2e Transition From Adolescence to Young Adulthood
- REEL Team
- 2 days ago
- 16 min read
Read the 2e Transition From Adolescence to Young Adulthood transcript here:
Introduction — Teresa
There we go. Starting once again. Welcome everybody. So tonight we are representing REEL. We've got Yael and myself, Teresa, and we're also in partnership with PHP.
So, some of you might have joined us from PHP. I would love for you guys to put in the chat maybe the age of your kiddos, what's brought you here, if you had some interest or some curiosities. Also, if you found us through REEL or if you found us through PHP, just let us know in the chat kind of who you are and how you got to us because we're hoping to get to know you guys tonight. So, welcome. PHP that we're partnering with is Parents Helping Parents.
So, hopefully you guys got a chance to know PHP. If you don't, they have a lot of great support out there. Parents Helping Parents provides support through many different stages of families' lives and transitions, from birth to early interventions in school, adulthood, and even independent living. They cover a lot of disabilities, and you can see over on the right hand side autism, ADHD, dyslexia, physical disabilities, and so much more.
PHP does a lot of great work, and they do that through the services provided. They help by sharing information and resources, special education, connection and support groups like the one you joined tonight with us, and milestones and assistive technologies. I always highly recommend them for everything, but assistive technologies is great. They can really help you out with their lab there.
So, that's who PHP is. Now, who are we? We are REEL, and we're a Silicon Valley based organization that helps twice exceptional kids thrive in school and beyond by raising parent and educator awareness. We do this through practical research based strategies, and a lot of community-based work also.
This is for educators. We create and curate resources and workshops. We've got some great workshops that we do in schools to help educate the educators, and also at some local universities. And for parents, we do things like this. We have support groups, discussion groups, and we'll get into a little bit more about what that is.
So, what is twice exceptionality? Maybe you are familiar with it, but maybe this is the first time you're experiencing it. We talk about twice exceptionality in a similar vein to Dr. Susan Baum when she talks about distinguishing traits and strengths that also come along with complex challenges often found in traditional classrooms or traditional parenting techniques, for kids that are autistic, ADHD, dyslexic, have general anxiety disorder, and so much more.
So twice exceptionality is the coming together of both. We've got these amazing, wonderful kids who have distinguishing traits that might be in art or it might be in math and science, maybe in 3D printing and jazz music. So many possibilities where our kids show up with strengths and beautiful possibilities, and complex challenges that happen often in traditional environments too. So what we're looking for is just support for that whole child.
Sometimes that is a visual, at least you might be familiar with these things where you see age-based expectations throughout their lives and their schooling. What we see quite a bit in twice exceptionality is the asynchronous profile — kids that have really high highs, and then we have these challenges. These could be things like lagging skills that they're learning, or things that they'll just find great ways to accommodate throughout the rest of their lives in their own unique ways.
We work through that as a community and share ideas with each other for these things. So it's that jagged, asynchronous profile. REEL supports you guys through a wonderful website. As you can see, we have resources for educators up there along with parents. So, please check it out.
Some great past events, too, and we look forward to new events coming up. Parent services are what Yael and I do quite a bit of, and that's our wheelhouse. We put together expert speaker series, parent support groups. We have an amazing private Google group that, if you're not already a part of, please join.
We have over a thousand parents in that group and it's wonderfully supportive — ask questions, gather resources, those kind of things. We also do paid services like one-on-one consultations and facilitated small group discussions, but as you can see, the majority of our services are free. We do that on purpose. It's really important to us that you guys have a community to come to and resources you can trust.
Parent toolkits are there, along with I want you to see some of our past events, but keep in mind we are now rolling into our fall events. Those will be, I think we're going to announce them in August. So, really soon now you guys get to see what the new lineup is for this year, and we share a lot of amazing things. So, please come back or join our mailing list so that you know what this fall is going to bring.
All of these events that you see here are recorded on our website and you can watch the recordings for free. So check it out there. Check us out on our social media sites also. And that brings me to Danielle. I'm excited to introduce Danielle tonight.
If you're part of our Google group, you may have seen her responses. She's a very thoughtful contributor to our Google group when it comes to ideas about supporting transition age groups. Danielle is an ADHD mental health therapist and coach. She's also a parent, so she's going to bring some great lived experience along with wisdom from her career.
She specializes in supporting high-risk neurodivergent transition age youth. Tonight she'll be sharing with us practical strategies for navigating transitions into adulthood, including energy accounting, environmental engineering, and productive failure. Let's hear more about that one. After Danielle gets a chance to talk, she will stick around hopefully and do a little Q&A with us before we go into our breakout rooms and get a chance to talk with each other more after her talk. So, I am going to see if Danielle would like to take over the sharing, and I'm going to stop sharing.
Host
Do you want to try to make Rosa the interpreter while you're doing that?
Yeah. Let me poke around and we'll do that, too.
And if you could go ahead and spotlight her, that would be wonderful. Thank you.
Yay. We've got your slides. You're good to go. We got to get you off mute, though.
Danielle
Let me unmute myself.
Okay. Thank you so much for the introduction. I'm super excited and very grateful to be here to talk about something I'm so passionate about, and just a little bit about me.
I am an ADHD individual myself. I have an 11-year-old neurodivergent son as well, twice exceptional. I've worked with transitional age youth and teens for about 10 years now — first as a volunteer mentor with unhoused folks, then as a clinical case manager.
And then now the last 5 years I've been predominantly working with neurodivergent, including twice exceptional, transitional age youth. So, super excited to share things that I've picked up along the way. Oh, and also there is a QR code here — if you'd like to follow along with your own slides, you'll be able to download them through the QR code.
All right. So, here's a familiar scene, as Teresa was explaining earlier, with the jagged, spiky cognitive profile. This is just one example of how it can present: a 19-year-old acing their AP calculus exam, with the ability to debate philosophy theorems with professors, and at the same time that young person is not submitting homework, fails the class, forgets to eat lunch constantly, and has a really tough time answering emails.
They're just having a full-on shutdown when laundry isn't done. And laundry sucks, my goodness. So how can someone this capable be so stuck? Well, there is a scaffolding gap between adolescence and transitional age, 18 to 25.
The main goal generally speaking in adolescence is to build identity, learn to self-regulate separately from the family. This continues on to 18 and beyond, and the goal is to deploy that identity into the real world, with college, career, bills, relationships — lots of transitions, a lot of milestones, driving.
But the issue here is that in adolescence, for twice exceptional youth, their high cognitive abilities can often mask their executive functioning gaps, but it's kind of invisibly scaffolded at school by parents. That vanishes at 18 to 25, and it's almost like walking off a cliff — the school is no longer providing scaffolding. College is a whole other ball game.
Expectations are rising, and for twice exceptional folks, for neurodivergent folks, the operational tools are still catching up and executive functioning is years behind. I do want to stop and highlight that twice exceptional is not one thing, it's a huge umbrella, like it was mentioned earlier. So for a high ability autistic teen, or a high ability teen with ADHD, they will have opposite regulation needs.
One will crave novelty, the other will be overwhelmed by it. If they're lucky, they have ADHD and have both, with conflicting needs existing simultaneously. Every framework in this presentation is just a starting point for understanding, not a fixed checklist.
Here are some concrete scripts that could help bridge that gap — helping with the steps and not the answers, and it's helpful to do this as early as possible. Some examples: instead of reminding them of the time, help them set their own timer or alarm. Instead of focusing on "you're so smart," highlight the effort — "I noticed you didn't give up when it got hard, how can I support you?"
When they forget their homework or forget something at school and you want to bring it over, instead of doing that, allow them to take accountability at school. Let them tell the teacher, and later on if they're willing, debrief with them: how can I support you?
If a youth is ripping up their artwork because it isn't perfect and is having a meltdown, just being able to sit with them and still have unconditional positive regard, and just to be with them, is enough — breathe together, and if willing, talk about it later. The pattern underneath is to help with the process, not the outcome.
So what exactly is productive failure? It's kind of what it sounds like — helping learners grapple with a complex problem, often failing to solve it before receiving direct instruction. It's the struggle itself, not the right answer, that builds durable understanding.
Why this fits the adolescent, transitional age youth brain is that it's actually the best at learning from cause and effect during this time. The brain shows a uniquely heightened neural response to the gap between what was expected and what actually happened — a reward prediction error signal in the striatum that peaks during the teen years. Productive failure is built exactly around that gap.
But there is a caveat for twice exceptional youth. A big part of productive failure is that there's resolve at the end, that they do get support, they understand what was missed, they find the resolve, they complete or achieve what they started.
This is a little trickier for twice exceptional youth. For all neurodivergence, this is linked with lower frustration levels, and there is still careful scaffolding that is needed. There's a higher cognitive load that leads to the lower frustration levels, so it's still helpful to provide that scaffolding and support.
Generally speaking, the transitional age youth brain runs hot, and it's by design. It's wired for impulsivity, intense emotion, and risk-taking, and it's exactly those same variables that facilitate really rapid learning. For neurodivergent and twice exceptional youth, the everyday toll is much heavier.
Neurodivergent students report way more cognitive load than neurotypical peers, so if you're fatigued easily, you have to pace yourself. A separate study, that's contested, did link high IQ to higher nervous system reactivity, and it's what I've observed and what I experience, so I decided to add it in. This is the window of tolerance, to help visualize the nervous system and different states of being.
It's not a precise brain map, but I do find it helpful to understand regulation. The red, the orange there, is when there's high stress, high energy, panic — rigid thinking is highly relevant here, more control-seeking behavior, stimming. Way below that is hypoarousal, the complete opposite — very low energy, shutdown, forgetfulness, task paralysis, freeze response, masking, fawning.
Right in the middle is that window of tolerance, when one is regulated and engaged. This is when the brain can learn optimally and the social engagement system turns on. When one is hyperaroused or hypoaroused, the brain actually turns the social engagement system off — it's not what it's prioritizing.
So for your youth, if you notice hyperarousal, it's helpful to limit sensory input, offer deep pressure, slow breathing, more choice and autonomy, and simplify the task in front of them.
For hypoarousal, you want to add a little more stimulation — gentle movement, a walk, a stretch, introducing novelty, something interesting, a change of scenery. Break the task into very tiny, easily manageable steps, and add sensory input, music, a favorite fidget toy.
But in either state, predictable routines, transition warnings, and visual timers are helpful. Social mirrors are so important during adolescence and beyond. Reflective appraisals are what adolescents believe about how they're being seen by the people around them.
Parents, teachers, peers, mentors — it really can affect their long-term self-esteem regardless of how brilliant they are and regardless of their high strengths and abilities. Twice exceptional youth, unfortunately, often receive way more correction than accurate reflection of their strengths. Many cope with this by trading authenticity and masking for a surface-level sense of belonging.
But there's good news: caregivers as a secure base. If anything, if you take anything away from this presentation, this is what I want to highlight. Caregivers are the safe base from which youth can launch into the world and take risks, and they are the warm safe haven they can return to when the world gets too cold. This is enough.
This is enough. There are studies that show that even though they're pushing you away a lot more, and they want to be on their own and fighting for independence, they will naturally come back when they get overwhelmed, and return to their secure base for co-regulation.
I just wanted to share a short video to highlight this.
[The group experienced technical difficulties getting the video's audio and picture to share — several minutes of crosstalk between Danielle and the hosts troubleshooting screen share and sound follow in the source captions.]
Thank you for waiting. Back to play. So, if you have time, the music does make it — I think it was a P&G commercial, they make these amazing commercials called the "Thank You Mom" series, super sweet.
That showed a video portrayal of how it's enough to just be the safe haven, a consistent warm safe place the youth can return to after they make mistakes or when the world is too harsh.
Here are some easy check-ins to see where we're at as caregivers, because on any given day we could lean one way or the other. Just check in to see if we're over-scaffolding — ask yourself: are we doing tasks that they're developmentally capable of attempting? Are they rarely experiencing their natural consequences, and do you feel like their manager, not their parent?
On the flip side of that is under-supporting — the youth repeatedly feeling overwhelmed with no framework, no help, mistakes met with lectures instead of co-regulation, and not a predictable safe space to land in that day. We've all been there, so no judgment.
Most caregivers land somewhere in between. The goal is just to notice the patterns and repair when there's a rupture, not perfection. That is enough.
So, on to environmental engineering for optimal capacity. This is my own synthesis of research, based on what I've observed in my clients and myself. These eight variables are something that I adjust and tweak every day for sustainable energy and optimal capacity.
Checking in on my energy, where I'm at, making sure I'm sleeping well, upkeep, food, nutrition, sensory equilibrium — either taking sensory input away or adding it. I love strong input, I think it's my more ADHD brain that just loves that.
Predictability, agency — is it complex enough for my brain, is it fun enough — novelty, interest, and transitions. Being mindful of transitions is really great.
Which leads me to energy accounting. This by far has been the most helpful to me personally. I love this concept. I think I spent my entire life so ambitious, just go, go, go.
I want to get things done, I want to be productive. But I have a race car mind and a 1980s Toyota Corolla that just needs constant maintenance and attention, and I just can't go as fast as I want no matter how hard I try.
Once I started prioritizing my energy, being more mindful of putting that first, over time I was able to put patterns together, understand my body a lot better, and really match effort to actual capacity that day.
Build pauses before the crash, not after. Practice planned exits — have a 2-minute warning, think ahead of time about what's going to be the stopping point. What's going to help me? Do I have an interest anchor to pull me out of that monotropic focus?
The example at the top there is what energy accounting can look like. For me, having a very enjoyable slow morning routine is a must — the thought of coffee in the morning is what gets me out of bed.
Knowing that I don't have anything until noon that I have to focus on, and really enjoying my time — walking the dog, getting some sunshine — then moving into a task, making sure I have an interest anchor after that re-energizes me.
Then going back to another task block, having an exit ritual already planned, and then a very slow, low-demand evening, because sleep has always been tough, and from what I know, very tough for neurodivergent, twice exceptional folks, especially with the mind racing.
Rest isn't the reward for productivity, it's the input that makes productivity possible, and this is especially important during this time when there's so many milestones and so much to learn.
I did want to leave these two resources here: Edgewood Drop-in Center and Access Cove, both on the peninsula. This is for young adults to drop in — both are similar spaces for social activities, learning independent living skills, education and employment support.
There's a community clothing closet and even a food bank, peer support, and a lot of recreational activities for both.
Here are some professional services from people I know personally and highly recommend. Dr. Horn is amazing — he doesn't market as working with neurodivergent folks, but he is neurodivergent himself, and he can really see someone's soul and be that positive reflection, and help foster and nurture that person.
Shameless plug, I'm in the middle there — I love talking to parents all the time, so feel free to reach out to me anytime, we'd love to speak with you and just chat. And lastly, Gustavo Belchan — he specializes in working with transitional age youth, mostly ADHD.
There are references there too, so if you download the slides, you'll be able to obtain them.
Host
Thank you. Sorry to interrupt. Keep going.
Danielle
Oh, I just said thank you so much.
Host
I was going to say, would you mind going back to the QR code for the slides? I think people wanted a chance to download them. Thank you so much, that was awesome.
AI Created Presentation Summary
Helping Twice-Exceptional Youth Navigate the Transition to Adulthood
When a young person can debate philosophy with a professor but can't get their laundry done, it's easy to wonder how someone so capable can also feel so stuck. That contradiction was the starting point for a recent REEL parent talk, co-hosted with Parents Helping Parents (PHP), featuring Danielle Park, ADHD therapist, coach, and parent, on navigating the transition from adolescence to young adulthood for twice-exceptional (2e) and neurodivergent youth.
Danielle is a Board Certified Autism Specialist (#2533582), Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist (AMFT #128591), and Associate Professional Clinical Counselor (APCC #10398) in the state of California, supervised by Jim Rutherford, LMFT (#42435), at SMC BHRS.
The scaffolding gap
Danielle opened with a concept that reframes a lot of what parents see in the 18-to-25 range: the scaffolding gap. Throughout adolescence, a young person's high cognitive abilities can mask real executive functioning gaps, gaps that are often invisibly propped up at school and at home. Once that support disappears in the transition to adulthood, it can feel like walking off a cliff. College raises expectations right as the built-in scaffolding vanishes, and for twice-exceptional and neurodivergent young adults, the everyday tools they need are still catching up.
Danielle was careful to note that twice-exceptional is not one thing, it's a huge umbrella. A high-ability autistic teen and a high-ability teen with ADHD can have opposite regulation needs: one craves novelty, the other is overwhelmed by it. Every framework she shared, she said, is a starting point for understanding, not a fixed checklist.
Small scripts that build big independence
Rather than abstract advice, Danielle offered concrete, everyday scripts parents can use right away: helping a teen set their own timer instead of reminding them of the time, highlighting effort ("I noticed you didn't give up") instead of praising intelligence, and letting a young person take accountability at school rather than stepping in to fix a forgotten assignment. The underlying pattern is to support the process, not the outcome.
Why productive failure matters, with a caveat
One of the more research-grounded parts of the talk covered productive failure, the idea that struggling with a problem before receiving direct instruction builds more durable understanding than being handed the answer. The teenage brain is wired for this kind of learning, showing a heightened response to the gap between what was expected and what actually happened. But Danielle added an important caveat for 2e youth: productive failure only works if there's resolve at the end, meaning the young person still gets support and reaches a sense of completion. Given that neurodivergence is linked with lower frustration tolerance, that scaffolding still matters.
Reading the nervous system
Danielle also walked through the window of tolerance, a way of understanding when a young person is regulated and able to learn versus hyperaroused (panic, rigid thinking, stimming) or hypoaroused (shutdown, task paralysis, masking). Recognizing which state a young person is in points to very different responses: limiting sensory input and slowing things down during hyperarousal, versus adding gentle movement and novelty during hypoarousal. In either state, predictable routines and transition warnings help.
Caregivers as a secure base
If there was one takeaway Danielle asked parents to hold onto, it was this: caregivers are the secure base a young person launches from and the safe haven they return to when the world gets too cold. Even when a teen is pushing hard for independence, they will naturally come back for co-regulation when overwhelmed. Being that steady, dependable presence, not a perfect one, is enough.
Managing energy, not just time
The talk closed with two practical frameworks Danielle uses in her own life: environmental engineering, or tuning variables like sleep, sensory input, predictability, and novelty for optimal capacity, and energy accounting, which means building in pauses before a crash rather than after, planning exits ahead of time, and treating rest as the input that makes productivity possible rather than a reward for it.
Danielle closed with local resources for young adults, including Edgewood Drop-in Center and Access Cove on the peninsula, and recommendations for professionals who specialize in supporting transition-age youth.
This talk was part of REEL's ongoing parent speaker series, presented in partnership with Parents Helping Parents.
