This cheat sheet is designed to help you better understand the executive functioning (EF) skills your twice-exceptional (2e) child may be using—or struggling to use—throughout the day. These terms come up often in our small group discussions, where parents share how EF challenges show up in real life: the backpack that never makes it to the hook, the meltdown over shifting plans, the great idea that never makes it onto the page. We encourage you not to try to take it all in at once. Choose just one or two EF terms at a time to focus on.  Use them to observe your child with curiosity, not judgment, and to start building practical strategies that support both their needs and their strengths. And remember—executive functioning skills are learned and practiced over time. As adults, we scaffold ourselves constantly: setting alarms, using calendars, creating checklists, even preparing lunches the night before. Our kids need the same kinds of support, often in more visible and hands-on ways, as they practice these skills and discover what works for them. Helping your child find what works for them will take trial and error, creativity, and patience. This vocabulary sheet is here to give you a shared language and a starting point for that process. Core Executive Functions Term Definition Where I See My Child’s Strengths or Struggles - Examples Working Memory Holding and using information in your mind over short periods Remembering multi-step instructions like "Brush your teeth, pack your bag, and grab your lunch" Inhibitory Control Thinking before acting; resisting impulses Blurting out an answer in class Cognitive Flexibility Adapting to new rules, changes, or perspectives Transitioning from a canceled playdate to a new plan without melting down EF-Related Skills Term Definition What These Skills in Action Could Look Like  - Examples Planning Mapping out steps to reach a goal A child makes a list of materials and steps needed to complete a science project. Task Initiation Starting tasks without excessive procrastination A student begins their homework when it’s assigned instead of putting it off until bedtime. Organization Structuring materials and spaces effectively A child keeps a labeled folder for each subject in their backpack. Time Management Estimating and using time wisely A teen sets a timer to spend 30 minutes on math and 20 minutes on reading. Goal-Directed Persistence Following through on a task even when it gets hard A student keeps practicing piano every day, even when they’re frustrated. Sustained Attention Staying focused over time A child reads quietly for 25 minutes without getting distracted. Attention Shifting Moving focus from one task to another as needed A student transitions from free play to a structured classroom activity without melting down. Prioritization Identifying what’s most important and doing it first A child finishes their book report before choosing to organize their desk. Metacognition Thinking about your own thinking and behavior A teen realizes they’re getting distracted and moves to a quieter space. Mental Flexibility Trying a new method when stuck A student who usually draws their ideas switches to writing a bullet list when stuck. Delayed Gratification Choosing long-term goals over short-term desires A child saves their allowance for weeks to buy a more expensive toy instead of spending it immediately. Impulse Control Managing urges and reactions A child resists the urge to interrupt and raises their hand in class. Response Inhibition Pausing to consider the consequences before acting A teen starts to respond sarcastically but stops themselves, realizing it may hurt a friend’s feelings. Adaptability Adjusting to change or unexpected shifts A child handles a substitute teacher or a cancelled playdate without shutting down. Self-Talk/Internal Dialogue Using inner language to guide actions A child says quietly to themselves, “First math, then recess,” to stay focused.

Last updated Nov 15, 2022 2e News With a mission to maintain a fruitful conversation among key stakeholders to improve the lives of gifted students with learning differences, 2e News provides readers with high-level information and perspectives about twice-exceptional (2e) education and cognitive diversity. ​ The 2e Center for Research and Professional Development at Bridges The 2e Center is a first-of-its-kind multidisciplinary hub where professionals, scholars, and practitioners combine expertise to enhance understanding of the growing population of 2e students. ​ Belin-Blank Center Interested to learn more about the “Paradox of Twice-Exceptionality”? The University of Iowa College of Education’s Belin-Blank Center provides free, downloadable resources. ​ Twice Exceptionality: A Resource Guide for Parents The Davidson Institute for Talent Development released this awesome, free resource guide covering everything from the definition of 2e to the school experience and advocacy. ​ Understood Provides free, well-researched resources and videos to support parents of children with learning and attention issues, including those who are twice exceptional. ​ Bright & Quirky Summit Bright & Quirky eases the struggle for bright and quirky kids and parents, helps them self-actualize with the help of experts in the fields of mental health and education, and inspires the hope that new ideas and possibilities bring. The Bright & Quirky Summit 2019 brought together 30 leaders in the field, including Temple Grandin, Dr. Dan Peters, and Dr. Susan Baum. ​ 2e Resource Articles, advice from professionals, teaching strategies, newsletters and spotlight series, to help you better understand your twice-exceptional students and help them achieve success. Learnfully Educational support, academic tutoring, test prep, IEP support, and more for kids with learning differences.

Note: This piece was originally published in 2e news in 2021 . We have made a few slight modifications and are reprinting it here. Twice-exceptional students have few forums to express their lived educational experiences. Recently, we at Silicon Valley 2e advocacy group REEL launched our “Living & Learning 2e” blog series, which is dedicated to giving twice-exceptional teens and young adults a place to share their voices. The bloggers include students from ninth grade through sophomore year in college with a range of learning differences such as autism, ADHD, dysgraphia, and anxiety. While every 2e learner is different, common themes emerge across the six bloggers’ experiences that shine a light on ways educators can better support these neurodivergent students. On the Inside — What It Feels Like to Be 2e Many bloggers found that at first being 2e just felt “normal” because, of course, they didn’t know any different! Their twice-exceptionality is a part of who they are. However, their interior lives often became more difficult over time. Their behavior in early grades was often misunderstood by peers and teachers alike. As they entered the more academically and socially demanding secondary school years, their internal experiences became more stressful, ranging from frustration, paralyzing perfectionism, and embarrassment, to low self-esteem, feeling stupid or anxious, and like they had no future. Blogger Ava described her internal turmoil thusly: “I often found my hands resting on my keyboard and my eyes locked on the blinking cursor on Google Docs, unable to figure out what’s wrong. There are so many different perspectives running around my mind at once; deciding which one to listen to is the most time-consuming part of school work. This causes an issue with perfectionism, as I definitely can’t please every part of my mind with all the assignments I finish and tests I take. This leads to late work stacking up, incomplete tests that result in point deductions, more stress and panic, and a never-ending hole that slowly starts caving in.” For most of the bloggers, their internal experience shifted as they moved beyond adolescence, changed their educational environments, and encountered supportive teachers, all of which helped them embrace their neurodivergent profiles. The youngest contributor, Mike, observed, “I don’t want me being smart or me having disabilities to be part of who I am in any way possible.” Older twice-exceptional learners, however, have more fully integrated their 2e attributes into their way of being. As Noah said, “I hope that everywhere I go, I can help others realize that 2e people aren’t a joke, but more like superhumans held back by mental chains.” For the three young women who contributed to the series, actually getting a diagnosis altered their own understanding of their experiences. While every male blogger’s learning differences were identified in elementary school or earlier, the three female bloggers’ differences went undiagnosed until high school or later, leaving the students facing confusion in their earlier years that their diagnosis ultimately helped to clarify. As an example, with a better understanding of her autistic profile, Lucy evolved from a “level of perfectionism that was intensely debilitating. I was terrified of letting it go because it was also one of my greatest strengths,” to having “a framework to understand the atypical, sometimes pathological, but still pretty cool workings of my mind. … Knowing that I was autistic gave me the confidence to make decisions based on what was best for me rather than what seemed normal.” The Best Teacher — Ever When prompted to describe their best teacher, several similar characteristics emerge: flexibility, kindness, and understanding. The bloggers’ most effective teachers were non-threatening, nonjudgmental, and offered unconditional support. These teachers modified or shortened homework assignments or allowed homework to be turned in by the end of the term instead of on constant, tight deadlines; offered clear class assignments and a willingness to answer questions; took time to talk with students after class and during office hours; prevented ridicule by both teachers and other students; and celebrated achievements. These 2e learners appreciated when these strategies were implemented for everyone in the classroom as part of the community norm. In addition, bloggers Serena and Noah, both of whom have ADHD, noticed that the teachers who were most helpful for them also have ADHD, perhaps bringing more empathy and less judgment to their students’ experience. Help — It Makes All the Difference Teachers must proactively reach out to students. Although students should aim to connect with their teachers, many students believe it isn’t acceptable to ask for help or are embarrassed by the ways their schools offer help. For instance, Ava recalled this experience in high school: “In 10th grade, I was placed in a class focused on helping underperforming students organize their schoolwork and learn more efficient study skills. I was embarrassed to be in the class and tried everything I could to get out of being placed there. I wouldn’t admit to anyone that I was taking the class and would actively avoid being seen walking toward the classroom out of fear of being made fun of for not being as ‘normal’ as my peers. Why do we think it’s bad to get help when struggling?” However, once Ava had the chance to experience dual enrollment through her school’s Middle College program (where she was part of a cohort of high school students taking community college courses), she learned the power of establishing close relationships with her teachers. “My teachers didn’t make me feel like the letters on my transcript defined my self worth,” she said. “Instead, they reached their caring hands outward and offered an amount of help I had never experienced before. “Asking for help and admitting that you can’t do something on your own takes strength and should be commended.” Listen Up — Advice for Teachers The 2e bloggers’ advice for teachers runs the gamut from general attitudes and specific classroom procedures to school-wide policies. They center around these themes: Be flexible, be patient, be accepting . Listen to students and ask them as individuals what help they need to remove barriers to learning . Serena emphasized, “It’s incredibly important to both discuss our ‘disabilities’ and how they actually affect us, not just how you think they do. ADHD goes so much beyond ‘can’t sit, can’t do work, must go zoom zoom.’ I hate to break it to you, but that’s not ADHD. That’s my cat .” Acknowledge students’ challenges and strengths; don’t invalidate their struggles . Serena said, “We’re not trying to intentionally act out or underperform — please never jump to conclusions or purposely invalidate our struggles. Just because a student may appear outwardly high-achieving doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t need any extra support (we’ve learned to mask this and often compensate in terrible ways!).” Let students explore their interests . Give them choices for projects and creative freedom to demonstrate their knowledge beyond the standard essay or test. Ava said, “I learned so much more when I was allowed to do a project I was motivated to complete. It’s challenging and sometimes impossible to accommodate every student’s needs, but making it clear that you’re there to help come up with ways for students to feel confident in the material is crucial.” Understand that even the brightest students may have a learning difference , meaning their accommodations are essential but also won’t automatically solve their challenges. Mike observed that once he had an accommodation for his dysgraphia that allowed him to type rather than handwrite assignments, “all of the other problems weren’t magically fixed. Things just aren’t designed for me.” Provide clear, step-by-step instructions as well as samples of class projects, and then check in with students to ensure they understand assignments. Mike wrote that his best teachers “are the ones who communicate clearly and make sure I understand what I need to be doing.” Adopt policies using standards-based grading that reflect mastery of learning objectives instead of focusing on completion of homework assignments. This could include excusing homework when mastery has been demonstrated (through an assessment, final project, etc.), allowing for shortened assignments, and/or accepting late homework without penalty whenever possible. Chris said, “Even more days to turn in assignments doesn’t help with being perpetually behind, which inhibits learning the content. If I’ve scored well on an exam but am behind in assignments, allow the flexibility to just let me move on, since I’ve shown mastery of the content.” If you suspect a child may have an undiagnosed learning disability or mental wellness challenge, please advocate on their behalf for an evaluation , even for high schoolers. As Serena said, “I only wish I could tell them about the psychological trauma and internalized inferiority that comes from being undiagnosed for so long.” Hopes for the Future — 2e Empowerment The bloggers envision a brighter future for living and learning. The pandemic has created more widespread acceptance of alternative teaching methods and online learning. In some cases, there has been more freedom to work at one’s pace and more flexibility afforded to students. While there is no magical cure-all, the bloggers sense that change is possible, and several have made a commitment to increase awareness of twice-exceptionality and neurodiversity. For example, Serena launched the NeurodiverCity website with a vision to eliminate misconceptions, reduce stigma, and establish a supportive community of neurodiverse individuals. Spotlight on Equity — A Call to Action Of the six contributors to the Living & Learning 2e series, three are still in high school (two at private schools and one other at a charter school); two graduated from private high schools; one finished high school as part of a dual-enrollment program; and one did not graduate. Lucy acknowledged that she, as well as many of the 2e bloggers, was “exceedingly lucky to have gone to a school that, instead of adding stress and anxiety to my life, helped me do the things I love, even as I struggled with severe illness. At my lowest points, school didn’t intensify my misery. It gave me a reason to keep going.” This raises important questions: What if no schools in your area will support learning differences or twice-exceptionality? What if your community doesn’t offer a better-fit charter or dual-enrollment program? Or your parents don’t have the resources (e.g., time, financial, English language skills) to advocate year after year on your behalf? Notwithstanding these six teens’ experiences, more often than not, 2e students attend public schools and rely on their teachers to help them to learn and grow. Given this, Noah suggests there is work to do. “We need more awareness on who and what a 2e student is, as too many people are living their lives believing that they are just dumb or don’t have what it takes,” he said. “Those people need help, not to correct their problems, but to help overcome them.” Otherwise, we miss out on 2e learners’ tremendous potential, which Ava described as “insane amounts of creativity, the ability to see things in a way that ‘regular’ people can’t, empathy, determination, enough knowledge to fill a library, and layer after layer of unseen talent.” Authors’ note: REEL thanks Ava , Chris , Lucy , Mike , Noah , and Serena for their time and willingness to share their personal experiences. Know someone who would like to contribute to the REEL Living & Learning 2e blog series? Email hello@reelpaloalto.org to get involved.

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined.” - Henry David Thoreau You’ve just gotten the ‘official’ word - your child is dyslexic, or has ADHD, or is autistic. Perhaps they’re gifted as well, and the psychologist used the term twice-exceptional (2e), which sounds to you like a euphemism for some other dreadful thing you’ve now got to understand. You’re in fix-it mode, scrambling to figure out what to do next. You may even have some grief. Welcome to the journey. I’ve been there. And I’m here to tell you now to pause. Take a deep breath. It’s time now, right from the beginning, to recognize everything that is great about this new world you’ve found yourself in. I’m here to tell you ‘congratulations.’ Really. For three reasons: Reason #1 - people who are different are AWESOME. Jonathan Mooney said it best with the title of his book, “Normal Sucks.” Jonathan Mooney’s thesis is more than just a rant about ‘normal’ vs. something else. In fact, what he is teaching us with this book is something fundamentally critical - that we really are all different and there is no such thing as ‘normal.’ But it is also critically important that you know that there are incredible traits associated with these diagnosis labels of which you might not be aware. For instance, many dyslexics credit their dyslexia for their enhanced visual-spatial abilities, including Dr. Beryl Benacerraf, who attributes her success as a radiologist to her dyslexia, writing, “I live in a world of patterns and images and I see things that no one else sees.” Dr. Ned Hallowell, an expert on ADHD, describes ADHD individuals as having “ferrari brains.” Both dyslexics and ADHD individuals are very often extremely creative and charismatic leaders and as such make fabulous and successful entrepreneurs. Autistic people tend to be honest, logical thinkers whose passion for their interests and attention to detail are incredible assets. Much of this has to do with the unique brain wiring of neurodivergent people. But I believe it is also attributable to the second and third reasons this is such great news: Reason #2 - diagnoses are empowering. This diagnosis is like a flashlight illuminating your child’s path. Think for a moment about your current professional life, and what it took for you to get where you are today. Was it a straight path directly from your childhood to your current level of success? For most of us, the path isn’t straight. It’s full of twists and turns, ups and downs, side careers, and detours. Because here’s the thing - anyone who think that success looks like this: Is most likely only just down at the beginning: Now that you know what the path will look like, you’re ready to embark on a meaningful and directed partnership with your child, school, and community. Which brings me to the third reason: Reason #3 - challenges breed resilience! Imagine for a moment that you want to train for a marathon, and you have two practice tracks you have to choose from: Which road would be better for you to train on? The squiggly one of course! Training there is going to be awesome - having all of that road to travel will be great exercise! You’ll get so fit! You’ll get so much more training in and be so much better prepared than if you just had that measly straight line. Sure it will be hard; training successfully will require grit, determination, perseverance, and resilience. But these are traits that we want for our children, and that we recognize will make successful adults. It’s great to have as squiggly a line as possible - because it means you’re going to have a ton of opportunities to flex that grit and determination, perseverance and resilience. As parents of - and individuals with - these squiggly paths, you’re going to need grit and resilience. Because for you the path may not just be squiggly... Source: University of Texas at Austin Graduate School: Studying Knots and Four-Dimensional Spaces ...it may be more like a four-dimensional knot from a graduate mathematics dissertation! I believe in this very strongly! How strongly, you ask? So strongly that I have “Ad astra per aspera” tattooed on my feet. I first heard this phrase in my 6th grade Latin class, which translates as “to the stars through difficulties." Ad astra per aspera has resonated with me all my life, and in 2017 I had it tattooed on my feet, so that I could see it each day, as I put one foot in front of the other. Your children have awesome gifts. Knowledge is empowerment. And your journey will breed resilience, which translates to success. So let’s get to it! Now that we’re excited to start navigating our road, head over to part 2 of this series, where we will dive into how to start building your own roadmaps for this journey.

The Hard Things Are Easy and the Easy Things Are Hard Many 2e children experience a mismatch between what the world expects them to be able to do and what actually comes easily. A child may struggle with “easy” tasks like tying shoes or organizing a backpack, while soaring in “hard” areas like mental math or storytelling. This reversal can lead to frustration, misunderstanding, and burnout—for kids and caregivers alike. Activity: Flipping Expectations Use the chart below to reflect on your child, student, or someone you support: "Hard" Things That Are Easy "Easy" Things That Are Hard After filling it out, take a moment to reflect on how much time and energy you focus on the “easy” things that are hard vs the “hard” things that are easy. Too often, parents and educators spend most of their energy trying to "fix" what isn't working.  What if instead we: Scaffolded “easy” tasks instead of forcing readiness and let go of timelines that don’t fit our kids? Rather than expecting kids to meet typical timelines for everyday tasks, we offer support that meets them where they are. Using checklists, modeling, or tools that align with their strengths (like visual cues for visual thinkers), we honor their unique pace. A neuro-affirming, strength-based approach reminds us that independence grows through support, not pressure. Focused more time and energy nurturing strengths ?  It is critical for parents and educators to take the time to understand what lights a child up and sustains them, and then to provide each child with opportunities to spend time in those spaces every day. Making sure kids know what they’re great at, and giving them time to do it and share it builds their self-efficacy and self-confidence. Not only does it give them time to hone and improve themselves, doing something they enjoy makes them feel good. Research shows that these types of positive experiences help build a wellspring of inner resources that an individual can draw upon throughout their lives, as well as improves their ability to attend to executive function, emotional regulation, and social attention in the here and now. Print out a pdf chart to fill out:

As the school year winds down and summer begins, it’s natural to reflect on the past year—its challenges, milestones, and surprises. For families raising neurodivergent children, that reflection can often feel weighted toward what was hard. But here’s a powerful shift: What if we used this transition to focus on strengths instead? At REEL2e and Young Scholars Academy, we believe a strength-based, talent-focused approach isn’t just feel-good language—it’s a foundation for helping our kids thrive. Why It Matters Strength-based conversations build confidence and self-worth. They highlight what your child can  do—not just what’s hard. They spark curiosity, motivation, and joyful learning. They shift your family from surviving to thriving. Start the Conversation Try these 5 reflection questions to help your child celebrate growth (from Sam Young’s article Questions to help your 2e child identify their unique strengths ): What are you most proud of from this year? What’s something new you learned or did that surprised you? What activity made you feel strong, smart, or excited? When did you help someone—or when did someone help you? What’s one thing you want to get even better at next year? These questions help your child see how far they’ve come—and where their strengths shine through. “Where the Mind Goes, Energy Flows” What we focus on grows. Neurodivergent kids often dwell on struggles because that’s where the feedback lands. But when we guide their focus toward strengths, they feel empowered and energized. Summer Strength-Building Activities Summer is the perfect time to lean into what lights your child up—while building real skills in fun, low-pressure ways. From “I forget everything” to “I think in pictures” Activity:  Create a visual calendar or checklist for summer routines, camps, or trips using drawings, colors, or photos.  Reframe with:   “How could we draw or design our summer plans so they’re easier to remember?” From “I can’t write essays” to “I tell great stories” Activity:  Turn storytelling into a summer project—record a podcast, draw a comic book, or create a narrated slideshow.  Reframe with:   “What story do you love to tell that we could turn into something fun this summer?” These activities reframe challenges while building planning, communication, and creative thinking. Everyday Reframes & Strength-Based Prompts Try these simple prompts to shift your child’s focus from struggle to strength: “What part of this feels fun, even just a little?” “What do you already know that could help here?” “When did you feel ‘in the zone’ this week?” “If you were the teacher, how would you teach this in a fun way?” Want More Strength-Based Support? Young Scholars Academy  is a virtual, strength-based village where 2e, gifted, and neurodivergent kids thrive. Explore classes:   youngscholarsacademy.org  Use code YSAREEL10  for 10% off all classes. REEL2e  is proud to support families in discovering strengths , building skills, and growing a connected community.

One evening, I was sitting at home, in a rare moment of quiet before bed, and realized I'd been spending almost all my time, energy, and resources supporting my children, and I was spent. W e parents often spend more energy, time and resources supporting our twice-exceptional (2e) children than we do on managing other aspects of our lives. We do so with deep love and an unquestionable commitment, but I imagine we all agree that it can be exhausting and sometimes depleting.  Over the past three and a half years, I’ve connected with many parents of 2e children, and I’ve learned that we parents are also on our own individual journeys, learning how best to support the rest of the family and ourselves. Each of our experiences is unique–even within a parent partnership–and, while community is incredibly helpful, at times it can still feel isolating.  While I don’t have a playbook to provide, I hope sharing my own journey in supporting my amazing and complex 2e tween will be a gentle reminder that we’re all in this together–on this ride of both challenges and joy. Even during each of our unique journeys, we’ll likely find ourselves going through a handful of similar experiences: identifying the right supports for our kids; dealing with parental guilt; processing this life chapter; and embracing progress. Identifying the right supports for each child For many, our journeys in parenting 2e children begin with getting a 2e diagnosis in the first place. Even before my son’s clinical diagnosis, my husband and I recognized he needed more support than we were able to provide. With his self-esteem rapidly decreasing, and his growing negative attitude towards school, we sought a therapist for him. After interviewing over a half dozen, we found one. Naively, we smiled and whispered to each other, “Yay, us!” After a few months of sessions, his therapist recommended we have him evaluated.   He was nine years old then. His evaluation confirmed what his therapist and his third grade teacher suspected: He’s gifted. This is when we also learned about his unspecified high anxiety disorder. Additionally, like many other kiddos with his profile, his evaluation identified several other strengths and challenges. This began a new chapter in our journey with him and in my own journey as a parent and an adult, meaning I had (and still have) my own “stuff” to manage along the way.  Dealing with parental guilt  Most of us parents are already plenty familiar with parental guilt…am I right? Parenting a 2e child amplifies it, with 20/20 hindsight as the common lever of choice. Looking back over the years, I ruminated, how did I miss so many signs, and what type of damage will those misses create? There was that evening when my son expressed with remarkable clarity and insistence that he no longer wanted to receive the Principal’s Award at school, which is given out to different students each month, because the event created tremendous dread in him as he walked to the stage and stood in front of the school to receive it. Then there was that time he wrung his hands so hard as he apologized to a car owner for accidently scratching the car with his bike that I was worried about him hurting himself. What kind of mother was I to miss all these signs and so many more? I judged myself with verdicts such as: I’m his mother, I should have known better. I should have done something sooner. I should have avoided certain situations.  The “should-haves” layered on even more guilt. I’m grateful to my circle of close friends and therapy sessions to help me work through many of these periods. A few times, I apologized to my son for something I had missed that led to discomfort for him. I held back on offering the rest of my hundreds of apologies to him because I realized they were more for me than him. Instead, they stayed swirling inside me, chasing after the guilt, followed by disappointment, frustration and grief. Usually, after a good cry or solid run, I could recognize that I can’t change the past, but I have the resources to help him now.  In other words, we’re all doing the best we can. Processing this life chapter   I was overwhelmed by trying to understand all the results of my son’s evaluation, which included many other strengths and challenges. As much as my husband and I yearned to address them all at once, we came to the painful realization that juggling them just wasn’t practical. Luckily, I reconnected with a friend from graduate school, who has a son with a similar profile and shared a wealth of wisdom. And when I learned about REEL almost six months later, I felt less alone within its incredibly supportive community.  Thanks to additional resources like Tilt Parenting , Mona Delahooke’s Brain-Body Parenting  and The Highly Sensitive Child  by Elaine Aron, my husband and I began to deepen our understanding of the diagnoses and clearly map out a plan (or, as we quickly learned, a version of many, on which we continue to iterate to this day!) for how to support him effectively. Even with the plan, I’ll admit that I continue to experience a mix of discouragement, overwhelm, underwhelm, inspiration, dead ends and a-ha’s. After learning how anxiety can hinder learning and executive functioning, I decided to prioritize anxiety, but of course it wasn’t that straightforward. What about his increasingly negative attitude towards school–towards learning? He’s an incredibly curious child, who absolutely loves learning, so we needed to help him enjoy school again. I decided that supporting his giftedness was a very close second priority. Juggling two big areas, while daunting, seemed sort of doable. As a result of all my research, I identified the most impactful areas to address first: sleep, catastrophizing and transitions. I also met with his teachers and the leadership at his school to try to better support his needs on campus. Like many decisions my husband and I have made for our children, intuition and science danced (and even argued) with each other. At times, the clinical data was disturbingly sparse, with emotionally convincing stories giving us hope. Other times, the data was super clear (thank goodness!). Nevertheless, sometimes with concrete evidence staring at me, I knew the recommended approach would not be a fit for him.   Over time, I’ve become increasingly confident in my ability to get  my son and provide what we think works best for him. I beat myself up when the chosen path doesn’t work as expected. I beg for patience and flexibility (with my son, husband and even myself), when the variables need to be tweaked a few times before we try another tool. (Can we try a heavier weighted blanket? Can we try a different meditation app? What about journaling?) When the outcome is positive, I quickly move on to the next area that needs attention.    Recognizing and embracing progress I know I need to take care of myself and at the very least pause for a little pat on the back. I do try to do this, but I admit to very quickly veering towards my son’s and my family’s needs. I’d love to end this story by declaring that my son now has control over his anxiety. I’d love to be able to stand tall and say, “We figured out everything my son needs, and we delivered!” Indeed, we’ve helped him. He’s even starting to help himself, by identifying resources and developing a solid toolkit. Let’s face it: His disorder means he’ll most likely always have to manage his anxiety, so he can live the life he wants. He’s come a long way. He sleeps much better, in terms of both quantity and quality. He’s learned to use tactics like looking at a person’s forehead, instead of their eyes, when he speaks with them. With these small and not-so-small victories, his confidence in experiencing the world has grown.  And as he changes and matures, and we learn more about him, we continue to uncover other aspects of his anxiety that we need to support. I always have an eye towards what’s next. I will say that part of my own journey has been to make a point of identifying the wins and progress, even if I do so while brushing my teeth before bed or as I observe my son diligently swimming laps outside in rain and cold–something he does with great interest, willingness and commitment, in any weather, which has been surprising and really heartening to watch. As he finds the things he enjoys and wants to pursue, I’m trying to remind myself to take time to celebrate those things, as I work to support them. I think the key for all of us parents trying to raise joyful, kind, healthy 2e kids is to really celebrate incremental progress. Write it down; take a picture; record it. Your child did that; you helped them; and you utilized the great resources available to help make progress. If we do a better job of intentionally celebrating our progress, we’ll have more energy when we go back to the drawing board and move on to the next challenge.  Just last week, because of road work, I had to drop my son off pretty far from the usual entrance to his swim practice, along a relatively busy road. In the past, such a last minute change would have created major angst and hesitation in him.  Internally, I kind of freaked out but as calmly as I could, I told him about the change and asked if he was ok finding his way from the temporary drop-off point to the pool. He said yes, very calmly. After practice, I saw him emerge from the detour with confidence and focus to find me. He had a great practice, too! Not a big win—but progress. Susan Tahir serves as Treasurer on the REEL Board of Directors. She has two children at home, including her 2e tween. She has over 15 years of experience building product and managing strategic alliances at startups and Fortune 500 companies. She previously served on the Board of Holt International Children’s Services. Susan earned her BA in International Studies from The American University and her MBA from the University of Michigan Business School. ​​She’s an endurance athlete, squeezing in marathons for now.  Some of the resources I’ve found helpful: For Parents: Brain-Body Parenting  by Mona Delahooke Breaking Free of Child Anxiety and OCD: A Scientifically Proven Program for Parents  by Eli Lebowitz The Highly Sensitive Child: Helping Our Children Thrive When The World Overwhelms Them  by Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D.  Living with Intensity: Understanding the Sensitivity, Excitability, and Emotional Development of Gifted Children, Adolescents, and Adults , edited by Susan Daniels & Michael M. Piechowski  The Neurodiversity Podcast  (Emily Kircher-Morris) Scaffold Parenting  by Harold Koplewicz Tilt Parenting  podcast (Debbie Reber) For Children: Find Your Calm: A Mindful Approach To Relieve Anxiety And Grow Your Bravery (Growing Heart & Minds)   by Gabi Garcia & Marta Pineda   Lila Greer, Teacher of the Year  by Andrea Beaty Under Pressure: The Science of Stress   by Tanya Lloyd Kyi & Marie-Ève Tremblay

As one year ends and another begins, it’s natural to reflect on the challenges and victories of the past twelve months. Raising a neurodivergent child can often feel like navigating a labyrinth of ups and downs, leaving many parents focusing on struggles instead of strengths. But here’s the good news: You can shift that mindset. One of the most powerful things we can do for ourselves and our kids is to adopt a strength-based, talent-focused approach to the new year. This means intentionally focusing on what we (and our children) excel at, what lights us up, and what makes us unique. It’s about celebrating growth, curiosity, and accomplishment instead of dwelling on where we fall short. Why Strength-Based Thinking Matters Our brains are wired to notice what’s wrong—it’s a survival mechanism. But in a world that often emphasizes “fixing” instead of flourishing, it’s easy to get stuck in a deficit-based mindset. For children, this shift toward strengths is even more critical. Early intervention and an intentional focus on their talents can exponentially alter their developmental trajectory, helping them spend less time struggling in areas where they don’t shine and more time thriving in spaces where they do. By highlighting their unique abilities and fostering a sense of success early on, we set the stage for stronger self-esteem, a love of learning, and the ability to navigate life’s challenges with confidence. Here’s the truth: When we focus on our strengths, it changes the way we feel, think, and even learn. Positive reinforcement releases those all-important neurotransmitters—dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin—that make us feel good, connected, and motivated. For children, who are forming their sense of self, this focus on strengths can mean the difference between a life defined by struggles and one filled with purpose and success. On the flip side, constant focus on deficits brings about negativity, making it hard for kids to imagine success or joy. It reinforces feelings of inadequacy and can keep them from reaching their full potential. Let me just come right out and say it: We live in a strength-based world and a deficit-based education system. At the end of the day, nobody cares how bad someone is at something—it’s all about how good they are at what they excel in. Unfortunately, we spend so much time steeping our kids in their deficits that it does lifelong harm. It hurts them personally and hurts us as a society, because these bright young minds never get the chance to fully develop their talents into treasures that could enrich us all. I don’t know about you, but I don’t spend much time wondering how good Simone Biles is at poetry. Or how good Amanda Gorman is as a gymnast. Their incredible contributions come from their strengths, not their weaknesses—and the same is true for your child. How to Start the Year with Strength-Based Momentum As we step into a new year, take time as a family to reflect on your strengths, accomplishments, and the moments that brought you joy. Here’s a quick exercise to help shift into a positive mindset: Ask your family these questions: • What are you most proud of from this past year? • What’s something new you accomplished that you couldn’t do before? • Did you make a meaningful connection with someone special? • What was a challenge you overcame, and how did you grow from it? • What’s one thing you learned this year that excited you or changed your perspective? Discussing these questions together can spark meaningful conversations and build a foundation for focusing on strengths in the year ahead. The Power of Your Perspective Remember: Where the mind goes, your energy flows. When you model strength-based thinking for your child, you teach them to value their own unique qualities and contributions. As parents, this starts with giving yourself grace. You’re already doing something incredible simply by being here, seeking resources, and prioritizing growth for your family. At Young Scholars Academy, we understand how important it is to create an environment where neurodivergent children thrive. Our strength-based approach connects families to mentors, classes, and a like-minded community where every child’s individuality is celebrated. A New Year of Possibility As you move into the New Year, take pride in the journey you’re on as a family. You’ve shown resilience, strength, and love, and you deserve to celebrate that. Let’s make this year the one where your family embraces strengths, fosters curiosity, and builds a future filled with possibility. Wishing You A Strength-Based, Talent-Focused  New Year From Young Scholars Academy! ------ Mr. Sam, MEd, is a growth-minded, two-time Fulbright Scholar and Director of Young Scholars Academy. Mr. Sam is a neurodivergent educator who has ADHD. As an ADHD learner, he has a tremendous understanding of, experience in, and respect for all things related to neurodiverse education. Young Scholars Academy is a virtual village that offers strength-based enrichment courses and community for 5-18-year-old gifted, twice-exceptional, and bright, differently-wired kiddos to empower them to develop their strengths, make like-minded friends, and thrive under the loving care of mentors! Picture a place where your child fits in, is celebrated, mentored, and loves learning the unique content that they crave. That is happening every day at YSA for nearly 400 families, and it can happen for your family too! Click Here to explore their classes and community: https://youngscholarsacademy.org/ Bonus- Reel families  receive a 10% discount on all classes! Use this code when you register to save 10%: YSAREEL10

REEL is frequently asked by educators how to approach conversations with parents about academic, behavioral, or social-emotional concerns regarding a student. What is appropriate to say? How should they handle situations where parents are resistant or do not understand the concerns? To provide guidance, we spoke with several experts including an educator-turned-special education advocate with experience across multiple districts, a Santa Clara County Office of Education leader, and parents in our community. Establish a Positive Connection with Parents at the Start of the Year Teachers who spend time at the start of the year getting to know each student and establishing rapport and communication channels with parents open the door for future communications of all types. Sending each parent a note or phone call at the start of the year about their child’s strengths and what you enjoy about having them in your classroom starts your relationship off on a positive note. For example, “The frequency of Riley's class participation is fantastic. He is constantly raising his hand to contribute to our class discussion, read aloud, or answer a question” or “Mila is just FUN to have in class! There's been several times she’s read off the board in a ‘fancy voice’ because it was a direct quote from the Constitution or a formal definition. Her joy, humor, and inclusion of others makes our class a more vibrant place to learn. I'm thankful for it.” You can start the year with strength-based classroom activities  and ask all parents to fill out a one-pager about their child  so you can get to know them better.  "At the Twice-Exceptional Teacher Education Conference, Dr. Claire Hughes recounted a story which serves as a powerful example of how spending some time up front can save time and headaches later. One year as she began to teach a class of middle school students, she sat down and called the parents of each and every one, and simply told them something positive about their child. She called one particular mom and told her, “I just want to let you know, I really enjoy having Jake in my class! He is so funny - his sense of humor adds a lot to our class discussions!” The mom waited a moment, and said, “But…?” Dr. Hughes replied, “There’s no ‘but,’ that’s it - I just wanted to let you know I’m enjoying having him in my class.” The mom was stunned. She had never had a phone call from a teacher which was anything but negative, and she had gotten those calls a lot. From that point forward, that mom knew this teacher was on her team. Teacher, parent, and student now had a productive relationship. Time spent calling each parent was reaped through smoother, more positive interactions throughout the school year. -November 2024 REEL Executive Director Newsletter  Gather Data The experts we spoke with emphasized the importance of gathering observational data before initiating discussions with parents. Educators should document when and where concerns arise—do they occur throughout the day, such as with social skills challenges, or only in specific contexts, like during math time? Do difficulties persist even during preferred activities and low-demand situations? Other potential questions to consider include: Does the student struggle with shifting from one activity to another, for example,  moving from recess to classroom time or from one subject to another? Does the student have difficulty in group work but thrive in independent tasks? Or vice versa? Does the student give up easily when faced with challenges? Or consistently demonstrate frustration with certain types of assignments? Can the student follow directions easily in one-on-one settings but not in whole-group instruction? Does the student engage in reciprocal conversations, or do they struggle with initiating or maintaining interactions with classmates? Is the student easily distracted in all settings, or only in certain situations (e.g., during long listening activities but not hands-on work)? Are there specific triggers that cause emotional outbursts or withdrawal? Does the student show a disequilibrium in their learning trajectory - excelling in some subject areas, while struggling in others? Collaborate with the Team & Implement Recommendations Every district operates differently, but many schools hold weekly grade-level collaboration meetings where educators discuss student concerns and develop strategies for support. These meetings provide an opportunity to brainstorm interventions with a wider team. Educators should implement the team’s suggested strategies for approximately 4-6 weeks while continuing to collect observational data. If the interventions are ineffective, data should reflect this. If the student shows improvement, educators should continue using and refining the strategies. During this period, teachers may also seek input from other site-based and/or district specialists, including reading interventionists, school psychologists, school counselors, occupational therapists, or speech therapists. These professionals can observe the student in the classroom and around school as well as contribute to the data collection process. Holding an SST Meeting In some districts, if the child’s situation isn’t improving, the next step may be a Student Study Team (SST) meeting. This is a collaborative problem-solving session that typically includes the school psychologist, special education specialists, general education teachers, the principal, and parents. The purpose is to develop a structured intervention plan to support the student’s academic, behavioral, or social-emotional needs. When educators follow the SST process, they create a documented history of concerns, which can reduce resistance from both parents and other stakeholders. It also ensures that any future recommendations, such as an Individualized Education Program (IEP) evaluation, do not come as a surprise. Communicating with Parents About an SST Meeting When reaching out to parents, educators should maintain a neutral and objective tone, avoiding emotional interpretations. They should share observations in a factual manner, such as: “I’ve noticed that Max has difficulty taking turns on the playground,” or “Ava seems avoidant during reading time.” This should be followed by an invitation to collaborate: “Let’s schedule an SST meeting to discuss this further and get more brains on this.” Using a “warm reporting” approach—highlighting the student’s strengths and fostering empathy—can help build trust. Establishing strong parent-teacher relationships early in the school year also makes these discussions easier since those efforts will have  established a solid parent/teacher relationship. Importantly, educators should not mention assessments or diagnoses  at this stage. Prematurely mentioning assessments can put parents on the defensive and damage the school-home relationship. It may also kick-off parent requests for a full work up which may not be necessary, or not necessary at this time.. Also, depending on the family’s home language, Interpretation services should be provided as needed to ensure full participation of the parents in the process. A Parent’s Perspective One parent from our community shared very different experiences with two teachers who raised concerns about her two children. Regarding one child, she said: “My son’s kindergarten teacher insisted that he had autism because he lacked eye contact and said he should be evaluated. I felt it was inappropriate for her to make such a diagnosis—especially since my son did not turn out to have autism.” With her second child, however, she had a much better experience: “My second son’s school had a structured system for informing parents about concerns and making recommendations. When I met with the administrator, she provided a well-organized report outlining his strengths, observed concerns, school action plan, and suggestions for next steps, such as consulting my pediatrician.” SST Process During the SST meeting, the team should present collected data, describe interventions that were tried, and discuss their effectiveness. Educators should also inquire about what strategies work at home and incorporate parental insights into the plan. Typically, the SST team will develop an intervention plan to be implemented over a period of time, often six weeks. Follow-up meetings may be scheduled to assess progress and adjust strategies as needed. If interventions are ineffective and the professionals on the team – teacher, school psychologist, or principal - feel the challenges are interfering with the student’s access to education, they are legally bound to offer an assessment for special education. The school psychologist would be the most likely one to make the recommendation, but every situation is different. If a team notices a pattern in a student, they should report that pattern to the parent, avoiding any diagnostic language. The school psychologist could say something like, “These patterns have been linked to , and I suggest you speak to your pediatrician, and/or I can recommend a support group.” Any school personnel can recommend that a parent request an assessment. But, it can be a tough spot for a teacher, as many schools really want families to go through the process - SST, Tier 1-2 supports - before heading to an assessment. Therefore, the best thing a teacher can do is to hold an SST meeting as soon as they notice something – that gets the process started, and then, if an assessment is requested, there likely won’t be the same push back. Throughout this process, the SST team should support parents by providing guidance, validating their emotions, and offering resources. If parents resist necessary interventions, district-level personnel may need to step in to ensure the child receives appropriate support. The team can also refer parents to local special education parent support groups as valuable resources. Parents may also request an IEP evaluation at any point during this process. Please read: REEL’s Guide to IEPs for Twice-Exceptional Learners  for details. We’ve created this guide to help parents understand IEPs, the basics of the process for pursuing an IEP, common myths and misconceptions, how to leverage IEPs to address the unique needs of the 2e, and more. Our goal? To ensure parents of 2e learners understand that IEPs may help their students grow into more successful students and that families have the right to request this support from their districts. Although not every 2e student will qualify for an IEP, every family has the right to know how to make the request. Promoting Awareness and Reducing Stigma Beyond addressing individual student concerns, educators play a crucial role in fostering a school-wide culture of understanding and inclusivity, which is essential for twice-exceptional students’ well-being. Proactively sharing resources about neurodiversity and learning differences with the broader school community helps normalize these discussions, equipping parents with knowledge before concerns arise about their own children. Schools can implement initiatives such as: Parent Education Workshops:  Hosting informational sessions on neurodiversity, executive functioning challenges, and/or emotional regulation can provide parents with valuable insights and strategies. Classroom Read-Alouds and Discussions:  Introducing age-appropriate books and activities that celebrate different learning preferences helps students develop empathy and self-awareness. (Check out REEL's list of books featuring neurodivergent characters , and an elementary teacher sharing how she uses picture books to teach about neurodiversity ). Newsletters and Resource Sharing:  Regularly including articles, book recommendations, short videos, or expert insights in school communications helps parents learn at their own pace. (You can start with REEL's 2e Topics resources lists and sign up for REEL's newsletters .) Collaboration with Specialists:  Inviting school psychologists, occupational therapists, or speech-language pathologists to present on relevant topics ensures families receive accurate information from professionals. Highlighting Success Stories:  Showcasing stories of students thriving with the right supports can help shift perspectives and encourage proactive engagement from parents. By embedding neurodiversity education into the school’s culture, educators create an environment where parents feel more open to discussions about their child's needs. Reducing stigma benefits all students by fostering a community that embraces diverse learning profiles and promotes early intervention. Conclusion Supporting students requires patience, structure, and collaboration. While it can be challenging to watch a child struggle, following a structured process ensures that interventions are effective and lead to the best possible outcomes for the student, their parents, and their educators. —----- About one of our experts: Heather is passionate about creating environments where all learners thrive and has a knack for connecting with teens and children, especially those who think, learn, and thrive outside the “box.”  As an elementary school teacher, Heather relished finding new ways to include and educate the diverse learners in her classroom. It was a natural progression into special education. She focused her master’s work on Dyslexia, spent time at Charles Armstrong learning Orton-Gillingham’s multisensory reading approach, and created her own multisensory systematic reading program for elementary school students with outstanding results. At the high school level, Heather focused on creating programs for students with ASD, ADHD, Anxiety, Depression, and other emotional challenges. She spent time as an Inclusion Specialist and mentored new special education teachers, all while working privately as an executive functioning coach.  Her warmth, collaborative skills, and innovative thinking help families figure out the puzzle of their child’s unique profile and find the best support and environments for their children. After spending three years at Lamborn Advocacy, learning from the best, she has rolled all her learning and experience into Mosaic Minds Consulting. She can be reached at Heather@mosaicmindsconsulting.com .

In Action: Examples and Scenarios (Part 4 of 4) The first article in this series provides an Introduction and Overview to Emotional Regulation. Then, the second article outlines A 3-Step Pathway to Better Regulation Management. In the third article , we discuss the Importance of Co-Regulation. In this final article in the series, we provide Real-Life Examples and Scenarios. We also include a Reference and Resource List . Plus, you can download this template of the 3-Step Pathway  to use with your family. Prefer to read the full set of articles in one easy-to-print format? Check out this downloadable version. Sometimes, the best way to understand a complex concept is by seeing it in action.  Below are examples of self-regulation in practice, drawn from the collective experiences of REEL parents and caregivers , including from the participants in our Fall 2024 Facilitated Group Discussion. These stories reflect the journey we, as parents and caregivers, undertake to develop our own self-regulation skills and guide our children in discovering and using tools that support their unique self-regulatory needs. While these scenarios appear static on the page, it’s important to remember that self-regulation is a dynamic, ever-evolving process—and that’s both healthy and necessary. There are many iterations of events in our lives (even everyday common situations) where we can use this framework. 1. Identify indicators that your energy levels are being stressed or out of balance for the situation. 2. Get curious . This is a good place to ask questions to find out why your or your child’s energy level is stressed or out of balance now.  3. Mitigate with strategies to help regulate: How can you and/or your child reduce , restructure , or restore elements affecting energy levels in order to thrive more often? Get Curious: HALT Method The HALT Method is one tool that you can use as you get curious about stressors leading to dysregulation. Ask your child or yourself these questions to quickly identify ways to come back to a more balanced state. Am I Hungry?   Do I feel Angry? Do I feel Lonely? Am I Tired? Thirsty? Scenario 1: Leading by Example, A Parent’s POV   Background. On my drive home from work after a long day, I pick up my child from school and find myself griping about other drivers, snapping at my kids with short and abrasive answers to their questions, and by the time I get home, I have a headache. Identify Indicators  Let’s take a moment to recognize that there are several indicators of stress here. I am irritable, exhibiting externalized “behaviors,” and even have physical indicators such as a headache.  Get Curious  So, now that I have identified I am experiencing stress, I ask myself, “Why now?” This could involve a series of questions: Is it the commute? How did I feel when I left the office? When and what did I last eat? Did these indicators start before or after the kids got in the car? Is there any weather I am contending with? Is there anything playing on the radio (or any other noises in the car) that are bothering me? After thinking through these questions, I get a clearer picture of what may be happening: The commute doesn’t usually bother me, but I did have a really crummy meeting at the end of the day right before I left the office. I also haven’t eaten anything since a quick bite at lunch. I was grousing before the kids even got into the car.  The earlier I recognize these indicators, the sooner I may be able to manage and self-regulate. The HALT Method can provide an easy to use framework for my detective work. Mitigate With Strategies for Regulation Before Leaving Work: I notice that as I’m packing up my stuff to head to my car, I have several stress indicators. My mind is racing with negative thoughts, I’m stiff in my movements, and I’m almost blind to my coworkers around me. What can I do to regulate my mind and body here and now and restore myself to a balanced energy level? Put a timer on my phone for 3-5 minutes, lean against my car, and take slow deep breaths—avoiding my phone entirely. Stop and take time to notice 5 things I can see, 4 things I can hear, 3 things I can smell, 2 things I can feel, and 1 thing I can taste. Play a short seek-and-find game such as spotting birds or bugs or count the number of  blue objects I can see around me. Slowing down physically and redirecting my thoughts to something calming helps me recover  so that I am better regulated when I pick up my kids. Instead of at an “eight” boiling point, I can self-regulate to a “two,” where I am better set to deal with upcoming stressors. In the Car: What if I notice my stress indicators while I’m driving? I can take a moment to recover. For instance, I can ask my kid to tell me some of their favorite jokes, pass me a granola bar from the stash I keep in the center console, and/or have them share (info dump) about a topic they love. I might say, “I’m all talked out from my work meetings right now. Maybe you could tell me about all of your favorite Pokemon and their powers while I listen quietly.”  At Home: Or what if I don’t notice my stress until when I get home? I can try to recover  by taking 5-10 minutes by myself in my bedroom or the bathroom or I can have a dance party and waltz around the kitchen with my kids or rock out to music. If my kids don’t like my music, they can put on their headphones while I play my favorite song. There are MANY ways to  reduce  stressors and restructure how you experience the drive home. What works one day may not work another day, but over time, certain strategies may prove consistently helpful. For instance: Reduce particular stimuli: I can’t listen to the news on my way to pick up the kids; it adds to my stress. Restructure the supplies in my car: I need granola bars and a bottle of water in the car. Restore : Taking deep breaths and watching nature really help, so remember to take 3 minutes before getting into the car to restore your energy levels to a more appropriate place for driving. Self-regulation is a practice—one that evolves as we learn what works best for us and our families. Scenario 2: ADHD and The Morning Routine  Background. My kiddo and I are getting ready to head out the door for school in the morning, but my child is on the floor, yelling and growling about how stupid their shoes are and how they have no idea where their backpack is. I know his ADHD and fine motor skills challenges are challenging, but is that all that’s going on? Identify Indicators  When these moments happen, I try to pause and recognize the stress signals. My child is externalizing their stress by yelling and making agitated, exaggerated movements. They’re also irritable and snapping at me when I try to help. Get Curious Mornings can be tough for many families, and I’ve found that with my 2e child, it’s even more complex. This is often due to lagging skills or trying to fit a “typical routine” onto a neurodivergent child.  Before I become dysregulated, I pause and ask, “Why now?” This leads me to a series of questions related to tying the shoes: Is this a trigger because of their small motor challenges? Is this task physically difficult and time-consuming, especially when we’re rushed?  Are they feeling frustrated, thinking, “This should be easy, but I’m struggling, and we’re in a hurry”?  Did they eat breakfast this morning or was their routine already disrupted in some way? Did they sleep okay last night? Do they have something stressful happening at school that I don’t know about?  All of that may add to their stress. Mitigate with Strategies for Regulation Since small motor skills are a known challenge for my child, I try to support them by reducing stressors when we’re in a rush. I offer to tie their shoes, saying something like, “I’ll tie one shoe, then you tie the other, and then I’ll grab my purse and keys.” Sometimes, I’ll tie their shoes completely if it’s a particularly tough morning. I remind myself that they aren’t giving me a hard time; they’re having a hard time. Acknowledging their difficulty and offering support also helps model self-regulation. For the future, I might look for ways to reduce this stressor, like getting slip-on shoes or elastic shoelaces. In time-sensitive situations, I’ve found that prioritizing what helps now—like slip-on shoes—makes a big difference. While I want my child to learn to tie shoes, I’ve realized that practicing this skill can wait until a less stressful time or could be done with help from an occupational therapist. Even many adults prefer slip-on shoes for convenience.  Expert Tips on Recovering, Reducing, & Restructuring for your 2e/ADHD Child: A. Addressing Broader Morning Stress Even after simplifying the shoe issue, I’ve noticed mornings can still be stressful. If my child shows signs of tension—tight shoulders, irritability, or freezing up—I take a step back and get curious. I ask myself: Are there other parts of the morning routine that involve fine motor skills? Am I supporting or scaffolding those areas to reduce stress? For example, I’ve found that simplifying clothing choices helps. Elastic waistbands, t-shirts, and sweatshirts make getting dressed easier and less frustrating. B. ADHD and Morning Routine Challenges For my child, ADHD also plays a role in morning challenges. Research shows that ADHD can make it harder to remember task sequences, so we restructured our morning routine to include visual task printouts and multiple timers. Visual morning task boards are a big help. Time blindness is another common ADHD struggle, so I use alarms to structure our mornings. Here’s an example of what works for us: 6:45 am : Alarm to get out of bed, with the task board showing “get dressed” and “brush teeth.” 7:00 am : Alarm to go downstairs for breakfast. (I leave a buffer for snoozing or zoning out and gently remind them about their tasks.) 7:25 am : Alarm to signal breakfast is almost over. 7:30 am : Alarm to finish breakfast, put on shoes, and grab the backpack. 7:45 am : Alarm to head out the door. C. The Importance of Modeling Self-Regulation Finding solutions to help my child manage their experiences benefits everyone in the family. I remind myself that I’ve made adjustments in my own life to reduce stress and have learned to self-regulate when challenges arise. For example, I use alarms for tasks, labeling them with titles like “Get dressed,” and I don’t turn them off until I’m actually doing the task. I also use my phone and other devices to set daily reminders to stay on track with daily routines. Teaching and modeling these skills is essential. The earlier kids and parents start practicing self-regulation, the less stress we’ll all have to manage in the long run. Scenario 3: Homework Woes with a 2e AuADHD, Dyslexic Teen Background. It’s 6:30 pm and our family has just finished dinner. My teen is sitting at the kitchen table where they do their homework nightly and they seem to be frozen. There is no movement past getting out a binder and opening their laptop. There is no typing, no paper shuffling, and they have a blank stare. The only movement I have seen in the last five minutes is fidgeting with their pencil.  Identify Indicators I know that for my teen, task initiation can be challenging, which is not uncommon in ADHD. And I see several signs I have begun to recognize over the years as stress indicators. They are frozen and sitting very still while their eyes are glazed over. Their only movement is to absentmindedly pick at their pen top. Even though for some kids, dysregulation stress indicators could look like yelling, anger, irritability, fatigue, and so many more, my kid’s “freeze mode” is a stress indicator.   Get Curious We work on getting curious together as to why this is happening now. I start by asking them easy questions that are not demands. I approach them calmly and judgment-free (no easy task with a teenager!) to uncover what is going on and how we might support them to self-regulate and move forward, recognizing that the dysregulation might also stem from many stressors throughout the day. Are you doing okay? What is your next step? Is the lighting in the room bothering you?  Do you have your headphones? How can I help you get started? Tell me what was going on in your day? What’s the craziest thing that happened to you today? Do you want to talk about this now or in 30 minutes? Mitigate with Strategies for Regulation Homework can often feel like a high-stress time for everyone involved. With a teenager, taking a deep breath most likely won't help them fully self-regulate in this moment. Over the years, we’ve tried many steps to reduce, restructure, and restore around daily homework routines and challenges.   Reduce. We reduce homework stress by employing “body doubling,”  ensuring someone else is in the room working quietly on a project (such as paying bills, reading a book, catching up on email, doing a craft project) while our teen completes homework. Restructure.  We’ve restructured our homework routine to decrease stress by putting an intentional break between the end of the school day and the start of homework time. We’ve found that taking time between school and homework to do something fun and active helps create space for relaxation and a reminder that there is more to life than schoolwork. Restore. Proper rest is essential to our child’s ability to complete a long school day, participate in beloved activities, and then tackle homework. We’ve implemented routines such as closing down electronics and a consistent bedtime to help ensure our teen gets the sleep they need.    These strategies have been the result of ongoing trials and adjustments refined over several years. Learning to regulate in the face of evolving stressors is an ongoing process of trying, reflecting, and then trying again.  The benefit of this process is that our teen is actively practicing self-regulation and developing complex executive functioning skills now, with our guidance and support. This gives them the opportunity to experience setbacks, learn from them, and try again in a safe and collaborative environment. We believe it’s far better for our child to navigate these struggles at home at age 15 than to face similar challenges alone in an apartment at age 25. So, we intentionally create space to discuss and make room for trial and error, supporting their growth while encouraging resilience. This approach ensures they are building the skills they’ll need to face future challenges independently, with confidence and self-regulation. You’ve reached the end of this series on 2e/Emotional Regulation with insights and lessons learned from our Fall 2024 Facilitated Discussion Group . The first article provides an introduction to the concepts of twice-exceptionality and emotional regulation. The second article outlines A 3-Step Pathway to Better Regulation Management. The third article dives into the Importance of Co-Regulation. We also include a Reference and Resource List . Plus, you can download this template of the 3-Step Pathway to use with your family. Prefer to read the full set of articles in one easy-to-print format? Check out this downloadable version. We’ve presented an approach that, in our experience, can help with “in the moment” emotional regulation challenges and set up systems to address specific scenarios of dysregulation. A next step recommended by Dr. Stuart Shanker is to reflect. We encourage you and your family to be intentional about finding time to reflect on what you’re all  learning about emotional regulation and energy management. Doing so periodically will ensure that those lessons you’re each learning are more fully embedded into your daily practices.  Teresa Nair, M. Ed., has a Master's in Cognitive Diversity in Education and a Certificate in Twice-Exceptional Education from Bridges Graduate School, along with over 20 years of experience in education and business. Teresa is a passionate advocate for supporting families and neurodivergent children. Her extensive background and innovative work reflect her deep commitment to creating inclusive and neurodivergent positive environments. As a neurodivergent individual herself, Teresa combines empathy with expertise, offering valuable insights, resources, and support to help both parents and children navigate educational journeys with confidence and understanding. You can email Teresa at Teresa@reel2e.org . References & Resources We created a series of articles on the topic of 2e/Emotional Regulation based on insights and lessons learned from our Fall 2024 Facilitated Discussion Group. The first article provides an introduction to the concepts of twice-exceptionality and emotional regulation. The second article outlines A 3-Step Pathway to Better Regulation Management. The third article dives into the Importance of Co-Regulation. The last article presents real-life situations. We also include this Reference and Resource List if you’d like to learn more. Prefer to read the full set of articles in one easy-to-print format? Check out this downloadable version. Stuart Shanker is a professor, researcher, and leading thinker in the self-regulation space. The Self-Reg website from The Mehrit Center houses a depth of information on the Shanker Self-Reg approach. Want to dive deeper into Stuart Shanker’s Five Domains of Self-Regulation? Check out these infographics  from Kristen Wiens at North Star Paths .  Our very own DEAR REEL model  includes the “Reframing Behaviors” component, which largely focuses on getting curious about dysregulation and all of its manifestations, from fight or flight to freeze and flop.  Autism Level Up  provides a font of resources and tools focused on energy regulation, another way of thinking about self-regulation and emotional regulation  Curious about co-regulation? Kidnectivity provides a quick look as part of its Parenting in the 21st Century  write-up. Express Yourself NC offers an awesome Emotional Regulation Hierarchy infographic  and other great tips for emotional regulation.  Raising Children Australia  outlines the ages and stages of self-regulation development as well as suggested strategies. Sunfield Center offers tips for Self-Regulation for Parents of Neurodivergent Children . Looking for something a little more academic? This 2020 study addresses the complexity of self-regulation for neurodivergent children . Prefer a video to learn more about emotional regulation? We love this one  from Emily Kircher-Morris at the Neurodiversity Podcast. Dr. Danika Maddocks provides this seven-minute read “Oh no! Homework! Tips for Reducing Power Struggles Over the Dreaded H-word”

Important to Know: The Role of Co-Regulation (Part 3 of 4) The first article in this series provided an Introduction and Overview to Emotional Regulation. Then, the second article outlined A 3-Step Pathway to Better Regulation Management. In this third article we ground ourselves in the importance of co-regulation. We begin with ourselves.  As with all skills, learning self-regulation and emotional management strategies isn’t accomplished in isolation—children will learn from the scaffolding and examples of the role models in their lives. And, because these skills develop with time, self-regulation begins with co-regulation—a collaborative process where parents and caregivers help children navigate their emotions and behaviors. Self-regulation develops over time, from infancy through childhood, and yet is not a skill children develop on their own, according to Dr. Stuart Shanker. For 2e children, who often experience delays in physical, cognitive, social, or emotional development, the developmental timeline may extend well beyond early childhood. Even in neurotypical development, the frontal cortex, which is responsible for executive function which plays a significant role in self-regulation, is not fully developed until a person’s mid-20s.  As adults, most of us have experienced that moment when stress takes over—your heart races, you try to breathe more deeply, and you feel a slight headache building. Then someone just as stressed enters the room, making it nearly impossible to accomplish anything until one of you finds a way to self-regulate. Maybe you break the tension with a quick joke or step away for a few moments of peace. Either way, a “reset” has to happen before you can move forward together. The same dynamic applies to your child. When both you and your child are stressed, progress often can’t happen until someone pauses to self-regulate—and as an adult, that responsibility typically falls to you. With years of experience managing stress, you’re in a better position to take the lead. Armed with this guide and a deeper understanding of self-regulation, you can approach those moments more intentionally. By becoming the calm, self-regulated presence in the room, you model and guide your child toward steadier ground, equipping them with tools to handle tough moments. Prioritizing your own self-regulation not only fosters a more supportive environment but also sets the stage for your child to practice and strengthen their own self-regulation skills. Parents, caregivers, and educators create a safe and supportive environment when they remain calm during stressful situations and approach challenges with the mindset that “the child is not giving you a hard time; the child is having a hard time” (as written by Jen Alexander in her book Building Trauma-Sensitive Schools ). This calm presence helps children learn to regulate their emotions by example. Though we understand that this calm may be easier said than done, we do believe that with conscious practice and attention to your own needs and self-regulation skills, calm gets easier and more within reach for everyone.  Even adults rely on co-regulation, seeking out friends or supportive family members to help manage their own emotional states. By modeling healthy responses to stress and providing steady support, parents and caregivers play an essential role in helping 2e children build emotional resilience and develop the skills they need to self-regulate over time. (You might want to read this article, “What Color is Your Anxiety?”  from REEL Co-Founder Callie Turk about the importance of co-regulation and a strategy she used to improve her own regulation.) Read the final article in the series with Real-Life Examples and Scenarios which includes a Reference and Resource List if you’d like to learn more. Prefer to read the full set of articles in one easy-to-print format? Check out this downloadable version. Teresa Nair, M. Ed., has a Master's in Cognitive Diversity in Education and a Certificate in Twice-Exceptional Education from Bridges Graduate School, along with over 20 years of experience in education and business. Teresa is a passionate advocate for supporting families and neurodivergent children. Her extensive background and innovative work reflect her deep commitment to creating inclusive and neurodivergent positive environments. As a neurodivergent individual herself, Teresa combines empathy with expertise, offering valuable insights, resources, and support to help both parents and children navigate educational journeys with confidence and understanding. You can email Teresa at Teresa@reel2e.org .

A 3-Step Pathway to Better Regulation Management (Part 2 of 4) The first article in this series provided an Introduction and Overview to Emotional Regulation. In this second article we address the question “How do we put all of this information into action?” Based on our synthesis of the available information, small group discussions, and hands-on work with dozens of families of 2e learners, we suggest a 3-step pathway that simplifies and combines ideas on self-regulation and energy management through the 2e lens. This approach underscores why punishment is not an effective long-term solution for emotional regulation—behavioral challenges often stem from environmental triggers and skill deficits that must be addressed through collaboration and support to achieve meaningful growth. Step 1. Identify Indicators: Communication Through Behaviors and Experiences  Managing stress and energy levels  lies at the heart of self-regulation. This isn’t possible if we don’t have self-awareness about how our body and brain respond to emotions. Many neurodivergent and twice-exceptional people may have trouble recognizing and naming their emotions (known as alexithymia), but they still experience them, perhaps just differently than expected.  Given this, a critical first step in self-understanding to support self-regulation is understanding our own personal triggers or what stimuli has led to dysregulation of our energy. For parents and caregivers of 2e children, this means tuning into stress indicators—both for yourself and your child. Paying attention to these signals without judgment can help you and your child better understand when stress is present. Tracking these types of indicators over time is a valuable part of identifying patterns of dysregulation as well. More importantly, identifying, understanding, and addressing these signs early is essential, as chronic stress can impact both mental and physical health over time. Indicators can vary from person to person but often manifest as physical signs such as headaches, fatigue, or stomachaches, and/or emotional responses such as irritability, anxiety, or withdrawal. Stress often reveals  itself through behaviors such as yelling, crying, teasing, withdrawing, or shutting down. These actions are not simply “acting out” but signals of unmet needs or struggles with stress management.  Step 2. Get Curious: What Do the Indicators Reveal Viewing behaviors and physical symptoms as communication allows parents and caregivers to approach them with curiosity rather than frustration. Once you’ve recognized stress indicators (the sooner, the better), it’s time to ask reflective questions like, “Why now?”, “What has recently happened or is happening that might be causing this response?”, or “Is this part of a larger or longer-term pattern of experience that we can piece together?” Recall that Dr. Stuart Shanker’s Self-Reg work focuses on five key domains: biological, emotional, cognitive, social, and prosocial. Do your child’s experiences relate to frustration or alarm in any of these domains? When you and your child are calm and regulated, take time to explore these domains together to identify stressors for both you and your child, and develop proactive strategies. For example, is hunger or fatigue impacting the biological domain? Could misunderstandings with peers or siblings create stress in the social domain? It’s important to understand that the source of dysregulation could result from an event or situation that occurred hours or even days prior, or result from various stressful triggers compounding over time.  Common Triggers for 2e Kids Physical sensitivities such as shower pressure, wind pressure, tags on clothes Sound sensitivities including humming, whistling, crunching, eating sounds, horns, sirens Visual sensitivity such as finger tapping, chewing, busy spaces Internalized shame due to lagging skills, differences between their own and others’ expectations and what they can produce, perfectionism Frustration when tasks are both too difficult and easy at the same time, boredom This approach encourages a detective mindset, helping you uncover triggers and patterns. Understanding these triggers can lead to more effective solutions. Recognizing the underlying causes behind behaviors and physical symptoms helps reframe challenges into opportunities for connection and support. The work to identify indicators and get curious about triggers informs our ability to map specific dysregulating conditions and plan ahead to reduce dysregulation and recover from it more quickly. Knowing these will make it easier to take proactive steps to help you and your child with self-regulation.  A few tips from our group:  Include your child  in the process of identifying triggers and diving into the sources of dysregulation. They know their own experiences better than anyone. What happens in the moment may only be part of the story—there could be underlying factors or a buildup of emotions that your child can help illuminate. Plus, it’s vital that they learn to understand themselves to build their own self-understanding and compassion.  It’s not usually productive to dive deep in the moment when the child is dysregulated. Address the immediate need to create safety and calm, then debrief later. Frame dysregulated episodes as learning opportunities. We are all always learning and growing.  We all make mistakes and can learn from those and continue to know ourselves and find ways to walk through the world that work better for us as individuals. Model mistake making and recovery.  It’s important for parents, caregivers, and educators to acknowledge when they are dysregulated or have not self-regulated in the ways they’d like. And then to talk to their children about their own indicators, detective work, and mitigation strategies. This type of scaffolding is critical to the learning process and also lets children know that perfection is not the goal. 2e kids often experience higher anxiety than their less asynchronous peers. They are often more aware of their challenges, which can lead to increased frustration and sadness. They may put more energy into masking their ways of walking through the world, leading to exhaustion. These internalized experiences may express themselves as dysregulated responses or shutdown. The goal of learning regulation skills isn’t to mask our responses to triggers, environments, and situations, but rather to understand those elements so that we can walk through the world with more ease.  Remember to find times when children can boldly express their emotions, responses, and experiences. We cannot nor should we expect others to live in a state of constant emotional neutrality. There is joy in living passionately  and loudly when we’re able, and doing so can be a great release. Many families include more than one 2e individual - and their indicators, triggers, and solutions may sometimes come into conflict. It’s important to keep an eye on these situations as well and communicate as a family to develop fair solutions. Step 3. Mitigate: Reduce, Restructure, Restore The next step in managing stress is mitigation. Once you’ve identified what’s causing the stress, consider what actions can be taken to reduce, restructure, or restore .  Reduce focuses on minimizing stressors that contribute to overload. This could be making sure the tags are taken out of clothing if your child has sensory issues or making sure your child has access to voice-to-text capabilities in the classroom to reduce stressors related to dysgraphia or dyslexia. The goal is to lessen the burden of overwhelming situations so that regulation becomes more attainable. Restructure means adjusting the environment, expectations, or approach to better support regulation. This might involve modifying routines, breaking tasks into smaller steps, using visual schedules, or implementing alternative strategies that align with a child's strengths and needs. The goal is to create a framework that makes self-regulation more accessible and sustainable. Restore shifts towards engaging in activities or practices that replenish energy and bring the nervous system back to a balanced state. This may involve taking breaks, practicing mindfulness, engaging in movement or sensory activities, or using calming techniques such as deep breathing or taking a break so the child can do their favorite hobby. The goal is to help the child recover from stress and regain emotional and physical equilibrium. As you practice awareness and build stress management skills (covered in the next article), remember that self-regulation is a lifelong process that requires patience and practice. By modeling this awareness for your child and working together to address stress, you empower them with tools to navigate their unique challenges. Check out the next article in the series on the importance of Co-Regulation. The fourth and final article presents Real-Life Examples and Scenarios and a Reference and Resource list. Plus, we’ve created a downloadable template of the 3-Step Pathway to use with your family. Prefer to read the full set of articles in one easy-to-print format? Check out this downloadable version . Teresa Nair, M. Ed., has a Master's in Cognitive Diversity in Education and a Certificate in Twice-Exceptional Education from Bridges Graduate School, along with over 20 years of experience in education and business. Teresa is a passionate advocate for supporting families and neurodivergent children. Her extensive background and innovative work reflect her deep commitment to creating inclusive and neurodivergent positive environments. As a neurodivergent individual herself, Teresa combines empathy with expertise, offering valuable insights, resources, and support to help both parents and children navigate educational journeys with confidence and understanding. You can email Teresa at Teresa@reel2e.org .