Three Strategies for Strengths This Summer

One Sunday afternoon when my daughter was in elementary school, she was invited over to the house of a middle school student. This older classmate, Sarah, had written a play and had cast several children of various ages in the roles. Everyone was excited. When I came to pick my daughter up, Sarah was filming the play in her front yard. You could see spray paint on the grass which were Sarah’s blocking marks, indicating where each actor should stand. She kept yelling ‘cut’ and directing the children on how to stand, how to deliver their lines, how to have stage presence. You could tell that Sarah was serious about getting this production performed. No one was eager to leave, so I went over and talked to Cindy, Sarah’s mother for a bit.

Cindy told me that she was floored that this was her daughter. Sarah hated school, and consistently resisted writing. She did the least amount that was ever required on any assignment. Teachers were frustrated and exasperated; school had not been going well for Sarah.

Cindy struggled to reconcile the story of her daughter as a student in school with this one, this version of her daughter who had stayed up all night writing this multi-page script, who had organized various children in different grades, and brought them together on a weekend to put on this play. Sarah was able to write and produce work when reframed in an area of interest. Sarah came alive when writing for the stage, imagining how the actors would move, and visualizing the play. Her motivation soared, her strengths could shine, and her engagement and enthusiasm completely changed.

We need more success stories like Sarah’s. How do we get there? In order to successfully identify a child’s strengths and interests, start by opening your mind to the possibilities. As Dr. Susan Baum says, “Magic happens at the intersection of strengths and interests.” Once you understand what makes a child light up, you’ll be able to support, encourage, and nurture it. Summer is a great time for our children to explore and grow in ways that there often just isn’t time or energy for during the school year. In this article, I walk through three ways to help your child identify and nurture their strengths this summer:

1: Observe Intentionally & Be Inquisitive

Observe your child as they play this summer. Provide a variety of materials to experiment with and activities to try, and see what they gravitate towards. In some circles this is called the “strewing strategy.” For example, place a book on butterflies in the living room, leave some paint and clay out in the playroom, and set aside some space in the garage for some building materials. Every so often, switch out what’s available. Now sit back and observe what your child gravitates to on their own. What materials do they experiment with? What books catch their interest? What other interests do these materials and choices spark for them? What are they curious about?

Your child likely has a support network of other people, all of whom are a great resource to learn more about your child. Or maybe they’re close with a grandparent, aunt, or other family member. Their siblings may have some interesting insights. Camp counselors, extra curricular coaches, and parents of your child’s friends are all other great potential sources of new information.

Questions to ask yourself and others:

• What gets my child excited?

• What subjects/things seem to come naturally to my child?

• What does my child seem most interested in?

• What does my child choose to do during free time?

• What types of projects/assignments does my child gravitate towards?

• What are the best three things about my child?

Often the best information can be found by directly speaking to the source. Sit down with your child and conduct an interview. Ask them about their interests. Ask them what they feel they are good at. Discuss with them what you are observing, and what they’ve observed about themself. Together you can generate ideas, and come to agreement on areas of strength and current interests.

Questions to ask your child:

• What are some things you are curious about right now?

• Are there any activities you’ve heard of that you’d like to try out?

• Are there any activities you’re currently doing at home or in school which you’d like to do more of?

• What do you like to do when you have free time?

If your child is struggling with articulating their preferences and interests, you can use a variety of tools online to help scaffold the process. Some are available for free on the internet, and others are administered by trained professionals. Get started by checking out REEL’s Strength-Based Assessment Tools list in our Resources section.

2: Create Opportunities

Now that you have some ideas about what your child might be interested in and where their strengths lie, you can begin to nurture those sparks. Depending on your own availability and your child’s age and independence level, you can find ways to do this either through outside camps, clubs, classes, mentors, and activities, or by working with your child on your own.

It is best to be clear what the expectation of commitment is for your child, and when the decision points will be where they can decide if they want to continue or pivot to something else. Before the summer project or class begins, make sure you’ve established:

• How many classes will they be signing up for?

• When will you check-in and evaluate how things are going?

During that check-in, reflect on what they learned:

• What did they like about an activity?

• What would they have preferred to have done differently?

This can help you as you look for the next interest to pursue. Eventually you and your child will get better at identifying promising ‘leads’ and should begin to settle in on some areas on which to focus.

Here are just a few ideas to get you started:

• Entrepreneurship activities: help your child identify a simple business idea (Lemonade stand on the corner? Craft stand at a local park?), write up a budget, and try their hand at selling something on their own. There are also classes for kids who are interested in entrepreneurship, including several online options.

• Creative expression options: enroll your child in an art class, a local theater production, a sculpting studio class, etc. There are nearly endless options! Alternatively, your child may enjoy watching learn-to-draw videos on YouTube or other online, independent tutorials.

• Deep dive into a topic of interest: if your child is interested in a particular topic, such as outer space, you can support this interest in a variety of ways. Take them to the local library and help them find age-appropriate books. Help them do research on the internet. Look for local classes or enthusiast meetups on the topic.

• Opportunities to teach or work with a mentor: Look for a mentor who could meet with your child to support their interest. In addition, explore ways your child can become a mentor to younger students, including teaching a class or running a summer camp.

• Sports: encourage your child to join a sports team or class.

• Gaming (card games, board games, social games, etc): don’t be afraid of gaming! Within reason, even video game playing can provide lots of interesting fodder for thinking about storytelling, plot, cooperation, and many other skills. Beyond the world of video games, there are lots of other interesting games out there, including meetups for Magic the Gathering and Pokemon, board game parties, Dungeons & Dragons classes (online as well as in person), live action role playing (LARP) clubs, and more. There are plenty of online classes and tutorials available on how to design and develop engaging games.

Don’t worry too much if your young child tries something out and decides they don’t like it. While it is true that as they grow older, they will benefit from sticking with activities for a longer time, when they are just starting out it is primarily important to teach your child to not be afraid to try new things. It is part of normal development to change one’s mind, and there’s always something to be learned along the way.

REEL has collected a great list of ND and 2e friendly summer camps for children:

• ND Friendly Summer Day Camps

• ND Friendly Summer Sleep Away Camps

• 2e Specific Summer Programs

Things to try: Create a family summer goal chart

Everyone is a lifelong learner! Model your own learning and growth with a summer chart. At the start of summer, everyone in our family - parents included - identifies at least one goal that they have for the summer. For example, a few years ago our family summer chart looked like this: my goals were to write daily and read more non-fiction, my daughter chose to learn to ride a bike and swim at least once a week, and my older son had a goal of teaching himself calculus.

Create a daily tracker on a poster board (one box for each day, for the full 10 or so weeks of summer) and hang it somewhere everyone in your house sees it regularly, like the kitchen. As the summer progresses, mark daily when each person has made progress towards their goal, gather and check in on progress periodically, and celebrate milestones as you all learn to learn together.

Remember, experiences should be joyous. Let your child, especially at the novice level, take the lead on finding and growing their curiosities and interests. And model lifelong learning! Above all - make sure there is time every day for your child to do something that they love.

3: Foster Self-Esteem

Fostering self-esteem is a year-round project. Summer is a great time to engage deeply with your child, helping them to better understand themselves and their gifts. Make sure your child knows, and believe it in your bones: people who are different are AWESOME. Neurodivergent individuals have incredible gifts, thanks to their unique brain wiring. For instance, many dyslexics credit their dyslexia for their enhanced visual-spatial abilities, including Dr. Beryl Benacerraf, who attributes her success as a radiologist to her dyslexia, writing, “I live in a world of patterns and images and I see things that no one else sees.” Steve Silberman, author of NeuroTribes, writes that “some autistic people can detect patterns that others miss.” Dr. Ned Hallowell, an expert on ADHD, describes ADHD individuals as having “ferrari brains.” Neurodivergent individuals are very often extremely creative and charismatic leaders and as such make fabulous and successful entrepreneurs.

Things to try: Watch movies and read books with neurodivergent characters

One great way to share this with your child over the summer is to read books or watch TV shows which feature neurodivergent characters in a positive light. Discuss the stories with your child. What makes these individuals unique? What makes them great? In what ways do they struggle, and how did they deal with these challenges?

For example: A few summers ago my daughter and I watched Geek Girl together. After every episode we would discuss the main character’s friendships and relationships. This helped her as she was navigating the social complexities of early middle school. For another great example, click here.

REEL maintains a great list of books with ND characters here.

Some Parting Thoughts

As you try all of these things out for yourself, you’ll inevitably have questions. Something won’t go quite as planned and you’ll want nuanced ideas or resources, or just some reassurance that you’re on the right path. Having a group you can turn to in those moments can make all the difference. If you’re not already part of REEL’s online parent support community, I encourage you to join. It’s a great way to ask questions, get support, and be among others on similar paths as your own.

Lastly - this summer, remember to take time for yourself and do something that brings YOU joy every day. All of us deserve the wonderful feeling of being able to spend time doing something we love, accomplishing something we’re good at, each and every day.