3 REEL Ways to Understand and Support Your AuDHD Child

Over the past two years, the REEL Parent Team has seen a growing interest in AuDHD, with more families identifying autism and ADHD as co-occurring parts of their child's neurotype. As a former teacher, parent, education professional, and neurodivergent individual myself, learning more about AuDHD has been incredibly enlightening. It has helped me better understand how these two neurotypes can overlap, interact, and sometimes seem to pull an individual in different directions.

What Is AuDHD?

AuDHD is a term used to describe individuals who are both autistic and have attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). While AuDHD is not a separate clinical diagnosis, autism and ADHD can be diagnosed together. In fact, it wasn't until the publication of the DSM-5 in 2013 that clinicians could formally diagnose both conditions in the same individual.

Research continues to explore how frequently autism and ADHD co-occur. A meta-analysis by Rong et al. (2021) estimated that approximately 38.5% of autistic individuals also had ADHD, although estimates vary depending on the population studied and how ADHD is identified. Looking at co-occurring conditions more broadly, research by Danielson et al. (2024) found that nearly 4 out of 5 U.S. children with ADHD had at least one additional co-occurring condition, including anxiety, learning disabilities, or autism. These findings remind us that many neurodivergent children have complex profiles that cannot always be understood through a single diagnosis.

For twice-exceptional (2e) children, who have advanced abilities alongside disabilities or other learning and support needs, these overlapping neurotypes can add another layer of complexity. A child's cognitive strengths may sometimes mask their support needs, while their difficulties with attention, executive functioning, or sensory processing may make their strengths less visible. In some children, autism is identified first, while ADHD becomes more apparent later. For others, the opposite occurs. Masking, anxiety, perfectionism, and the ways children learn to compensate for differences can make recognizing the whole picture even more complicated.

I once had a parent ask me whether being AuDHD essentially meant having the biggest struggles associated with both autism and ADHD. My answer was no. While AuDHD can certainly create complex support needs, it is not simply a combination of difficulties. These neurotypes interact in ways that are unique to each individual, influencing their strengths, interests, attention, energy, and how they experience the world. When we understand those interactions and see the whole child, we are better equipped to create environments and strategies that help them thrive.

So, how do we begin to do that? Here are three REEL ways to better understand and support your AuDHD child.

1. Know the Neurotypes, but See the Whole Child

One of the most helpful things we can do as parents is to learn about autism and ADHD, including where their characteristics overlap and where they may differ. Dr. Megan Anna Neff of Neurodivergent Insights has created a wonderful visual guide comparing autism and ADHD that illustrates many of these experiences. The Venn diagram highlights common characteristics, such as sensory differences, executive functioning needs, and emotional regulation, while also exploring differences that may seem to pull an AuDHD individual in opposite directions.

For example, ADHD is often associated with seeking novelty and stimulation, while autistic individuals may find comfort and regulation through familiarity, routines, and predictability. But what happens when a child needs both?

When I started thinking about this, I realized how often I experience this push and pull myself. I am the type of person who needs a good plan. I function as the most comfortable version of myself when I know where we are going, when we are going, and what to expect. The more details, the better! So, I might plan a trip to our favorite local bookstore on Tuesday, right after school, because we don't have any other obligations that afternoon. We love this bookstore. It is our happy place. But within that familiar and predictable plan, I treat myself to a little excitement. I'm going to pick out two new books, and I haven't decided which ones! I'm excited to wander the aisles, discover something new, laugh with my daughter about the latest BookTok reviews, and maybe even find a magazine that sparks my creative interests.

All of this works beautifully for my AuDHD neurotype. I have predictability and familiarity, but I also have novelty and exploration, with no pressure to sustain my attention on any one thing. In fact, the less pressure there is to focus, the more we seem to discover and laugh along the way. Over time, I have learned to create experiences that balance these different needs, and that balance may look different depending on my energy, environment, and stage of life.

Our children are learning to navigate these same kinds of interactions, often without yet having the language or self-awareness to explain what they need. By understanding the characteristics of both neurotypes, we can begin to notice patterns in our child's experiences. What was happening when things went well? Were their needs for predictability, novelty, sensory comfort, or connection being met? When something was difficult, what might have gotten in the way? Were there environmental expectations that didn't align with their needs, or skills that we could help develop and scaffold?

The goal isn't to determine whether every behavior comes from autism or ADHD. It is to better understand how our individual child experiences the world. And as we develop that understanding, we can begin bringing our children into the conversation, helping them recognize their own strengths, preferences, and support needs. This growing self-awareness becomes an important foundation for self-advocacy.

2. Understand Your Child's Energy Regulation and Build Self-Awareness

Our AuDHD children may sometimes seem to bounce around like ping-pong balls, moving between activities and interests, while at other times they may be deeply in need of rest and recovery. When we consider the energy required to navigate environments that have largely been designed around neurotypical expectations, these fluctuations can begin to make more sense.

Think about how much energy an AuDHD child might use during an ordinary school day. They may be managing sensory input, shifting attention between subjects, navigating social expectations, regulating emotions, and working to meet academic demands. Even with effective accommodations and executive functioning supports in place, these activities can require considerable cognitive energy. For twice-exceptional children, their advanced abilities may make some aspects of learning seem effortless while other demands require significant effort. A child who can spend hours exploring a complex topic may still find it exhausting to transition between classes, complete routine assignments, or navigate a busy lunchroom.

One of the most helpful tools we've used in our family to understand energy regulation is a concept loosely based on Spoon Theory, originally developed by Christine Miserandino to explain the experience of living with chronic illness. In this metaphor, spoons represent the energy we have available for different activities throughout the day. We've adapted the idea as a way to talk about the cognitive, emotional, and sensory energy required by everyday experiences.

Imagine your child begins the day with ten spoons. By the time they get home from school, they've used six. Now imagine an opportunity comes up for an impromptu playdate. For a child who finds unfamiliar social situations or unexpected changes particularly demanding, that playdate might require another six spoons. Understanding this helps us recognize that our child may genuinely want to participate but simply doesn't have the energy available at that moment.

What has surprised me most is how much I've learned by asking children how many spoons they think an activity requires. One parent shared that their child was particularly sensitive to certain tactile experiences, so rinsing dirty dishes and loading the dishwasher at the end of a long day used a tremendous amount of energy. However, unloading clean, dry dishes required far fewer spoons. With that understanding, the family could adjust expectations and responsibilities based on the child's available energy. The goal wasn't to eliminate responsibilities but to find a more supportive way to accomplish them.

This is also where we can help our children develop the language of self-awareness. As parents and educators, we often begin as the narrators of our children's experiences, helping them identify what they may be feeling or needing. Over time, that narration can become a shared conversation, and eventually, our children can begin narrating their own experiences. We move from telling them what we notice to asking what they notice, supporting their ability to recognize when they need a break, when an activity feels manageable, or when they might need additional support.

I also recommend listening to Episode 226 of The Neurodiversity Podcast, in which Emily Kircher-Morris speaks with Mattia Maurée about the experience of being AuDHD, including the sometimes competing needs for routine and novelty. Their conversation offers valuable insight into the importance of understanding the individual rather than relying on assumptions about either neurotype.

For our children, developing this awareness takes time, practice, and opportunities to reflect without judgment. Sometimes the most valuable support we can offer is recognizing that they have worked incredibly hard to navigate their day and giving them the space they need to recover.

3. Follow Your Child's Special Interests

One of my favorite ways to understand and connect with twice-exceptional children is through their interests. For many AuDHD children, special interests and passions are much more than hobbies. They can provide joy, comfort, opportunities for deep learning, and meaningful connections with others.

Dr. Megan Anna Neff of Neurodivergent Insights uses the wonderful metaphor of a "special interest solar system" to describe how her AuDHD brain moves between related interests. In her article Special Interests vs. Hyperfixated Interests, she describes having broader areas of interest, such as psychology and philosophy, with different topics orbiting within them. This allows her to experience the familiarity and deep engagement of an ongoing interest while also exploring the novelty of different topics within it. I love this metaphor because it offers another way to understand how our AuDHD children may balance their needs for familiarity and novelty, and how their interests can create opportunities for connection, learning, and growth.

I once worked with a parent whose child had an incredible fascination with airplanes. For years, he developed an extensive knowledge of planes, and eventually his interests expanded to include subway systems. What I found particularly interesting was how his engagement with these interests changed depending on his available energy. When he had plenty of energy, he would challenge himself with more complicated scenarios in his subway game, seeking novelty and complexity within an environment he already knew and enjoyed. When his energy was lower, he could remain within the familiar parts of that interest without taking on additional demands.

As I thought about his interests through the solar system metaphor, I imagined him as the sun at the center of his own solar system, with his special interests orbiting around him. Transportation networks might be one of the larger planets, with airplanes and subways representing different moons orbiting that planet. Some interests might move closer or become more prominent at different times, while others drift further away without disappearing entirely.

When we understand our child's special interest solar system, we have another way to meet them where they are. For example, if a child is deeply interested in transportation networks, arranging a playdate centered around learning to play ice hockey might not be the most comfortable starting point for connecting with a new friend. But what about inviting another child to ride the local metro to a favorite park or museum? Suddenly, the social experience includes something familiar, enjoyable, and meaningful.

We can think about this in educational settings, too. If a child is reading a novel in literature class, could a writing assignment connect to their interest in transportation, engineering, or how communities function? Not every activity needs to revolve around a special interest, and we certainly don't want to turn every passion into another academic task. But when we recognize these interests as strengths, they can provide valuable opportunities for engagement, connection, and exploration.

Special interests can also help us understand our child's capacity. We may notice that they seek more novelty or complexity within an interest when they have the energy to do so, while returning to familiar aspects when they need comfort or regulation. By paying attention to these patterns, we can better understand when to offer opportunities for growth and when to simply allow our children to enjoy what they love.

Understanding the Whole Child

These three approaches are just the beginning of understanding AuDHD, a fascinating subject and, more importantly, the fascinating individuals who experience it. As parents, we don't need to become experts in every aspect of autism and ADHD to begin supporting our children. We can start by learning about their neurotypes, paying attention to their energy and capacity, and recognizing the interests and strengths that bring them joy.

Perhaps the most important shift is moving away from asking whether a particular behavior is related to autism or ADHD and instead asking what that experience means for our individual child. What helps them feel comfortable and connected? What environments allow them to access learning and engage meaningfully? What supports help them navigate situations that require more energy or flexibility?

And as our children grow, we can invite them into these conversations, helping them develop the language and self-awareness to understand and advocate for their own needs.

Because ultimately, understanding AuDHD isn't about separating autism from ADHD or trying to change who our children are. It's about seeing the whole child and helping them discover the environments, relationships, and experiences in which they can thrive.

Resources and Further Reading

For families interested in learning more about AuDHD, the following resources offer additional research, practical perspectives, and insights from neurodivergent individuals and professionals.

Understanding AuDHD

• Dr. Megan Anna Neff, Neurodivergent Insights (2022). ADHD vs. Autism: How to Tell the Difference (or Both). Explores similarities and differences between autism and ADHD, including attention, sensory processing, social experiences, and executive functioning. Includes a visual comparison and great additional reading suggestions.

• Dr. Megan Anna Neff (2025) – Special Interests vs. Hyperfixated Interests. Neurodivergent Insights. Explores the differences between nourishing special interests and more compulsive hyperfixations, introducing the "special interest solar system" metaphor to describe how AuDHD individuals may find novelty within familiar interests. 

• Child Mind Institute. What Is AuDHD? A parent-friendly introduction to co-occurring autism and ADHD, including how characteristics may overlap or interact and why identifying both can be complicated.

Podcasts and Lived Experiences

• Emily Kircher-Morris and Mattia Maurée (2024). The Neurodiversity Podcast, Episode 226: Autism + ADHD = AuDHD. A conversation exploring the lived experience of AuDHD, including the interaction between routine, novelty, identity, and self-understanding.

Research and Foundational Concepts

• Rong, Y., Yang, C.-J., Jin, Y., & Wang, Y. (2021). Prevalence of Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder in Individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorder: A Meta-Analysis. Research in Autism Spectrum Disorders, 84, 101759. Examines the prevalence of co-occurring ADHD among autistic individuals and factors that contribute to differences across studies.

• Hours, C., Recasens, C., & Baleyte, J.-M. (2022). ASD and ADHD Comorbidity: What Are We Talking About? Frontiers in Psychiatry, 13, 837424. A research-based discussion of the overlap between autism and ADHD and the complexities of distinguishing their attentional characteristics.

• Danielson, M. L., et al. (2024). ADHD Prevalence Among U.S. Children and Adolescents in 2022: Diagnosis, Severity, Co-Occurring Disorders, and Treatment. Journal of Clinical Child & Adolescent Psychology, 53(3), 343–360. Provides national data on ADHD and co-occurring conditions among U.S. children.

• Christine Miserandino (2003). The Spoon Theory. A metaphor originally developed to describe the experience of living with chronic illness, which can also provide families with a useful way to discuss available energy, daily demands, and the need for recovery. Learn about Spoon Theory.