2e Voices: The Secrets of Supporting Us

Note: This piece was originally published in 2e news in 2021. We have made a few slight modifications and are reprinting it here.

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Twice-exceptional students have few forums to express their lived educational experiences. Recently, we at Silicon Valley 2e advocacy group REEL launched our “Living & Learning 2e” blog series, which is dedicated to giving twice-exceptional teens and young adults a place to share their voices. The bloggers include students from ninth grade through sophomore year in college with a range of learning differences such as autism, ADHD, dysgraphia, and anxiety. While every 2e learner is different, common themes emerge across the six bloggers’ experiences that shine a light on ways educators can better support these neurodivergent students.

On the Inside — What It Feels Like to Be 2e

Many bloggers found that at first being 2e just felt “normal” because, of course, they didn’t know any different! Their twice-exceptionality is a part of who they are. However, their interior lives often became more difficult over time. Their behavior in early grades was often misunderstood by peers and teachers alike. As they entered the more academically and socially demanding secondary school years, their internal experiences became more stressful, ranging from frustration, paralyzing perfectionism, and embarrassment, to low self-esteem, feeling stupid or anxious, and like they had no future. Blogger Ava described her internal turmoil thusly:

“I often found my hands resting on my keyboard and my eyes locked on the blinking cursor on Google Docs, unable to figure out what’s wrong. There are so many different perspectives running around my mind at once; deciding which one to listen to is the most time-consuming part of school work. This causes an issue with perfectionism, as I definitely can’t please every part of my mind with all the assignments I finish and tests I take. This leads to late work stacking up, incomplete tests that result in point deductions, more stress and panic, and a never-ending hole that slowly starts caving in.”

For most of the bloggers, their internal experience shifted as they moved beyond adolescence, changed their educational environments, and encountered supportive teachers, all of which helped them embrace their neurodivergent profiles. The youngest contributor, Mike, observed, “I don’t want me being smart or me having disabilities to be part of who I am in any way possible.” Older twice-exceptional learners, however, have more fully integrated their 2e attributes into their way of being. As Noah said, “I hope that everywhere I go, I can help others realize that 2e people aren’t a joke, but more like superhumans held back by mental chains.”

For the three young women who contributed to the series, actually getting a diagnosis altered their own understanding of their experiences. While every male blogger’s learning differences were identified in elementary school or earlier, the three female bloggers’ differences went undiagnosed until high school or later, leaving the students facing confusion in their earlier years that their diagnosis ultimately helped to clarify. As an example, with a better understanding of her autistic profile, Lucy evolved from a “level of perfectionism that was intensely debilitating. I was terrified of letting it go because it was also one of my greatest strengths,” to having “a framework to understand the atypical, sometimes pathological, but still pretty cool workings of my mind. … Knowing that I was autistic gave me the confidence to make decisions based on what was best for me rather than what seemed normal.”

The Best Teacher — Ever

When prompted to describe their best teacher, several similar characteristics emerge: flexibility, kindness, and understanding. The bloggers’ most effective teachers were non-threatening, nonjudgmental, and offered unconditional support. These teachers modified or shortened homework assignments or allowed homework to be turned in by the end of the term instead of on constant, tight deadlines; offered clear class assignments and a willingness to answer questions; took time to talk with students after class and during office hours; prevented ridicule by both teachers and other students; and celebrated achievements. These 2e learners appreciated when these strategies were implemented for everyone in the classroom as part of the community norm. In addition, bloggers Serena and Noah, both of whom have ADHD, noticed that the teachers who were most helpful for them also have ADHD, perhaps bringing more empathy and less judgment to their students’ experience.

Help — It Makes All the Difference

Teachers must proactively reach out to students. Although students should aim to connect with their teachers, many students believe it isn’t acceptable to ask for help or are embarrassed by the ways their schools offer help. For instance, Ava recalled this experience in high school:

“In 10th grade, I was placed in a class focused on helping underperforming students organize their schoolwork and learn more efficient study skills. I was embarrassed to be in the class and tried everything I could to get out of being placed there. I wouldn’t admit to anyone that I was taking the class and would actively avoid being seen walking toward the classroom out of fear of being made fun of for not being as ‘normal’ as my peers. Why do we think it’s bad to get help when struggling?”

However, once Ava had the chance to experience dual enrollment through her school’s Middle College program (where she was part of a cohort of high school students taking community college courses), she learned the power of establishing close relationships with her teachers. “My teachers didn’t make me feel like the letters on my transcript defined my self worth,” she said. “Instead, they reached their caring hands outward and offered an amount of help I had never experienced before.

“Asking for help and admitting that you can’t do something on your own takes strength and should be commended.”

Listen Up — Advice for Teachers

The 2e bloggers’ advice for teachers runs the gamut from general attitudes and specific classroom procedures to school-wide policies. They center around these themes: Be flexible, be patient, be accepting.

• Listen to students and ask them as individuals what help they need to remove barriers to learning. Serena emphasized, “It’s incredibly important to both discuss our ‘disabilities’ and how they actually affect us, not just how you think they do. ADHD goes so much beyond ‘can’t sit, can’t do work, must go zoom zoom.’ I hate to break it to you, but that’s not ADHD. That’s my cat.”

• Acknowledge students’ challenges and strengths; don’t invalidate their struggles. Serena said, “We’re not trying to intentionally act out or underperform — please never jump to conclusions or purposely invalidate our struggles. Just because a student may appear outwardly high-achieving doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t need any extra support (we’ve learned to mask this and often compensate in terrible ways!).”

• Let students explore their interests. Give them choices for projects and creative freedom to demonstrate their knowledge beyond the standard essay or test. Ava said, “I learned so much more when I was allowed to do a project I was motivated to complete. It’s challenging and sometimes impossible to accommodate every student’s needs, but making it clear that you’re there to help come up with ways for students to feel confident in the material is crucial.”

• Understand that even the brightest students may have a learning difference, meaning their accommodations are essential but also won’t automatically solve their challenges. Mike observed that once he had an accommodation for his dysgraphia that allowed him to type rather than handwrite assignments, “all of the other problems weren’t magically fixed. Things just aren’t designed for me.”

• Provide clear, step-by-step instructions as well as samples of class projects, and then check in with students to ensure they understand assignments. Mike wrote that his best teachers “are the ones who communicate clearly and make sure I understand what I need to be doing.”

• Adopt policies using standards-based grading that reflect mastery of learning objectives instead of focusing on completion of homework assignments. This could include excusing homework when mastery has been demonstrated (through an assessment, final project, etc.), allowing for shortened assignments, and/or accepting late homework without penalty whenever possible. Chris said, “Even more days to turn in assignments doesn’t help with being perpetually behind, which inhibits learning the content. If I’ve scored well on an exam but am behind in assignments, allow the flexibility to just let me move on, since I’ve shown mastery of the content.”

• If you suspect a child may have an undiagnosed learning disability or mental wellness challenge, please advocate on their behalf for an evaluation, even for high schoolers. As Serena said, “I only wish I could tell them about the psychological trauma and internalized inferiority that comes from being undiagnosed for so long.”

Hopes for the Future — 2e Empowerment

The bloggers envision a brighter future for living and learning. The pandemic has created more widespread acceptance of alternative teaching methods and online learning. In some cases, there has been more freedom to work at one’s pace and more flexibility afforded to students. While there is no magical cure-all, the bloggers sense that change is possible, and several have made a commitment to increase awareness of twice-exceptionality and neurodiversity. For example, Serena launched the NeurodiverCity website with a vision to eliminate misconceptions, reduce stigma, and establish a supportive community of neurodiverse individuals.

Spotlight on Equity — A Call to Action

Of the six contributors to the Living & Learning 2e series, three are still in high school (two at private schools and one other at a charter school); two graduated from private high schools; one finished high school as part of a dual-enrollment program; and one did not graduate. Lucy acknowledged that she, as well as many of the 2e bloggers, was “exceedingly lucky to have gone to a school that, instead of adding stress and anxiety to my life, helped me do the things I love, even as I struggled with severe illness. At my lowest points, school didn’t intensify my misery. It gave me a reason to keep going.”

This raises important questions: What if no schools in your area will support learning differences or twice-exceptionality? What if your community doesn’t offer a better-fit charter or dual-enrollment program? Or your parents don’t have the resources (e.g., time, financial, English language skills) to advocate year after year on your behalf?

Notwithstanding these six teens’ experiences, more often than not, 2e students attend public schools and rely on their teachers to help them to learn and grow. Given this, Noah suggests there is work to do.

“We need more awareness on who and what a 2e student is, as too many people are living their lives believing that they are just dumb or don’t have what it takes,” he said. “Those people need

help, not to correct their problems, but to help overcome them.”

Otherwise, we miss out on 2e learners’ tremendous potential, which Ava described as “insane amounts of creativity, the ability to see things in a way that ‘regular’ people can’t, empathy, determination, enough knowledge to fill a library, and layer after layer of unseen talent.”

Authors’ note: REEL thanks Ava, Chris, Lucy, Mike, Noah, and Serena for their time and willingness to share their personal experiences. Know someone who would like to contribute to the REEL Living & Learning 2e blog series? Email hello@reelpaloalto.org to get involved.