focus on deficits brings about negativity, making it hard for kids to imagine success or joy. It reinforces feelings of inadequacy and can keep them from reaching their full potential. Let me just come right out and say it: We live in a strength-based world and a deficit-based education system. At the end of the day, nobody cares how bad someone is at something—it’s all about how good they are at what they excel in. Unfortunately, we spend so much time steeping our kids in their deficits that it does lifelong harm. It hurts them personally and hurts us as a society, because these bright young minds never get the chance to fully develop their talents into treasures that could enrich us all. I don’t know about you, but I don’t spend much time wondering how good Simone Biles is at poetry. Or how good Amanda Gorman is as a gymnast. Their incredible contributions come from their strengths, not their weaknesses—and the same is true for your child. How to Start the Year with Strength-Based Momentum As we step into a new year, take time as a family to reflect on your strengths, accomplishments, and the moments that brought you joy. Here’s a quick exercise to help shift into a positive mindset: Ask your family these questions: • What are you most proud of from this past year? • What’s something new you accomplished that you couldn’t do before? • Did you make a meaningful connection with someone special? • What was a challenge you overcame, and how did you grow from it? • What’s one thing you learned this year that excited you or changed your perspective? Discussing these questions together can spark meaningful conversations and build a foundation for focusing on strengths in the year ahead. The Power of Your Perspective Remember: Where the mind goes, your energy flows. When you model strength-based thinking for your child, you teach them to value their own unique qualities and contributions. As parents, this starts with giving yourself grace. You’re already doing something incredible simply by being here, seeking resources, and prioritizing growth for your family. At Young Scholars Academy, we understand how important it is to create an environment where neurodivergent children thrive. Our strength-based approach connects families to mentors, classes, and a like-minded community where every child’s individuality is celebrated. A New Year of Possibility As you move into the New Year, take pride in the journey you’re on as a family. You’ve shown resilience, strength, and love, and you deserve to celebrate that. Let’s make this year the one where your family embraces strengths, fosters curiosity, and builds a future filled with possibility. Wishing You A Strength-Based, Talent-Focused  New Year From Young Scholars Academy! ------ Mr. Sam, MEd, is a growth-minded, two-time Fulbright Scholar and Director of Young Scholars Academy. Mr. Sam is a neurodivergent educator who has ADHD. As an ADHD learner, he has a tremendous understanding of, experience in, and respect for all things related to neurodiverse education. Young Scholars Academy is a virtual village that offers strength-based enrichment courses and community for 5-18-year-old gifted, twice-exceptional, and bright, differently-wired kiddos to empower them to develop their strengths, make like-minded friends, and thrive under the loving care of mentors! Picture a place where your child fits in, is celebrated, mentored, and loves learning the unique content that they crave. That is happening every day at YSA for nearly 400 families, and it can happen for your family too! Click Here to explore their classes and community: https://youngscholarsacademy.org/ Bonus- Reel families  receive a 10% discount on all classes! Use this code when you register to save 10%: YSAREEL10

REEL is frequently asked by educators how to approach conversations with parents about academic, behavioral, or social-emotional concerns regarding a student. What is appropriate to say? How should they handle situations where parents are resistant or do not understand the concerns? To provide guidance, we spoke with several experts including an educator-turned-special education advocate with experience across multiple districts, a Santa Clara County Office of Education leader, and parents in our community. Establish a Positive Connection with Parents at the Start of the Year Teachers who spend time at the start of the year getting to know each student and establishing rapport and communication channels with parents open the door for future communications of all types. Sending each parent a note or phone call at the start of the year about their child’s strengths and what you enjoy about having them in your classroom starts your relationship off on a positive note. For example, “The frequency of Riley's class participation is fantastic. He is constantly raising his hand to contribute to our class discussion, read aloud, or answer a question” or “Mila is just FUN to have in class! There's been several times she’s read off the board in a ‘fancy voice’ because it was a direct quote from the Constitution or a formal definition. Her joy, humor, and inclusion of others makes our class a more vibrant place to learn. I'm thankful for it.” You can start the year with strength-based classroom activities  and ask all parents to fill out a one-pager about their child  so you can get to know them better.  "At the Twice-Exceptional Teacher Education Conference, Dr. Claire Hughes recounted a story which serves as a powerful example of how spending some time up front can save time and headaches later. One year as she began to teach a class of middle school students, she sat down and called the parents of each and every one, and simply told them something positive about their child. She called one particular mom and told her, “I just want to let you know, I really enjoy having Jake in my class! He is so funny - his sense of humor adds a lot to our class discussions!” The mom waited a moment, and said, “But…?” Dr. Hughes replied, “There’s no ‘but,’ that’s it - I just wanted to let you know I’m enjoying having him in my class.” The mom was stunned. She had never had a phone call from a teacher which was anything but negative, and she had gotten those calls a lot. From that point forward, that mom knew this teacher was on her team. Teacher, parent, and student now had a productive relationship. Time spent calling each parent was reaped through smoother, more positive interactions throughout the school year. -November 2024 REEL Executive Director Newsletter  Gather Data The experts we spoke with emphasized the importance of gathering observational data before initiating discussions with parents. Educators should document when and where concerns arise—do they occur throughout the day, such as with social skills challenges, or only in specific contexts, like during math time? Do difficulties persist even during preferred activities and low-demand situations? Other potential questions to consider include: Does the student struggle with shifting from one activity to another, for example,  moving from recess to classroom time or from one subject to another? Does the student have difficulty in group work but thrive in independent tasks? Or vice versa? Does the student give up easily when faced with challenges? Or consistently demonstrate frustration with certain types of assignments? Can the student follow directions easily in one-on-one settings but not in whole-group instruction? Does the student engage in reciprocal conversations, or do they struggle with initiating or maintaining interactions with classmates? Is the student easily distracted in all settings, or only in certain situations (e.g., during long listening activities but not hands-on work)? Are there specific triggers that cause emotional outbursts or withdrawal? Does the student show a disequilibrium in their learning trajectory - excelling in some subject areas, while struggling in others? Collaborate with the Team & Implement Recommendations Every district operates differently, but many schools hold weekly grade-level collaboration meetings where educators discuss student concerns and develop strategies for support. These meetings provide an opportunity to brainstorm interventions with a wider team. Educators should implement the team’s suggested strategies for approximately 4-6 weeks while continuing to collect observational data. If the interventions are ineffective, data should reflect this. If the student shows improvement, educators should continue using and refining the strategies. During this period, teachers may also seek input from other site-based and/or district specialists, including reading interventionists, school psychologists, school counselors, occupational therapists, or speech therapists. These professionals can observe the student in the classroom and around school as well as contribute to the data collection process. Holding an SST Meeting In some districts, if the child’s situation isn’t improving, the next step may be a Student Study Team (SST) meeting. This is a collaborative problem-solving session that typically includes the school psychologist, special education specialists, general education teachers, the principal, and parents. The purpose is to develop a structured intervention plan to support the student’s academic, behavioral, or social-emotional needs. When educators follow the SST process, they create a documented history of concerns, which can reduce resistance from both parents and other stakeholders. It also ensures that any future recommendations, such as an Individualized Education Program (IEP) evaluation, do not come as a surprise. Communicating with Parents About an SST Meeting When reaching out to parents, educators should maintain a neutral and objective tone, avoiding emotional interpretations. They should share observations in a factual manner, such as: “I’ve noticed that Max has difficulty taking turns on the playground,” or “Ava seems avoidant during reading time.” This should be followed by an invitation to collaborate: “Let’s schedule an SST meeting to discuss this further and get more brains on this.” Using a “warm reporting” approach—highlighting the student’s strengths and fostering empathy—can help build trust. Establishing strong parent-teacher relationships early in the school year also makes these discussions easier since those efforts will have  established a solid parent/teacher relationship. Importantly, educators should not mention assessments or diagnoses  at this stage. Prematurely mentioning assessments can put parents on the defensive and damage the school-home relationship. It may also kick-off parent requests for a full work up which may not be necessary, or not necessary at this time.. Also, depending on the family’s home language, Interpretation services should be provided as needed to ensure full participation of the parents in the process. A Parent’s Perspective One parent from our community shared very different experiences with two teachers who raised concerns about her two children. Regarding one child, she said: “My son’s kindergarten teacher insisted that he had autism because he lacked eye contact and said he should be evaluated. I felt it was inappropriate for her to make such a diagnosis—especially since my son did not turn out to have autism.” With her second child, however, she had a much better experience: “My second son’s school had a structured system for informing parents about concerns and making recommendations. When I met with the administrator, she provided a well-organized report outlining his strengths, observed concerns, school action plan, and suggestions for next steps, such as consulting my pediatrician.” SST Process During the SST meeting, the team should present collected data, describe interventions that were tried, and discuss their effectiveness. Educators should also inquire about what strategies work at home and incorporate parental insights into the plan. Typically, the SST team will develop an intervention plan to be implemented over a period of time, often six weeks. Follow-up meetings may be scheduled to assess progress and adjust strategies as needed. If interventions are ineffective and the professionals on the team – teacher, school psychologist, or principal - feel the challenges are interfering with the student’s access to education, they are legally bound to offer an assessment for special education. The school psychologist would be the most likely one to make the recommendation, but every situation is different. If a team notices a pattern in a student, they should report that pattern to the parent, avoiding any diagnostic language. The school psychologist could say something like, “These patterns have been linked to , and I suggest you speak to your pediatrician, and/or I can recommend a support group.” Any school personnel can recommend that a parent request an assessment. But, it can be a tough spot for a teacher, as many schools really want families to go through the process - SST, Tier 1-2 supports - before heading to an assessment. Therefore, the best thing a teacher can do is to hold an SST meeting as soon as they notice something – that gets the process started, and then, if an assessment is requested, there likely won’t be the same push back. Throughout this process, the SST team should support parents by providing guidance, validating their emotions, and offering resources. If parents resist necessary interventions, district-level personnel may need to step in to ensure the child receives appropriate support. The team can also refer parents to local special education parent support groups as valuable resources. Parents may also request an IEP evaluation at any point during this process. Please read: REEL’s Guide to IEPs for Twice-Exceptional Learners  for details. We’ve created this guide to help parents understand IEPs, the basics of the process for pursuing an IEP, common myths and misconceptions, how to leverage IEPs to address the unique needs of the 2e, and more. Our goal? To ensure parents of 2e learners understand that IEPs may help their students grow into more successful students and that families have the right to request this support from their districts. Although not every 2e student will qualify for an IEP, every family has the right to know how to make the request. Promoting Awareness and Reducing Stigma Beyond addressing individual student concerns, educators play a crucial role in fostering a school-wide culture of understanding and inclusivity, which is essential for twice-exceptional students’ well-being. Proactively sharing resources about neurodiversity and learning differences with the broader school community helps normalize these discussions, equipping parents with knowledge before concerns arise about their own children. Schools can implement initiatives such as: Parent Education Workshops:  Hosting informational sessions on neurodiversity, executive functioning challenges, and/or emotional regulation can provide parents with valuable insights and strategies. Classroom Read-Alouds and Discussions:  Introducing age-appropriate books and activities that celebrate different learning preferences helps students develop empathy and self-awareness. (Check out REEL's list of books featuring neurodivergent characters , and an elementary teacher sharing how she uses picture books to teach about neurodiversity ). Newsletters and Resource Sharing:  Regularly including articles, book recommendations, short videos, or expert insights in school communications helps parents learn at their own pace. (You can start with REEL's 2e Topics resources lists and sign up for REEL's newsletters .) Collaboration with Specialists:  Inviting school psychologists, occupational therapists, or speech-language pathologists to present on relevant topics ensures families receive accurate information from professionals. Highlighting Success Stories:  Showcasing stories of students thriving with the right supports can help shift perspectives and encourage proactive engagement from parents. By embedding neurodiversity education into the school’s culture, educators create an environment where parents feel more open to discussions about their child's needs. Reducing stigma benefits all students by fostering a community that embraces diverse learning profiles and promotes early intervention. Conclusion Supporting students requires patience, structure, and collaboration. While it can be challenging to watch a child struggle, following a structured process ensures that interventions are effective and lead to the best possible outcomes for the student, their parents, and their educators. —----- About one of our experts: Heather is passionate about creating environments where all learners thrive and has a knack for connecting with teens and children, especially those who think, learn, and thrive outside the “box.”  As an elementary school teacher, Heather relished finding new ways to include and educate the diverse learners in her classroom. It was a natural progression into special education. She focused her master’s work on Dyslexia, spent time at Charles Armstrong learning Orton-Gillingham’s multisensory reading approach, and created her own multisensory systematic reading program for elementary school students with outstanding results. At the high school level, Heather focused on creating programs for students with ASD, ADHD, Anxiety, Depression, and other emotional challenges. She spent time as an Inclusion Specialist and mentored new special education teachers, all while working privately as an executive functioning coach.  Her warmth, collaborative skills, and innovative thinking help families figure out the puzzle of their child’s unique profile and find the best support and environments for their children. After spending three years at Lamborn Advocacy, learning from the best, she has rolled all her learning and experience into Mosaic Minds Consulting. She can be reached at Heather@mosaicmindsconsulting.com .

Twice exceptionality, and autism specifically, presents unique challenges when it comes to writing. Autistic and 2e students may struggle to understand ambiguous instructions, and weak Theory of Mind (i.e., perspective taking) can make it tricky to imagine how a reader will respond to a draft. More generally, the whole writing process can feel abstract and overwhelmingly open-ended.  Through my work as a tutor, I’ve developed lots of strategies to navigate these challenges. Here are some of my favorites. The challenge: Taking another person’s perspective Autism is characterized by impaired Theory of Mind, or difficulty seeing from another person’s perspective. When writing, autistic students often struggle to sort out what their reader would and wouldn’t know about a given topic. I’ve noticed that autistic students sometimes: Forget to spell out acronyms Assume that specific knowledge is common knowledge (e.g., that everyone will know the rules of a fairly obscure video game) Use pronouns or vague terms (“this,” “it,” “the thing”), not realizing that a reader won’t understand what they’re referring to The solution: Map out what the reader knows We can take the mystery out of perspective-taking by explicitly laying out the reader’s knowledge. Here’s how I might talk through this chart with a student: Lucy:  Okay, you’re writing a college essay that will be read by admissions officers. If the reader has never met you, will they know that Claire is your friend? Student: I don’t know. Lucy: I’m going to say probably not. There are a lot of Claires out there. What about RC? Will they know that acronym? Student:  Maybe not. Lucy: Yeah, I wasn’t sure what that meant, either. But will they know what a robotics club is if you spell it out? Student: I think a lot of schools have robotics clubs. Lucy:  I think so, too. We might end up with something like this: The reader WILL know… The reader WON’T know… -What robotics is -That I’m in high school -That I’m applying to college -What STEM stands for -What RC stands for (unless I spell it out) -Names of specific people -Super specific robotics terminology The challenge: Open-endedness Open-endedness is hard, especially for autistic people. A question like, “How are you?” can have dozens of accurate answers. The instructions to “choose a current event and analyze it” could be followed a million different ways, and often, the sheer range of possibilities is so overwhelming that students become paralyzed. The solution: Narrow down the options To help solve this issue, I drew inspiration from an unlikely source: standardized tests. I started switching from an open-ended to a multiple-choice answer format, constraining students’ responses to a finite set of options. Here’s how I might do this with the open-ended prompt, “Write about your experience on the robotics team.” Multiple choice:   Which of the following skills did you develop through robotics? Collaboration Persistence Creative problem-solving Making sure all the robots are switched off after each practice so they don’t take over the school Agree/disagree:   How would you rate the statement, “Robotics club taught me the importance of teamwork?” agree neutral disagree Ratings:  On a scale of zero to 10, where zero is “not at all” and 10 is the most possible, how much has robotics club taught you about teamwork? A note on implementation:  There are a few ways to use this strategy: A teacher, tutor, or parent could reformat the questions without input from the student. A teacher/tutor/parent could collaborate with the student to reformat the questions. The student could reformat the questions independently. The first time you try this approach, I would recommend method one (a support person providing options). Having the student generate the answer options would defeat the purpose of the exercise, the idea being that the student is struggling to write without scaffolding. But if this strategy becomes a go-to and the student consistently finds it helpful, they could absolutely learn to reformat questions on their own. AI can be a fantastic resource here, too: The challenge: Difficulty conjuring words Pulling words out of thin air is hard. You could think of this as another iteration of the open-endedness problem. There are so many words out there. How do you know which ones to choose? The solution: Follow sentence patterns Mad-Libs isn’t just a great way to teach parts of speech; it’s also a highly underrated writing strategy. Mad-Libs constraints options, and it turns writing into a logic puzzle. Lay out a few different sentence templates, then have students fill in the blanks to make their own sentences: The author’s core argument is that ______. They give the example of _______ to demonstrate (that) ______. This quote highlights ________. By pointing out ______, the author calls our attention to _______. Mad-Libs-style prompts can also help students understand different sentence structures–without the need for complex grammar terminology. I have students practice combining and separating sentences according to different patterns. As with the previous strategy, I would start by having a teacher/tutor/parent provide the sentence patterns so the student can focus on filling in the blanks or combining sentences. When they feel more comfortable doing so, students can begin to generate Mad-Libs themselves. Pattern #1: Coordinating Conjunctions Sentence + sentence Clause + conjunction + clause The music stopped.  The crowd went wild. The music stopped, and  the crowd went wild. Sasha Trusova landed five quads at the Olympics.  Sasha Trusova did not finish in first place. Sasha Trusova landed five quads at the Olympics, but  she did not finish in first place. I am obsessed with figure skating.  My family is not. I am obsessed with figure skating, but  my family is not. Pattern #2: Appositives Sentence + sentence Subject + appositive + clause Ilia Malinin is an American skater.  Ilia Malinin made headlines when he landed a quad axel. Ilia Malinin, an American skater, made headlines when he landed a quad axel. The quad Axel is a jump with four and a half rotations. A quad Axel has a base value of 12.5 points. The quad Axel, a jump with four and a half rotations, has a base value of 12.5 points What it looks like in practice These three strategies can help transform ambiguous, open-ended writing prompts into concrete puzzles to solve. I think of the strategies as tools, not rigid instructions. I’d highly recommend tweaking and playing around with them until you find something that works. Here are some concrete examples of how you might use them while supporting an autistic student. Assignment #1: Write a paragraph about how you spent your summer (elementary school). Make a checklist of summer activities and have the student check off what they did. Provide Mad-Libs-style sentence starters to help organize ideas: “This summer, I…”/“I especially enjoyed…”/ “First/next/last…” Sketch out what the audience (fellow classmates) do and don’t know. Add clarification to the writing accordingly (“Jimmy is my younger brother”). Assignment #2: Write a paper analyzing a collection of poems. Make multiple-choice lists of literary devices studied in the class. Use those to identify devices in the poems. Turn the assignment instructions into Mad-Libs-style statements: Provide historical context regarding the poet. → The poet was born in ______ and belongs to the ______ literary movement. Describe a major theme in the poem and explain how it’s conveyed. → The poet conveys the theme of ________ by ________. Close-read the poems. → The use of the words _______ and ______ suggests ______. Make a “what does the reader know?” chart for the historical context section, separating common knowledge from topic-specific knowledge. About Lucy: I graduated from Stanford in 2024 with a degree in psychology and Slavic Studies. I currently live in Boston and work as a writing tutor with a focus on supporting 2e/neurodivergent students. I've been involved in the neurodiversity world since I was diagnosed with autism at age 18. I hope to pursue a PhD in psychology and develop evidence-based interventions to help neurodivergent students write. For tutoring inquiries, please check out my website !

Humans aren’t great at being objective. We underestimate  the effects of the environment on people’s behavior, and we overestimate  the degree to which others share our beliefs. We see  patterns in randomness, and we favor  information that fits what we already think. In short, our minds produce all sorts of distorted notions, many of which don’t reflect reality. This observation lies at the heart of cognitive behavioral therapy, one of the best-known, best-studied psychotherapy modalities. CBT has been proven effective  in treating a range of mental health conditions, and CBT techniques can come in handy in writing, too. I first became aware of my own distorted writing thoughts during a particularly brutal long-term project. I was writing my psychology honors thesis, and I had naively assumed that I would have a draft finished by mid-December. By February, I was still struggling with the introduction. The writing itself was hard enough, but that difficulty was further compounded by my thoughts: I’m terrible at writing. I’ll never be able to do this. I never do anything right. I might as well give up, since this project is basically a failure. Were any of these true, though? I had thought, “I’ll never do this” about every major writing project, and my mentors didn’t believe that the thesis was a failure. Did my thoughts reflect reality, or were they simply the product of my negative emotions? As I paid more attention to my distorted beliefs, I started noticing them in my students, too. I began to experiment with incorporating CBT techniques into tutoring, pointing out extreme thoughts and developing more balanced alternatives. I’ve found that the following four distortions crop up over and over. Distortion #1: All-or-nothing thinking I’m a good writer, or I’m a bad one. I can’t do it, or I can. This is easy, or it’s hard. These dichotomies are rarely accurate, and they can amplify unhelpful emotions. The words “never” and “always” are helpful clues. When you hear them, you can usually be sure that all-or-nothing thinking is at play. Distortion #2: Jumping to conclusions Within about a minute of opening an assignment, “Max” (a pseudonym) decided that he couldn’t do it. The task was too hard, he’d undoubtedly fail, and there was no point even trying. I said–a little jokingly–that I was impressed by his ability to see into the future. It was amazing that he could know exactly how the assignment would go. Was he clairvoyant in other areas, too? Maybe he should be a magician. I wouldn’t take this gentle teasing approach with everyone, but Max and I have known each other for a long time, and I knew he’d appreciate the humor. He smiled and rolled his eyes and conceded that yeah, maybe he should read a little more of the instructions before coming to such a definitive conclusion. As it turned out, the assignment was not too hard, Max didn’t fail, and it took far less time than he expected. Funny how these things go… Distortion #3: Emotional reasoning Emotions have a way of coloring our view of the world. When I’m tired or upset, I can read a draft and think, “This is the worst thing I’ve ever written.” A few hours later, when I’m feeling better, I might look at that same draft and think, “Wow, this isn’t bad at all!” The takeaway here is that our feelings affect our thoughts. That’s why I encourage my students (and myself) not to set too much store by the thoughts that bubble up during moments of stress. Writing down the thought or sharing it with someone else can also help us get a more objective read on the situation. Distortion #4: Minimizing “Do you ever feel proud of your writing?” I asked Ava. She frowned slightly, puzzled. Writing was not her favorite activity, and her junior year of high school had been especially rough. Ava had no trouble describing the challenges she faced. Interestingly, though, whenever she overcame a challenge, it seemed to vanish from memory, replaced by yet another obstacle. Having noticed this pattern, we started making a point of listing Ava’s successes each week. I wanted to make sure she gave herself credit for the many things she did well. I also suspected that if we focused slightly more on these strengths, her overall experience of writing would be more positive, and she would tackle new challenges with greater confidence and enthusiasm. Ava quickly learned to name her successes with minimal prompting. We decided that because naming a success was itself a success, every success was a double-success. It’s successes all the way down! A final thought Traditionally, CBT has patients systematically identify, analyze, and rewrite problematic beliefs. This can be tremendously beneficial, but it can also feel exhausting in its own right. Some thoughts are stubborn and don’t readily give in to logic, and trying to shift thoughts can turn into a game of tug-of-war or whack-a-mole. As soon as you knock down one belief, another rears its head. A therapeutic modality called acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT, pronounced “ACT”) presents an alternative to the CBT approach. Instead of changing thoughts, ACT focuses on accepting and de-fusing  them–i.e., holding onto them less tightly and letting them fade into the background. If challenging distorted thoughts isn’t appealing or feasible, ACT might be a good option. Here are some resources to learn more: Brief Summary of the 6 Core Processes of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): Definition, Techniques, and Efficacy McLean Videos | Apply ACT Principles to Your Daily Life What is Acceptance Commitment Therapy? About Lucy: I graduated from Stanford in 2024 with a degree in psychology and Slavic Studies. I currently live in Boston and work as a writing tutor with a focus on supporting 2e/neurodivergent students. I've been involved in the neurodiversity world since I was diagnosed with autism at age 18. I hope to pursue a PhD in psychology and develop evidence-based interventions to help neurodivergent students write. For tutoring inquiries, please check out my website !

Meet Lily Thirteen-year-old Lily is in eighth grade. She loves to sing and can talk your ears off about her favorite K-pop group. Though Lily is a bright and capable student, she’s struggling with the increasing demands of her eighth-grade curriculum–especially writing. Lily has trouble getting started on assignments. Tasked with writing a book report, she procrastinates for days, her dread and anxiety building continuously. When she finally gets started, she spends several hours trying to choose the “right” topic. She has little energy and time left for the writing itself.  Lily finishes the project at the last minute, and she knows it’s not her best work. This ordeal leaves her exhausted, behind on other homework, and more discouraged than ever. Executive functioning in the writing process In my work as a writing tutor, I’ve taught many students like Lily. Lily’s writing struggles aren’t just about writing, per se. Rather, they stem from issues with executive functioning (EF), the planning, organization, and self-regulation skills that help us execute tasks. EF-related writing challenges may be part of an established diagnosis such as autism or ADHD, or they may not. Either way, these struggles can wreak havoc on writing homework. Fortunately, there are solutions. By adding scaffolding and structure to writing assignments, we can help students develop EF skills and tackle complex tasks more effectively. In this post, I’ll share six of my favorite strategies to support EF throughout the writing process. Strategy 1: Set the environment up for success Lily assumed that her struggles with the book report reflected her being “bad at writing”. Really, though, there were other situational factors at play: She was tired. She was hungry. She’d had an argument with her friend after school, so she was feeling particularly anxious and self-critical. Her younger siblings were playing loudly in the other room, as younger siblings so often do. Notifications kept popping up on her phone. Addressing each of these factors individually, we can create an environment more conducive to writing: Get enough food, water, and sleep. Identify most and least focused times of day, and plan to write during the focused times whenever possible. Remove potential distractors, both physical and electronic. Be realistic about your attention span. Plan to focus for a maximum of 20-25 minutes at a time, and take frequent breaks. Use relaxation techniques to lower anxiety before writing. Strategy 2: Make a checklist.   Writing isn’t a single activity, but rather, a whole collection of tasks: brainstorming, drafting, organizing, rereading, and so on. If we don’t write down each step, they’ll clutter up our working memory, and we’ll likely forget important details. The answer? Checklists! Checklists are the best thing, and whoever is responsible for Google Docs’ checklist feature deserves a massive pay raise. If I haven’t yet sold you on the life-changing potential of checklists, consider the following: Checklists facilitate task initiation  by helping students determine exactly where to start. They scaffold time management,  allowing students to think through how long each step will take. We can revisit the checklist as we work to see what we’ve done and where to go next–i.e., practicing self-monitoring. Checklists help students prioritize, too. With all the tasks laid out in front of us, we can identify the most and least important ones. There’s something undeniably satisfying about the act of checking stuff off. It makes you feel powerful and accomplished. At least, it does for me. My standard checklist looks like this: Retrieve and clarify assignment instructions. Brainstorm ideas. Outline/map/organize ideas. Check to make sure the outline meets the assignment requirements. Add details to flesh out the outline. Going section by section, expand the outline into full sentences. Reread and edit. Proofread. Submit! Strategy 3: Organize everything Scientifically speaking, the verdict is in on multitasking : it doesn’t work. You might think you’re doing two things at once, but really, you’re jumping back and forth between the two, and you’re doing each one a little less efficiently. Psychologists call this cognitive switch cost. I don’t have data to back this, but I think it’s safe to say that this cost is even higher when ADHD and EF issues are in the mix. I see the cognitive switch cost in real time when writing materials are scattered across tabs and documents. Each time we jump to another window, we have to reorient ourselves and remember what we’re doing. Here’s how to minimize the switch cost and stay organized: Put everything in one document. Play with font size to make headings and key ideas stand out. Bold, italicize, or underline important words. Set aside materials you’re not actively using. Color-code everything. Note: Many ADHD students (and some neurotypicals!) find it easier to concentrate when they have stimulation: music playing, TV, a fidget toy, etcetera. I wouldn’t consider this a source of switch cost as long as it remains in the background. If, however, that source of input becomes a task of its own, it could pull attention away from the main activity and incur a switch cost. Importantly, switching itself isn’t necessarily a problem. Some people find it energizing and engaging to bounce from thing to thing, and if that strategy works, great! We just want to watch for unintentional switching that drains our energy without providing any benefit. Strategy 4: Highlight the current task. Working memory describes the information that we actively maintain and use. Have you ever read a phone number aloud and repeated it to yourself as you dial? That’s working memory. Or have you walked down a grocery aisle trying to remember that you need eggs, milk, and cream cheese? That’s working memory, too. I know a student has working memory limitations when they frequently ask, “Wait, what did you say?” It’s also worth mentioning that plenty of non-autistic/ADHD people struggle with this, too. Our working memory can be affected by stress, overwhelm, fatigue, and so on. The more information we cram into working memory, the more likely we are to forget it. Correspondingly, if we remove that information from our working memory and store it elsewhere, we free up space for thinking and writing. Here are a few ways to do this: Write the current task down on a physical or digital surface, ideally in large, colorful letters.  Use a sticky note or arrow to point out the thing you need to focus on. Cover up irrelevant materials physically (with paper) or digitally (turning the font white). Strategy 5: Set a timer. I’m writing these words on a Thursday. I promised to have this post finished by Friday. This was a deliberate move on my part. If I’d planned to finish this post “at some point,” it may never have happened. My self-imposed deadline forces me to buckle down and actually do the thing. This strategy works on a smaller timescale, too, which is why I like to set timers for each step of the writing process. As an added bonus, timers help combat ADHD-related time blindness, and–unsurprisingly–they support time management skills. Strategy 6: Stop and reflect. I always ask my students three questions throughout tutoring sessions: What’s the goal? What have we already done? What should we do next? In the short term, these prompts help students organize their work, and in the long term, they encourage metacognitive awareness. Students begin to develop a sense of which challenges come up as they write and which strategies will help. They also start to generalize their skills, taking an approach that worked in one context and applying it to another. Lily revisits her book report with the above strategies in mind. Set up the environment.  Lily finds it easiest to focus in the morning. She sits down at the kitchen table and removes distractions by leaving her phone in the other room. She’ll also take a break every 15 minutes. Her siblings have agreed to cause trouble in a quieter, less immediately disruptive fashion. Make a checklist.  Lily lists out the steps of the assignment. Review instructions Choose a book Brainstorm ideas about the book Choose main points to focus on Make an outline Write! Get organized. Next, Lily gathers her materials. She realizes that she wrote down some ideas during a class discussion, which is great–she’s already done some of the work! She puts everything in one folder and uses her very fancy pastel highlighters to mark up her book. Highlight the current task. Lily goes through each step on the list, writing her current task on a big post-it to support working memory.  Set a time.  Lily’s timer helps her work at an efficient pace, and it makes a nice chime sound when it goes off, rather than the usual annoying beep.  Stop and reflect. Her mom prompts her with self-reflection questions throughout, and when Lily is finished, they take a few minutes to talk about how the assignment went. Although Lily struggled at certain points, she also had lots of successes. Recognizing those successes boosts her confidence, and the next time she comes home with a writing assignment, she feels ready to tackle it on her own. About Lucy: I graduated from Stanford in 2024 with a degree in psychology and Slavic Studies. I currently live in Boston and work as a writing tutor with a focus on supporting 2e/neurodivergent students. I've been involved in the neurodiversity world since I was diagnosed with autism at age 18. I hope to pursue a PhD in psychology and develop evidence-based interventions to help neurodivergent students write. For tutoring inquiries, please check out my website !

In Action: Examples and Scenarios (Part 4 of 4) The first article in this series provides an Introduction and Overview to Emotional Regulation. Then, the second article outlines A 3-Step Pathway to Better Regulation Management. In the third article, we discuss the Importance of Co-Regulation. In this final article in the series, we provide Real-Life Examples and Scenarios. We also include a Reference and Resource List. Plus, you can download this template of the 3-Step Pathway to use with your family. Prefer to read the full set of articles in one easy-to-print format? Check out this downloadable version. Sometimes, the best way to understand a complex concept is by seeing it in action. Below are examples of self-regulation in practice, drawn from the collective experiences of REEL parents and caregivers, including from the participants in our Fall 2024 Facilitated Group Discussion. These stories reflect the journey we, as parents and caregivers, undertake to develop our own self-regulation skills and guide our children in discovering and using tools that support their unique self-regulatory needs. While these scenarios appear static on the page, it’s important to remember that self-regulation is a dynamic, ever-evolving process—and that’s both healthy and necessary. There are many iterations of events in our lives (even everyday common situations) where we can use this framework. 1. Identify indicators that your energy levels are being stressed or out of balance for the situation. 2. Get curious. This is a good place to ask questions to find out why your or your child’s energy level is stressed or out of balance now. 3. Mitigate with strategies to help regulate: How can you and/or your child reduce, restructure, or restore elements affecting energy levels in order to thrive more often? Get Curious: HALT Method The HALT Method is one tool that you can use as you get curious about stressors leading to dysregulation. Ask your child or yourself these questions to quickly identify ways to come back to a more balanced state. Am I Hungry? Do I feel Angry? Do I feel Lonely? Am I Tired? Thirsty? Scenario 1: Leading by Example, A Parent’s POV Background. On my drive home from work after a long day, I pick up my child from school and find myself griping about other drivers, snapping at my kids with short and abrasive answers to their questions, and by the time I get home, I have a headache. Identify Indicators Let’s take a moment to recognize that there are several indicators of stress here. I am irritable, exhibiting externalized “behaviors,” and even have physical indicators such as a headache. Get Curious So, now that I have identified I am experiencing stress, I ask myself, “Why now?” This could involve a series of questions: Is it the commute? How did I feel when I left the office? When and what did I last eat? Did these indicators start before or after the kids got in the car? Is there any weather I am contending with? Is there anything playing on the radio (or any other noises in the car) that are bothering me? After thinking through these questions, I get a clearer picture of what may be happening: The commute doesn’t usually bother me, but I did have a really crummy meeting at the end of the day right before I left the office. I also haven’t eaten anything since a quick bite at lunch. I was grousing before the kids even got into the car. The earlier I recognize these indicators, the sooner I may be able to manage and self-regulate. The HALT Method can provide an easy to use framework for my detective work. Mitigate With Strategies for Regulation Before Leaving Work: I notice that as I’m packing up my stuff to head to my car, I have several stress indicators. My mind is racing with negative thoughts, I’m stiff in my movements, and I’m almost blind to my coworkers around me. What can I do to regulate my mind and body here and now and restore myself to a balanced energy level? Put a timer on my phone for 3-5 minutes, lean against my car, and take slow deep breaths—avoiding my phone entirely. Stop and take time to notice 5 things I can see, 4 things I can hear, 3 things I can smell, 2 things I can feel, and 1 thing I can taste. Play a short seek-and-find game such as spotting birds or bugs or count the number of blue objects I can see around me. Slowing down physically and redirecting my thoughts to something calming helps me recover so that I am better regulated when I pick up my kids. Instead of at an “eight” boiling point, I can self-regulate to a “two,” where I am better set to deal with upcoming stressors. In the Car: What if I notice my stress indicators while I’m driving? I can take a moment to recover. For instance, I can ask my kid to tell me some of their favorite jokes, pass me a granola bar from the stash I keep in the center console, and/or have them share (info dump) about a topic they love. I might say, “I’m all talked out from my work meetings right now. Maybe you could tell me about all of your favorite Pokemon and their powers while I listen quietly.” At Home: Or what if I don’t notice my stress until when I get home? I can try to recover by taking 5-10 minutes by myself in my bedroom or the bathroom or I can have a dance party and waltz around the kitchen with my kids or rock out to music. If my kids don’t like my music, they can put on their headphones while I play my favorite song. There are MANY ways to reduce stressors and restructure how you experience the drive home. What works one day may not work another day, but over time, certain strategies may prove consistently helpful. For instance: Reduce particular stimuli: I can’t listen to the news on my way to pick up the kids; it adds to my stress. Restructure the supplies in my car: I need granola bars and a bottle of water in the car. Restore: Taking deep breaths and watching nature really help, so remember to take 3 minutes before getting into the car to restore your energy levels to a more appropriate place for driving. Self-regulation is a practice—one that evolves as we learn what works best for us and our families. Scenario 2: ADHD and The Morning Routine Background. My kiddo and I are getting ready to head out the door for school in the morning, but my child is on the floor, yelling and growling about how stupid their shoes are and how they have no idea where their backpack is. I know his ADHD and fine motor skills challenges are challenging, but is that all that’s going on? Identify Indicators When these moments happen, I try to pause and recognize the stress signals. My child is externalizing their stress by yelling and making agitated, exaggerated movements. They’re also irritable and snapping at me when I try to help. Get Curious Mornings can be tough for many families, and I’ve found that with my 2e child, it’s even more complex. This is often due to lagging skills or trying to fit a “typical routine” onto a neurodivergent child. Before I become dysregulated, I pause and ask, “Why now?” This leads me to a series of questions related to tying the shoes: Is this a trigger because of their small motor challenges? Is this task physically difficult and time-consuming, especially when we’re rushed? Are they feeling frustrated, thinking, “This should be easy, but I’m struggling, and we’re in a hurry”? Did they eat breakfast this morning or was their routine already disrupted in some way? Did they sleep okay last night? Do they have something stressful happening at school that I don’t know about? All of that may add to their stress. Mitigate with Strategies for Regulation Since small motor skills are a known challenge for my child, I try to support them by reducing stressors when we’re in a rush. I offer to tie their shoes, saying something like, “I’ll tie one shoe, then you tie the other, and then I’ll grab my purse and keys.” Sometimes, I’ll tie their shoes completely if it’s a particularly tough morning. I remind myself that they aren’t giving me a hard time; they’re having a hard time. Acknowledging their difficulty and offering support also helps model self-regulation. For the future, I might look for ways to reduce this stressor, like getting slip-on shoes or elastic shoelaces. In time-sensitive situations, I’ve found that prioritizing what helps now—like slip-on shoes—makes a big difference. While I want my child to learn to tie shoes, I’ve realized that practicing this skill can wait until a less stressful time or could be done with help from an occupational therapist. Even many adults prefer slip-on shoes for convenience. Expert Tips on Recovering, Reducing, & Restructuring for your 2e/ADHD Child: A. Addressing Broader Morning Stress Even after simplifying the shoe issue, I’ve noticed mornings can still be stressful. If my child shows signs of tension—tight shoulders, irritability, or freezing up—I take a step back and get curious. I ask myself: Are there other parts of the morning routine that involve fine motor skills? Am I supporting or scaffolding those areas to reduce stress? For example, I’ve found that simplifying clothing choices helps. Elastic waistbands, t-shirts, and sweatshirts make getting dressed easier and less frustrating. B. ADHD and Morning Routine Challenges For my child, ADHD also plays a role in morning challenges. Research shows that ADHD can make it harder to remember task sequences, so we restructured our morning routine to include visual task printouts and multiple timers. Visual morning task boards are a big help. Time blindness is another common ADHD struggle, so I use alarms to structure our mornings. Here’s an example of what works for us: 6:45 am: Alarm to get out of bed, with the task board showing “get dressed” and “brush teeth.” 7:00 am: Alarm to go downstairs for breakfast. (I leave a buffer for snoozing or zoning out and gently remind them about their tasks.) 7:25 am: Alarm to signal breakfast is almost over. 7:30 am: Alarm to finish breakfast, put on shoes, and grab the backpack. 7:45 am: Alarm to head out the door. C. The Importance of Modeling Self-Regulation Finding solutions to help my child manage their experiences benefits everyone in the family. I remind myself that I’ve made adjustments in my own life to reduce stress and have learned to self-regulate when challenges arise. For example, I use alarms for tasks, labeling them with titles like “Get dressed,” and I don’t turn them off until I’m actually doing the task. I also use my phone and other devices to set daily reminders to stay on track with daily routines. Teaching and modeling these skills is essential. The earlier kids and parents start practicing self-regulation, the less stress we’ll all have to manage in the long run. Scenario 3: Homework Woes with a 2e AuADHD, Dyslexic Teen Background. It’s 6:30 pm and our family has just finished dinner. My teen is sitting at the kitchen table where they do their homework nightly and they seem to be frozen. There is no movement past getting out a binder and opening their laptop. There is no typing, no paper shuffling, and they have a blank stare. The only movement I have seen in the last five minutes is fidgeting with their pencil. Identify Indicators I know that for my teen, task initiation can be challenging, which is not uncommon in ADHD. And I see several signs I have begun to recognize over the years as stress indicators. They are frozen and sitting very still while their eyes are glazed over. Their only movement is to absentmindedly pick at their pen top. Even though for some kids, dysregulation stress indicators could look like yelling, anger, irritability, fatigue, and so many more, my kid’s “freeze mode” is a stress indicator. Get Curious We work on getting curious together as to why this is happening now. I start by asking them easy questions that are not demands. I approach them calmly and judgment-free (no easy task with a teenager!) to uncover what is going on and how we might support them to self-regulate and move forward, recognizing that the dysregulation might also stem from many stressors throughout the day. Are you doing okay? What is your next step? Is the lighting in the room bothering you? Do you have your headphones? How can I help you get started? Tell me what was going on in your day? What’s the craziest thing that happened to you today? Do you want to talk about this now or in 30 minutes? Mitigate with Strategies for Regulation Homework can often feel like a high-stress time for everyone involved. With a teenager, taking a deep breath most likely won't help them fully self-regulate in this moment. Over the years, we’ve tried many steps to reduce, restructure, and restore around daily homework routines and challenges. Reduce. We reduce homework stress by employing “body doubling,” ensuring someone else is in the room working quietly on a project (such as paying bills, reading a book, catching up on email, doing a craft project) while our teen completes homework. Restructure. We’ve restructured our homework routine to decrease stress by putting an intentional break between the end of the school day and the start of homework time. We’ve found that taking time between school and homework to do something fun and active helps create space for relaxation and a reminder that there is more to life than schoolwork. Restore. Proper rest is essential to our child’s ability to complete a long school day, participate in beloved activities, and then tackle homework. We’ve implemented routines such as closing down electronics and a consistent bedtime to help ensure our teen gets the sleep they need. These strategies have been the result of ongoing trials and adjustments refined over several years. Learning to regulate in the face of evolving stressors is an ongoing process of trying, reflecting, and then trying again. The benefit of this process is that our teen is actively practicing self-regulation and developing complex executive functioning skills now, with our guidance and support. This gives them the opportunity to experience setbacks, learn from them, and try again in a safe and collaborative environment. We believe it’s far better for our child to navigate these struggles at home at age 15 than to face similar challenges alone in an apartment at age 25. So, we intentionally create space to discuss and make room for trial and error, supporting their growth while encouraging resilience. This approach ensures they are building the skills they’ll need to face future challenges independently, with confidence and self-regulation. You’ve reached the end of this series on 2e/Emotional Regulation with insights and lessons learned from our Fall 2024 Facilitated Discussion Group. The first article provides an introduction to the concepts of twice-exceptionality and emotional regulation. The second article outlines A 3-Step Pathway to Better Regulation Management. The third article dives into the Importance of Co-Regulation. We also include a Reference and Resource List. Plus, you can download this template of the 3-Step Pathway to use with your family. Prefer to read the full set of articles in one easy-to-print format? Check out this downloadable version. We’ve presented an approach that, in our experience, can help with “in the moment” emotional regulation challenges and set up systems to address specific scenarios of dysregulation. A next step recommended by Dr. Stuart Shanker is to reflect. We encourage you and your family to be intentional about finding time to reflect on what you’re all learning about emotional regulation and energy management. Doing so periodically will ensure that those lessons you’re each learning are more fully embedded into your daily practices. Teresa Nair, M. Ed., has a Master's in Cognitive Diversity in Education and a Certificate in Twice-Exceptional Education from Bridges Graduate School, along with over 20 years of experience in education and business. Teresa is a passionate advocate for supporting families and neurodivergent children. Her extensive background and innovative work reflect her deep commitment to creating inclusive and neurodivergent positive environments. As a neurodivergent individual herself, Teresa combines empathy with expertise, offering valuable insights, resources, and support to help both parents and children navigate educational journeys with confidence and understanding. You can email Teresa at Teresa@reel2e.org. References & Resources We created a series of articles on the topic of 2e/Emotional Regulation based on insights and lessons learned from our Fall 2024 Facilitated Discussion Group. The first article provides an introduction to the concepts of twice-exceptionality and emotional regulation. The second article outlines A 3-Step Pathway to Better Regulation Management. The third article dives into the Importance of Co-Regulation. The last article presents real-life situations. We also include this Reference and Resource List if you’d like to learn more. Prefer to read the full set of articles in one easy-to-print format? Check out this downloadable version. Stuart Shanker is a professor, researcher, and leading thinker in the self-regulation space. The Self-Reg website from The Mehrit Center houses a depth of information on the Shanker Self-Reg approach. Want to dive deeper into Stuart Shanker’s Five Domains of Self-Regulation? Check out these infographics from Kristen Wiens at North Star Paths. Our very own DEAR REEL model includes the “Reframing Behaviors” component, which largely focuses on getting curious about dysregulation and all of its manifestations, from fight or flight to freeze and flop. Autism Level Up provides a font of resources and tools focused on energy regulation, another way of thinking about self-regulation and emotional regulation Curious about co-regulation? Kidnectivity provides a quick look as part of its Parenting in the 21st Century write-up. Express Yourself NC offers an awesome Emotional Regulation Hierarchy infographic and other great tips for emotional regulation. Raising Children Australia outlines the ages and stages of self-regulation development as well as suggested strategies. Sunfield Center offers tips for Self-Regulation for Parents of Neurodivergent Children. Looking for something a little more academic? This 2020 study addresses the complexity of self-regulation for neurodivergent children. Prefer a video to learn more about emotional regulation? We love this one from Emily Kircher-Morris at the Neurodiversity Podcast. Dr. Danika Maddocks provides this seven-minute read “Oh no! Homework! Tips for Reducing Power Struggles Over the Dreaded H-word”

Important to Know: The Role of Co-Regulation (Part 3 of 4) The first article in this series provided an Introduction and Overview to Emotional Regulation. Then, the second article outlined A 3-Step Pathway to Better Regulation Management. In this third article we ground ourselves in the importance of co-regulation. We begin with ourselves. As with all skills, learning self-regulation and emotional management strategies isn’t accomplished in isolation—children will learn from the scaffolding and examples of the role models in their lives. And, because these skills develop with time, self-regulation begins with co-regulation—a collaborative process where parents and caregivers help children navigate their emotions and behaviors. Self-regulation develops over time, from infancy through childhood, and yet is not a skill children develop on their own, according to Dr. Stuart Shanker. For 2e children, who often experience delays in physical, cognitive, social, or emotional development, the developmental timeline may extend well beyond early childhood. Even in neurotypical development, the frontal cortex, which is responsible for executive function which plays a significant role in self-regulation, is not fully developed until a person’s mid-20s. As adults, most of us have experienced that moment when stress takes over—your heart races, you try to breathe more deeply, and you feel a slight headache building. Then someone just as stressed enters the room, making it nearly impossible to accomplish anything until one of you finds a way to self-regulate. Maybe you break the tension with a quick joke or step away for a few moments of peace. Either way, a “reset” has to happen before you can move forward together. The same dynamic applies to your child. When both you and your child are stressed, progress often can’t happen until someone pauses to self-regulate—and as an adult, that responsibility typically falls to you. With years of experience managing stress, you’re in a better position to take the lead. Armed with this guide and a deeper understanding of self-regulation, you can approach those moments more intentionally. By becoming the calm, self-regulated presence in the room, you model and guide your child toward steadier ground, equipping them with tools to handle tough moments. Prioritizing your own self-regulation not only fosters a more supportive environment but also sets the stage for your child to practice and strengthen their own self-regulation skills. Parents, caregivers, and educators create a safe and supportive environment when they remain calm during stressful situations and approach challenges with the mindset that “the child is not giving you a hard time; the child is having a hard time” (as written by Jen Alexander in her book Building Trauma-Sensitive Schools). This calm presence helps children learn to regulate their emotions by example. Though we understand that this calm may be easier said than done, we do believe that with conscious practice and attention to your own needs and self-regulation skills, calm gets easier and more within reach for everyone. Even adults rely on co-regulation, seeking out friends or supportive family members to help manage their own emotional states. By modeling healthy responses to stress and providing steady support, parents and caregivers play an essential role in helping 2e children build emotional resilience and develop the skills they need to self-regulate over time. (You might want to read this article, “What Color is Your Anxiety?” from REEL Co-Founder Callie Turk about the importance of co-regulation and a strategy she used to improve her own regulation.) Read the final article in the series with Real-Life Examples and Scenarios which includes a Reference and Resource List if you’d like to learn more. Prefer to read the full set of articles in one easy-to-print format? Check out this downloadable version. Teresa Nair, M. Ed., has a Master's in Cognitive Diversity in Education and a Certificate in Twice-Exceptional Education from Bridges Graduate School, along with over 20 years of experience in education and business. Teresa is a passionate advocate for supporting families and neurodivergent children. Her extensive background and innovative work reflect her deep commitment to creating inclusive and neurodivergent positive environments. As a neurodivergent individual herself, Teresa combines empathy with expertise, offering valuable insights, resources, and support to help both parents and children navigate educational journeys with confidence and understanding. You can email Teresa at Teresa@reel2e.org.

A 3-Step Pathway to Better Regulation Management (Part 2 of 4) The first article in this series provided an Introduction and Overview to Emotional Regulation. In this second article we address the question “How do we put all of this information into action?” Based on our synthesis of the available information, small group discussions, and hands-on work with dozens of families of 2e learners, we suggest a 3-step pathway that simplifies and combines ideas on self-regulation and energy management through the 2e lens. This approach underscores why punishment is not an effective long-term solution for emotional regulation—behavioral challenges often stem from environmental triggers and skill deficits that must be addressed through collaboration and support to achieve meaningful growth. Step 1. Identify Indicators: Communication Through Behaviors and Experiences Managing stress and energy levels lies at the heart of self-regulation. This isn’t possible if we don’t have self-awareness about how our body and brain respond to emotions. Many neurodivergent and twice-exceptional people may have trouble recognizing and naming their emotions (known as alexithymia), but they still experience them, perhaps just differently than expected. Given this, a critical first step in self-understanding to support self-regulation is understanding our own personal triggers or what stimuli has led to dysregulation of our energy. For parents and caregivers of 2e children, this means tuning into stress indicators—both for yourself and your child. Paying attention to these signals without judgment can help you and your child better understand when stress is present. Tracking these types of indicators over time is a valuable part of identifying patterns of dysregulation as well. More importantly, identifying, understanding, and addressing these signs early is essential, as chronic stress can impact both mental and physical health over time. Indicators can vary from person to person but often manifest as physical signs such as headaches, fatigue, or stomachaches, and/or emotional responses such as irritability, anxiety, or withdrawal. Stress often reveals itself through behaviors such as yelling, crying, teasing, withdrawing, or shutting down. These actions are not simply “acting out” but signals of unmet needs or struggles with stress management. Step 2. Get Curious: What Do the Indicators Reveal Viewing behaviors and physical symptoms as communication allows parents and caregivers to approach them with curiosity rather than frustration. Once you’ve recognized stress indicators (the sooner, the better), it’s time to ask reflective questions like, “Why now?”, “What has recently happened or is happening that might be causing this response?”, or “Is this part of a larger or longer-term pattern of experience that we can piece together?” Recall that Dr. Stuart Shanker’s Self-Reg work focuses on five key domains: biological, emotional, cognitive, social, and prosocial. Do your child’s experiences relate to frustration or alarm in any of these domains? When you and your child are calm and regulated, take time to explore these domains together to identify stressors for both you and your child, and develop proactive strategies. For example, is hunger or fatigue impacting the biological domain? Could misunderstandings with peers or siblings create stress in the social domain? It’s important to understand that the source of dysregulation could result from an event or situation that occurred hours or even days prior, or result from various stressful triggers compounding over time. Common Triggers for 2e Kids Physical sensitivities such as shower pressure, wind pressure, tags on clothes Sound sensitivities including humming, whistling, crunching, eating sounds, horns, sirens Visual sensitivity such as finger tapping, chewing, busy spaces Internalized shame due to lagging skills, differences between their own and others’ expectations and what they can produce, perfectionism Frustration when tasks are both too difficult and easy at the same time, boredom This approach encourages a detective mindset, helping you uncover triggers and patterns. Understanding these triggers can lead to more effective solutions. Recognizing the underlying causes behind behaviors and physical symptoms helps reframe challenges into opportunities for connection and support. The work to identify indicators and get curious about triggers informs our ability to map specific dysregulating conditions and plan ahead to reduce dysregulation and recover from it more quickly. Knowing these will make it easier to take proactive steps to help you and your child with self-regulation. A few tips from our group: Include your child in the process of identifying triggers and diving into the sources of dysregulation. They know their own experiences better than anyone. What happens in the moment may only be part of the story—there could be underlying factors or a buildup of emotions that your child can help illuminate. Plus, it’s vital that they learn to understand themselves to build their own self-understanding and compassion. It’s not usually productive to dive deep in the moment when the child is dysregulated. Address the immediate need to create safety and calm, then debrief later. Frame dysregulated episodes as learning opportunities. We are all always learning and growing. We all make mistakes and can learn from those and continue to know ourselves and find ways to walk through the world that work better for us as individuals. Model mistake making and recovery. It’s important for parents, caregivers, and educators to acknowledge when they are dysregulated or have not self-regulated in the ways they’d like. And then to talk to their children about their own indicators, detective work, and mitigation strategies. This type of scaffolding is critical to the learning process and also lets children know that perfection is not the goal. 2e kids often experience higher anxiety than their less asynchronous peers. They are often more aware of their challenges, which can lead to increased frustration and sadness. They may put more energy into masking their ways of walking through the world, leading to exhaustion. These internalized experiences may express themselves as dysregulated responses or shutdown. The goal of learning regulation skills isn’t to mask our responses to triggers, environments, and situations, but rather to understand those elements so that we can walk through the world with more ease. Remember to find times when children can boldly express their emotions, responses, and experiences. We cannot nor should we expect others to live in a state of constant emotional neutrality. There is joy in living passionately and loudly when we’re able, and doing so can be a great release. Many families include more than one 2e individual - and their indicators, triggers, and solutions may sometimes come into conflict. It’s important to keep an eye on these situations as well and communicate as a family to develop fair solutions. Step 3. Mitigate: Reduce, Restructure, Restore The next step in managing stress is mitigation. Once you’ve identified what’s causing the stress, consider what actions can be taken to reduce, restructure, or restore. Reduce focuses on minimizing stressors that contribute to overload. This could be making sure the tags are taken out of clothing if your child has sensory issues or making sure your child has access to voice-to-text capabilities in the classroom to reduce stressors related to dysgraphia or dyslexia. The goal is to lessen the burden of overwhelming situations so that regulation becomes more attainable. Restructure means adjusting the environment, expectations, or approach to better support regulation. This might involve modifying routines, breaking tasks into smaller steps, using visual schedules, or implementing alternative strategies that align with a child's strengths and needs. The goal is to create a framework that makes self-regulation more accessible and sustainable. Restore shifts towards engaging in activities or practices that replenish energy and bring the nervous system back to a balanced state. This may involve taking breaks, practicing mindfulness, engaging in movement or sensory activities, or using calming techniques such as deep breathing or taking a break so the child can do their favorite hobby. The goal is to help the child recover from stress and regain emotional and physical equilibrium. As you practice awareness and build stress management skills (covered in the next article), remember that self-regulation is a lifelong process that requires patience and practice. By modeling this awareness for your child and working together to address stress, you empower them with tools to navigate their unique challenges. Check out the next article in the series on the importance of Co-Regulation. The fourth and final article presents Real-Life Examples and Scenarios and a Reference and Resource list. Plus, we’ve created a downloadable template of the 3-Step Pathway to use with your family. Prefer to read the full set of articles in one easy-to-print format? Check out this downloadable version. Teresa Nair, M. Ed., has a Master's in Cognitive Diversity in Education and a Certificate in Twice-Exceptional Education from Bridges Graduate School, along with over 20 years of experience in education and business. Teresa is a passionate advocate for supporting families and neurodivergent children. Her extensive background and innovative work reflect her deep commitment to creating inclusive and neurodivergent positive environments. As a neurodivergent individual herself, Teresa combines empathy with expertise, offering valuable insights, resources, and support to help both parents and children navigate educational journeys with confidence and understanding. You can email Teresa at Teresa@reel2e.org.

Understanding 2e and Self-Regulation (Part 1 of 4) As part of REEL’s mission is to ensure Silicon Valley twice-exceptional students thrive in school by raising parent and educator awareness and understanding of practical, research-based strategies to address their needs successfully, we host quarterly topical Facilitated Small Group Discussions. We launched our first group in Fall 2024 focused on the topic of emotional regulation and twice-exceptional learners. During these sessions, the participants dive deeply into topics of interest to caregivers of twice-exceptional children; the intimate setting allows for rich conversation and support to take place. We want to extend the learnings from these small group sessions to our entire community. After each quarterly group, we hope to publish a summary of the key insights. Our first article in this series on the topic of 2e/Emotional Regulation (below) provides an Introduction to Twice-Exceptionality and Emotional Regulation. Our second article covers A 3-Step Pathway to Better Regulation Management. The third article dives into the Importance of Co-Regulation. The last article presents real-life situations and also includes a Reference and Resource List if you’d like to learn more. Prefer to read this straight through in one easy-to-print format? Check out this downloadable version. “Kids do well if they can.” -Dr. Ross Greene Introduction Parenting a twice-exceptional (2e) child is a unique and rewarding journey, often accompanied by challenges that can feel overwhelming and isolating. 2e children navigate a world that doesn’t always recognize or support their complex profiles. As caregivers, we’re called to advocate for, nurture them, and guide them through this journey, often learning as we go. We chose to address emotional regulation as the focused topic of our first Facilitated Discussion Group because 75% of the respondents to our Annual REEL Community Survey said that this was an important area. Within this resource, you will find research-backed insights, practical advice, and a curated collection of tools around self-regulation to address the most common challenges faced by 2e families. We aim to offer a starting point with ideas that you can revisit, knowing that developing self-regulation takes time and practice to learn about and master. Connection and grace are key underpinnings to REEL’s work. We understand that no two 2e children—or their families—are alike. That’s why we’ve included contributions from experienced professionals and the lived experiences of parents who “get it,” including a blending of real-life stories from the parents who participated in our recent small group sessions. You are not alone, and we hope that we will be a trusted companion as you advocate for and celebrate your 2e child’s unique brilliance. Whether you are new to the concept of twice-exceptionality or have been navigating this path for years, our goal is to empower you with tools, strategies, and connections to help your child develop essential skills and thrive—academically, emotionally, and socially. We invite you to explore, share, and return to this guide as a source of inspiration and support. Together, as a community of families, educators, and advocates, we can help create a world where twice-exceptional children are recognized, understood, and empowered to reach their full potential. A Quick Overview of Twice-Exceptional (2e) and Self-Regulation: Understanding 2e and Self-Regulation Self-regulation is a complex concept that is defined in many ways. It is often referred to in discussions about how to manage emotions, behaviors, and reactions to various stimuli that could lead to a stress response. 2e children’s (and 2e adult’s!) experience of self-regulation may be more complex and unique compared to their neurotypical peers. Let’s start with an introduction to these concepts. For more general information on twice-exceptionality, we recommend these resources: REEL Resources: Intro to 2e Video: How to Support 2e Learners: The DEAR REEL Model Video: What is Twice Exceptional? (Seth Perler, 2018) Bridges 2e Center for Research and Development Twice-Exceptional Learners 2e Handbook (Fairfax County Public Schools - Virginia) What Makes 2e Children Unique? 2e children possess remarkable strengths that set them apart, including: Exceptional abilities in one or more academic subjects. Advanced cognitive skills, such as strong memory, attention to detail, or high verbal abilities. Intense curiosity and drive to learn in areas of personal interest. Remarkable creative abilities that often lead to innovative thinking. At the same time, 2e children frequently face significant challenges in more traditional environments due to neurodevelopmental conditions like dyslexia, ADHD, or autism. Baum et al. (2017) introduced the metaphor of “green” to describe 2e children. This metaphor represents the blend of “yellow” strengths and “blue” challenges that interact simultaneously. 2e individuals’ strengths and challenges combine and interact, requiring support which differs from those with only one of these exceptionalities. Understanding this dynamic is essential to supporting 2e children in developing self-regulation strategies that work for their unique needs, taking into consideration their often asynchronous development of cognitive abilities, executive function, and social-emotional skills. Example: A lion is always in the room. A dyslexic, 2e child may genuinely enjoy a story when a teacher reads aloud to the class, and even participate in deep and creative discussions in complex and nuanced ways. Still, the knowledge that they may need to complete other related tasks, such as read the rest of the story themselves, complete spelling tests on the vocabulary, write an essay on the story, or read out loud to the class, can cause deep stress. The child experiences BOTH the joy of learning and despair of failure and humiliation, at the same time. To their brain and nervous system, it’s like a lion is constantly lurking nearby, waiting to pounce. This joy of learning, coupled with the fear and exhaustion around the challenges associated with their neurodivergence, is a common experience for many 2e children. How do they learn to regulate these strong emotions and feelings that they are constantly bombarded with? Especially when, in addition to their 2e profile, they are children whose brains are still developing? What is Self-Regulation? Self-regulation is a complex concept. Because there is a wealth of information available about self-regulation and strategies for improving it, we provide a summarized glimpse into the concept, simplified for ease of understanding and practical application with 2e children and families. Self-regulation is a skill we leverage across many areas of our lives in different ways. For the purpose of our small group discussions, we looked at definitions like Raising Children of Australia’s: “Self-regulation is the ability to understand and manage your behaviour and your reactions to feelings and things happening around you.” From there, we discussed Dr. Stuart Shanker, a researcher and professor emeritus from York University in Canada, who developed the Self-Reg Model. He has written many best-selling books on the topic, describing self-regulation as “managing stress and energy levels to thrive.” The Self-Reg framework is a robust model featuring five practices that support self-regulation offering a deeper lens for exploring stress through five interconnected domains that influence stress levels: biological, emotional, cognitive, social, and prosocial. And then we came to Autism Level Up, which shifts from a frame of self-regulation to energy regulation, recognizing that each person will have their own, individual emotional response to environments, situations, and triggers, and that children can learn to understand and attend to their energy in these various situations. For instance, the self-regulation and energy demands a person needs for a trip to an amusement park differ greatly from a visit to the library. For twice-exceptional (2e) children, self-regulation and energy management can be particularly challenging due to the constant interplay between their strengths and struggles. When life situations are both too hard and too easy at the same time; when their tendency toward perfectionism clashes with lagging skills; or their ability to articulate at length about an area of interest while struggling to write for a class assignment, frustration and stress will likely be the result. Ready to learn more? The second article in this series covers a 3-Step Pathway to Better Regulation Management. The third article dives into the importance of Co-Regulation between caregiver and child. The fourth and final article presents Real-Life Examples and Scenarios and also includes a Reference and Resource List. Prefer to read the full set of articles in one easy-to-print format? Check out this downloadable version. Teresa Nair, M. Ed., has a Master's in Cognitive Diversity in Education and a Certificate in Twice-Exceptional Education from Bridges Graduate School, along with over 20 years of experience in education and business. Teresa is a passionate advocate for supporting families and neurodivergent children. Her extensive background and innovative work reflect her deep commitment to creating inclusive and neurodivergent positive environments. As a neurodivergent individual herself, Teresa combines empathy with expertise, offering valuable insights, resources, and support to help both parents and children navigate educational journeys with confidence and understanding. You can email Teresa at Teresa@reel2e.org.