ADHD *AND* Gifted? How Can Both Be True?

Short answer: Yes, it’s possible. Our son is living proof of this every single day.

ADHD AND Gifted

When our son was in preschool, he could name every planet in the solar system and share

obscure facts about each one, in both English and his second language, which we didn’t even speak at home. He knew everything about the Titanic and spent hours building “inventions” out of cardboard boxes: a snack machine that made you “work out” before dispensing treats, a picture that would talk to you as you walked by. His imagination seemed limitless.

Learning about ADHD

But as he grew older, school began to tell a different story. Teachers described him as bright but distracted. Homework that once sparked curiosity now led to frustration. We could see both his brilliance and his struggle, yet it felt like the world only ever saw one side at a time.

At first, we believed the school’s narrative that something needed to be “fixed.” They focused on what he couldn’t do: sit still, finish worksheets, stay organized, let other kids speak in class. We were sent home with suggestions and strategies to help him “focus better” and be “less disruptive.” At night, we searched for remedies for what everyone called his “inability to sit still.” Eventually, we had him evaluated and learned he had ADHD.

It was both a relief and a heartbreak, a relief to have an explanation, and a heartbreak because the conversation quickly turned to deficits, not strengths. While we spent two years trying to find the right medication and navigating classroom expectations, another ache was growing: our son was also struggling socially.

Birthday parties became painful reminders of how “different” he felt. Group play didn’t come naturally; his intensity and literal thinking sometimes pushed peers away. He wanted friends desperately but didn’t always know how to join in. Watching such a kind, curious child struggle to connect was, at times, harder than any academic challenge.

We kept wondering what we were missing. How could someone so empathetic, so aware of others’ feelings, have such a hard time fitting in? Why did environments that should have been nurturing leave him anxious and withdrawn?

Then, on a Cub Scout camping trip, I found myself venting to another parent.I had said, “He’s so smart, but something doesn’t make sense. He can talk about galaxies for hours but can’t sit down to write a 10-minute paragraph on what he did, or memorize multiplication tables. How is that possible?”The parent replied, “You should get a full neuropsych evaluation. My kid was the same way, he also has ADHD, and that’s how we learned he was gifted, too. They can be both!”

That one conversation changed everything.

Discovering the term Twice-Exceptional (2e)

The neuropsych assessment revealed that our son wasn’t just struggling, he was also soaring. His cognitive profile showed both exceptional strengths and real challenges. For the first time, the contradictions made sense. We learned a new term: twice-exceptional, or 2e, a child who is both advanced in some areas and neurodivergent in others. 

He was that asynchronous, “spiky” profile teachers had struggled to understand: smart, but scattered. Insightful, but socially behind his peers. It was then that we began our journey to understand everything we could about being 2e.

Understanding this didn’t fix everything overnight though. It meant unlearning assumptions about effort, behavior, and what “success” looks like. It meant advocating for and finding environments where curiosity mattered as much as compliance and where social differences were met with understanding, not judgment. We began that search with REEL’s Bay Area 2e school list and surrounded him with the right therapists and supports because no family makes this journey alone.

Environment Matters

As he transitioned from elementary to middle school, we made every effort to set him up for success. His new school focuses on curiosity over compliance, hands-on learning over worksheets, and personal growth over perfection. He went from being described as “too much for his classmates” to being called “a confident, happy, future leader at our school.” Both quotes from teachers at his old and new schools show just how profoundly the right environment matters.

Now, our son gets invited to represent his school on shadow days and speak on school panels. He’s thriving in a place that sees him for who he is. The transformation wasn’t instant and it’s still ongoing, but it is real. Along this journey, we realized his struggles actually helped him define and build up his character.

He showed us what resilience truly looks like. When a coach once said he “didn’t have the instincts for competitive play,” he practiced harder. When homework felt overwhelming, he found strategies that worked for his brain. When he was nervous to attend overnight space camp across the country, he reminded us he was ready.

Each experience, in the classroom, outdoors, or under the stars, has shaped him into a learner who leads with curiosity, courage, and self-understanding. And it’s shaped us into parents who listen more, worry less, and trust the long view.

The journey isn’t linear, and we’re still on it. But we know this to be true: our 2e journey isn’t about fixing our son who happens to be really smart with ADHD. It’s about seeing him clearly, his spark, his struggles, his drive to understand the world, and helping others see him too, including himself.

That’s why I’m sharing our story with the REEL community. Because every child deserves to be seen for their whole story, not just the parts that fit easily into boxes. And because behind every 2e child is a family on a journey: one filled with challenge, hope, and moments of wonder that remind us why we keep building bridges, one understanding at a time.

-A REEL Parent