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One of the most challenging academic areas for twice exceptional students, as well as many other students, is writing. Learn about the five root causes of writing challenges plus the additional impacts of anxiety and perfectionism. We’ll discuss how to figure out what’s going on, and how to support each one. This session synthesizes various methods from specialists and private writing tutors and is full of practical tips and techniques. Dr. Austina De Bonte (she/her) is President of WA Coalition for Gifted Education, Past President of NW Gifted Child Association, and a consultant at Smart is not Easy. She specializes in helping families get to the root cause(s) of their kids’ twice exceptional (2e) challenges. She also works with schools to improve equitable identification and service models, and better understand their gifted and 2e learners. Dr. De Bonte received the NAGC Carolyn Callahan Doctoral Student Award (2023), People to Watch by Variations 2e (2020), WAETAG Advocacy Award (2019), and three PTA Outstanding Advocate awards. She has a Masters degree from MIT (1998), and an Ed.D. from Bridges Graduate School (2024), where her dissertation was titled “Beyond Universal Screening: Practices and Attitudes that Promote Equity in an Accelerated Program.” Expand for Getting Students Writing: Supporting 2e and Other Reluctant Students video transcript Yael Valek (REEL): Welcome, everyone. This is the first of three writing series talks we're going to have this year because you told us this was a really important topic to you. We had Dr. Austina De Bonte here speaking a year ago, and it was too short; everybody said, "Please, please, we want to hear more from Austina," so she is back. Tonight we're going to talk about getting students writing, supporting twice-exceptional students, and other reluctant writers. Just in case you're not familiar with REEL, we are a non-profit in Silicon Valley who works to ensure twice-exceptional students thrive in school by doing events like this for parents. We'll talk a little bit more about our parent offerings, as well as doing educator professional development. So, what is 2E? We like to use this definition from Bridges School, which is a combination of distinguishing strengths, high abilities, or potential in one or more areas in a student, and complex challenges at the same time, such as autism, ADHD, dyslexia, and others. We like to think of it as combining the yellow and blue to make a green individual, and both the yellow and the blue have to be simultaneously supported, which creates a challenging and complex situation for schools. This is why we created REAL. Our parent services include the Expert Speaker Series, like you're hearing tonight. We also have a free bi-monthly parent support group that's online. We have a Google group that now has over 900 members where you can ask and answer questions about any kind of services, schools, or challenges you're having. We have a new parent toolkit service that Callie will put links to in the chat, where you can download kits about how to start off the school year right, and all kinds of other topics. We have a lot of online resources, including an IEP guide for Twice Exceptional Learners, a schools list and guidance, and a talk coming up soon about how to choose a school for your 2E learner. We also have two paid offerings, which are small, facilitated groups of only up to eight people, on very specific topics that change each quarter, and we offer one-on-one consultations. We have a very special event, hot off the presses; you are the first to hear about this, called Walk a Mile in Their Minds, and Callie will put the sign-up link in the chat. This is the neurodiversity simulation we do at schools for educators, where they experience what it might feel like to be a dyslexic learner or a learner with attention challenges, and experience it firsthand. It develops empathy and then makes it really easy to move on to conversations about how to best support these learners. This is our first time doing this for our parents, and so we're really excited to have you come and experience this simulation. As I mentioned, we have a 46-page IEP guide because twice-exceptional learners often have challenges getting an IEP because they're doing too well. This is a whole guide for free for you to download about how to go about getting an IEP for your learner. As I mentioned, we also have educator services. We do custom professional development, like the Learning Differences Simulation, and we also have a lot of online resources, recorded talks, and a bi-monthly educator newsletter. So, you can share us with your schools, or if you're an educator, you can bring us to your school. REAL has also published the Dear Real Model, which has specific examples on how to develop connections, embrace flexibility, attend to strengths, and reframe behaviors in the classroom for all ages K-12. You are now attending one of our fall events; the others have been recorded and are available on our website. In a couple of weeks, we are having our private school and educational options panel. We also have an upcoming talk about self-regulation, the Walk a Mile in Their Minds event, and then Behind the Mask: Understanding Anxiety, Perfectionism, and Masking in 2E Kids, as well as our 2E Parent Support Group coming up. You can follow us, join our Google group, follow us on socials, and watch all of our previous recordings on YouTube. Now, I would like to introduce our speaker. Dr. Austina DeBonte is president of the Washington Coalition for Gifted Education, past president of the Northwest Gifted Child Association, and a consultant at Smart Is Not Easy. She specializes in helping families get to the root causes of their kids' 2E challenges. She also works with schools to improve equitable identification and service models and better understand their gifted and 2E learners. Dr. DeBonte received the NAGC Carolyn Callahan Doctoral Student Award, People to Watch by Variations 2E, the WAETAG Advocacy Award, and three Outstanding PTA Outstanding Advocate Awards. She has a master's degree from MIT and an EdD from Bridges Graduate School, where her dissertation was titled, Beyond Universal Screening, Practices and Attitudes That Promote Equity in an Accelerated Program. So, thank you so much for coming tonight, and I will let you share your screen. We're so happy to have you. Dr. Austina De Bonte, Ed.D.: All right, well, hello, everybody. Thank you so much for the invitation; it is great to be back here again. Let me get myself shared here so you can see what I'm seeing. All right, is that in the correct presentation mode? Yes? Fabulous. Okay. Well, hello, everybody. My name is Dr. Austina DeBonte. I come from the Seattle area and I'm involved in a number of nonprofits here in Washington State, as well as my own little consulting business. Our topic today is all about writing, and my intent is to actually take a very practical, pragmatic approach. We're going to kind of talk about the actual things that get in the way and in a decent amount of specifics. I hope that you will come away not with sort of platitudes, but with some real actionable things that you can take home and help either your kids in your classroom or kids in your house, or kids in your orbit, however you might work with them. All right, so here's our agenda for tonight. We're going to do just a brief little overview on Twice Exceptional and Neurodiversity as context. We're going to talk a little bit about, "Do kids actually have to write?" because sometimes we ask them to write when they actually don't need to write. Then we're going to spend a lot of time talking about a root cause approach. How do we really dig into the root cause, and why taking a root cause approach actually really matters, because it helps us make sure that we know how to support. When we apply the wrong support, nothing happens, and then everybody gets frustrated. Then we're going to dive into five very specific causes of writing challenges. I don't believe that these are the only challenges, but these are by far the most common ones. As an extra bonus, and along the way, we're going to talk about all kinds of supports, strategies, accommodations, interventions, clues, tips, and tricks. In the end, we'll talk a little bit about IEPs, 504s, and artificial intelligence, and a couple of other things just to wrap us up. So, that's where we're going. Sound like what you came for? Then join the ride, because here we go. All right, so who are twice-exceptional students? We are talking about kids who are both highly capable, as we say in Washington state, and also have some sort of a disability, a learning difference, a mental health issue, some kind of other challenge, or neurodiversity of some flavor. They're a really unique population of students that may fail to demonstrate either high academic performance or obvious disabilities. Their gifts may mask their disabilities, or their disabilities may mask their gifts. A lot of these kids kind of fly under the radar, and we don't always necessarily realize exactly what's going on, often until they really run into trouble, and sometimes the place where they run into trouble first is writing. Another way to think about twice exceptionality is as neurodiversity. Neurodiversity is this term that was sort of originally coined in the context of autism, but we understand it now much more broadly. Actually, there's a way in which everybody is neurodiverse, in the sense that every brain is unique. There's actually a really neat functional MRI study demonstrating that every brain is unique, just like a fingerprint. But our twice-exceptional students' brains are kind of extra unique; we call them a neurodiverse population. They come with a pattern of strengths and challenges, sort of different brain architecture—not better, not worse, different. A different way of seeing the world, a different way of processing things, and actually comes with some really lovely strengths, and also some challenges. It's really important to respect individual differences among twice-exceptional students because twice-exceptional students actually are not all the same. Twice exceptional is kind of this big umbrella term that covers a whole lot of ground, and so any combination of stuff could be going on under this umbrella, and this isn't even a complete list, but it's a lot of the heavy hitters. I'll point out that if you go to a neuropsychologist for a full evaluation, they're only looking at the stuff in the orange box. For all the stuff on the other side, you need individual other providers, other experts, other practitioners to even dig into. Many neuropsychs won't even refer over to the left-hand side of the umbrella. That's an issue that I'm working on in my work, but that's the truth of it, and it's important for parents and teachers to know that. The bottom line is that writing is challenging for lots of twice-exceptional students. We sometimes sort of group writing under, "oh, that's a dysgraphia thing, maybe it's a dyslexia thing," but actually, there are a lot of challenges in writing for just about everybody under this umbrella for various reasons, if not for no other reason than because writing is hard. Writing is hard for all students, even on a good day, not just twice-exceptional students. It's a very complex task that we're asking kids to do, and so when we see a kid that's reluctant to write, it's kind of the signal, it's the canary in the coal mine, that something is going on, and this kid needs some support. Sometimes it really is a writing-specific thing. But sometimes it's actually the first hard thing that we've asked them to do, and there's a whole lot of other stuff bubbling under the surface. We're not going to talk about that so much now, but I do want you to kind of have that in the back of your head, that we're going to sort of talk about the things that are really directly responsible for writing here. But sometimes the thing that kids need support for is actually deeper than that, and it's a foundational thing underneath it all. Also, in classrooms, we're going to have some kids who very clearly need supports, but a lot of other kids will actually benefit from those same supports but aren't going to be so obvious about it. So those of you who are coming here with your teacher hat on, keep that in mind, because writing is a super complex, multi-layered skill; it's hard for lots and lots of kids, and it takes some practice and some real effort to get going. The first question is, when we're asking kids to do things in school, do they actually have to write? I will quote Dr. Susan Baum from Bridges and the 2E Center, "Don't turn everything into a secret language arts lesson". If you're coming here as a teacher, think hard, like, "What is the learning objective?". If the learning objective is not about writing paragraphs and convincing somebody of something or developing writing conventions, or whatever, if the learning objective is something more like understanding scientific principles or developing reasoning skills, that doesn't actually necessarily have to be in writing; there are other ways to do it. So, let me give you some ideas of what that can look like. Kids can demonstrate their mastery of a topic, of a learning objective, or work with a particular topic area in lots of different ways. Could they draw a diagram? Could they make a poster? Could they make some slides? Could they draw a comic strip? Make a podcast, make a video, or build a model?. We want to give our kids choices and opportunities to really lean into their strengths because there are lots of different ways that kids can demonstrate mastery. So, how do we do that? We get lots more flexible about assignments. We don't have every kid making the same snowman on the wall; we want kids to make different things. Encourage creativity, build on strengths. The point here is not writing; the point is communication of ideas. Lots of different ways to communicate ideas that doesn't have anything to do with writing words and paragraphs. Okay, but we are here to talk about writing, so let's talk about writing. I'm going to take a real root cause approach. We're going to use this analogy of a tree. In the leaves of the tree are the symptoms; they're the things that we see, but the symptoms, it turns out, don't really tell you all that clearly what's going on. What we really want to understand are the causes, and those are beneath the surface of the soil. They're a little bit more obscured, and so you really have to know what you're looking for. I'm hoping that over the course of the next hour, I'm going to give you some tools and some ways of thinking about it that will help you better dial in on, "Oh, that's probably the cause that's happening with my kid," or, "Actually, that's probably not the cause happening with my kids". You can narrow in on which things need the support, which supports are going to be most helpful, and not waste your time on stuff that's not going to be helpful. There are lots of different possible causes of writing challenges, some that are indirect, that I've kind of mentioned in passing. We're going to talk about the ones that are more direct for the rest of the time tonight. But no matter what the cause is, the supports and the strategies are different depending on the cause. And when we apply a support that's not the right one, it causes frustration. The kid doesn't actually see anything get easier; the parent is like, "Hey, I thought this was going to make things easier, but it's not. You must not be working hard enough. You must not be doing it properly," and now there's all this tension. When in fact the real problem is not in high fidelity of implementation, it's that it was actually the wrong solution, or it was the wrong support. One thing in the land of writing that tends to get bandied about quite a bit is occupational therapy (OT). "Oh, your kid has trouble with writing? What you need to do is go and do some OT." Well, okay, maybe, but actually OT only addresses one of the five causes we're going to talk about tonight. So let's make sure that it's actually the right thing before you go run off and go work with OT. If a kid is having trouble with writing, what might we see in the leaves of the tree? What are the symptoms that we would see? Well, we might see that it's hard to get ideas out, or just that there's not a lot of written output. Maybe there's a lot of trouble with grammar, punctuation, and capitalization, things that we might call writing conventions. Maybe there's difficulty with letter formation, or maybe handwriting is just illegible or messy. Maybe the kid just doesn't write all that much; they just avoid writing, and so it's really hard to figure out what's going on because there's just not a lot of it happening. Maybe the kid can write very neatly, but they write very slowly, and the product is really nice, but it just takes a really long time. Maybe they say their hand hurts, or they're kind of cracking their knuckles when they're writing. Maybe it seems like they're not really writing, more like they're drawing; they're drawing letters one stroke at a time. Maybe it's actually an issue with organizing ideas, and, "I've got so many ideas, and I can't quite figure out where to start". Maybe it's an issue with spelling. We have plenty of issues with our kids with funky pencil grip; how much of a problem is that? Is that adjustable? When is it adjustable? We're going to talk about that tonight. We have kids who have a tendency to just go on and on and on with run-on sentences; "okay, where's that coming from?". Maybe even kids are making errors when copying, even with copy work; "Like, why does that happen? When does that happen? What is that telling us?". But the bottom line is all that stuff is happening up top, and when you look at that whole, and you think about which one of those sort of apply to your kid, it's not so easy to figure out what's going on. Under the surface, there are five different primary causes we're going to talk about tonight. The first primary cause is a fine motor or muscular issue in the hand. This is actually the land of OT. Number two is something that is related but actually not the same, and needs a different set of strategies around automaticity—the muscle memory, the motor memory of making letters. Number three, a very foundational skill, is vision processing. How well are the eyes and the brain actually seeing what's happening on the page, and how is that whole system working? Number four is dyslexia. Often in our Twice Exceptional community, it shows up as stealth dyslexia; it's not so easy to spot. Usually, these kids don't have reading issues per se, or at least not obvious ones, yet it shows up a lot in their writing. So we'll talk about how you figure that out, and whether that's what's going on. And then number five, ADHD or executive function issues, tend to cause issues with writing, and we'll talk about where that's coming from and what we can do about it. So those are the five big ones we'll talk about, and then there'll be a little bit of bonus at the end. All right, so let's dig in. If we were to just prune the tree to the things that specifically point to fine motor muscular, this is what you might look at. But it's still a little fuzzy; it's not totally clear by looking at this that for sure you would dial in and say that's just a muscular issue, because some of these things can happen for other reasons. If it's a fine motor muscular issue, let's talk about what the root cause of that actually is. We're talking about the small muscles in the hand, we're also talking about the bigger muscles in the arm, in the forearm, actually even into the core and the trunk. We're talking about stamina in those muscles, as well as coordination in those muscles and muscle groups. If you've got a kid who has a hard time sitting still in a chair to write, or who tends to write sort of funny postures—they're leaning this way, they're leaning that way, they prefer to lie on the ground, they prefer to lie right upside down, anything but sitting in a chair—often there's a muscular issue behind that. If a kid has a hard time sitting still in a chair to write, or tends to write in funny postures—leaning this way or that way, preferring to lie on the ground, or even lying upside down—there is often a muscular issue behind that. This is the world of Occupational Therapy (OT). An OT can help build muscle stamina and coordination in the hand, forearm, and even the core and trunk. Supporting Fine Motor and Muscular Issues If this is the cause, the first thing to address is making the act of writing as physically easy as possible. You should eliminate the need for handwriting itself, especially for older kids. The most effective accommodation is to switch to keyboarding or dictation. For younger kids, however, you may want to keep working on handwriting to build those foundational skills. For those who must write by hand, use tools and physical supports to make it easier. Provide a slant board to help with posture and alignment, or use a vertical surface like a chalkboard or whiteboard. You could also try different writing tools: a thicker pencil, a shorter pencil, or a pencil grip. A pencil grip is adjustable, but it's important to know when it is adjustable, and for whom it's going to work. You can also try using adaptive paper, such as paper with wider lines or raised lines, which can give the student tactile feedback. For a kid whose hand hurts or who is cracking their knuckles, the writing might feel like a chore because the required pressure is causing discomfort. The prognosis for fixing true fine-motor/muscular issues varies depending on age. If a child is under the age of seven or eight, there is a better chance of correcting a funky pencil grip and building those fine motor skills. However, after this age, the necessary intensive intervention is often not practical. If you have an older kid who is struggling, the most practical approach is often to use keyboarding or dictation to ensure their ideas aren't limited by a physical barrier. For families with a younger child, this is the time to work on it, as the window for change may close later. The therapy must be intensive—an hour a week is likely not enough to see a significant outcome after age eight or so. Root Cause 2: Automaticity (Motor Memory) The second cause, automaticity, is related to the first but is not the same, and it requires a different set of strategies. Symptoms The symptoms of a lack of automaticity overlap with fine-motor issues, including messy handwriting, slowness, and high effort. However, this issue is specifically about the brain-based part of letter formation, not the physical strength. The Root Cause Automaticity refers to the muscle memory or motor memory of making letters and numbers. Letter formation should be automatic by the second or third grade at the absolute latest. For some students, this muscle memory simply doesn't "snap in," and they are still mentally walking through the steps of making a letter—for example, "around and down for A,"—every time they write. This means they are expending mental energy on the mechanics of writing, which should be reserved for the higher-level task of composing ideas. In these cases, you will often see: Inconsistent Letter Formation: Letters are not written the same way every time; they may start at the top sometimes and the bottom others, and letters on the same page will look different. Messy Handwriting (though not always). Slowness: Writing is very slow because they are "drawing" the letters, not writing them fluidly. High Effort for Neatness: In gifted and twice-exceptional kids, some will try so hard to be neat that their output is nice, but it takes them an inordinately long time. The Fix The solution here is explicit instruction to develop the correct motor pathways, often through a multi-sensory approach. This is sometimes referred to as a Handwriting Without Tears or Fundations program. This needs to be worked on consistently to get the "snap" of automaticity. If the child is older (e.g., upper elementary school), attempting to correct a pre-existing non-automatic pattern is extremely difficult. You may need to introduce them to a whole new set of shapes that they don't have a bad habit with yet, such as teaching cursive writing. Cursive is a continuous-line form that requires a different set of motor movements and may "reset" the brain for automaticity. If the child is too resistant to any form of handwriting training, the best solution is again to move them to keyboarding or dictation to bypass the bottleneck. Root Cause 3: Vision Processing Issues The third cause is a foundational skill issue known as vision processing. Symptoms This issue can manifest in many ways, including: Low Stamina/Avoidance: Avoiding reading or writing tasks due to eye strain. Headaches/Rubbing Eyes: Complaining of headaches or rubbing their eyes, which may be mild and only happen during intensive work. Moving on the Page: Letters and words may appear to move, flip, or float on the page. Copying Errors: Making errors when copying from a book or board, even on copy work. Loss of Place: Losing their place while reading or writing. Letter Reversals: Persistent letter reversals (like 'b' for 'd') after age seven. The Root Cause Vision processing is about how the eyes and the brain work together. It is not related to visual acuity (20/20 vision), which is what a standard eye doctor checks. A child can have perfect eyesight but still have a vision processing issue. The issue stems from a failure of the eyes to work in sync, which can lead to: Eye Tracking Issues (Saccades): As the eyes move across the page, they should jump together from point to point. If one eye lags behind, the text goes briefly in and out of focus, causing eye strain and stamina issues. The child may not even be aware of the blurriness. Eye Teaming Issues: If the eyes occasionally cross or don't align correctly, it can cause letters and words to move or flip on the page. This is a very common cause of letter reversals, such as 'b' and 'd', which are the same letter flipped. The most common time for this to become noticeable is when the demands for close work increase, such as in second or third grade. The child can cope with the issue until the stamina required exceeds their ability, leading to writing avoidance. The Fix The solution is to get a functional vision evaluation from a developmental or behavioral optometrist. If they find an issue, the recommended treatment is vision therapy, which is a set of exercises to teach the eyes and brain to work together better. This is often highly effective. Accommodations that can help in the meantime include: Text Size and Font: Using larger text or a specialized font like Open Dyslexic. Color Overlays or Reading Strips: Using a color overlay or a reading strip, which changes the background color and helps some people see the text more clearly. Specialized Lenses (Prescription): Some developmental optometrists can prescribe special lenses that help with the tracking issue. Root Cause 4: Dyslexia (Stealth Dyslexia) The fourth cause is dyslexia, which often presents as stealth dyslexia in the twice-exceptional population. Symptoms The primary sign of stealth dyslexia in 2E kids is a problem with spelling and written expression, not necessarily reading. Spelling Difficulties: Trouble with spelling, including memorizing spelling words for tests, only to have them disappear by the following week. Phonological Awareness Issues: Difficulty with rhyming or wordplay, even before they start to read. Sounding Out New Words: Having trouble sounding out a new, multi-syllable word when reading, which often becomes obvious in middle or high school. Trouble with Sight Words: Memorizing high-frequency words can be difficult. Slow Handwriting: Sometimes a secondary symptom due to the effort of translating sounds into letters. Reading Fluency: While they may comprehend the text, their fluency can be choppy. The Root Cause Dyslexia is rooted in a challenge with phonological processing. This means the brain struggles to connect the sounds of speech (phonemes) to the symbols (graphemes) that represent them on a page. It is a language-based learning disability that affects reading, spelling, and writing. In a twice-exceptional student, high intelligence often allows them to develop excellent compensatory skills. They may use their context knowledge and vocabulary to guess words, which results in excellent reading comprehension, even if they skip over or misread words. They may have excellent fluency and comprehension of elementary texts because the topics are predictable and they have a large knowledge base. However, when they need to write, they can't rely on those compensatory skills; they must generate the sound-to-symbol connection, which is difficult, leading to poor spelling and reluctance to write. The Fix The intervention for dyslexia is an Orton-Gillingham (O-G) or O-G-based program. These are multi-sensory, explicit, and systematic programs that teach the structure of the English language. This is usually delivered by a reading specialist or a private tutor. For accommodations, the goal is to bypass the need for written output so that their ideas can flow: Keyboarding/Dictation: Use a computer for writing. Spelling and Grammar Checkers: Utilize these tools (though be aware they are imperfect). Speech-to-Text Software: Tools like Dragon NaturallySpeaking or built-in phone apps allow them to speak their ideas, bypassing the writing mechanic. Focus on Content: Encourage them to focus on getting their ideas out, and worry about the spelling/conventions later (the "messy first draft" concept). Root Cause 5: ADHD and Executive Function (EF) Issues The fifth major cause is related to ADHD and associated Executive Function (EF) issues. Symptoms The writing issues here stem from a challenge with the brain's "operating system," leading to problems with starting, managing, and completing tasks. Symptoms include: Difficulty Getting Started (Initiation): They know what they want to write, but they struggle to write the first word. Trouble Staying on Task and Distractibility: Inability to maintain focus during the writing process. Time Management Issues: Struggling to estimate how long a task will take or to allocate time for it. Overwhelm: Having trouble breaking down big projects into small, manageable pieces. The most important clue for ADHD is the inconsistency of output. When they are interested in a topic, they can often produce amazing, high-quality work, but when a task is rote or boring, they struggle. The Root Cause The ADHD brain is generally not motivated by the concept of "important" or "future reward"; it is motivated by the "NOW". Dr. Russell Barkley's theory of motivation for ADHDers is often described by the acronym I.N.C.U.P.: I (Interest): Is the task intrinsically interesting?. N (Novelty): Is it new and exciting?. C (Challenge): Is it complex and challenging?. U (Urgency): Is there a deadline creating a time crunch? (Do not overuse this one) . P (Pressure/Passion): Is there social pressure (e.g., from a teacher or group project) or personal passion for the topic?. The ADHD neurodiversity may simply mean the child can't engage with tasks that are rote, boring, or easy, even if they are important. The Fix The support is to make the task align with one of the I.N.C.U.P. motivators: Make it Interesting: Give the student a choice in topics or formats, or align the task with their personal interests. Make it Novel: Introduce the topic in an unusual way to spark excitement. Make it Challenging: Especially for gifted 2E kids, make the topic complex and meaty. If it's too easy, it's a losing battle. Use Social Pressure/Relationships: The relationship a child has with a teacher often acts as the "glue" that makes them willing to do the work. Be Careful with "Extra Time": While extra time is a common accommodation, it doesn't always help an ADHDer; it just delays the problem, as urgency is a key motivator. A common struggle for ADHDers is the linear nature of writing (one word at a time) versus their interconnected and vast ideas. To overcome this, use the Messy First Draft technique: Get the Ideas Out Messy: Have the child talk, scribble, type, or mind-map their ideas in a messy, unorganized way. They should be told they are writing only for themselves, not a teacher. Organize and Refine Later: Once the ideas are out, the next step is to take those ideas and organize them into a linear format. Use a graphic organizer to move from messy thoughts to structured writing. Wrapping Up: General Strategies and Advice In addition to the specific interventions, here are some general strategies: Lower the Bar and Go Slow When a student is struggling with writing, believe them that it is hard. Lower the bar for the time being, and take small, incremental steps. Start with Conversation: Begin by just talking about the topic. Ask them what they think, and once the ideas are developed, you can work up to writing. Write with Them: Sit down and write together. For younger children, this can be shared writing where the adult transcribes the child's ideas. Dictation and Scribing: The goal is communication of ideas, so use dictation or have an adult scribe for the child to keep the flow of ideas going. The Role of AI, IEPs, and 504s Artificial Intelligence (AI): For older students, AI can be a helpful tool, similar to a fancy spell-check or grammar-check. Students can use it to help get their ideas out and then edit the AI's output, essentially engaging in a sophisticated form of revision. IEPs and 504s: These are necessary to formalize accommodations like keyboarding, dictation, and reduced workload. Be sure to use the specific root cause information to justify the requested accommodations (e.g., if it's dyslexia, you ask for an O-G program). Finding the Right Expert: Complex kids may have multi-factor issues (e.g., ADHD and dyslexia). You must find an expert who can accurately tease apart the different root causes to ensure the child receives the correct, targeted support. Many students do not truly master the skill of writing until high school, so there is plenty of time to support them. The overall message is to be persistent, take slow steps, and remember that when a student is avoiding writing, it is the canary in the coal mine signaling that support is needed. The last sections of the transcript, covering the Q&A, general advice, and closing, have been converted into paragraph form below. Q&A and General Strategies In addition to the five root causes, here are some general strategies. When a student is struggling with writing, believe them that it is hard. Lower the bar for the time being, and take small, incremental steps. Lowering the Bar and Going Slow You can start by just having a conversation about the topic, forgetting about the writing part entirely. Once the ideas are developed, you can work up to writing. Maybe your first couple of attempts are just talking. Then, you might say, "Okay, here's what you said. Maybe you could actually develop that into something". Take little steps along the way, recognizing that you're not going to get to the prize all in one step. There's plenty of time, as lots of kids don't truly figure out the whole writing process until high school. Addressing Complex Cases (Vision and Dyslexia) Sometimes, families are confused about the relationship between vision and dyslexia. It is possible for a child to have only a vision issue with no underlying dyslexia, or vice versa. What is more common, however, is that a complex child has both. A family might address one issue, do some therapy, and then realize they didn't get all the expected benefit, which is a signal they need to look at the other side as well. Both pieces are often required to reach a stable solution for the child. The cool thing about vision therapy is that, unlike dyslexia intervention (which works best for younger children), it works well at any age, even into one's 70s or 80s, though it may take longer. It is truly never too late for vision therapy. Addressing Writing Anxiety and Avoidance One parent shared a scenario where her autistic teen daughter loved writing for her own interests in elementary school, but writing an essay for school became "like torture". The daughter gets incredibly anxious, waits until the last minute, and stays up late, even though teachers praise the quality of her writing. The anxiety and avoidance stem from an underlying root cause that must be identified. There is no single answer to this problem, as it depends on the child. Possible contributing factors include an underlying vision issue, dyslexia, or handwriting issue (which can be bypassed with a computer). An underlying ADHD or executive function challenge could also be at play, or it could simply be trauma about writing that needs to be undone. It is likely multifactorial. This is why taking the time to find the expert and go the extra mile is crucial, especially with complex kids. That expertise is needed to tease apart the various issues, because there is no easy answer. Closing Remarks Yael Valek (REEL): "Thank you so much. So, we are out of time. There are still a ton more questions," so for those of you who didn't get a chance to have your question answered, Austina has generously offered her contact information. It is in the chat, so please feel free to email her directly. We have gotten a lot of positive feedback in the chat, including, "This is the best talk I've heard," and other lovely things, so we truly thank you for coming tonight.

When we teach our children to understand themselves and share their needs, we give them tools that last a lifetime. This page introduces a simple framework and age-banded Self-Advocacy Scripts that help kids practice speaking up in ways that are clear, confident, and authentic to them. These scripts grow with your child, making advocacy a natural part of their journey at school, at home, and in the world. Why Self-Advocacy Matters Research, including a 2025 literature review from Virginia Tech , shows that self-advocacy and self-determination are strongly linked with positive adjustment for autistic adolescents and young adults. In other words, when kids learn to name their strengths, express their needs, and ask for support, they do better in school, build stronger friendships, and feel more confident as they grow into independence. Self-advocacy is not just about asking for help—it is about resilience, ownership, and trust in their own voice. That is why we created a short video (approx. 5 minutes) to walk you through the Self-Advocacy Scripts and how you can start using them with your child right away. Tool: Self-Advocacy Scripts and Tips The Self-Advocacy Script is a short formula kids can use to share what makes them successful: Strength + Need + What Helps + Why It Helps Example:  “I notice small details, and that helps me in science labs. I need fewer distractions during tests. It helps when I can sit away from the door, because I can focus longer.” This formula keeps the language clear, strengths-anchored, and solution-focused. Age-Banded Script Examples Early Elementary (Ages 6–8) Simple introductions focused on one strength and one need.  Example:  “Hi, I am Kai. I am really good at building things with Legos. Sometimes I need help starting my writing because it is hard to get my ideas down. It helps when I can talk about them first.” Upper Elementary & Middle School (Ages 9–12) Scripts that show more self-awareness and independence.  Example:  “I learn best when I can see examples and have time to practice. I sometimes struggle with staying focused when it is noisy because I get distracted by sounds. It helps when I can wear my headphones or work in a quieter space.” High School (Ages 13 and up) Scripts that highlight ownership and problem-solving.  Example:  “I have learned I work best when I can break big assignments into smaller parts with checkpoints. I get stuck when I am not sure where to start. One way we could make this work better is if I can check in with you briefly before I begin to make sure I am on track.” Downloadable Resources To help you put this into practice, we have created ready-to-use resources you can download and adapt for your child: Self-Advocacy Script Templates and Tips  (ages 6–8, 9–12, 13+) Why It Matters These scripts are not one-time exercises—they are building blocks for lifelong skills. Every time a child practices, whether in a low-pressure role play at home or in a real conversation with a teacher, they are strengthening resilience, communication, and confidence. Even one short sentence about a strength or need is a big win. Over time, those small steps add up to empowered kids who know themselves and trust their voices. Keep Learning with REEL The Self-Advocacy Scripts were created and tested in our Back-to-School Facilitated Small Group Discussions , where parents tailored them to their own children. Now we are sharing them with you, so you can use them year-round and in many different settings. For more tools and a community that understands, visit REEL’s resource library and join our online community. You are not alone on this journey.

My favorite autism meme is a photo of a [video game] controller with a caption that reads, “Autism: Where life is a video game and you skipped the tutorial.” This perfectly encapsulates my experience of navigating life on the spectrum. Social rules don’t come naturally to me. I’ve had to learn them one by one, through a mixture of observation, deduction, and sheer trial and error. To fit in socially, I need to suppress some behaviors and perform others. This means that seemingly simple interactions — such as small talk at the dog park or waving to an acquaintance on the street — require tremendous thought and effort. [explanation of masking/camouflage, what it can look like] • making eye contact • consciously adjusting facial expressions • exaggerating body language • following internal rules, guidelines, or scripts to navigate social interactions • rehearsing social interactions in advance • performing social niceties such as small talk • not talking about deep interests Masking giftedness Giftedness doesn’t typically come up in conversations about masking, but I think it should. As a gifted kid, I felt like an alien. Thankfully, I was never bullied or teased, but my classmates found me baffling, and I can hardly blame them. I liked inventing my own languages and reorganizing bookshelves for fun. Sharing my interests inevitably brought conversation to an awkward halt. I masked my struggles, too, because the consensus seemed to be that smart kids didn’t need help. I was perceived as intelligent, and so it was assumed that I could pull myself together. The downsides of masking Masking isn’t inherently bad. When deployed strategically, it can facilitate social connection and help a person effectively navigate new situations. But masking also has significant drawbacks. First, masking is exhausting.  It requires carefully calibrating facial expressions, word choice, tone, and body language, often in ways that feel utterly unnatural. Masking for prolonged periods is especially taxing and can even be linked to autistic burnout. Second, masking creates a discrepancy between internal feelings and external appearances, making it harder to receive support. I underwent two complete rounds of neuropsychological testing at ages 11 and 16. Both times, I was deemed non-autistic, although assessors noted my lack of eye contact and overall awkwardness. I’m not sure exactly why the diagnosis was missed, but I suspect that masking played a role. The same skill set that allowed me to blend in also prevented me from being fully understood Even after the diagnosis, I still encounter disbelief from people who tell me I don’t “seem autistic.” These moments always rattle me a little. The contrast between my internal experience and other people’s perceptions of me is jarring. Third, masking can be both the cause and effect of negative emotions. In the research literature, autistic participants describe masking out of social anxiety or a sense of inferiority. As one participant poignantly explains, “Because I'd spent so much of my life not fitting in and being ostracised, I thought that [masking] was the only way to be liked” (Chapman). This is an awful thing to believe about yourself. What’s even worse is that masking can further reinforce this belief. If, after chronic rejection or bullying, you change the way you present to the world and are suddenly accepted, you learn that being yourself doesn’t work. A participant in another study put it like this: “The worst aspect of my compensation techniques is that they work on the basis that I am not good in social settings and so by acting out my compensation techniques I reinforce this idea that I am bad at socialising and [this] lowers my confidence.” (Livingston) What parents and teachers can do Help kids reflect on the thoughts, feelings, and needs that they mask One way to begin these conversations is by introducing the term masking and then asking, “Do you mask? Does that concept match your experiences?” If the answer is yes, you can listen actively and explore further. You might ask: How do you mask? Have any strategies been particularly effective or ineffective? Do you find yourself masking with specific people or in certain settings? What motivates you to mask? What are the advantages and disadvantages? How do you feel when you mask? And afterward? These questions will help initiate metacognitive processes that support self-awareness and emotion regulation.  Advocate for them and teach them to advocate for themselves. Because masking involves hiding inner experiences, high-masking autistic people often struggle to get support. Explaining the concept of masking can help address this disconnect, and so can explicitly naming experiences that may not otherwise be visible. Adults can also help kids and teenagers develop scripts to do this: “I’m very sensitive to noise. When I wear headphones, I can focus better on my work.”  Additionally, high-masking individuals are likely to hear, “You don’t look autistic,” when they disclose their diagnosis. I have a few ways to handle this. If it’s from someone I’ll never speak to again or if I’m too tired to start the conversation, I smile, nod, and remind myself that some people don’t know much about this topic. If I feel like discussing it, I might say, “There are many different autism profiles. Some are immediately visible, but many aren’t.” This approach is a) true, b) informative, and c) polite, so it works for me. Promoting authenticity and acceptance Acceptance reduces the need to mask and the associated stress. My friends know that I hate taking phone calls with less than a day’s notice, that I can spend a couple of hours one-on-one before getting exhausted, and that I struggle to follow conversations in loud environments. Because they understand this, I don’t have to hide it, and the anxiety of masking evaporates, just like that. Approach social skills through the lens of growth Nobody is perfect. We all have weaknesses, flaws, and areas for growth, and that includes those of us on the spectrum. We can acknowledge all of that without framing autistic people solely in terms of deficits. It’s the difference between “How can we fix you?” and “How can we help you learn?”

It is with great excitement that REEL announces our first ever executive director - Abby Kirigin! Abby has been a key member of our REEL team since she joined us in August 2021. Thanks to generous gifts from our founding donors, we are now able to bring her on as our Executive Director. This is a huge milestone for our non-profit, establishing a cohesive direction and longevity for our endeavors. And of course any of you who have interacted with Abby know what a treasure trove of knowledge and kindness she is. We are thrilled to have her at the helm in our mission of ensuring Silicon Valley twice-exceptional students thrive in school by raising parent and educator awareness and understanding of practical, research-based strategies to address their needs successfully. A message from Abby: I am very excited to step into this new role as Executive Director at REEL! Thank you to REEL’s Board of Directors for this opportunity. It has been an honor getting to know Callie and Yael through our work at REEL over these past two years. I am passionate about REEL’s mission to ensure Silicon Valley 2e students thrive in school, and committed to our work of building bridges between educators and parents. Leading up to this new role, I have been working for several months on REEL’s strategic plan, which is comprised of four goals that I am excited to share with you today: ​ Raise educator awareness of and empathy towards the twice-exceptional Build educators’ capabilities to support twice-exceptional learners in the classroom Empower parents with the tools to make changes for their children Grow REEL’s internal capacity and sustainability As Executive Director, I plan to spearhead new efforts and initiatives which align with these goals, while also continuing to provide the services and support our community enjoys. I look forward to engaging with you, our valued REEL community, for feedback, support, and ideas as we launch this next chapter. I am inspired by our community every day, and am looking forward to getting to know you all better. Thank you!

Happy new year! As families return to their routines after the winter break, many of us are already glancing longingly at our calendars and beginning the long countdown to Spring Break. Cold wet weather, shorter daylight, and post-holiday letdown can all contribute to that sluggish feeling of “winter blues.” It’s common for children and parents alike to feel less energetic, unmotivated, and to hunker at home. Research shows that twice-exceptional learners, such as those with ADHD and/or anxiety, might be especially vulnerable to this winter slump.        Health care professionals recommend self-care techniques for this sluggish time such as getting outside, exercising, trying new activities, and engaging with family.  We have incorporated these ideas into several practical ideas that our own families have enjoyed to beat these blues while waiting for longer, warmer days to rejuvenate us once again. Making space for more family engagement also provides that emotional comfort and support that all children crave, particularly if school or friendships are challenging.    Go take a hike. The most common tips to combat the winter blues are to take in some natural sunlight and to exercise. Family hikes do both and are also a wonderful way to explore new areas and learn more about the natural environment where we live.  Alltrails.com  is a helpful resource, describing popular area hikes in great detail including distance, elevation, trail condition (a must for strollers and bikes), views and historical sites, parking, and even whether we can bring the family pet along. There are 92 trails  listed in the San Francisco area alone, sure to provide new exploration for even seasoned hikers. (Editor's note: read about the benefits of hiking from the perspective of a 2e student here! ) Do your hikers have a passion for rocks, minerals and fossils? Rockhounding is a popular interest amongst our curious learners. The American Federation of Mineralogical Societies (“AFMS”) hosts chapters of “Future Rockhounds of America” across the country, supporting youth in their rockhounding endeavors with field trips, badges, a “rock exchange,” and even a youth-led newsletter . Information for finding or starting your own youth program can be found at https://www.juniors.amfed.org . Happy hunting! Geocaching is a popular problem-solving treasure hunt, using a compass and smartphone app that can be found at www.geocaching.com .  Geocachers hide small trinket boxes, called caches, in trees and other hidden spots around communities, then upload the coordinates and clues into the app. Your family can then use the app to find cache locations near you.  When you find the cache, fill out the enclosed log, then swap a trinket with your own dollar-store supply to leave for the next treasure hunter. Check out the app to see how close you are to hidden treasures. There are currently more than 2,000 caches hidden in and around Palo Alto right now!  One more great way to get outside is with a family field trip! For those in the Bay Area, winter months are a great time to view California’s northern elephant seals as they come ashore during their breeding season. Docent-led guided tours are offered daily through March 31 at the Año Nuevo Coast Natural Preserve . Online reservations are recommended, especially for weekends and holidays, through ReserveCalifornia  or call 1-800-444-4445. Cooperative games, where everyone has to work together, are especially beneficial for children who have competitive or perfectionistic anxiety or who have intense feelings about winning and losing. One of our family favorites is Pandemic , where four diseases threaten to eradicate the world, and your team of specialists must strategize together to save humanity. Another favorite for families with teens is Finders Seekers , a monthly subscription of challenging escape rooms.  Each game’s puzzles take players on a journey through a different country, and the corresponding food suggestions and playlists set the mood for a family party on even the dreariest days!    The new year is a great time to settle into some new fiction! Our youngest readers will enjoy reading the adventures in Ty’s Travels , an “I Can Read” series written by Kelly Starling Lyons, illustrated by Niña Mata. Mid-grade fantasy fans will love reading about 13 year old Sikander Aziz who goes on adventures steeped in Mesopatamian mythology in Sarwat Chadda’s City of the Plague God  and its newly released companion novel, Fury of the Dragon Goddess . Teens may get swept up by Tilly in Technicolor by Mazzy Eddings, when they meet Tilly and Oliver, the two neurodivergent protagonists in this joyful YA romance. These latter three novels are all available on Audible as well, enabling the entire family to enjoy together.   About the authors Lisa Jobe and Cassandra Whetstone are family consultants, advocates, and educators. As co-founders of Sequoia Gifted and Creative, LLC , they support gifted and 2e families on their personalized learning journeys. Lisa and Cassandra are also both parents with profoundly gifted and twice exceptional learners. They can be reached at sequoiagifted@gmail.com .

Twice-exceptional students have few forums to express their lived educational experiences. REEL is pleased to launch “Living and Learning 2e,” a new blog series dedicated to giving twice exceptional children, teens, and young adults a place to share their voices. Serena C. is our fifth guest blogger. In her own words: “contrary to the meaning of my name, I am actually anything but serene.” During her elementary and middle school years, she attended her local public schools in Cupertino, and now is a senior at St. Francis High School in Mountain View, California. She was diagnosed with ADHD while in high school, after self-advocating for her need to be assessed. Serena founded NeurodiverCity with a vision to eliminate misconceptions, reduce stigma, establish a supportive community of neurodiverse individuals, and embrace neurodiversity—learn more about NeurodiverCity in Serena’s own words below! Aside from advocacy, Serena is “an avid fan of the bassoon countermelody in I See The Light from Tangled, creating atrocious emoji combinations, and obsessing over the size of both uncooked and cooked manicotti pasta.” She plays trumpet in the Golden State Youth Orchestra and enjoys running, Photoshopping pictures of her cat onto Snoopy comics, coming up with bad puns, and shuffling her Spotify playlist. She finds this to be an apt representation of her mind and shares that “I wish I could run as fast as my thoughts do, but for now, I’ll just have to settle for pushing the 6 skips/hour limit on Spotify to compensate.” Hummingbirds and Whales: What It’s Like to Be 2e Waking up and thinking, wow, I have so many things I could contribute , then actually trying to contribute but not knowing how. The best way for me to describe it is probably with an analogy of hummingbirds and whales. If hummingbirds are supposed to hum and blue whales are supposed to wail, then I am neither a hummingbird nor a blue whale, but I can be the hummingbird that wails and the blue whale that hums. Essentially, my hyperfocuses and passions are what tie my two “disparities” together as the mediator between the conflicting aspects of myself. Yet, these intense passions and interests were also what shadowed the struggling side of myself from the outside world. In elementary and middle school, I was recommended for psychoeducational assessments multiple times based on my eccentric behavior—which my parents also denied, multiple times, because of my extensive interests and their hesitancy to label me. No, I did not fit into the “normal” success or behavioral archetype, but in their eyes, an evaluation would only further detract from what I had already lacked. Part of growing up 2e has also been that I don’t always understand how to communicate myself adequately. For example, when I was younger, I realized that learning in general didn’t really work for me. Instead of telling anyone, though, I made up my own strategies to achieve the desired results so that I wouldn’t get in trouble (spoiler alert: I still did). Many of these fabricated methods were completely unconventional, but they worked for me. Do I regret that? Occasionally—looking back, some of these strategies probably weren’t very efficient, but they’re the only ones I’ve ever known (for example, I learned tonguing on trumpet without ever actually using my tongue). Parents and teachers were all under the impression that I could do so well by myself, and they saw this as “If you can make up and learn your own method yourself, you definitely won’t have any problems. You’re just seeking attention.” Whereas most of my earlier unconventional methods still persist, I’ve since adopted new memorization techniques for enhancing my retention of established concepts. For example, I memorize chemistry by coming up with cat puns and terrible jokes. I can’t tell you what molality is, but I can tell you what the chemist said in light of the babies born on New Years’ Day of 1990: “HALLO, Gen Z ” (Halogens). A New Perception: Has Being 2e Changed Over Time for You? With a diagnosis, my perception of myself has changed. Rather than the ever-persistent internal monologue of “hopeless” or “stupid,” I know why it’s more difficult for me to grasp multi-step concepts. I understand—even if I don’t really understand—why I learn the way I do, or why I get flustered over a different study environment or schedule. It’s easier for me to explain as well as for others to listen with a reason other than “Hmm…she’s just not applying herself.” Over the years, I’ve learned to embrace this aspect of myself. The once-inexplicable accusations, self-hatred, and punishment inflicted upon me have now morphed into my motivators for resilience, persistence, and creativity. It’s sometimes still difficult for me to express my appreciation for my ADHD in my traditionally stigma-oriented community, but I’m working to eliminate these harmful byproducts of ignorance and stigma. The Sigh: What Goes on in Your “Interior World”? I. Hate. Certain. Noises. When someone’s loud sigh pierces through my thoughts as my fingers are doing the light tap-tap against the wibbly wobbly of my keyboard, I only wish I could project myself into the interior of my computer to seek refuge from this astronomically atrocious sound. Unfortunately, as this is quite the dangerous route, my only real flight-or-fight response is to involuntarily sigh right back, which—as it turns out—is also quite the dangerous route, given its high probability of misinterpretation as an incendiary expression of ingratitude. Despite this, the “sigh” is not the most frustrating thing that bars me from completing my tasks. This sigh mostly presents itself when I bring up how my neurodiversity affects me at home, and I somehow end up half-conveying this with my Foot In My Mouth—although my intent remains to reduce conflict and misinterpretation, this “culturally uncomfortable” topic usually has the effect of upsetting my parents instead. It’s difficult to interject that I am not neurotypical. Sometimes it’s felt as if the very essence of my identity is put to shame. People are embarrassed when I mention it to others. They say, shhhh , when I talk about it at home. They sigh . But if I’m not ashamed of it myself, no one else should be for me—I only wish I could tell them about the psychological trauma and internalized inferiority that comes from being undiagnosed for so long. Although I still can’t fully explain it, I know this for sure: it’s not an excuse; it’s a reason. Previously, I reluctantly accepted the excuses and labels assigned to me by unfounded tirades of misconceptions, stigma, and ignorance. What I’m still learning to do is to stand up against others’ misconceptions and redefine 2e for myself. I’ll set my own pace, establish my own boundaries instead of having others impose their erroneous standards upon me. And once I feel ready, I’ll work to transcend them. Patience, Listening, Support, Exploration: Advice for Parents and Teachers After so many years of being forced into a mold, I can confidently say that my top advice is to not force us into a mold. Instead, give us the chance to express ourselves. The support we desire lies in increased patience and acceptance, not a laundry list of what works for neurotypicals. While your encouragement and motivation is greatly appreciated, forcing unfounded assumptions upon us is not. At the end of the day, it’s easiest to take things one step a time. Listen to us. Let us explore our interests. Hold us to the same standards of achievement that we hold ourselves to. Don’t tell us that you’re going to solve our difficulties—instead, ask us how you can help. When my parents were still in denial of my neurodiversity, they used to say something along the lines of “No, you don’t have ADHD, because when you were 5, you could sit there and learn.” I laugh, because for one, that was 11 years ago, and two, I can sit for hours and not comprehend a single thing. You could take away every single distraction and I’d still get sidetracked by the fact that I can make the letter “Y” by curling up my pointer finger. As such, it’s incredibly important to both discuss our “disabilities” and how it actually affects us, not just how you think it does. ADHD goes so much beyond “can’t sit, can’t do work, must go zoom zoom.” I hate to break it to you, but that’s not ADHD… that’s my cat . So, for 2e parents: never try to pretend that your child is neurotypical! The diagnosis itself is not what “changes” your child; your support, or lack thereof, is what does. It is harrowing to be denied an identity that is built upon the essence of neurodiversity. ADHD or autism will not usurp your child’s personality overnight—a persistent invalidation of our struggles, perceptions, and experiences is what will. As for teachers, I promise we’re not trying to intentionally act out or underperform—please never jump to conclusions or purposely invalidate our struggles. Just because a student may appear outwardly high-achieving, doesn't necessarily mean that they don’t need any extra support (we’ve learned to mask this and often compensate in terrible ways!). As for acting out, sometimes this is part of coping with academic difficulties; other times we truly don’t understand what’s appropriate and what’s not. There’s absolutely nothing more frustrating than a deliberate “Yeah, you can!”, “Everyone struggles with that!” or, my personal favorite, “But it works for ...HER!” when we finally seek assistance or reveal that we are struggling. What is helpful, though, is expressing support for our different learning styles. For in-class accommodations, anything as simple as an “Okay! Thanks for letting me know. Don’t hesitate to reach out if there’s anything you ever need!” can make a world of a difference. In terms of teaching, experimentation with different learning/assessment methods not only facilitates our knowledge retention but also allows us to express our creativity. Of course, this varies from student to student, but oftentimes we don’t know how we learn best yet—so incorporating a variety of ways for us to discover that really helps. Personally, I’ve found that I love projects that allow me to highlight the more imaginative aspects of my thinking. Learning to Scream: The Best Teacher You Ever Had The best teacher I’ve ever had was a trumpet professor, Mr. Larson, who I studied with this past summer as part of an online music institute. The entire camp was incredible—he managed to keep every session informative and engaging even over Zoom—but my greatest takeaway from the entire camp was during one of our private lessons in which I Learned How To Scream. I had been struggling with some high note octave jumps and I was trying to hide my frustration. Previous teachers always described the approach to high notes with something along the lines of, “Okay, high notes, you need to attack it and open up your throat”—which, as I eventually came to know, I had to do—but I never exactly knew how to do. Sometimes I’d actually fulfill this open-throat method, albeit by chance because I ultimately didn’t understand how to open my throat (like, with a doorknob?). But jokes aside, I truly didn’t know how to do it and it was incredibly frustrating for both myself and other teachers. What Mr. Larson did differently, however, was that he actually showed me how instead of simply explaining . Ironically, he also has ADHD and didn’t even mention the concept of throat-opening at all. Instead—and in the calmest manner possible—he told me first to scream, then play the high note. I wasn’t sure if he was being serious at first because it was the weirdest advice I’d ever been given before, but it worked; having to scream forced me to open up my throat, and playing that octave jump became so much easier after that. Although I realize that screaming before playing is not a viable option every time (especially not during performances), I can now imitate the same “throat-opening” effect because I know what it feels like. Ultimately, Mr. Larson truly understood my different learning style—and he’s also given me a 2-in-1 outlet that allows me to both expend my frustrations and improve my playing! Time to Make It All Click: What Does the Future Hold? For other 2e students, I hope to see better support and recognition. Learning disabilities don’t mean that we can’t learn (I’ve really heard this as a means of objection before), and giftedness doesn’t mean that we don't struggle at all; in fact, we sometimes struggle to display this giftedness because our other “side” isn’t adequately addressed or supported. Ultimately, there’s a fine line between perceiving what we can’t do for ourselves and others perceiving that for us. Every twice exceptional student is different. I hope others understand that neurodiversity isn’t an excuse and that it’s something that can manifest regardless of intelligence levels. We aren’t struggling on purpose when it looks like we aren’t performing to our full potential; if or when we act out, it is more a culmination of frustration with ourselves than an intentional “attack” of hatred. Yes, we are perfectly capable—but we still need resources, accommodations, and time to make it all click. I know I do. In the future, I’m looking forward to more neurodiversity advocacy, expanding NeurodiverCity, stepping out of my comfort zone to share a bit more about my experiences, and continuing my trumpet endeavors. Although I harbor more of an “I can’t wait to be done with this” sentiment towards college apps and prescreening recordings, I am excited for what comes next. To my future self, I hope everything worked out. To other 2e students reading this in the future: I hope you can look back and realize just how much you’ve proved your most unsupportive teachers wrong. Creating Community: What is NeurodiverCity? NeurodiverCity is an online community for neurodiverse students from all over the world to connect, share creativity, bond over interests, and consult mutual support. Its namesake is a two-part pun: Neurodiver, one who delves deep into their brain; City, a diverse community of supportive supportive individuals—neurodiversity. I’m passionate about creating advocacy and education posts as the founder of NeurodiverCity, as well as supporting and talking with other neurodiverse students in our Neurodiverse Student Chatrooms. Connecting in a community that is comfortable with discussing every aspect of neurodiversity has been revolutionary for me; it’s amazing to be able to bond over shared experiences, laugh at neurodiversity memes, consult support, and embrace our unique traits together without feeling the pressure of forced assimilation.

I spent the last two days at the inaugural Twice-Exceptional Teacher Education ( 2eTE ) conference organized by and held at Cleveland State University (CSU) in Ohio. The conference would not have happened without the drive and determination of Dr. Claire Hughes, a parent of two 2e kids and the new head of the 2eTE program at CSU, and her doctoral student Tatiana Nikitina, the twice-exceptional mastermind behind the conference’s conception. It was two rainy days of learning, networking, connecting with new people and those I have previously met only online, and exchanging ideas of how to move forward. As I am sitting in my aisle seat on the plane back to the Bay Area and reflecting on the experience of the last two days, I cannot help but feel both sad and hopeful. Sad because in most school districts, including my own, teachers still have never even heard of the term twice-exceptional . Hopeful because in the last several years four higher education programs with focus on twice-exceptionality have emerged: at CSU , University of Iowa ( UIOWA ), Johns Hopkins University ( JHU ), and Bridges Graduate School ( BGS ). From Jessica Altuch’s insights into project-based learning and Dr. Cynthia Hansen’s introduction to using gameplay for embracing positive self-identities of 2e learners, to Dr. Brian Harper’s tips on transitioning between high school and college and Dr. Randy Lange’s overview of the program for supporting twice-exceptionality on the UIOWA campus – the conference showcased a variety of talks. 11 roundtable discussions took place and explored the topics of co-teaching, the needs of LGBTQ 2e learners, cultural diversity, interdisciplinary interventions, acceleration, homeschooling, talent development, tools for exploring complex identities of 2e, aligning education with the job market, and equity in gifted programming. Several panels and three keynotes provided additional inspiration. Dr. Wendy Muraswki demonstrated how we cannot use the same interventions for individual 2e kids just as we cannot give the same prescription glasses to all members of the audience who need them, and how those with invisible disabilities get missed just like the audience members who wear contact lenses. Christopher Milo’s message about the lost and left out kids whose faith in themselves is crushed by being misunderstood and bullied was touching. But the highlight for me was the moving and intimately personal story by Dr. Brian Harper – the deviser of the 2eTE program at CSU – of his autistic and musically prodigious son who has perfect pitch: their struggles, despair, and anger, but also victories, acceptance, and wisdom. As we are starting our descent into the San Francisco airport, I continue to feel both sad and hopeful. Sad because it feels like the twice-exceptional movement needs to be pushed forward by parents of 2e kids whose families are suffering, no matter who they are in their professional lives – teachers, professors, administrators, or lawyers. Hopeful because the change is coming. It must come. And we are the messengers. About the Author: Guest blogger Yekaterina (Katrina) O’Neil is a homeschooling mom by day, a doctoral student by night, and a software security researcher by trade. The mom to two 2e kids in middle and high school, she began homeschooling them after public school turned out not to be a fit. To understand and support her kids better, Katrina is pursuing a Doctoral Degree at Bridges Graduate School of Cognitive Diversity in Education, while attempting to juggle a career in cybersecurity at the same time. She is passionate about neurodiversity and hopes to spread awareness and acceptance of neurodivergent individuals at home, at school, and in the workplace.She holds a B.S. and M.S. in Computer Science & Engineering from UC San Diego.

On Oct 17, 2020, the Stanford Neurodiversity Summit and REEL hosted neurodivergent panelists—including high school and college students as well as an alumna and educator at a school for twice-exceptional learners—who shared their experiences as K-12 students, including what neurodiversity means to them, what neurodiversity-related advocacy or education looks like from their perspectives, and which educational support structures have been most helpful. We hope these voices of the neurodivergent will drive action items for how we can improve K-12 education for neurodiverse learners. For those who missed this inspirational panel, we have summarized the key takeaways from our “loud and proud” speakers. You can watch the complete recording here: https://tinyurl.com/K12NeurodiversityPanel . -------------------------------------------------------------- Understanding Teachers Although our panelists had a wide variety of educational experiences, the most commonly mentioned support in their K-12 years were educators who were accepting of differences, were patient and understanding, and created an environment where everyone could be themselves. These educators became a trusted place for students to go when they were feeling pressured, bullied, and misunderstood. Zachary talks to teachers during his passing period when he feels stressed. “There is one teacher open to questions not only about math; he understands me the most, and makes me feel safe.” Serena finds it most helpful when teachers are very accepting of her accommodations and understand her needs and strengths so that she feels comfortable talking about her differences. She cautioned teachers not to assume behavior is “attention seeking” when it’s really the student struggling. Amy pointed out “Being guilted or pressured or cajoled doesn’t work when a student is struggling or has a barrier; it heightens frustration and makes learning and school anxiety-inducing. What works is understanding, communication, respect for differences, being willing to negotiate and scaffold, and finding what the accommodations can be that make the learning experiences more naturalistic and enjoyable.” As a teacher, Amy provides her students with three choices for how they can complete any assignment and lets students lead. Allison’s 3rd grade teacher was the first person who took what she was saying seriously, told her it was ok that she thought about things differently, and ok to be herself. Lucy’s second grade teacher celebrated and embraced children’s intense interest areas by creating “classroom expert contracts” so a child could teach the class about their passion. Her high school teacher gently helped her focus her writing and overcome rigid thinking. “When teachers are attentive to student needs and they can adapt teaching methods, this benefits neurodivergent, neurotypical students, and undercover autistics.” Earlier Diagnosis Speaking of undercover diagnoses, many of the panelists were not diagnosed until high school or college. Being diagnosed often provided relief, as they finally had an explanation for their struggles and stopped feeling broken. Some also experienced roadblocks to diagnosis because they were outwardly achieving or due to cultural stigma. Lucy says “if I had been diagnosed earlier, I may have seen myself as different and not defective from an earlier age.” Lucy hopes that more girls will receive their diagnosis at an earlier age—she advises educators and parents to read about signs of autism in girls. Amy discussed that criteria for diagnosis are gendered and created without asking autistic people about their experiences. Her diagnosis helped her connect to her community for support and answers, and to hear about positive autistic traits for the first time. Ila shares that before she was diagnosed, she felt she didn’t belong, and that there was something wrong with her. “Putting a name to what I was feeling really made things so much clearer.” It helped her figure out her own learning style, what worked best for her, and how she could help herself. For Allison, getting a diagnosis answered a lot of questions, gave her answers to questions she hadn’t thought to ask, and provided known ways for her to access helpful support systems—such as her beloved service dog. Serena shared that not only did adults not believe she was struggling because she was outwardly achieving, but also in her Asian American culture, ADHD is stigmatized so she had to fight to be diagnosed. Her parents didn’t want her to have a label, “But without the label for ADHD, I was also given many other labels, like being a problem child or being disruptive on purpose, or just not being what I was supposed to be or other negative labels, which neurodiversity is really not if you really understand it.” Believe Me! Accommodations and Self Advocacy Receiving their diagnosis helped many of the panelists figure out how they learn and what accommodations they need to level the playing field. They also learned they have to advocate for themselves in the classroom to get what they need. Because the panelists have gifts in some areas and appear to be getting by or even high-achieving, many struggled to get the support they needed. Serena learned which behaviors were not socially acceptable in class and found ways around them, so she didn’t clearly fit the profile for ADHD. Adults didn’t believe she was struggling until she pushed for a diagnosis. Her accommodations have helped her show what she can truly do. “Accommodations leveled my playing field...extra time compensates for the time I spend untying my thoughts before I can even start to think about the materials.” Allison had teachers who did not believe the accommodations she requested were needed because a different autistic student didn’t need them. “Teachers, it’s not: you’re not autistic or ADHD because you’re not like [this other student]. If you meet one neurodiverse person, you meet one neurodiverse person.” She also adds, “Not listening or believing can be just as hurtful as teasing or saying mean things.” Ila says she was quiet, did her work and got decent grades, so her teachers didn’t think she needed testing or a diagnosis. She had to fight her school for the supports she needed. Ila wishes students were taught how to self advocate at a really young age. Passions, Community, and Socializing Several panelists credit their passions for getting them through difficult times and saving their self-esteem. Their passions also connect them to a community of people with similar interests. Some cautioned parents not to put neurotypical social expectations on their neurodiverse kids. Ila mentioned that music, singing, and performing help her with everything. Serena said music gets her through negative educational experiences. Despite working so hard at school, she sometimes wouldn’t do well or would get into trouble, but music was a place she could do well and channel her difficulties. Amy shared “Find a network of people that have something in common with you—your autstic special interest group is the key to lifelong friendships.” Building a community of people who understand you and where you can be your authentic self and be loved is critical. “Struggling in school is hard, but not feeling like you’re part of a community is harder.” Allison says that with the ability to find people online you can “get people who you feel like you can talk to and other people who are neurodiverse as well in your life. Once you get to that point, it does get a lot better. Get a squad that you can really have to help you through whatever comes your way.” However, Lucy and Amy both caution parents not to place their own social expectations on their children. Lucy says her well-meaning parents perceived her as lonely and pushed her to spend time with friends, but she was ok alone. Amy echoed “Don’t assume because I’m alone I’m lonely”. Using Their Experiences to Help Others In addition to speaking out about neurodiversity, this inspiring panel has turned their struggles into advocacy for other neurodiverse students. Serena created NeurodiverCity to support student advocacy and creativity after feeling it was hard for her to connect with other neurodiverse students due to stigma in her community. Lucy writes a blog where she shares her experiences with mental health, autism college hacks, and advice. She also tutors kids for their college applications and the on-boarding process. Ila started an advocacy group for her school district after attending the Stanford Neurodiversity Project’s high school advocacy camp. Zachary was chairman of a Neurodiversity club at Palo Alto High School. After surviving severe bullying at her previous schools, Allison wanted to give students at her current school, Fusion Academy (Palo Alto), a place to feel safe, so she founded a student leadership team. Amy is a teacher at Bridges Academy, a school for neurodiverse/2e students, where she creates a positive and nurturing environment for her students. She says it feels like being at home and that her students are her family. Bringing Neurodiverse Voices to the Forefront and Reducing Stigma All of the panelists agree that more neurodiverse voices need to be brought to the forefront of this discussion. As Amy stated so eloquently, “We see neurodiversity as being so different from other forms of marginalization. I would never run a group of LGBTQ people and have only straight people making policy. Our motto is ‘Nothing about us without us.’ You can’t make meaningful policy without including the voices of the people who are most impacted.” The panelists would like to remove the stigma associated with neurodiversity and help parents, educators, and fellow students “be more accepting of the prevalence and different presentations of neurodiversity” (Serena). As Zachary says, “Neurodiversity is about inclusiveness. It’s not about who is different, rather about accepting differences. We’re all different in a good way.” Ila says “It’s hard to be accepted as yourself with so much stigma.” Allison would like to see educators strictly enforce zero tolerance bullying policies. Amy sums it up, “The issues stem from failure to embrace that people's brains will be different, not deficient. We need to change society’s narrative about what it means to be human, build accommodations into our normal schools and experiences, and not make being neurodiverse an ‘othering’ element. This will alleviate bullying difficulties with education and employment. Everyone has to get on board.”

Salutations and greetings to my fellow 8th grade graduates: my name is Finn and - just like you - I will never stop learning. Even from my first moment of Planck time, I was learning. (In case you don’t know, Planck time is, according to Wikipedia, “ the length of time at which no smaller meaningful length can be validly measured due to the indeterminacy expressed in Werner Heisenberg's uncertainty principle . Theoretically, this is the shortest time measurement that is possible. Planck time is roughly 10 to the negative 43 seconds.” Or 0.000000000000 - ok you get the idea - 43 zeros and then a '1' seconds.)  The point is, right from birth, we all started learning, whether it was what things felt like, smelled like, or looked like.  You might think that now that we're graduating middle school, we're done learning. But we'll keep going. Throughout high school, college, our entire adult lives and even when we  retire, we will still be learning. Learning is lifelong and happens all the time.  For me, a great example was an experience I had in early elementary school. In first grade, I was learning, but I wasn’t learning the right things. I was working hard on reading during extra sessions with my teacher after school, but Instead of learning how to read, I was learning to memorize small books and pages and repeat them to my teacher the next day. This did nothing for me but exercise and improve my memory. So as I got  farther through the year and was given more difficult books to read, of course, I could not. That all changed when I went to Touchstone Learning for second grade. At Touchstone Learning, I met an incredible teacher who was experienced in tutoring kids with dyslexia and other learning differences and teaching them how to read. There were new rules for writing and spelling, new ways of saying letters, and so much more. She and other teachers who joined later taught me how to read, write, multiply, and divide. They taught me history, science, and other essential life lessons. So when I started at Charles Armstrong for middle school, I thought I had learned all there was about reading, writing, and school in general. But from my first class, I realized I was wrong. In the past three years I have improved my writing and reading fluency, have learned how to manage my time on large projects, how to work successfully in groups, and what it's like to be at a bigger school, with lots of teachers, expectations, and responsibilities.  In conclusion, I hope you always remember that everyone is constantly learning. Even great minds like Isaac Newton, Galileo, and Albert Einstein were always learning. I hope that every one of you now has new knowledge in your brains (like the meaning of Planck time) and that you all use it wisely. I hope you continue to flourish and grow in high school and beyond as you move forward in your education and life.

I have a secret to share. I often have anxious thoughts and feelings. I’m the mother of three awesome teenagers, all of whom are very bright and some of whom have been diagnosed with a mix of general anxiety, social anxiety, autism, and sensory processing challenges. They’re a fun bunch and I thank the universe that I get to be their mom. But, truthfully, some days, weeks, and months are really tough. While it's natural to feel anxiety as a parent, I suspect and research indicates that parents with neurodivergent and twice-exceptional children (like mine) experience anxiety more frequently (Enav et al., 2019; Llinares-Insa et al., 2020). (In case you’re not familiar, twice-exceptional children are both extremely bright, creative, and/or “gifted” as well as have a learning challenge such as dyslexia, autism, ADHD, and/or anxiety.) This was all brought home to me as a student in Dr. Matt Zakreski’s “Social and Emotional Diversity” class this summer as part of my doctoral studies at Bridges Graduate School of Cognitive Diversity in Education . He assigned the task to outline a research-based “intervention strategy” to address a social/emotional learning challenge for the twice-exceptional. As I grappled with this task, I reflected on what had made the biggest difference in my parenting. I want to show up as the best mom I can, but I’ve needed to learn a lot of new skills and forgive myself for many mistakes along the way. What I realized is that managing my own emotional responses and reactions to life’s difficulties, parenting challenges, and my children’s emotional experiences is essential. Why is it important to regulate my own emotions? Because my children struggle with anxiety, I learned pretty early on in my parenting journey from a wide variety of experts and therapists that attending to my own emotional regulation would benefit my own and my children’s well-being, for several reasons. First, doing so creates a stable space for my kids to move through their own emotional experiences safely. Second, proactively tending to my anxiety serves as a role model to them for healthy living. Lastly, co-regulating emotions is a human experience, perhaps even more so between parent and child, and contributes to children’s long-term development; co-regulation helps us signal to one another a range of emotions that impact our body’s fight, flight, or freeze response as well as our ability for social engagement (Porges, 2018). Managing my own emotional response to my child’s feelings of anxiety is complicated. When I respond to my child’s anxiety with a similar or even higher level of anxiety, I may be unconsciously indicating to them that their “distress is unmanageable, terrifying, and potentially dangerous” (Borelli et al., 2015, p. 3132). Children may “look to parents for signs about how to interpret their feelings….when a parent experiences intense negative emotion in response to the child’s fear, the child may perceive the parent’s negative emotions and become more fearful….[though] if a parent is completely non-reactive emotionally to the child’s fear, this could convey apathy….” (Borelli et al., 2015, p. 3131-3132). Research signals that establishing a mindfulness-based practice, such as meditation, can heighten parents’ self-awareness about their and their children’s emotions (Aarzoo et al., 2021; Cowling & Van Gordon, 2022) and that mothers who are emotionally well regulated experience positive emotions, reduced stress, satisfaction, and happiness (Cowling & Van Gordon, 2022; Llinares-Insa et al., 2020, p. 5; Zimmer-Gembeck et al., 2022). How mindfulness helped me tend to my own anxiety My personal experience learning about and practicing mindful strategies stands as testament to the research. Tending to my own anxiety has been critical the last few years. As our family has navigated increasingly complex challenges, our collective anxiety has often amped up. I have needed to explore new ways (“intervention strategies”) to be a mindful parent. A friend of mine recommended the app Insight Timer as a resource. It’s a phone-based app that offers many mindfulness-based activities. While I’d taken meditation classes before, the thought of sitting still and clearing all thoughts from my head had just never resonated with me. My brain is abuzz with ideas all the time and, for the most part, I really enjoy having such an active mind. I was skeptical of Insight Timer, so I started with the free version and explored meditation tracks that my friend suggested. However, the more I discovered about Insight Timer, the more essential it became to me as I realized that meditation doesn’t always mean extinguishing my thoughts, but rather provides healthier ways to interact with my thoughts. This past year, my anxiety morphed into sleep deprivation and rumination. I knew I needed to tackle it head on. In addition to individual meditations and talks, teachers on the platform offer what I call “mini-courses”, which are designed as short, multi-day sessions focused more in-depth on a specific topic. I searched for “anxiety courses” and discovered Andrea Wachter ’s “Practical Tools for Anxiety Relief” and “Your Anxiety Relief Toolkit.” These courses are chock full of insights and Andrea is particularly compassionate. I learned explicit strategies for approaching my anxious thoughts and feelings, with the opportunity to practice using them, and encouragement to adopt the ones that were most helpful to me. Here are some of my favorites: Separating anxious thoughts from anxious physical sensations : Noticing physical sensations of anxiety without judgment by assigning them shapes, colors, temperatures, and more. For instance, sometimes I think of my anxiety as an orange bubble that I can pop or a black cloud becoming a vortex. This helps me separate the anxious thoughts from the rest of my thinking patterns and decreases my rumination. Experimenting with responses : I can respond to my anxious thoughts by being strong, soft, silly, or silent. For a “soft” response, I might sing my anxiety a lullaby. When I decide to be “silly”, I sometimes tell my anxiety a joke! Practicing each of these techniques gives me options when anxious thoughts enter my mind. Engaging in heart-to-heart dialogue with anxiety : Picturing what my anxiety looks like, observing it with deep compassion and curiosity, asking it what it needs, and offering it comfort and wisdom helps to soften my experience of anxiety. Practicing soothing statements : Imagining my anxiety as a young child and repeating calming phrases (“In this moment, you are safe. This feeling will pass. If that happens, we’ll deal with it then, but it’s not happening right now. I’m right here with you.”) changes my relationship with the anxious thought and resets my thinking in the present moment. Completing what is called “The Work” (drawn from Byron Katie’s work): Pick a thought and ask “Is it true with absolute certainty? How do I feel when I believe the thought? Who would I be without it? If I turn it around and see it from a different angle, is it possible that the opposite version of the thought could be true?” Seeing the anxious thought from a different perspective helps reframe its importance and weight. Bonus! None of these strategies asks me to suppress, ignore, or extinguish my thoughts, which, honestly, would likely be an impossible task. Would this work for you? Explore and see! I can’t begin to give enough detail about the strategies in this short blog post. I encourage you to check them out yourself to see if they can help you regulate your own emotional responses to life’s inevitable ebbs and flows. Andrea’s two mini-courses* each include ten, 15-minute sessions, which made them easy to fit into even my most hectic day. Because they didn’t require me to sit in a set place with my eyes closed, I listened to them and tried the practices in various locations and convenient times for my schedule. I’ve returned to them again and again as needed. If you’re concerned that a mini-course is too much of a commitment, Andrea also offers standalone tracks such as “Decrease Anxiety & Increase Peace,” “Soothing Anxiety,” “Panic and Anxiety Relief,” or “Letting Go & Living in the Flow.”. Not sure that a meditation app is for you? Or that the courses I’ve suggested here fit the bill for your situation? The good news about Insight Timer and other mindfulness apps such as Headspace and Calm is that they offer a wide selection of teachers and practices. Want to become more mindful while you walk or jog? Need more daily affirmations? Or maybe you really do want to learn to clear your mind of thoughts? These apps have options for all of those things and more. Does this really work? Participating in these courses helped me with my own anxiety. They also gave me new strategies to suggest to my own children. I’ll admit my kids sometimes roll their eyes at my advice, but what teen doesn’t? I know they see me making Insight Timer a priority in my life. And every now and then I hear their self-talk or see them try a new strategy when they think I’m not looking. Let’s face it. Some of parenting is actually accomplished by osmosis. Kids, especially teens, don’t want to admit they’re trying the things we suggest. But, we have to trust that our role modeling is making a difference, even if our kids don’t want to admit the usefulness in the short-term. Even better, research backs up that working on our own anxiety and emotional regulation will benefit our children. (Warning: Putting my doctoral student hat back on now.) While researchers don’t yet understand all the mechanisms of how this works, they do know that parents are a central influence in their children’s emotional development (Cowling & Van Gordon, 2022; Llinares-Insa et al., 2020; Zimmer-Gembeck et al., 2022). Parents play a critical role in helping their gifted and twice-exceptional children thrive, whether in school, at home, or in their social-emotional wellbeing (Barber & Mueller, 2011; Pfeiffer, 2020). It’s widely thought that parents’ ability to regulate their own emotions contributes to their children’s ability to do so as well, even for neurodivergent children such as those who are autistic and/or gifted (Ahçi et al., 2022; Chan et al., 2018; Enav et al., 2019; Llinares-Insa et al., 2020; Moffitt et al., 2021; Zimmer-Gembeck et al., 2022). On the flip side, some studies indicate that parents’ anxiety can increase the risk for their children developing anxiety or depression (Borelli et al., 2015; Choi, 2022; Shenaar-Golan et al., 2021). Because parents serve as important role models in their children’s lives, it’s important for parents to understand their own emotional regulation and its impacts on their children’s emotional wellbeing (Llinares-Insa et al., 2020). I’ll let you in on another secret. My anxiety still takes control sometimes. I can’t always regulate my responses to my kids or to new challenges as they arise. That’s okay. It gives me the chance to talk to my kids about the realities of life, self-compassion, and why we build a toolkit to help address anxiety in the first place. The goal isn’t to eliminate anxiety entirely. Actually, anxiety can serve a functional role in our lives and having a small bit of it may be helpful in some situations. (But, that’s a story for another blog post.) Having strategies to manage my anxiety, to increase my own emotional regulation when I’m supporting my children, helps me be more present and grounded as a person and as a parent. Interested in the research cited in this blog post? Check out this reference list . * While most of the Insight Timer resources are free, the mini-courses that I’ve recommended require membership, which is $59.99 per year as of July 2022. Note that the app offers a 30-day free trial so you can check out the 10-session courses I recommended and decide if you want to pay for an ongoing subscription.

We are amid a recultivation in the ever-evolving ecology of education, particularly for twice-exceptional (2e) students. An ecosystem thrives when each part is free to do what it does best. Similarly, a 2e child flourishes when we embrace strength-based educational and parenting approaches. We don’t force a wild rose to become a cactus by planting it in a desert; instead, it is nurtured in conditions where it can blossom into vibrance. The same goes for our neurodivergent children’s talents and capabilities to flourish. Imagine a world where each 2e child's talents and strengths are cultivated, creating an environment where they can thrive. This is the vision behind the movement toward strength-based approaches, particularly for twice-exceptional learners. We shift from solely focusing on the weeds—what students struggle with—to discovering and fostering the buds of their abilities. Seeds Ready to Sprout Strength-based assessments, like those offered at the Strength-Based Assessment Lab  at the Bridges Graduate School of Cognitive Diversity, serve as a greenhouse for this innovative approach. The Lab's mission is simple yet profound: to discover and nurture the strengths of students who may not thrive in conventional educational settings. One mother shared how the Lab helped her view her 8-year-old daughter as a unique seed requiring specific conditions to sprout. Empowered to focus on her child's strengths, she provided the sunlight and nutrients necessary for growth. The Lab's service transformed their educational journey, opening doors to new opportunities and long-term benefits, much like watching a garden burst into full bloom. Sprouts Ready to Root These stories of transformation are not isolated. A father expressed relief and gratitude when his 10-year-old son was finally seen for his strengths. The Lab's strength-identification process provided practical strategies for enriching his son's school experience, allowing him to thrive in ways he hadn't imagined. These real-life experiences highlight the profound impact of shifting our perspective from deficits to strengths, from weeds to blossoms. Blossoming into Vibrance Emerging research supports what many parents and educators are discovering firsthand: focusing on strengths rather than weaknesses empowers students and their families. Strength-based assessments as the basis for parenting programs enhance parents' sense of competence, enabling them to better support their twice-exceptional children. This shift in focus boosts children's self-esteem and motivation, much like proper nutrients help plants grow stronger, leading to positive outcomes in cognitive, emotional, and social domains. An Ecosystem of Possibility Implementing strength-based strategies involves collaboration between educators, parents, and students, much like a thriving ecosystem requires each element to work harmoniously. It begins with conversations to identify each child's personal best moments and the environmental hazards they face. From there, experts craft personalized recommendations to guide talent development and educational practices that resonate with each child's profile, ensuring the right conditions for growth. Navigating the Changing Weather While the benefits of this approach are clear, the journey has its challenges. Shifting from traditional models requires commitment and training for educators and parents, similar to learning how to cultivate a diverse garden. It’s about complementing existing evaluations like neuropsychological assessments, rather than replacing them, and ensuring everyone is equipped to support strength-based strategies effectively. A New Pathway Strength-based assessments chart a promising new path in education, one rich with potential and growth. By focusing on what students enjoy and where they excel, we inspire a new generation of learners who are deeply rooted, ready to sprout, and prepared to bloom. This approach aligns seamlessly with the mission of organizations like Reel2E , which advocate for educational equity and innovation. Together, we can cultivate a more positive and effective educational landscape where every child is seen and celebrated for their unique strengths and talents, much like each part of an ecosystem is cherished for its contribution to the whole. Strengths Resources From REEL 8 Strength Based Strategies to Kick Off the New Year Ask for Strengths to Shine this School Year Strength-Based Strategies at Home & in the Classroom Strength-based Learning Discussion with Dr. Melanie Hayes Maximizing Student Success: A Strength-Based Pyramid Written by Dr. Jade Ann Rivera for REEL2e  Bio: Jade Rivera, Ed.D. is Lab Director of the Strength-Based Assessment Lab and Faculty at Bridges Graduate School of Cognitive Diversity in Education. She researches strength-based assessment and strength-based, talent-focused approaches for twice-exceptional children. She is also a published author with Routledge, has written numerous influential articles and blog posts, and is a sought-after speaker at national conferences. Jade leads impactful workshops for educators and parents, providing innovative strategies for supporting neurodivergent children.

When Bridges Graduate School Doctoral Student Marni Kammersell approached us to publish her review of the TV show A Kind of Spark , centered on an autistic teenager and her sisters, we jumped at the chance to work together. Marni not only provides deep insights about the show and how it spotlights the autistic experience; she also offers discussion questions to start a dialogue with autistic children as well as strength-based tips for working with autistic kids and suggested resources. We hope you enjoy Marni's perspective as well as the show, which is streaming on BYUtv . As someone who frequently talks with parents of bright and quirky children, many of whom are gifted, I often find myself recommending books and podcasts to help them better understand both common Autistic traits and the Autistic experience. However, resources that provide insight into Autistic culture and ways of being can be harder to come by, especially ones that will resonate with 2e families (2e, or “twice-exceptional,” refers to individuals who have both exceptional intellectual or creative abilities and disabilities or challenges). In this post, I explore the groundbreaking television show A Kind of Spark and its potential impact on twice-exceptional Autistic (2eA) children and teens. The show provides much-needed representation and has the potential to empower 2eA individuals through seeing their experiences portrayed positively on film. I also provide guiding questions for parents to facilitate conversations around neurodiversity with their Autistic children. A Kind of Spark is a BBC television miniseries based on the book of the same name by Autistic author Elle McNicoll (McCleery et al., 2023). The show features an Autistic thirteen-year-old girl named Addie Darrow, who is delightfully quirky and unapologetically herself. Addie is determined to get a memorial plaque erected in honor of the women who were persecuted as witches in her town centuries ago, simply for being different. The show includes a mystery element as Addie attempts to uncover what happened to a young noblewoman named Margaret (Maggie) Fraser who vanished from Juniper, her small town, after being accused of witchcraft. Throughout the series, Addie finds support from her friends and family, including her two older sisters, Keedie and Nina. The character of Keedie, who is also Autistic, adds depth to the story and showcases the diverse interests, behaviors, and relationships of Autistic teenagers. As the story unfolds, we learn about Keedie's own strengths and challenges, and observe how she protects and advocates for Addie. Nina, who is not Autistic, has a close relationship with her sisters and is fiercely protective of them. In addition to the main story featuring the Darrow family, A Kind of Spark includes a historical storyline set in the town of Juniper during the 1500s, exploring the experiences of Maggie and Elinor Fraser during a time of witch-hunting. Elinor, who is Autistic and living in a time without any conception of autism, is concerned that her unique sensory experiences - which she describes as feeling like 'magic' - may mean that she is a witch. Maggie, who is both practical and fiery, denies the existence of witches and fights against the injustice of persecuting women for failing to conform to social norms. This historical storyline serves to normalize the idea that Autistic people have always existed, even if historical societies had no frame of reference to understand or accept them. All three Autistic characters (Addie, Keedie, and Elinor) are portrayed by Autistic actors, and Nina is also played by an Autistic actor. In addition, the show had significant representation of neurodivergent individuals in its production crew. The casting of neurodivergent actors in neurodivergent roles on the show is crucial, as it offers much-needed representation and promotes authenticity in the portrayal of Autistic experiences. Autistic actors can fully embody their experiences when playing Autistic characters, without the need to pretend or conceal their natural movements, facial expressions, and ways of being. A Kind of Spark delivers an authentic portrayal of Autistic experiences in a heartwarming and delightful way, with an intriguing storyline. As a late-identified Autistic adult, I can personally attest to the importance of seeing these experiences portrayed on film, especially for teenagers who may be struggling to form their neurodivergent identities. Throughout A Kind of Spark , Addie is portrayed as a complex character with a range of admirable strengths. One of her most notable qualities is her insatiable curiosity and sharp intelligence, which allow her to learn and retain a wealth of information about a variety of subjects that interest her. Addie's kindness and empathy also shine through in her interactions with others, even those who have hurt her. She consistently sees the best in people and is willing to extend compassion even when others might not reciprocate. While this does leave her open to being taken advantage of, her enduring kindness is truly admirable. In addition to her interpersonal strengths, Addie is also brave and persistent in her efforts to raise awareness and advocate for the acceptance of neurodivergent people and anyone who is considered "different." She refuses to be silenced or dismissed and her steadfast determination to create positive change is both inspiring and powerful. Overall, Addie is a truly compelling protagonist whose multifaceted strengths make her a role model for viewers of all ages. In addition to positive Autistic representation, A Kind of Spark does an excellent job of portraying neurodiversity-affirming parenting and relational approaches for neurodivergent youth. Addie’s parents are both kind and supportive, without being overbearing. While they clearly worry about their teenage daughters, they also give them the space to grow and tackle challenges on their own, such as traveling to the city on public transportation without an adult. In one particularly familiar scene for those of us living in neurodivergent families, each Darrow sister is provided with a different kind of special-order pasta: no sauce, smooth sauce, and regular. In another scene Addie's dad quickly steps in to stop another adult from popping a balloon, stating awkwardly, "Ah, I just love balloons." When Audrey remarks on the strangeness of his action, Addie explains that the noise of a balloon popping is an overwhelming experience for her and Keedie. These authentic touches are what make A Kind of Spark so magical. Parenting neurodivergent children can be challenging, but it is not a tragedy. Seeing these little daily struggles normalized with humor and love is incredibly valuable. A Kind of Spark offers a heartwarming portrayal of the intimate bond between Addie and Keedie, who in addition to being close because they are sisters, also share a special bond because they are both Autistic. The television adaptation beautifully showcases their mutual understanding and validation of each other's sensory experiences. One noteworthy scene occurs when a smoke alarm goes off in the Darrow home and Keedie instinctively rushes to place noise-dampening headphones on Addie's ears before grabbing a pair for herself. In this moment, their shared laughter and concern for each other's well-being highlights the power of finding common ground in neurodivergent experiences and demonstrates the unique support that neurodivergent peers can offer each other. The show features beautiful support from a range of characters, including Nina, who serves as a confidant and advocate for Addie; the Darrow parents, who advocate for their daughter and seek to understand her needs; Addie's best friend Audrey, who demonstrates empathy and a willingness to learn about Addie's experiences; Nina's boyfriend Frank, who supports Addie in her research; and Mr. Allison, a teacher who shows a commitment to strengths-based education. Through these characters, the show highlights the importance of allyship and the potential for neuronormative individuals to create safe and supportive spaces for those who are neurodivergent. A Kind of Spark effectively portrays the challenges that neurodivergent students face in the classroom, particularly when teachers fail to embrace their differences. However, the show also emphasizes the many ways in which educators can positively impact the lives of neurodivergent students. For example, Addie finds refuge in the quiet space of the library, where the librarian, Mr. Allison, provides her with unwavering support. He invites Addie to spend her lunch period in the library, shares her sense of humor, and saves new books for her related to her current interests. When Addie struggles to remember her lines in a school play, Mr. Allison creatively hides her cue sheet among the props so that Addie can succeed in her acting role. These examples show that qualities like unconditional positive regard, curiosity about a student's interests, and understanding of sensory needs are crucial for educators working with neurodivergent students. Although Elle McNicoll did not explicitly portray Addie and Keedie as twice-exceptional, their experiences will resonate with many 2eA teenagers. McNicoll has shared in interviews that Addie is hyperlexic and favors non-fiction over storybooks. In the television adaptation, Addie is seen creating a detailed diagram to organize the information she gathers about the witches of Juniper, revealing her exceptional ability to understand complex relationships among various elements. Additionally, Addie's struggles with handwriting suggest motor planning challenges or other possible learning disabilities, which can commonly co-occur in 2e individuals. Keedie, on the other hand, exhibits an immense passion for history and an encyclopedic knowledge of the Battle of Killiecrankie, alongside her artistic talent. Dr. Susan Baum, a renowned expert in twice-exceptional education, highlights five crucial elements that underpin successful programs for 2e students (Baum, 2017, p. 142): creating a psychologically safe environment; providing more time – both for long-term growth and also time to process, transition, and produce; accommodating asynchronous development; fostering positive social relationships; and adopting a strength-based and talent-focused philosophy. Unfortunately, as with many 2e children, Addie's educational environment fails to consistently provide all of these elements. As a result, it falls upon Addie and her family to raise awareness about how teachers can better understand and accommodate the needs of neurodivergent students. Parents of 2eA students who want to enhance their educational experience can create awareness about the benefits of a strengths-based, talent-focused educational approach, like the one utilized at Bridges Academy, a school specifically designed for twice-exceptional children (Baum, 2017). A strengths-based approach emphasizes the development of each student's strengths and talents rather than focusing on their weaknesses. This method helps neurodivergent students to develop a sense of pride and confidence, leading to higher levels of engagement and achievement. By helping students identify and explore their passions from a young age, we empower them to build their lives on the things they enjoy and excel at. In the final scene of A Kind of Spark , Addie delivers a poignant speech, highlighting the unique perspective that Autistic individuals bring to the world. She conveys that while being Autistic in a neurotypical world can be challenging, it also enables her to notice details that others may overlook and to find sparks of brilliance in everyday things. Addie's words effectively capture the central theme of the show - the importance of embracing and celebrating neurodiversity. A Kind of Spark offers valuable insights into the experiences of neurodivergent individuals, including strategies for supporting twice-exceptional Autistic children. By creating strengths-based environments, promoting self-advocacy, reducing stressors, and celebrating neurodivergent strengths and perspectives, we can create a more inclusive society that values and embraces neurodiversity. The show's positive portrayal of Autistic role models and Autistic culture will empower 2eAutistic people to form a healthy neurodivergent identity and will challenge misconceptions about autism. Discussion Questions to Spark Dialogue with Children In A Kind of Spark, Addie and Keedie are both Autistic but have different personalities, friends, and interests. Do you relate to either of these characters, and if so, how? Addie and Audrey become close friends in the show quickly after meeting. Do you think this is realistic? What do you think makes for a good friendship? Keedie advises Addie to always be open about being Autistic but decides not to share this with her new friends. Do you think it is always a good idea to be open about being Autistic, and why or why not? The show portrays and discusses masking, where neurodivergent individuals hide their true selves to fit in with others. What are some examples of masking that are portrayed, and do they match up with your own experiences of masking? Have you ever experienced being treated unfairly by a teacher or classmate because of your neurodivergent traits? How did it make you feel? What would have been a more supportive response from others? Who in your life are your strongest confidants and advocates? How can schools and teachers better support and include neurodivergent students in the classroom? What changes would you like to see in your own school or community? How can we as a family better support your neurodivergent traits and needs? Are there any changes we can make to better accommodate you? Strengths-Based Approaches for Parenting and Working with Autistic Kids Normalize strengths and challenges: Watch movies, read books, and discuss real-life experiences to help normalize the fact that everyone has both strengths and challenges. It can be especially powerful to seek out positive stories and portrayals of neurodivergent individuals. Encourage their passions: Autistic people often have deep interests. Find out what they are and try to connect with them around their interests authentically, without trying to use their interests to get them to do other things. Create a sensory-friendly environment: Make sure that neurodivergent children and teens have a safe place to retreat to when experiencing sensory overwhelm. Encourage them to identify their own sensory profile and triggers, and help them develop “scripts” or pre-planned requests to advocate for their needs. Validate their experiences: Autistic children and teens may face challenges that neurotypical peers do not. Acknowledge and validate their experiences without trying to "fix" or "cure" them. For example, if your child expresses frustration about a social situation, try saying something like, "That sounds really tough. I'm here to listen and support you." Encourage self-advocacy: In A Kind of Spark, Addie learns to advocate for herself and her community. Encourage your child to develop self-advocacy skills, such as asking for accommodations or expressing their needs in social situations. You can model this behavior by advocating for your child in school or other settings when needed. Twice-exceptional education: Seek out educational opportunities for your child that are strengths-based and talent-focused. This means that your child’s education should focus heavily on the things they love and that they are good at, while at the same time gently scaffolding areas of challenge. Suggested Resources The Spectrum Girl’s Survival Guide by Sienna Castellon Being Twice Exceptional by Melanie Hayes To be gifted and learning disabled: Strength-based strategies for helping twice-exceptional students with LD, ADHD, ASD, and more by Susan Baum, Robin Schader, and Steven Owen About the Author. Marni Kammersell is a neurodiversity educator, specializing in supporting parents and families in creating liberatory, neuro-affirming family and educational cultures. Marni is a neurodivergent parent to three neurodivergent children who are also twice-exceptional. She is passionate about the neurodiversity paradigm, self-directed education, non-coercive relationships, and understanding experience through the lens of the nervous system. Marni is also a doctoral student at Bridges Graduate School of Cognitive Diversity in Education. She has over 15 years experience working in alternative education in a variety of settings, including homeschooling, unschooling, community education, democratic schools, and forest schools.