Effective Strategies for Educators: Talking to Parents About Student Challenges

REEL is frequently asked by educators how to approach conversations with parents about academic, behavioral, or social-emotional concerns regarding a student. What is appropriate to say? How should they handle situations where parents are resistant or do not understand the concerns?

To provide guidance, we spoke with several experts including an educator-turned-special education advocate with experience across multiple districts, a Santa Clara County Office of Education leader, and parents in our community.

Establish a Positive Connection with Parents at the Start of the Year

Teachers who spend time at the start of the year getting to know each student and establishing rapport and communication channels with parents open the door for future communications of all types. Sending each parent a note or phone call at the start of the year about their child’s strengths and what you enjoy about having them in your classroom starts your relationship off on a positive note. For example, “The frequency of Riley's class participation is fantastic. He is constantly raising his hand to contribute to our class discussion, read aloud, or answer a question” or “Mila is just FUN to have in class! There's been several times she’s read off the board in a ‘fancy voice’ because it was a direct quote from the Constitution or a formal definition. Her joy, humor, and inclusion of others makes our class a more vibrant place to learn. I'm thankful for it.”

You can start the year with strength-based classroom activities and ask all parents to fill out a one-pager about their child so you can get to know them better.

"At the Twice-Exceptional Teacher Education Conference, Dr. Claire Hughes recounted a story which serves as a powerful example of how spending some time up front can save time and headaches later. One year as she began to teach a class of middle school students, she sat down and called the parents of each and every one, and simply told them something positive about their child. She called one particular mom and told her, “I just want to let you know, I really enjoy having Jake in my class! He is so funny - his sense of humor adds a lot to our class discussions!” The mom waited a moment, and said, “But…?” Dr. Hughes replied, “There’s no ‘but,’ that’s it - I just wanted to let you know I’m enjoying having him in my class.” The mom was stunned. She had never had a phone call from a teacher which was anything but negative, and she had gotten those calls a lot. From that point forward, that mom knew this teacher was on her team. Teacher, parent, and student now had a productive relationship. Time spent calling each parent was reaped through smoother, more positive interactions throughout the school year.

-November 2024 REEL Executive Director Newsletter

Gather Data

The experts we spoke with emphasized the importance of gathering observational data before initiating discussions with parents. Educators should document when and where concerns arise—do they occur throughout the day, such as with social skills challenges, or only in specific contexts, like during math time? Do difficulties persist even during preferred activities and low-demand situations?

Other potential questions to consider include:

Does the student struggle with shifting from one activity to another, for example, moving from recess to classroom time or from one subject to another?
Does the student have difficulty in group work but thrive in independent tasks? Or vice versa?
Does the student give up easily when faced with challenges? Or consistently demonstrate frustration with certain types of assignments?
Can the student follow directions easily in one-on-one settings but not in whole-group instruction?
Does the student engage in reciprocal conversations, or do they struggle with initiating or maintaining interactions with classmates?
Is the student easily distracted in all settings, or only in certain situations (e.g., during long listening activities but not hands-on work)?
Are there specific triggers that cause emotional outbursts or withdrawal?
Does the student show a disequilibrium in their learning trajectory - excelling in some subject areas, while struggling in others?

Collaborate with the Team & Implement Recommendations

Every district operates differently, but many schools hold weekly grade-level collaboration meetings where educators discuss student concerns and develop strategies for support. These meetings provide an opportunity to brainstorm interventions with a wider team.

Educators should implement the team’s suggested strategies for approximately 4-6 weeks while continuing to collect observational data. If the interventions are ineffective, data should reflect this. If the student shows improvement, educators should continue using and refining the strategies.

During this period, teachers may also seek input from other site-based and/or district specialists, including reading interventionists, school psychologists, school counselors, occupational therapists, or speech therapists. These professionals can observe the student in the classroom and around school as well as contribute to the data collection process.

Holding an SST Meeting

In some districts, if the child’s situation isn’t improving, the next step may be a Student Study Team (SST) meeting. This is a collaborative problem-solving session that typically includes the school psychologist, special education specialists, general education teachers, the principal, and parents. The purpose is to develop a structured intervention plan to support the student’s academic, behavioral, or social-emotional needs.

When educators follow the SST process, they create a documented history of concerns, which can reduce resistance from both parents and other stakeholders. It also ensures that any future recommendations, such as an Individualized Education Program (IEP) evaluation, do not come as a surprise.

Communicating with Parents About an SST Meeting

When reaching out to parents, educators should maintain a neutral and objective tone, avoiding emotional interpretations. They should share observations in a factual manner, such as: “I’ve noticed that Max has difficulty taking turns on the playground,” or “Ava seems avoidant during reading time.” This should be followed by an invitation to collaborate: “Let’s schedule an SST meeting to discuss this further and get more brains on this.”

Using a “warm reporting” approach—highlighting the student’s strengths and fostering empathy—can help build trust. Establishing strong parent-teacher relationships early in the school year also makes these discussions easier since those efforts will have established a solid parent/teacher relationship.

Importantly, educators should not mention assessments or diagnoses at this stage. Prematurely mentioning assessments can put parents on the defensive and damage the school-home relationship. It may also kick-off parent requests for a full work up which may not be necessary, or not necessary at this time.. Also, depending on the family’s home language, Interpretation services should be provided as needed to ensure full participation of the parents in the process.

A Parent’s Perspective

One parent from our community shared very different experiences with two teachers who raised concerns about her two children. Regarding one child, she said: “My son’s kindergarten teacher insisted that he had autism because he lacked eye contact and said he should be evaluated. I felt it was inappropriate for her to make such a diagnosis—especially since my son did not turn out to have autism.”

With her second child, however, she had a much better experience: “My second son’s school had a structured system for informing parents about concerns and making recommendations. When I met with the administrator, she provided a well-organized report outlining his strengths, observed concerns, school action plan, and suggestions for next steps, such as consulting my pediatrician.”

SST Process

During the SST meeting, the team should present collected data, describe interventions that were tried, and discuss their effectiveness. Educators should also inquire about what strategies work at home and incorporate parental insights into the plan.

Typically, the SST team will develop an intervention plan to be implemented over a period of time, often six weeks. Follow-up meetings may be scheduled to assess progress and adjust strategies as needed.

If interventions are ineffective and the professionals on the team – teacher, school psychologist, or principal - feel the challenges are interfering with the student’s access to education, they are legally bound to offer an assessment for special education.

The school psychologist would be the most likely one to make the recommendation, but every situation is different. If a team notices a pattern in a student, they should report that pattern to the parent, avoiding any diagnostic language. The school psychologist could say something like, “These patterns have been linked to <autism/ADHD/dyslexia/etc.>, and I suggest you speak to your pediatrician, and/or I can recommend a support group.”

Any school personnel can recommend that a parent request an assessment. But, it can be a tough spot for a teacher, as many schools really want families to go through the process - SST, Tier 1-2 supports - before heading to an assessment. Therefore, the best thing a teacher can do is to hold an SST meeting as soon as they notice something – that gets the process started, and then, if an assessment is requested, there likely won’t be the same push back.

Throughout this process, the SST team should support parents by providing guidance, validating their emotions, and offering resources. If parents resist necessary interventions, district-level personnel may need to step in to ensure the child receives appropriate support. The team can also refer parents to local special education parent support groups as valuable resources.

Parents may also request an IEP evaluation at any point during this process. Please read: REEL’s Guide to IEPs for Twice-Exceptional Learners for details.

We’ve created this guide to help parents understand IEPs, the basics of the process for pursuing an IEP, common myths and misconceptions, how to leverage IEPs to address the unique needs of the 2e, and more. Our goal? To ensure parents of 2e learners understand that IEPs may help their students grow into more successful students and that families have the right to request this support from their districts. Although not every 2e student will qualify for an IEP, every family has the right to know how to make the request.

Promoting Awareness and Reducing Stigma

Beyond addressing individual student concerns, educators play a crucial role in fostering a school-wide culture of understanding and inclusivity, which is essential for twice-exceptional students’ well-being. Proactively sharing resources about neurodiversity and learning differences with the broader school community helps normalize these discussions, equipping parents with knowledge before concerns arise about their own children.

Schools can implement initiatives such as:

Parent Education Workshops: Hosting informational sessions on neurodiversity, executive functioning challenges, and/or emotional regulation can provide parents with valuable insights and strategies.
Classroom Read-Alouds and Discussions: Introducing age-appropriate books and activities that celebrate different learning preferences helps students develop empathy and self-awareness. (Check out REEL's list of books featuring neurodivergent characters, and an elementary teacher sharing how she uses picture books to teach about neurodiversity).
Newsletters and Resource Sharing: Regularly including articles, book recommendations, short videos, or expert insights in school communications helps parents learn at their own pace. (You can start with REEL's 2e Topics resources lists and sign up for REEL's newsletters.)
Collaboration with Specialists: Inviting school psychologists, occupational therapists, or speech-language pathologists to present on relevant topics ensures families receive accurate information from professionals.
Highlighting Success Stories: Showcasing stories of students thriving with the right supports can help shift perspectives and encourage proactive engagement from parents.

By embedding neurodiversity education into the school’s culture, educators create an environment where parents feel more open to discussions about their child's needs. Reducing stigma benefits all students by fostering a community that embraces diverse learning profiles and promotes early intervention.

Conclusion

Supporting students requires patience, structure, and collaboration. While it can be challenging to watch a child struggle, following a structured process ensures that interventions are effective and lead to the best possible outcomes for the student, their parents, and their educators.

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About one of our experts:

Heather is passionate about creating environments where all learners thrive and has a knack for connecting with teens and children, especially those who think, learn, and thrive outside the “box.” As an elementary school teacher, Heather relished finding new ways to include and educate the diverse learners in her classroom. It was a natural progression into special education. She focused her master’s work on Dyslexia, spent time at Charles Armstrong learning Orton-Gillingham’s multisensory reading approach, and created her own multisensory systematic reading program for elementary school students with outstanding results. At the high school level, Heather focused on creating programs for students with ASD, ADHD, Anxiety, Depression, and other emotional challenges. She spent time as an Inclusion Specialist and mentored new special education teachers, all while working privately as an executive functioning coach. Her warmth, collaborative skills, and innovative thinking help families figure out the puzzle of their child’s unique profile and find the best support and environments for their children. After spending three years at Lamborn Advocacy, learning from the best, she has rolled all her learning and experience into Mosaic Minds Consulting. She can be reached at Heather@mosaicmindsconsulting.com.