The Winding Path: How to Tell if an Unexpected Journey is Working for Your 2e Learner

I have worked with many twice-exceptional students whose journeys look nothing like what their families originally imagined. I’m also the parent of 2e kids, so I know this winding path from both sides.

Why Twice-Exceptional Learners Often Take a Different Path

We can spend years searching for the right fit, moving from the neighborhood school to a specialized program, sometimes to another school after that, only to discover that the school that worked beautifully at age 9 no longer works at 13. That doesn’t mean the wrong choice was made or the path was incorrect. Needs change and especially for twice-exceptional learners, skills develop asynchronously. Often, the direct path simply wasn’t built for our kids in the first place.

Maybe a student is a gifted storyteller who can’t remember to wear their shoes to school. Or an analytical thinker who struggles to read between the lines. It can be easy to look at the highly developed skill and worry about unmet potential, but being ready for advanced work in one area doesn’t mean that a student is ready for everything else that comes with an environment designed for neurotypical peers with the same academic strengths.

How Do You Know If the Path Is Working?

As parents, we’re often choosing among imperfect options and trying to figure out whether a path is working while we are still walking it. I have found myself wishing for a crystal ball so many times, just something to let me know that I’m making the right decision. The problem is, we often won’t know until months or even years later.

Some questions you might be asking yourself include:

• Is my kid spending the weekend alone because they desperately need to recover from the school week, or because their world is becoming too small?

• Is this school finally giving them room to breathe, or is it no longer helping them grow?

• Is the niche interest taking over, or is it the place where they are finding joy, competence, and their people?

Is it a Detour or a Roadblock?

I know these questions both professionally and personally, and while there are no easy answers, I’ve learned to look for some clues to help determine whether a detour is a needed relief or an unnecessary roadblock. 

I start by asking follow up questions like:

• Is there forward progress being made? Look for signs that your child has more skills (academic, social, technical, or emotional), than they did a year ago.

• Is stability itself the progress? Sometimes the recovery period after a big change is the progress. Settling into a routine, feeling safe, and just existing without constant struggle can be a really big deal.

• Is my child’s world getting bigger or smaller? Look for examples of times your child has more opportunities, takes more risks, or engages more deeply with the people and activities that matter to them than they did in the past.

• If a world is becoming smaller, is it an intentional move? After a burnout, health setback, or a season when everything felt like too much, pulling inward can be exactly what a nervous system needs. A smaller world isn't automatically a red flag, what matters is whether it slowly opens back up once the hardest part has passed.

The Most Important Question

Sometimes, the most important question to ask isn’t about the kid at all, instead it’s asking yourself:

• Am I worried because my kid is missing something they actually need, or am I worried because this doesn't look like what I expected?

Maybe a 2nd grader loves going to school, but they’re not learning to read. It is the parents’ job to step in and make a change, even if it disrupts a child’s current happiness.

On the other hand, maybe a teenager is unmotivated or unable to get their learner's permit and driver's license. If the goal is for your teen to become more independent, there might be other ways to build that skill first, like making sure they have a bus pass, a teen rideshare account, or the confidence to navigate their community on foot. The need is growing independence. A driver's license is just one possible path.

Trust the Path You're Building

It is okay if the destination is fuzzy and if it looks different from what peers are doing. My twice-exceptional students and family members have taught me that often the joy, the growth, and the hard work happen in the detours and pit stops. And without those detours, maybe the destination is unreachable.

We don't always get the crystal ball we wish for and it's okay to miss the path you originally pictured. But by looking for growth instead of perfection, and by focusing on what our children truly need rather than the milestones we expected, we can feel more confident that we're helping them build a path that is uniquely their own.

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About the Author

Emily Lowe is the founder of Big Brain Coaching, LLC where she helps students and families navigate learning differences, high school planning, and the transition to college. She also serves as Associate Director at Touchstone Learning, a transitional school for students with dyslexia and other language-based learning disabilities. With more than 20 years of experience in education, Emily specializes in supporting twice-exceptional learners and believes every student's path should be built around their individual strengths, challenges, and goals, not someone else's timeline. She is also the parent of twice-exceptional children, giving her both professional and personal insight into the joys and complexities of raising neurodivergent learners.