How to Build Routines With Your 2e Child (Without the Fights)

When Even the Best Plans Fall Apart

My 18-year-old sister and I planned what was supposed to be the perfect New York City summer adventure. By day two, we were fighting every single day, and I could not figure out why we kept ending up in the same place.

After a fun day at The American Museum of Natural History, we were exhausted and needed to take a break. Our next plan was to end the day by watching the sunset at Summit One Vanderbilt.

But every “perfect” plan has its own flaws.

We didn’t buy tickets in advance, and unsurprisingly, all the tickets were sold out. For the next hour, we sat on a park bench trying to figure out what to do next.

And the whole time, my sister did nothing but complain. The tickets. Her dying phone. How we were wasting the entire evening. It was relentless, and it pushed me to my limit. Without knowing it at the moment, I accidentally raised my voice, made the call on what we were doing, and we moved forward (but not without any damage).

For the next hour and a half, we were quiet. We made our way to the next spot, and something settled enough in me to think clearly. I pulled out my phone and started writing down everything I was feeling, because I knew if I didn't process and get it out, I would say something I'd regret again.

Once I had it written down, I showed her my notes. Before she read, I told her, "My intention isn't to fight or make this a debate. Instead, I want you to understand how your complaints pushed me to a place I never want to go with you, and I want us to find a way forward."

She nonchalantly said, “Okay,” and then, she read my note.

Once she finished, I got curious. I asked her what made her go into full complaint mode. I asked what she could try next time when she felt herself heading there. And I asked why she thought moving from complaint mode to solution mode would actually matter. 

Once I had her buy-in, everything shifted that evening and the remaining 5 days of our sisters' trip. Now, when that spiral starts, I can say "complaint mode", and she knows exactly what it means and what to do instead.

My sister carries an impressive resume, and emotional regulation is still a work in progress for her. What I learned on our New York trip is that when fundamental needs aren't met like when we're exhausted, hungry, or overwhelmed, even the most capable people can fall apart. As a parent of a 2e child, you probably already recognize that pattern.

That trip gave me something I didn't expect. It reminded me exactly why the work I do matters, and it inspired me to create The 3C Process.

What is The 3C Process?

The 3C Process is a three-step framework for moving from "manager mode" into "coach mode" with your child. It works especially well when you're building a new routine, working through a recurring friction point, or trying to break a cycle that keeps coming back. The three steps are: Curious, Co-create, and Celebrate.

Curious is the starting point. The goal is to ask non-judgmental questions that help you understand your child's actual experience (not fix it, not correct it), just understand it. When a child feels like a parent is genuinely trying to get them rather than redirect them, they stop bracing for fight-flight-freeze mode. Then, that shift opens the door for everything that follows.

Co-create is where the real building happens. Instead of handing your child a routine or a checklist, you build something visual together. A system your child helped design is one they feel ownership over. That ownership is what makes them want to follow through without needing a reminder from you every single time.

Celebrate is the final step, and the most underestimated. When you specifically name a win, even a small one, you create a positive reinforcement loop that makes your child want to do it again. Vague praise gets tuned out, but specific praise lands.

The 3C Process in Action

Here's what this looks like across three situations that come up for many families with a twice-exceptional student.

Scenario 1: Co-Creating a Morning Routine

Morning routines are one of the most common friction points for families of 2e learners. If your mornings feel like a daily negotiation, try this before the school year starts.

Curious: Ask your child what their ideal morning actually looks like. When do they naturally want to wake up? What do they actually do when the alarm goes off? Which part of the morning feels hardest for them? You're not correcting anything here. Instead, you're learning from their experience.

Co-create: Once you understand how they see the morning, write down together what the ideal routine looks like from waking up to walking out the door. Let them do as much of the writing as possible. The goal is a visual they can reference on their own without coming to find you first.

Celebrate: If they did even one thing from the list, even just putting their bowl in the sink after breakfast, name it: "I saw that you put your dishes away right after eating this morning. That was great." Naming one thing clearly helps them build momentum.

Scenario 2: Co-Creating a Routine for Tasks They Resist

Every 2e student has at least one task they avoid. Before you try to push them through it, take time to understand what focus actually looks like for their brain.

Curious: Ask your child what it feels like when they're in "focus mode." How do they know they're there? What's usually around them when it happens (i.e. music, a specific spot, a certain setup)? You're not asking rhetorically. You're genuinely trying to understand their brain.

Co-create: Together, write down their personal focus mode list. These are the things that help them get into a working state. When a hard task is on the horizon, ask them to look at the list and choose one thing to try first. This turns "just start" into "here's your toolkit."

Celebrate: When they use something from the list, name it specifically: "Awesome job using your playlist to get started on that essay." You're not just praising the output. You are also reinforcing the strategy so they'll reach for it again.

Scenario 3: Navigating Emotional Shutdowns Together

This one takes the most patience, and it's the one that can change your relationship the most.

Emotional shutdowns like yelling, going silent, crying, and completely shutting down, are almost always a sign that your child's nervous system is overwhelmed, not that they're being difficult on purpose. Before you can build anything around this, you need shared language for it.

Curious: After the moment has passed and things are calm, ask them: "What do you think made you [yell / go quiet / cry] during that moment?" You're not revisiting it to assign blame. You're helping them start to notice what happens in their body before things escalate.

Co-create: Explore whether there's a code word (something either of you can say) when the conversation starts to heat up. Common ones are "timeout," "pause," or "break." Or choose something completely silly together. The sillier, the better because in a tense moment, the unexpected can cut right through it.

Celebrate: The first time your child uses that word, even imperfectly, thank them. It means they felt themselves escalating and chose to try something different instead of letting it spiral. That is a significant skill. Thanking them for it specifically tells them you saw it, and that it mattered.

Tips for Running The 3C Process Well

Before you try any of the scenarios above, a few things to keep in mind.

Your tone is everything. The moment your voice sharpens or your face shows frustration, your child's nervous system reads that as a signal to go into fight-flight-freeze mode. The calmer you stay, the more safe they feel. Emotional safety is what makes the rest of the 3C Process possible.

It helps to have a mantra to come back to in the middle of a hard moment. Mine is "observe, don't absorb," something I came across the /empaths community on Reddit. For me, it means: if someone around me is escalating, I don't have to take that in. I can notice it without absorbing it. Yours might be as simple as the word "calm". Think of that mantra as something you repeat internally that will ground you when you’re in a hard moment with your child.

Your child won't always give you thoughtful, open answers in the Curious step. If your child is used to questions from you being followed by a correction, then one-word answers and shrugs are normal. If they shut down, it's okay to ask: "When would be a better time to talk about this?" Setting a specific time gives them a chance to show up more regulated.

When it comes to Co-creating, some students won't pick up a pen no matter what. If that's your child, start writing yourself first, then pass it to them, and ask, "Can you write the next one?" That small handoff makes it collaborative without making it feel like an assignment. The goal is something they helped build, not something that was done to them.

With celebrating, only recognize what you genuinely noticed and genuinely mean. Twice-exceptional students are especially good at detecting when praise doesn't feel earned. Authentic and specific will always land better than enthusiastic and vague.

About the Author

Ready to Take This Further This Fall?

The 3C Process is a powerful place to start, but here's the truth: building routines and systems that actually stick takes time, repetition, and someone who shows up consistently with your child week after week. That's exactly what we designed our Back to School program to do.

This fall, we're launching a school-year program for students who need support building the routines and systems that prepare them before essays, quizzes, tests, and other cognitively demanding tasks pile up all at once. Students work one-on-one with a dedicated Executive Function Tutor every week, with built-in accountability so progress doesn't stop between sessions. And parents don't just receive updates. Instead, they get a real partner in the process.

Spots are limited to 30, and enrollment opens this month. If this sounds like exactly what your child needs heading into the school year, join the waitlist now to be the first to know when doors open.

JOIN THE WAITLIST

About Presh

I started my career as a high school Math and Computer Science teacher. One of the most defining moments of that chapter was working one-on-one with students who had learning needs, and realizing that these students were more than capable of the work in front of them.

What tripped them up wasn't intelligence. It was that their brains struggled to start, manage, and follow through. As a classroom teacher, I didn't have the bandwidth to give them the individual coaching they needed. So I built something that could.

That became Executive Function Tutors, where we've now coached 500+ students on the systems, routines, and skills that help them work with their brains instead of against them. If you want more content like this, practical tools for parents of twice-exceptional learners, then I share tips and strategies on my YouTube channel. I'd love to see you there!

Youtube channel